


Silver Fish

by RusCan_Fables



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: F/M, Flashbacks, Forced Isolation, Gender Confusion, Giants, Half-breeds, Language Barrier, Mermiad, Minor Character Death - General Winter, Minor references to original char kidnapping and rape, PTSD Ivan, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pregnancy, Self-Hatred, Uneducated
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-12
Updated: 2015-04-29
Packaged: 2018-02-20 22:19:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 115,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2445179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RusCan_Fables/pseuds/RusCan_Fables
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ivan is a struggling fisherman who lives on the harbor of Avacha Bay. One day while out fishing in his boat, he comes across a lone merman who appears to have been separated from the rest of his kind. The merman, while kind, doesn’t seem to be able to speak and Ivan can only guess at what his name is, where he came from, and why the merman sticks around the harbor instead of trying to get home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Sunrise. It was one of the most beautiful sights on the great big island and the one thing that Ivan always greeted before setting sail. The rise of the sun was the mark to the start of his work and the very same to end it. He was up before light and most nights home by dark.

Ivan had nowhere else to be but in the market some hours after first light but as a fisherman in a fishing town, it was hard to make an income if your catch wasn’t top pick. He had his fair share of good days but most days he wasn’t so lucky. Though there was only so much that one man could do on his own, no matter how big he was. Most of the fishing was done in groups, some as large as thirty men. When fishing wasn’t enough, he did whatever odd labor jobs he could find around.

Ivan had been by himself for most of his time and had difficulties with others. The Russian man was a great six foot eleven with a wide frame and about two hundred and sixty pounds. It was not much of a surprise that one would avoid a giant such as he. Though he found his great mass and height to be an advantage, he could lift great amounts of bulk like no other man he had seen, he could set his nets out farther than anyone with his great long legs. Ivan felt like he was born to do this and he enjoyed it.

However, this day in particular had not started out so well. The rough waves from the previous night had pulled one of his nets loose and had taken off with it. Even with little chance of finding it, Ivan had no choice in the matter; he couldn’t afford the loss of a net. So with half-sails, he moved about the bay for the morning, even sparing a few moments to exchange a word with a group of other fishermen.

Ivan did not wish to stray far from the bay for his small fishing boat could not handle a rough sea should things change for the worst.

  
☙~❧  
  


The floats attached to Ivan’s net were bobbing out in open water, just a quarter-mile or so away from the edge of Avacha Bay. The floats, though they should be drifting farther away with the current, seemed to be staying mainly in place, like it had gotten caught on something that was large enough to prevent it from drifting further away.

While the floats were peacefully bobbing in the water and doing their job of keeping the net afloat, under the surface of the water, the net itself was quickly becoming a tangled mess as a dolphin struggled to free itself from the net. The more it struggled however, the more entangled in the net it got; gaining cuts, bruises, and even a torn fin from the netting material as it frantically tried to escape the net.

The dolphin was making high-pitched, frightened sounds as it struggled to get free; this was shaping up to be the worst week ever. First, it had been separated from the rest of its pod and had been searching for days and likely getting more lost with each passing day; and now it was ensnared in a fishing net that it hadn’t even seen and was likely to suffocate and die here alone in unfamiliar waters.

Above the smooth waves Ivan had spotted his floating marker and steered the boat towards it. He was quite grateful he had been able to find it but on his approach, he took notice that it wasn’t being pulled further out. _Is it stuck?_ He wondered, but all the better.

Ivan was quick to tie the sails down when he was only a few meters away from the net, scurrying around with ease. With a great heave, the man lifted the anchor and dropped it over the edge, pulling the boat to a halt and allowing it to drift gently. As he stood at the port side, Ivan pulled his sleeves up to his elbows, readying himself to grab the net.

It was but a moment later when the boat drifted next to the floaters. Ivan didn’t waste a breath and began to gather the net, pulling it into one great cluster, and then giving a strong tug, but it did not come up. _It’s stuck all right…_

Moving his right foot to place it firmly on the banister, he put his full back into it and heaved. Ivan hoped that it would either come loose or tear because that was far better than abandoning the net altogether.

The dolphin continued to thrash about, getting more caught and more cut up by the net the more it tried to break free. Though by this point, it was tangled to a point where it wasn’t able to move much as the netting had gotten wrapped around it enough to restrict movement. It was starting to fear that it would run out of air before it could reach the surface. It could only last underwater for so long after all.

The dolphin was losing the energy needed to struggle for much longer and when the net was jerked upward, it gave a pained squeak as the netting dug into its flesh. Its eyes flickered up towards the surface of the water though, giving a little hopeful trill as it noticed the shadowy outline of the bottom of a boat.

Ivan continued to pull; so much so that the boat was beginning to turn on the spot. “Come on you blasted thing!” He growled, his anger making him pull harder and threaten to bring injury to himself. Then the net gave a small jerk and was able to be pulled into the boat at a decent speed, though the damn thing was a fair bit heavy. A catch perhaps? Hopefully somewhat still alive, if it hadn’t died from the early morning it may still be good to sell or at least eat.

A few more pained squeaks left it as the netting dug into the dolphin’s flesh as it was pulled up. It looked upwards anxiously, hoping it would be pulled up before it ran out of air. It was finally pulled above water just in the nick of time and the dolphin immediately took in a gulp of air, thankful that it had been rescued before it had suffocated. It tried not to wiggle too much even though the net digging into its flesh was quite painful, fearful of being dropped back in before it was able to move freely.

Nothing could have prepared Ivan for what had happened. The sight of a head of blond hair coming above the waters surface and the clear face of boy, pale as can be from no doubt the cold of the salt waters.

"Dear sweet Mother of Russia!" Ivan cried out in shock as he lunged forward to grab hold of the boy, not wanting him to sink, as he did his best to haul him aboard swiftly. Hurting him further was the last thing he wanted to do, the cuts and bruises clearly seen on his form were already done by the net. "Speak you foolish boy! What do you think you were doing swimming this far out from shore! You could have drowned!!" He scolded the other in great anger, though he feared that the boy might die before being able to recover.

In response to the shouting, the boy replied in a series of clicking noises. He wasn’t quite sure why his rescuer was using an aggressive tone of voice on him but he was thankful that he had been rescued nonetheless.

"Frozen sti—" Ivan stopped moving as he pulled the rest of the boy aboard, only… _it_ wasn’t a boy, or at least, not human anyway. The Russian man dropped him and stood at full height, his eyes carefully scanning over the body he had brought onto his ship. The shades of black to grey to white all over, he did not associate with any fish or any thing truthfully. It was the first time he had seen such a creature.

_It… looks to be breathing above water and the gasp from before makes me think that he-it can’t breath under. Then- a dolphin? Or at least a dolphin-like creature?_

The boy looked up at him as the man stared. After a moment or two, he wiggled a little, tugging at what little bit of the net he could reach with his hands slightly before looking back and forth between the man and the net, giving a couple of clicks and a hopeful look.

The Russian just stood there, his hand resting over his mouth. This was a great catch all right, by far the greatest yet. _It’s a… mermaid right? How many had ever been brought in?_

If Ivan sold it at the market, he just might be able to build his own home and get new furnishings. Live better than he ever had.

After a few moments, the boy gave a distressed squeak and turned his attention on resuming his attempts to get out of the net; wiggling and tugging at what part of the net that he could.

It didn’t do much good as he was already too tangled to do much more than wiggle around and tug uselessly at the net. If anything, he was just gaining more bruises from the net digging into his flesh as he struggled to get free.

"Stop that." Ivan swatted at the mermaid’s hands as he crouched down next to him. The boy gave a squawk in protest but stilled, looking up at him expectantly. "You’re only making it worse."

Looking over the net and the tangles, Ivan sighed. “The net is useless anyway… Don’t move.” Ivan pulled a knife out of his pocket and started with the looser ends of the net around the boy’s arms. The boy gave the knife a somewhat wary look but didn’t move and just watched as the man cut the net.

Cut after cut, the net was finally free, but now it was completely useless.

The boy gave a pleased little trill when he was finally free from the net, shifting into a bit more of an upright position. Though Ivan grew curious after looking at the odd body for a while and ran his hand over the leathery skin, on what would have most likely been a hip if the boy were human. The creature started to inspect his hands and arms to see how much he was injured and mostly ignored the other’s stares until the hand made contact with his flesh. He paused his inspection, looking down at the hand and just staring at it.

"Smooth…" Ivan mumbled in awe as he continued to touch uninjured areas. Ivan had never felt anything like it; it was soft but strong and didn’t give way that much under his hand.

After a moment or two of watching the man and his expression, the boy resumed inspecting his injuries. Frowning a little at the small tears to his flippers and the various cuts and bruises, he twisted his body to get a look at the dorsal fin on his backside, giving a soft annoyed noise when he saw the tear in it.

Ivan wanted to see more, to study, and understand each part of this strange creature. Where did the human end and the dolphin begin? How did the body move? Were areas softer like human skin around the top? The mermaid didn’t seem to mind so he moved his hands and slipped them under the mermaid’s body, one hand near his flipper, the other just behind his shoulder.

The boy gave a squawk of protest, lashing out with his tail and then shoving the man back with his hand when only the tip of the tail actually made contact. The actions were accompanied by a glare and several more annoyed sounding squawks.

He gave a cry of surprise from the mermaid’s actions towards him. He didn’t like being hit with his tail, nor did he like the shove. “What was that for!? I was only trying to move you! I’m not going to hurt you.”

The boy briefly gestured to the areas that had been touched before shaking his head firmly, still glaring at him.

"Well- then how would you like me to pick you up?" He glared back.

The boy glared at him for a few moments longer and then dropped the glare in favor of looking past the man at the edge of the boat.

Ivan followed his gaze. “Don’t even think about it. You’re injured and what if you wind up in another net?” He then stands over him and wraps his arms around what he could guess was the belly of the merman. The merman tensed at the initial touch, though didn’t lash out like he had before.

"Relax." Ivan said calmly but in a commanding way, like speaking to a dog. He then slowly lifted the mermaid, having to twist them around halfway through picking them up because his dorsal fin was prodding him in the belly. Now he was holding the boy in more of an awkward hug. The merman wasn’t quite sure how to respond to being handled like this though he kept still, not really wanting to be dropped on the deck.

Wiggling them about, Ivan managed to get him over his shoulder, his hands resting behind the boy’s dorsal fin. The boy looked over at the edge of the boat hopefully.

Ivan then moved about the boat towards the steer.

Beneath the steer was his long coat that he wore in the chilly mornings. Letting the mermaid be held with only one hand, he picked up the coat by the collar and tossed the rest of it into the ocean, soaking it before pulling it back out and throwing it over the merman.

The merman blinked in surprise and twisted his head to look at the material that had been put on him curiously, wondering why the man did that. Ivan then found a good place to lay him down, fixing the coat over him to keep him moist. “I’ll bring you to my home and treat your wounds there.”

The merman gave a slight frown and looked up at him, tilting his head a bit before propping himself up on his hands and looking back an forth between the edge of the boat and the man. He was rather confused and unsure why he wasn’t being put back into the water.

The man went about pulling the anchor back into the boat and then releasing the sails. Once the boat was moving again, he returned to the steer.

The merman frowned more as the boat began to move, looking towards the edge of the boat and trying to use whatever happened to be nearby to help him pull himself closer to the edge.

"Stay still." Ivan called. "You’re fine."

The merman ignored him completely and continued to pull himself to the edge of the boat. When he got to the edge of the boat, he peered at the railing and inspected it, trying to figure out how to get past it on his own.

Ivan kept an eye on him but didn’t call out this time. It was highly unlikely that he could pull himself over; he wasn’t a seal or anything. Though that didn’t seem keep him from trying to pull himself over though. He tried several times actually, though soon seemed rather frustrated and distressed that he wasn’t able to pull himself over to get back into the water where he belonged.

"Easy…" Ivan spoke softly. "Don’t hurt yourself more."

The boy didn’t even look back at the man, he just gave a soft sad squeak and reached out over the edge, trying and failing to touch the water with his hand. The merman stayed at the edge of the boat, pulling his hand back in after a few minutes and just staring out at the water during the ride, sad little squeaks leaving him from time to time.

The boat ride was about thirty minutes long to return to shore but he made sure to go where no one else would see. About twenty feet from the shoreline, Ivan hopped out to pull the boat in and then tied it down.

Ivan got back into the boat and walked over to the merman, kneeling to pick him up. “Come along now. I’m going to get you cleaned up.”

The merman shied away from him a little, giving the man a wary look. The man just smiled and pulled the wet coat around him more. “Don’t worry. Everything is going to be fine.” Then he carefully wiggled one arm under the mermaid.

The merman gave a distressed noise that almost sounded like a whine as he tried to wiggle away from the man. Ivan hushed the creature and got his other arm under before carefully hosting him up.

Said creature just gave another distressed squeak at being picked up. Ivan held the boy close and began walking; stepping carefully over the edge and into the shallow water that only came up to his knees.

The merman looked down at the water and squirmed in the man’s grasp. It would probably hurt to fall into water that shallow but if it got him back into the ocean where he belonged, it would definitely be worth a few more bruises.

Ivan nearly lost his balance. “Stop that, I’m only trying to help. You aren’t a fish so as long as you stay wet you’re fine. Do you understand that? Or are you just a mindless animal?”

The merman slapped the side of the man’s face with his tail and squirmed. It was like getting wacked with a rowing paddle, Ivan’s vision blurred, his face stung, and his ears were ringing. Ivan fell back into the side of the boat. He really should have known better, all his years of fishing and he still did learn that even though a fish may be smaller than him, they still have quite the kick.

However, his grip held and was far better with the coat wrapped around the male mermaid. Who gave a dismayed squeak when the grip on him, if there was any change to it, tightened instead of loosened. He squirmed more, rather determined to get back to the ocean despite his lack of progress thus far.

Securing his footing, Ivan then flipped the mermaid towards him so that their belly was against his chest and then he continued walking towards shore. “Stubborn thing aren’t you?”

The merman squirmed as much as he could, making high-pitched, screeching noises a few times, just kind of hoping it would stun the man like it usually stunned fish. Ivan winced at the noises but kept walking and was soon on the shore and walking further inland towards his home.

The second the man was on sand and walking away from the water, the merman immediately became more distressed. He gave many frantic whistles and squeaks, struggling and squirming as much as he possibly could from his current position.

It was taking all Ivan had to hang onto the creature and stay upright but he continued to walk inland. The merman continued to struggle like this for another five to ten minutes or until he had pretty much exhausted himself.

"You done now?" Ivan breathed out a sigh of relief. The merman gave a little half-hearted wiggle and a soft unhappy squeak in response to whatever the man had said.

The rest of the walk to his home was calm. Once at the front door, he had a little trouble getting it open; both from holding the merman and from the age of the building.

When he did get inside, he brought the boy over to a bench layered in old furs and cloths. Ivan carefully laid him down on his belly across the bench, believing it to be the most comfortable for the merman.

"Stay put." He said as he turned and walked back out the door, leaving it open. The merman rested his head on the odd materials and watched the man leave the room quietly, too exhausted to attempt escape this far away from the water.

Ivan hurried back with a bucket and then poured the contents all over him. It was fresh water but it would have to do for now.

The merman blinked in surprise at that, wiggling around lethargically to make sure that water got underneath him as well before laying his head back down and just staring up at the man tiredly.

He smiled and patted the boy on the head before turning to the cupboards on the wall. Ivan’s house was more of a hut and only had two rooms, the main room, which had a sitting area and a kitchen with a small fireplace, and then one small bedroom just big enough to have a single bed and enough space to get out of it.

As he dug through the cupboard, Ivan would glance every now and then to see if anything had changed with the merman. The merman was just watching him, though he closed one eye after a few minutes.

A few moments later, Ivan found what he was looking for and sat down next to the mermaid, carefully unwrapping the coat. The eye opened as soon as the man got close, both eyes watching warily as the odd material was unwrapped.

"I’m going to have a look at your wounds and make sure there isn’t anything caught in them." He said as he carefully touched and looked over all the cuts, mainly the deeper ones.

The merman flinched a bit when the wounds were touched and gave a little squawk of protest, pushing the man’s hand away tiredly with one of his own hands.

After being pushed away, Ivan then grabbed a small jar that he had sitting in his lap and pulled the top off. The contents were of an ivory color and he dabbed his fingers into it, then softly spread the cream over the cuts, starting with the deeper ones. Scarring would be a shame on such a smooth tail.

The merman frowned a little at the feeling of the foreign stuff, attempting to wiggle away before giving up when he realized he couldn’t go farther than the back of the thing he was on. A small unhappy grunt left him however, just to voice his displeasure at the stuff being put in his cuts.

After all the cuts were tended to, Ivan wrapped his coat over the dolphin creature and gave them another pat on the head. “See? That wasn’t so bad now was it?”

The merman just stared at him.

  
☙~❧  
  


For the rest of the day, Ivan tried not to leave him alone for too long as he made his trips out, making sure to pour a bucket of water on him at least once an hour. Come nightfall Ivan brought a pail of fish, leaving them to sit within arms reach for the mermaid. The merman had rested, switching which eye was open from time to time. He seemed a bit surprised, but pleasantly so, at the bucket of fish and ate them quite contently.

"Tomorrow morning I will take you back to the sea." Ivan spoke once more before retiring for the night. He had thought about it all day and almost gave in to selling him in the market, but he couldn’t bear the look in his eyes, so lonely and defeated. Ivan didn’t want that; he never saw that in a fish’s eyes. The merman had to be more than just an animal, at least a little higher than a dog.

At the words from the man, the merman’s head lifted and tilted a little, not understanding. When the man left through a different opening than before and didn’t re-enter for a bit, the merman continued his resting with one eye open.

  
☙~❧  
  


The next morning when Ivan awoke, he had completely forgotten that there was a mermaid in the other room. Honestly, he had thought it was all a dream. “Ah… good morning.” He said even if they were not awake that the moment and placed a hand on the coat to feel the dampness. One eye was open and the other opened just before the hand touched him, blinking up at the man and giving a whistle in greeting, followed by a questioning squeak.

He smiled slightly. “You’re faintly damp, do you think you could go another hour without water? I just need to get myself something to eat and get dressed.”

The merman lifted his head up and tilted it a bit, giving another questioning squeak. Ivan moved towards the pail that he had been using yesterday to keep the boy wet. With one hand, he picked it up and gestured towards the merman with it. “Water?”

The mermaid looked at the pail for a moment before shaking his head no. Ivan smiled at this; it was their first understanding. “I will do what I need to quickly.”

Setting the pail down, he went into his small kitchen and started a fire in the oven to warm the home and to prepare for his morning meal. The merman watched him move about quietly, propping himself up on his arms in interest when Ivan went over to an odd device and made a colorful wave appear.

Afterwards Ivan returned to his room for fresh clothes. Today he felt it was going to be cold and gloomy. When the man closed the side of the device and left the room, the merman continued to stare at said device curiously, his head cocked slightly to the side.

Ivan opened his door a few moments later, returning to the kitchen to make himself some porridge for breakfast and two slices of toast. The merman propped himself up on his arms when the man came back in, watching him make things curiously and sniffing at the new smells.

Looking over at the merman laying upon the bench, he wondered if that was comfortable to sleep on for so many hours. The creature probably had never been on land his whole life. He gave a small chuckle. “When it’s done, you may try some if you like.”

He perked up a little at the chuckle, tilting his head a bit before responding with a sound similar to a giggle.

"Hm. It might be a bit out of place seeing as I am letting you go but I want to be able to call you something." Ivan said aloud, but not really at the boy as he stirred his porridge. He then reached for his toast that was carefully laid atop his wood stove, adding a little butter to them both before taking a bite out of one and bringing the other over to the blond boy. The boy tilted his head curiously as the new scented things were brought over.

"Take it." He held the toast out with a smile and took another bite of his own. "It tastes much better warm."

The boy stared at him for a moment or two before reaching out and taking it from him, holding it up to his nose and sniffing at it curiously before tugging a little piece off of it and placing it in his mouth to taste.

"Do you like it? A bit dry compared to fish but different can be good."

The boy tilted his head a bit before taking a bite out of it like the man had done, a somewhat thoughtful look on his face. He wasn’t quite sure if he liked it or not, it was weird compared to what he normally ate but not disgusting either.

"Ah, I’ll get you some water to drink it down." Ivan stood to fetch him a cup. While the man got up, the boy dipped a few fingertips into the somewhat slippery substance on top of the weird food.

He gave the porridge another stir before filling the cup with water, setting it down within arms reach for the merman. He then returned to the stovetop as the porridge was almost done anyways.

The boy looked at the cup curiously, not quite sure what to do with it at first as it wasn’t big enough to dump on himself. After a few moments of looking back and forth between the odd food in his hand and the container of water however, the boy tore off a piece of the food and stuck it in the water for a couple moments before experimentally putting it in his mouth. Upon realizing that this made it easier to eat, the boy promptly stuffed the rest of the food into the water.

When Ivan turned back to the merman with his bowl of porridge, he was stunned with what he saw but began to chuckle a little.

"You are like a small child, had I known you were going to do that I would have made you a soup." The Russian said as he grabbed himself a cup to drink and he sat down near him once more. "Though, if that’s how you like it then I guess that’s alright."

The boy responded to the chuckle with the giggle-like sound again as he pulled a piece of the food out of the cup to put it in his mouth and eat it. He repeated this tactic until there wasn’t any more of it to pull out of the cup.

Ivan took a spoonful of his food and blew on it to cool it before offering it to the merman. “Would you like to try some porridge? It’s not dry but it can be hot.”

The merman sniffed at the different smell for a moment before reaching out and sticking his finger in the substance before promptly pulling his hand back at the feeling of it and shaking said hand a little, frowning at the substance.

Ivan tried not to laugh. “It’s alright. See?” Ivan ate the first bite and then got another for the boy, again cooling it slightly for him to eat. “Try it.”

The boy watched him, staring at the offering for about a minute before reaching out and cautiously putting a finger into the substance again. He frowned a little at the unfamiliar temperature before grabbing at the substance with his hand, making a bit of a mess as some of it dripped out of his hand. Ignoring the parts that had slipped out, he held the stuff up to his nose to sniff at it again before scooping up a little with fingers on his other hand and sticking it into his mouth for a taste.

"You’re supposed to eat off the spoon." Ivan sighed and helped himself to another bite.

The boy repeated the scooping motions until it was mostly gone, though it left his hands a sticky mess. He didn’t seem quite sure what to do with the sticky aftermath though and actually started to kind of play with when he realized it made his fingers and hands stick together a little.

Ivan groaned and left his things to go get a cloth to wash the boy’s hands. The boy mimicked the sound, tilting his head curiously at the man before directing his attention to the object the man had used to put food into his mouth. He reached out and picked the thing up, looking at it and sniffing it curiously before placing it in his own mouth to taste it.

"I see you figured out how to use it." He said as he sat back down with a wet cloth in hand. Taking one hand of the boy’s hands, he began to wipe it down before moving to the next hand.

The boy looked at him curiously as his hand was wiped off, switching which hand was holding the object when the man wanted to rub the other one. Since the handle was sticky, this just made the hand that had been wiped off sticky again.

The boy also appeared to be chewing on the object a little, like he was trying to figure out if it was food or not.

"Stop that." Ivan took the spoon from him and wiped his hands again. The boy frowned a little at the tone used but didn’t protest; the object hadn’t tasted like food anyway so he probably couldn’t have eaten it.

He then cleaned the spoon before tossing the cloth aside. “Like this.” He showed the boy as he scooped up the cooling porridge and brought it to his mouth. He then did it again, but this time brought it to the others lips. “Now you try.”

The boy pulled his head back a little and gave him a slightly puzzled look, not quite sure why the object had been taken from him if the man was just going to shove it in his face moments later. After a moment or two, he reached out with his hand with the intention of grabbing the food off of the object again.

"No." Ivan gently pushed his hand away. "Open, ah." He demonstrated with his mouth open.

The boy tilted his head a little and stared at him for a moment before copying him and opening his mouth.

"Good, just like that." He grinned and placed the spoon in his mouth. The merman closed his mouth a moment or two later though still looked a bit puzzled, really not sure why the object had been taken away only for him to be given it again.

Once the boy’s mouth was closed, he slipped the spoon out and fed himself a bite. “See? Hands stay clean and no mess.” He wiggled his fingers to empathize this.

The boy ate the bite before giving a curious squeak in response and mimicking the finger wiggle.

"Yes, clean. Another?" He lifted the spoon to his lips again.

The boy seemed to ponder this for a moment before shaking his head and looking over to the bucket that the fish had been brought in. The man’s food didn’t taste bad but the merman would rather have fish instead.

"That’s alright, more for me." Ivan smiled. "I’ll get you another fish or two in a moment. Since you’ll be swimming again in a half hour."

The boy looked back at the man and tilted his head a little. Ivan merely held up one finger as he scarfed down the bowl of porridge. Once it was gone, Ivan got up, picked up the bucket, and went to get a fish to tide the merman over until he carried him back to the water.

"I’m sure you can catch more later." He said as he placed the bucket next to the boy.

The boy looked down and frowned a little when he only saw one fish but didn’t protest and just reached down, picked it up, and ate it. While he ate, Ivan unwrapped the coat and looked over the wounds, quite happy to see how they were doing. _Not likely to scar now._

When he was done with the fish, he turned his head to look at his wounds as well, giving a surprised and somewhat puzzled squeak at how they were doing.

"The medicine worked well and now that it’s sunk in through the night, the rest coming off while you swim would be fine." Ivan patted the boys back. “Scarring would be unpleasant, no?

The boy frowned a bit at the patting and reached out, doing the same to the man. He was a bit annoyed that he kept getting told to ‘knock it off’ when he wasn’t doing anything in the first place.

Ivan smiled at the pat and ruffled the boy’s hair though the boy pushed the hand away from his head. “You’re an odd one. Ready to move?” He asked as he wrapped the boy up snugly.

Ivan then picked him up, cradling him in his arms comfortably. “Now don’t go hitting me with your tail again or you’ll be on your side again. Hear me?”

The boy tilted his head in confusion as he was picked up again, giving a questioning squeak.

"Good boy." Ivan then walked out the door, kicking it closed as he went. It was still dark out as the sun’s rays had yet to peek out over the waters. Ivan knew the way regardless; he’d done it a thousand times. The boy gave another questioning squeak.

When Ivan was ten steps away from the water the suns rays had just kissed the surface, light bursting at the new dawn. Ivan gave a small sad smile. “Good morning….” He whispered, trailing off into soft sounds as he stood there watching it grow.

The boy squinted a bit at the sudden light, blinking and looking at where they were before giving a hopeful and rather excited squeak and wiggling in the man’s arms a little. He was eager to get back into the water where he belonged.

Ivan looked down at him. “Yes, you’re going home.” He then continued walking to the waters edge, more so after his feet touched the water and he even passed his boat until he was almost up to his waist.

He wanted to make sure that when he let him go that the merman could swim off without rubbing his cuts on the rocks. Ivan then carefully lowered him into the cold water. “In you go.”

The boy wiggled a bit and squeaked at him, looking down at the cloth still wrapped around him before looking back up at the man expectantly. Ivan chuckled, unwrapping the coat. “I’m getting to it.”

The boy responded with a happy little trill, waiting for it to be unwrapped before wiggling out of his hold and slipping into the water. He dove underwater and swam away, though popped up out of the water a good ways away to do a little flip in the air, partly out of excitement and partly just to show off. He then disappeared into the water, headed in the direction of the edge of the bay.

He was gone so quickly Ivan’s smile hadn’t the time to fall before the merman was long gone. It hadn’t even been a day that he was in Ivan’s company but it was far more than he had had in many, many long years. He thought he had grown used to being alone, used to the idea that he would never need another.

All he needed was the sea, his boat, and his nets. That was all a fisherman needed. When his love was the ocean herself, a fisherman needed no other. However, in that small time, while Ivan had not enjoyed it first, in the end it had been pleasant. Even if the merman had acted like a small child, Ivan had a small feeling return, a feeling of comfort and peace. Perhaps it could have been real happiness but now with the boy gone Ivan felt all alone again.

The nauseating feeling and the pains that came with it returned too. He hated it; he hated feeling so much of what one felt was pain but what was he expecting? A thank you? For the merman to change their mind and chose to live with him in his hut, rather than to swim free in the world he belonged to?

Ivan didn’t know. He just didn’t know anymore. “I didn’t even ask him his name…” He mumbled as he gathers his coat from the water mindlessly.

Ivan felt like he needed to make a choice and stick with it to the end. To live alone, day-by-day, living on only himself or… to find someone to have as company, someone to talk to, as a friend maybe.


	2. Chapter 2

The merman swam until he reached the open water and then kept swimming, going back to life in the ocean and resuming his search for his pod. After three or four days on his own with no luck in his search and nearly getting eaten by predators twice because he was alone, the young merman took some time to think about his options.

Once he’d decided on what he should do for now, he turned back around and swam the way he came, back towards the bay. It took him another three or four days to reach the edge of the bay again. He went into the bay carefully, paying extra attention so he wouldn’t get trapped again as he searched for the boat that belonged to that man from a few days ago. He was extra careful to stay hidden as he looked though, not wanting anyone else to find him and try to catch him.

It took him a while to locate the man but when he did, he didn’t approach right away. Instead, he chose to watch him from a hiding spot for a while.

Ivan was out on the far east side, pulling in his net, a full catch today. It was the best thing that had happened to him all week; he might even have enough to get a new net. Fishing with only the two was not going to get him anywhere.

The man went about his work with a solid look of nothing; it was going through the motions really. The catch was in and soon the noon market would be filled with fisherman and their own catches. Ivan would rather be early than wait for the right time.

The boy continued to watch him and when the boat started heading back to shore, he followed after, being careful to stay hidden. Once at the dock, Ivan began to unload and ready himself for the market, some of the fish were still lively. It was good; it showed how fresh it was and would sell quickly.

The man looked busy so the boy stayed hidden and just watched from a distance. After a few minutes, he slipped away to go hunting, though stayed in the bay in hopes that there would be less underwater predators to worry about.

Hours later Ivan returned to his ship, a new net over his shoulder. It had been a good day; perhaps he could make it even better yet.

  
☙~❧  
  


Come the next morning, Ivan had set out a little later than normal, having overslept for the first time in years. A scowl remained on his face for his incompetence.

The merman had been watching for the man to come out to his boat. When he did, he noticed the scowl and stayed hidden, waiting to see where he was headed before following after him in secret. He was still deciding whether he wanted to show himself to the man or not but was interested in seeing what the man did all day on his boat.

Ivan checked his nets that he had set out before dusk and set another. Only one had a few, Ivan would keep these for himself, there were not enough to bother with the market.

The boy made sure to stay away from the nets, watching the man for a few hours curiously and tilting his head when he noticed that over the few hours, the man was having a rather hard time getting lots of fish.

He swam away and went on a brief hunt, finding and stunning the closest fish he could find before swimming up to the surface and tossing the; admittedly small fish up and over the edge of the boat while the man’s back was turned. He heard the fish land on the deck and then sunk back down into the water most of the way, only keeping enough of his head above water so he could breath and watch the edge of the boat.

Ivan jumped slightly as he heard something hit his deck. Blinking in surprise as he saw a small fish flopping on the deck. _That hasn’t happened before_.

When the man didn’t look over into the water, the boy went back underwater and found another small fish before swimming back to the surface and tossing it up onto the boat as well, sinking back down into the water with just some of his head showing as he’d done the first time.

When the second one came over, Ivan took brisk strides over to the bow. _A seal?_ However when he looked over, his eyes widened as his jaw went slack. “You…”

The boy smiled and disappeared underwater again for a minute or so before reappearing with another small fish and tossing it up at the man’s open mouth.

Ivan quickly recoiled, the fish ending up on the deck with the others. He then scowled at him. “Don’t throw fish at me.”

The boy gave a confused squeak and tilted his head, pointing up at the man before holding his mouth open and making a squeaky ‘ah’ sound, mimicking the noise the man had done many days ago when he had been trying to feed the boy that weird food.

Ivan shook his head. “I’m not— what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be out on the ocean with your own kind!?” He was angry and a bit hurt. The merman had swum off without a second thought and now he was back over a week later with the intention of feeding him? For what? For him to swim off again? “Get out of my sight before I sell you at the market like I had planned to before!”

The merman flinched at the loud angry shouts and sunk down under the water for a few minutes to look for the biggest fish he could find. Perhaps the man was mad because the tiny fish wouldn’t be very filling?

About ten minutes later, he resurfaced with the largest fish that he could find and keep a hold of. He didn’t think he could throw the fish up into the boat though and gave a squeak to get the man’s attention instead.

Ivan thought that he was gone for good this time and scaring him off would keep him from returning. Upon hearing the boy call, he tried to pretend that he didn’t hear anything.

The boy gave another squeak, this time louder. Perhaps the man hadn’t heard him the first time.

"I thought I told you to go away!" Ivan stormed over the edge of the boat once more.

The boy flinched at the shouting but held the fish up towards the man when he came into view again.

Ivan was surprised for the second time. A fish three feet in length, such a size was uncommon for Ivan to come by. He didn’t know what to think and just looked from the fish to the boy. “You want me to take it?”

The boy came out of water more, holding it as high as he could without dropping the still live fish back into the water. He gave another squeak as he held it out to the man.

Ivan grabbed it at the gills and pulled it into the boat. He looked back at him, expressionless but unsure in his thoughts. “Wait here.” He held up his hand and then went to grab something from his pack.

Once he returned, he dropped the object into the water. It was an apple. They were expensive even in the summertime like it was now, though they may only be expensive in his eyes. With the fish the merman had given him however, he could get a dozen more. “Here… for the fish.”

The boy sunk back into the water a bit and picked up the apple, tilting his head a bit and inspecting it curiously. He then looked up at the man and pointed at the object before opening his mouth and making the ‘ah’ sound again, but in a questioning manner, wondering if the object was food.

A weak smile pulled at his lips and he nodded. “Yes, ah.”

The boy smiled back and picked at it until he broke a piece off. He blinked in surprise when breaking it open changed its smell and he put the piece into his mouth, giving a pleased little squeak at the odd, but pleasant taste. He then continued to break off little pieces to eat it bit by bit until it was all gone.

"Now… you’ve paid me back. You can leave without guilt. Go on now." Ivan then left the edge and went to change the sails.

But the boy didn’t leave and continued to appear and disappear throughout the day, tossing small fish up onto the deck and at one point; he’d even tossed up a small squid he’d managed to locate.

Ivan had sold the boy’s catch and some of his own. Coin would do him no good so he bought him a few apples to give him but other than that Ivan would tell him to leave and point to the opening of the bay.

The merman ate the food things he was given though he also caught food for himself. Every time the man pointed to the opening of the bay, the boy just shook his head and went back underwater to get more fish for both him and the man.

The second day, Ivan did his best to ignore the boy as he tossed nets and pulled them back. He had grown annoyed and angry.

The boy seemed to keep his distance a little, specifically when the nets were being tossed and pulled in, but otherwise continued to throw fish up onto the deck throughout the day.

Again, when he sold the fish, he got something for the boy for his fish, even if they were small. Today it was pears, two of them.

The boy broke off a piece of the new object, placing it in his mouth and tasting it before eating the rest of what he’d been given. Again, this food tasted odd, but not unpleasant.

At the end of the day, he followed the boat to shore before swimming off to a safe spot to get sleep. The next morning, the boy was awake and waiting for the man when he came down to his boat. There was already a fish or two on the deck of the boat as well.

Ivan was there at sunrise but today instead of anger, he wore a face of pain, almost wincing as he saw the boy waiting for him.

The boy gave a small, concerned frown at the man’s expression, giving a questioning squeak, and tilting his head a little.

"Please, just leave me alone." He said as he looked away and boarded his ship.

The boy followed the boat out again today but didn’t toss any fish on deck, only appearing for air. However, unseen from above the water, after he’d hunted for himself, he started using his hunting tactics to scare the fish into the man’s net so he’d catch more today.

While the big catch and the merman’s absence made Ivan more at ease. He was still pained a little, as he felt like the dolphin boy was part of it.

When the day ended, the merman followed the boat back to the shore before going off to get some sleep.

The next morning he was there again, but this time was tentatively waiting for him and peeking out at him with only his nose and eyes above the water, watching to see what the man’s expression was today.

The man just stood there, staring at him for a good while. He wasn’t sure what to make of this anymore. “Why are you here…?”

The boy stared back at him quietly before tilting his head at the words, giving a soft questioning squeak.

"Why don’t you just leave?" Was the last thing he said before getting onto his ship.

The boy didn’t understand what the man was asking but it seemed like he wanted to be left alone right now so the boy didn’t show himself all day. However, he still made sure that the man’s nets were full and followed the boat back to shore at the end of the day.

  
☙~❧  
  


Come nightfall, Ivan was at the docks, only a few lanterns lit the way though the dark. He had gone to the bar for a few drinks, finally having a little money to spare for some vodka. However, he hadn’t drunken the stuff since his grandfather’s passing. Ivan wasn’t used to it then and that was no different than now.

He sat on the docks with the tide up to his knees, his face hidden behind his hair as he stared at the black waters.

The boy had gone off to rest some, though when he’d noticed the man had returned to the boat area and was just sitting there, he got curious. Silently, the boy swam over there, peeking just his head out above the water when he got close. He stopped a few feet away from where the man was sitting and gave a soft whistle to get the man’s attention.

Ivan flinched and turned his head slightly towards the noise. “Is that you boy…? Or has my mind already begun its ticks?”

The boy swam closer, head butting the man’s leg gently and giving a questioning squeak. What was the man doing out here when it was time for sleeping?

"… I’ve taken up a poor habit, drinking when I want to forget." He told the boy, his voice calm but tense. "I did something I shouldn’t have; letting you into my home, treating your wounds. I should have thrown you back or sold you for coin. None of this would have happened and I could have continued without a doubt in my life. But you… You changed all that and by what? Laying helplessly about like a babe while I brought you water and food?"

The boy gave another soft questioning squeak at the man’s tone of voice and gently nudged his leg with his head again.

Ivan moved his leg away from the touch. “Now I have doubts about everything; like the seasons coming and going. Can I live alone? Can I do the same thing over and over with only the winds changing? Do I hurt everyone I touch? Did my grandfather truly care or was I just an old forgotten guilt? Should I stay here on this island?”

He looked at the boy now, the lantern light flowing across his maimed skin. “You came back but you’re not going to stay are you? It’s summer now and your family can’t be far off. They are probably looking for you. A sweet boy like you must be greatly cared for and when they find you… you’ll leave.”

The boy tilted his head and listened to man quietly until the light made the man’s face more visible. Upon seeing the marks on the man, the boy moved so his top half was above the water before reaching out with a hand to carefully touch one of the marks. The man flinched and tensed at the touch.

The boy then pulled his hand back and sniffed at his fingers, frowning softly and looking at the man with a concerned squeak when the boy realized that it was indeed blood. What had the man done to get himself injured?

Ivan didn’t speak for a while and his eyes grew soft but still he tried to hide behind a mask. “You and I have something that is the same; we are both odd creatures of the land and sea.”

The boy tilted his head, looking at the wounds for a moment before giving a squeak and disappearing under the water. A minute or two later, he resurfaced and swam over to the man, keeping one hand underwater to hold something.

"Back again…?" The man asks, his voice wavering.

The boy squeaked again, swimming up close. He tried scooping water up in his free hand a few times before frowning a little and dipping his head down to the water to get water in his mouth.

The boy then straightened and put his face close to the man’s, spitting a gentle stream of water onto the man’s face where the wounds were while using his free hand to make sure there wasn’t anything stuck in the wounds while he cleaned them.

Ivan, drunk or not, did not take kindly to being spit at and lashed out in rage. “So you are mocking me too!?” His fist was swung at the merman.

The boy hadn’t expected anything of the sort and cringed when he got hit, giving a hurt and confused squeak, before pulling back a little. What had he done wrong? He was only trying to help the man!

After a few moments of staring at him unsurely, the boy tentatively inched forward, holding up his other hand to show the man the seaweed he was holding. He then tore off a little strip of the seaweed and cautiously lifted it up towards the man’s face.

Ivan growled and sat up straight. “Don’t touch me.”

The boy pulled his hand back with a timid squeak. Did the man need a demonstration of what he was trying to do?

He splashed his own face a little and wiped his own cheek carefully like he was cleaning a wound before pressing the piece of seaweed he’d torn off to his cheek, letting it stick there when he pulled his hand away.

The boy then tore off another little strip of seaweed and held it out to the man tentatively.

He sighed heavily and stared at him hard. He didn’t trust the boy. He kept changing his mind almost like a cat; coming and going as he pleased, only wanting attention when he came for it, and turning away when he had no interest. Regardless, he leaned forward again slowly and used his hands to cup some water, rubbing his face with it until the blood was gone. It stung but that was nothing new to him. Now he waited with his eyes on the boy.

The boy then inched forward cautiously and lifted the piece of seaweed to the man’s face. He went slowly, giving the man time to pull back. Ivan didn’t move though, only watching with fierce eyes.

The boy timidly moved forward and gently pressed the seaweed to one of the man’s cuts. He held it there until he was sure it would stick and then pulled his hand back, tearing off another piece of seaweed and repeating his motions until the wounds were covered. He then let the rest of the seaweed slip out of his hand and into the water as he cautiously awaited the man’s response to his actions.

"Why are you here." He demanded more than asked, though his voice wasn’t angry.

The boy tilted his head a little and gave a soft questioning squeak, the piece of seaweed he’d placed on his own face in demonstration still there.

Ivan pointed in the direction of the opening of the bay and then dropped his hand for a moment, only to point at the boy again and then gesture to everything around him. There great doubt in him that the boy would understand but he tried away. “Why.”

The boy tilted his head a little and stared at him for several minutes. Perhaps the man wanted to know why he was still here?

He gave a thoughtful little squeak before pointing at the man and then pointing at the dock before holding up one finger like he’d seen the man do before, hoping the man would get that the boy wanted him to wait there.The boy then disappeared underwater and swam off. He was gone for about ten minutes, giving a squeak every two or three minutes so the man would know that he was still there.

When he reappeared, he swam over and deposited two handfuls of small oval shaped pebbles onto the deck along with some seaweed, placing it in a spot where the light would shine on them. All of the pebbles were the same gray color except for one white one.

The boy tore the seaweed into small strips before taking about a third of the pebbles there, including the white one, and putting them into a small pile next to the seaweed, pushing the rest of them away from the edge of the dock. He then took the pebbles from his small pile, wrapped the bottom half of each of them with a strip of the seaweed, and set them back down.

Ivan watched curiously to see what the boy would try to tell him.

When he was done wrapping them, the boy tossed the leftover seaweed back into the water and arranged all of the pebbles from both piles into a carefully laid out group of some sorts, with all of the seaweed bits pointed in the same direction.

The wrapped rocks were scattered amongst the unwrapped rocks in clusters of twos and threes. For the most part, the clusters of wrapped rocks seemed to be closer to the center of the layout. A few groups of two or three were placed near the edge of the group, one of which included the white rock, but a line of unwrapped rocks kept those clusters from being at the edge of the layout.

The boy stared at it for a moment or two before giving a little nod, seeming satisfied with how it was set up before turning his head to look up at the man to make sure he was paying attention.

The Russian was baffled by what he saw, the merman was smarter than Ivan took him for but he hadn’t the slightest idea of what the boy was trying to do.

The boy pointed at the white, wrapped rock that was in one of the clusters near the edge of the group before pointing at himself, indicating that that one was meant to represent him.

Ivan gave a small nod and pointed from the white pebble to the boy. “That one is you.”

The boy bobbed his head and gave a pleased squeak, coming out of the water enough so his flippers were just under the water. He then pointed at all of the other wrapped rocks and gestured to his own body from the neck down, trying to indicate that the other wrapped rocks were meant to be others that were like himself.

He nodded again. “Your family then, or rather you kind?”

The boy gave another nod at the man’s nod. Pointing at the seaweed on all the wrapped rocks, he then gestured to the top half of his body, and then to the man. The seaweed was meant to be the part of him and his kind that looked like the man.

His eyes looked over the boy’s half that was similar to his own. “The part… that looks the same, what about it?”

The merman pointed at the unwrapped half of the wrapped rocks before pointing at his flippers and gesturing to the half of his body currently underwater.

"I get it. The seaweed is the man half and the other is the… dolphin? I don’t even know if you’re a dolphin or not."

The merman smiled and pointed at the unwrapped rocks. He then gestured to the bottom half of him and nodded before motioning to the top half of him and shaking his head.

"Ones… unlike you. Fish or something else?" He sighed; this was going to take all night.

The boy frowned softly at the man’s questioning tone. He paused a moment to think before picking up one of the regular wrapped rocks and an unwrapped and holding them in the palm of his hand, holding them up closer to the man. He tapped the unwrapped half of the wrapped rock before tapping the unwrapped rock, repeating the motion several times before bringing the tip of his tail and his flippers above the water.

The boy pointed at the flippers, the tail, and then turned to gesture at his dorsal fin, before turning back and tapping the unwrapped rock only. After that, he paused in thought for a moment before removing the seaweed from the wrapped rock and then tapped both rocks, now identical.

"Alright, alright, what is the point? I asked you why you were still here, not what you are. I don’t care about that." Ivan was growing frustrated with this mime game.

The boy held up a finger and wrapped the one back up before putting them back in place. He then did a series of motions, first motioning to all of the rocks, then making the ‘ah’ noise, then pretending to sleep, then reaching up and gently touching the seaweed on the man’s face, and then nuzzling the man.

Ivan was startled by the others actions and nearly swatted at him.

Afterwards, the boy pulled back a little and tilted his head, not sure if it would be understood that the big group hunted and slept together, took care of each other, and were affectionate to one another.

The merman pointed at one rock at the front of the group, miming that if that one went in any direction, the others followed after.

He then pointed up at the sky before getting water in his mouth and spitting the stream up into the air so it would come back down and land on his own head, before scooping water up in both hands and dumping it on top of the pebbles.

"… Rain…? A storm?" He spoke after a few moments.

The man seemed to understand what the boy had meant so the boy nodded before moving away from him a little. He pointed at all of the rocks, then pointed at the water, and used his hands to splash in the water and make waves before pointing at the group again. Hoping the man would get that the group was in the water when the water was tossing and turning.

"And what of the storm?"

The boy pointed at the group, made more splashes, and then shoved all of the rocks except for the white one back into the water before making a few more splashes and then letting the water go still.

He then picked up the white wrapped rock and moved it around with his hand, making it first go one way and then another while he made soft whistles and squeaks, a sad and confused expression on his face.

"Did you get separated?" Ivan asked softly.

The merman pointed in the direction that the sun came up and then moved his arm in an arc to where the sun went down. He did this three times before making the little rock move around more. He had it move a little, stop while he made a searching squeak and tilted his head, holding his free hand to his ear to show he was listening for something before shaking his head sadly and having the rock move some more. He repeated those actions several times, his squeak and the expression on his face getting sadder and lonelier each time.

"You went looking for them…" He translated.

The boy nodded when the man seemed to understand. He had the rock move a bit more before stopping it suddenly and shaking it in place a bit before holding it in the water and shaking it in place again like it was trapped. His free hand came up to his throat like he couldn’t breathe as he continued to shake the pebble underwater, his expression getting more scared as the minutes passed. Suddenly he lifted the pebble out of the water and lowered the hand from his neck, taking a deep breath and looking relieved before pointing first at the boat and then at the man.

"The day I saved you." He nodded. "But that still does not tell me why you are here. If you’ve lost your family shouldn’t you be searching for them?"

At the questioning tone, the boy held up a finger.

He pointed at himself and then the opening of the bay before moving the pebble and doing the searching noise again. Putting the pebble down on the dock, he pointed at where the sun came up and arced his arm over his head to where the sun went down three times again to show how many days had passed.

Then he pointed at the pebble and gestured around it to make a point that it was all alone before he took it up in one hand, having it move a little before his free hand came towards it, opening and closing like it was a mouth and making it chase the pebble around.

"You were hunted… by sharks?"

He set the pebble down and pointed at the hand that was playing a predator and then made a motion to show that it was much much bigger than the tiny pebble.

He then picked the pebble back up and made it swim away, making the motion to show how much time had passed a few more times before pointing at the edge of the bay. He made the ‘predator’ leave and go away before making the pebble ‘swim’ over to the man and setting it down on the dock next to him.

"… So because you were hunted and were not able to go to your family, you came here?" Ivan wasn’t sure how he felt about this.

The boy was fairly certain the man had understood what he’d been showing him so he gave a nod.

He paused for a moment before picking up the pebble and moving it as far away from Ivan it could be while still being in the light, making the pebble move around a little while giving sad little noises and a lonely expression. After a moment of this, he set the pebble back down next to the man, smiling and giving a happy little squeak.

As Ivan watched the last little bit, he tensed. _He wants to be near me?_

"No…." Ivan picked up the pebble and moved it the other side of him, closer to the end of the bay. "You’ll leave… in time, you will leave." Ivan did not look at him.

The boy gave a soft frown and moved the pebble back next to the man.

"You will get hurt." He said though his teeth. "Everyone gets hurt that comes near. When this happens, you will leave. Regardless. You will leave, because you do not belong here." The pebble was moved back but with more force.

The boy frowned a little more and put the pebble next to the man again.

Ivan moved it again, farther this time.

The boy frowned and gave a slightly annoyed squeak, patting the man’s arm before moving the pebble back.

The man moved from the touch, grabbed the pebble with his fist, and threw it as far as he could. The boy gave an annoyed squawk and patted him again before he swam after the pebble.

Ivan stood up and wiped the seaweed from his face before heading home. The liquor was wearing off and he did not want to deal with this creature any longer. However, even as he walked, he kept listening for the merman’s calls until the door to his home was closed.

It took the boy quite a time to find it and was disappointed to find that the man had left by the time he’d returned. The boy then swam off to get sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

The boy was at the dock at sunrise, his arms resting crossed on the dock and his head lying on top of them. He looked a bit tired but his eyes were open as he waited for the man to show up.  
  
The merman blinked in surprise when he remembered that more than just the man used the dock. He hesitated a moment before slipping underwater and swimming off to a safe hiding place to watch from a distance until he could follow the man’s boat to wherever he’d be hunting today.  
  
Ivan had not slept well and was groggy as he walked down on the docks while other men were bumping into him. His cheeks were a little swollen from last night. The other men saw this and knew that someone else or a group of boys had done that to him. Most men stayed clear of him unless they had their reasons, so none other than a boy must have tried to pick a fight with him. The poor lad probably didn’t stand a chance.  
  
A few men spit at his feet as he walked by but Ivan was to tired to say anything so he just sent the men stern glares and boarded his boat, readying himself to leave. His ship was small compared to almost all others on the docks, however it meant it took less time for him to leave.  
  
The boy watched from his hiding spot, waiting to see where the man was going today. Ivan took his ship to the south side, but only to check the nets he had already left there. When Ivan hadn’t seen the boy, he thought he had finally left. He was both relieved and grieved by this.  
  
Matthew followed after though kept his distance because of the nets. He waited until all the boats had gone off to their various locations, making sure he wouldn’t be seen by anyone else before swimming closer to the boat and giving a soft whistle to get the man’s attention.  
  
"Great Mother of Russia." Ivan groaned and turned to the sound. "Is that you boy? Come back again?"  
  
The boy gave a squeak and a smile, just his head sticking out of the water.  
  
Ivan walked to the rail and leaned over to look at him. “Why are you still here? I grow tired of trying to ignore you.”  
  
The boy came up out of the water a bit more, just his human half visible as he held up his hand and rather proudly displayed the pebble that Ivan had thrown away last night.  
  
At the sight of the tiny stone, Ivan’s eyes welled up in loneliness, fear, and distrust. He clenched his fist so tightly that they trembled. “How do I know that you will stay?”  
  
The boy stared at him and tilted his head a little, looking at the pebble in his hand for a moment before promptly tossing it up at the man. Ivan scowled at him for throwing it, but the tiny thing just bounced off of him and fell back into the water. The boy gave a squawk of dismay and dove underwater after the pebble, resurfacing a minute or two later with the pebble in hand.  
  
"You are making this harder than it needs to be boy." Every time that he thought that just maybe he wouldn’t mind the merman’s company, the boy mocked him and insulted him; but every time that he thought he’d rather stay alone, the boy smiled at him, patted him, and chirped happily.  
  
The boy smiled and tossed the pebble up at him again, though just a bit to the right this time so it would land on the deck next to the man. Ivan followed the pebble with his eyes before picking it up. He held it in his hand for a moment before turning back to the merman. “Take it back. If I throw it, you just bring it back.” He said as he held it out to the boy without looking at him.  
  
The boy gave a whistle and shook his head, pointing at the pebble and then at the man.  
  
"… If I keep it and you leave, I drown." Ivan hid his true feelings as he looked the boy in the eye. "Do you understand, boy? I will drown."  
  
The boy tilted his head and gave a questioning squeak.  
  
"Of course you don’t." Ivan sighed and looked to the sun; there were still many hours before noon. "But why am I complaining?"  
  
The man was quiet for a long while as his gaze fell on the white pebble in his hand as the boy just stayed where he was, his head tilted a little as he stared up at the man quietly.  
  
"A promise…" Ivan started. "I promise to watch out for you, keep you safe from other men, their ropes and ships… and in return you will be my companion. I swear to you, do you swear to me?" Ivan asked as he placed a hand over his heart, the pebble resting against it as well. Ivan had nothing, nor had he ever had anything but his grandfather, and when that man died, Ivan had buried what was left of his heart with him shortly after.  
  
This merman had Ivan make the mistake of putting the organ back in his chest; abused and unused, it did little, but what did it matter if he had? It would have rotted away like the rest of him in the end, only now there was a reason for it to be there other than to push blood: companionship. Companionship like he had with his grandfather, both needing something from the other in order to keep going. Now that it was back, Ivan had this strange creature be the judge of its fate.  
  
Stay and work together or leave and slowly die alone. It was going to be a delicate companionship if the boy took the promise.  
  
The merman came out of the water a bit more, his head still tilted to the side as he mimicked the man and placed a hand on his chest, giving a whistle in response.  
  
Ivan smiled slightly. “A promise it is. Now I believe I should ask your name. I can’t very well keep calling you boy.” He then paused before tapping his chest with two fingers. “Ivan.” He did this three times.  
  
The boy stared at him for a moment before giving a whistle, starting high pitched, and then dropping a bit lower, and tilting his head curiously.  
  
"E…von." Ivan said more slowly.  
  
“Eeee…ah…?” The boy responded, trying again to mimic the sounds.  
  
He chuckled before speaking again. “Almost, you may not get the V yet… E-von.”  
  
“E-oh…?”  
  
"Once more, if you don’t get it, I’ll settle for the nickname. Not the worst I’ve been given…. E-von."  
  
The boy tried again slowly. “E….. on…” He frowned a little; he wasn’t quite able to make that one odd sound.  
  
"Eon is fine. Now for me to play this game." He said with his fingers still on his chest. "Eon." He then pointed at the boy.  
  
“Eon.” The boy repeats with a little nod, staring at him for a moment when he was pointed at before realizing what the man wanted. He then pointed at himself and gave three whistles, the first high pitched, the second lower pitched, and the third similar to the second but just a little bit lower.  
  
"I can’t whistle." Ivan grinned.  
  
The boy tilted his head in confusion before pointing at himself again and repeating the whistles. Ivan tried to be patient and find some way to say this boy’s name.  
  
The boy repeated the whistles a bit slower for him.  
  
"I can’t whistle. You’ll just have to try and say your name like mine. See?" Ivan showed him his attempt, and may have had some sort of note that was off key for a half a second.  
  
The boy’s eyes widened a bit in understanding before frowning softly and tilting his head in thought while Ivan’s cheeks flushed a bit from embarrassing himself in front of his new companion, but he shrugged it off.  
  
The boy frowned, thinking of what other sounds he was called with. After a few minutes, he slowly gave two squeaks. “Ah….e…”  
  
"Ahye?"  
  
The boy made a face and shook his head; it sounded too different when the man tried to say it and he wasn’t called that often enough anyway. After another moment or two, he pointed at the man and then at himself before tilting his head a little. Perhaps it would be better if the man just named him something instead.  
  
"Oh no, I want to hear you say it." Ivan pointed at him.  
  
The boy frowned and gave a little annoyed noise before trying again. “Mah…ee.”  
  
"Mahe… Mahye?"  
  
The boy frowned and shook his head, pausing in thought before repeating the same sounds, except this time adding a click and separating each sound out. “Mm… ah… t… ee…”  
  
"M-ah-tee, Ma-tie?" That sounded close to a real name, though it was a little hard to say. "Ma-ttie… Mattie?"  
  
The boy tilted his head in consideration for a moment before giving a nod. Ivan smiles. “Mattie it is. Though it’s not far off from this name that I once heard. Not very common, but Mattie is who you are.”  
  
The boy smiled back at him and gave a little nod.  
  
"Shall we catch some fish now? Mattie?" He chuckled and ruffled the boy’s wet hair. The boy batted at the hand on his head a little before tilting his head a bit. “Ah?”  
  
"Yes, ah."  
  
The boy smiled and gave a nod before disappearing under the water.

  
☙~❧

  
Three weeks flew by quickly and with Mattie’s help with fishing, Ivan was able to save up some money, replace his old nets, and have free time. That was something he had never really experienced; he had no idea what to do after cleaning his ship and home spotless.  
  
Mattie had helped him once more; they spent this free time on the shore near his home learning about each other. Ivan taught him more words though there were still many letters Mattie could not say. However, Mattie was determined to teach Ivan his language too, which meant whistling lessons. Ivan had never felt so embarrassed but was glad that there were no others around.  
  
Every few days Ivan would show up with a bruise or some scrapes but he would just smile like it had never happened. The Russian never talked about it and hadn’t drunk since that night at the pier.  
  
The villagers took notice of Ivan’s change in behavior; he seemed to be slightly happy now and he was doing better in the market than he ever had before. Many of the fishermen were quick to grow angry towards him and be more aggressive. How was one man doing almost as good a job as crew of them?

  
☙~❧

  
When the day was done and there were only a few hours before sunset, Ivan walked home along the waters edge with a basket filled with meats, vegetables, and fruits. Once he reached the path to his home, he placed down the basket and turned to the sea, calling out. “Mattie!”  
  
Mattie had been swimming about near the surface and perked up when he heard his name, his head and torso coming out of the water. He looked towards Ivan’s house and gave a whistle in response, not wanting to shout over such a distance.  
  
Ivan took off his long coat and held it up. “Want to come over for dinner? I’ll cook you something to try again.” He had never brought him back to his home since that one day but now he was asking, because he did not wish to force Mattie to do anything.  
  
Mattie tilted his head a bit before motioning for Ivan to come down closer to the water so they could speak without him having to shout. Ivan did, coming into the water so it was up to his knees. “Want to come to my home?”  
  
The boy swam over, glancing at the house before tilting his head a little. “Why?” He questions, pronouncing the word very slowly so he got the sounds right.  
  
"Food." He said simply with a smile. "Only if you want to."  
  
“Ah?” He looked over at the house for a few minutes, considering whether or not he wanted to go out of the water again.  
  
"Yes, ah."  
  
Mattie was quite for a couple of minutes while he thought about it before looking at Ivan. “Mattie… ome- home…?” He questions, wanting to make sure he’d be able to come back down to the water later.  
  
"Yes, I will take you back when you ask." He held the coat out for Mattie to take.  
  
Mattie gave a little nod and took the coat, though didn’t do anything with it. He didn’t really understand why these objects were necessary or how to use them.  
  
Ivan helped him into it rather than just wrapping it around him. Once it was done up, he held his arms out for the boy. He really wanted Mattie to understand that it was his choice and not Ivan’s.  
  
Mattie let him help though seemed a bit confused why he needed to have it on like this. When Ivan held out his arms, he tilted his head a little at the gesture before swimming closer to him.  
  
The man than wrapped his arms underneath the boy’s body and lifted him out of the water. “Just don’t whack me in the head again alright?” Ivan teased with a grin and turned back to the shore.  
  
“Hm?” The boy tilted his head and smiled back, not quite understanding what the man had meant by that.  
  
Ivan carefully moved the boy so he could hold him in only arm and then did a gesture of hitting himself in the head. “Tail, head.”  
  
The boy flipped his tail a little before giving a nod.  
  
"Thank you." He then picked up the basket as he continued walking to his home, setting it down it shortly afterwards to help hold the merman. It was a simple five-minute walk to his home and once inside, Ivan laid Mattie down on the bench once more, a bucket of water already there if needed.  
  
The boy lay on the hard object and propped himself up on his arms, looking around the room curiously. He was more at ease being here with the knowledge that he would get to go back to the water later.  
  
Ivan patted the boy’s back with a smile before walking into the kitchen to drop off the basket. Mattie frowned a little at the patting and watched him walk off.  
  
Once he was in dry clothes he began to make supper and something special for Mattie. He gave him a juicy peach to snack on while waiting; Ivan thought that he would really like the peach.  
  
When he was given the peach, the boy sniffed at it before taking a small bite. He gave a happy trill at the taste and took his time eating it, though he gave a squeak of surprise and looked down at it in confusion when he got to the center.  
  
Ivan looked over at the squeak. “Oh, it’s the seed. No, ah.”  
  
Mattie looked over at him with a soft frown, tilting his head a bit. “…Eed..?”  
  
"Seed. You plant it and more will grow." He explained as he went back to cooking, though doubted that Mattie would understand that yet.  
  
The boy only looked more confused at that, looking down at the thing and pulling it out of the food before holding it up. “No, ah?”  
  
"No, ah."  
  
He gave a nod, tossing the thing away and going back to eating the food. Ivan sighed at this and went to pick it up, putting it in a waist bucket next to the stove. The boy watched him before going back to looking around the room while he ate. Soon, he was finished with the peach.  
  
Ivan just continued to cook in silence; Mattie’s food would be done soon.  
  
The boy continued to look around the room from where he was before getting distracted with picking at and just generally examining the thing on him.  
  
A few minutes later Ivan comes over with a plate with two fish on it and some boiled vegetables. He set it down within easy distance for Mattie but held up at finger. “Hot.” He said before turning back to the stove to finish his own food.  
  
“Hot?” The boy echoes, leaning over to sniff at the food.  
  
"Yes, hot. It will hurt if you touch it right now."  
  
He tilted his head and put his hand near it but quickly pulled it back and wrinkled his nose up a little when he felt the heat roll off of it before he’d even touched it. “Hot.”  
  
Ivan nodded and began to serve his own food, sitting down next to Mattie shortly after. The boy went back to tugging at and inspecting the coat curiously, sticking his hand out every so often to feel if the food was still giving off heat. Ivan had already begun to eat his own dinner, quite content with hot food in his belly.  
  
After a while, Mattie picked up one of the vegetables and sniffed at it a little before taking a bite. He ate a few more of the boiled vegetables, dropping the ones that he didn’t like the taste of back onto the thing it came on.  
  
Ivan picked the ones Mattie didn’t like and ate them; there was no sense in having good food go to waste.  
  
Mattie then picked up one of the fish, sniffing at it a little. It looked the same as what he usually ate but it smelled different. The man watched him closely, hoping that he would like the fried fish. Mattie seemed to like the buttered toast from before so he made a simple fish cooked in some butter and a pinch of pepper.  
  
The boy started to eat the first one, only getting about a fourth of it eaten before he wrinkled his nose up and shook his head, setting it back down. It wasn’t necessarily bad but it tasted too… odd, compared to what he usually ate.  
  
Ivan frowned when Mattie did not like the fish, but then again he ate them raw. Mattie then looked over at Ivan’s plate curiously. “W…what?” He asks slowly, pointing at the thing on Ivan’s plate and tilting his head curiously.  
  
"Hm? Ah, it’s pork." He said. "But it’s tougher than fish, you may not like it."  
  
He looked at it for a moment before holding his hand out. “Mattie ah?”  
  
Ivan wasn’t sure but he cut a very small piece for him and held the fork to the boy’s lips. The boy pulled his hand back, sniffing at what was on the fork before opening his mouth as Ivan fed him the bite and waited.  
  
He tried chewing it a little, frowning a bit when it was harder to chew. He ate the bite but had a little frown on his face and shook his head a little after he swallowed it.  
  
"I didn’t think so." Ivan shrugged and continued with his meal.  
  
The boy watched him for a minute or two before looking around the room. After a few more minutes, he started pointing at random objects and asking what they were. Ivan would answer, speaking each new word slowly so he could catch it.  
  
Mattie nodded and tried to repeat some of the words. After a while, he was trying to tug the jacket off of him, having grown tired of wearing it.  
  
"Stop that. You need to stay wet." Ivan frowned and moved the boy’s hands away. "I’ll take you home after I finish eating." Mattie frowned and patted Ivan’s arm before resuming his attempt to take the thing off.  
  
"I don’t think it is fine, it can not be good for you. Just leave it on for a bit longer." Ivan moved the boy’s hands again. The boy frowned and shook his head, patting him again before resuming his attempts.  
  
"Stop." Ivan said more firmly and held the boy’s hands for a moment. Mattie slapped his tail on the thing he was laying on in annoyance since he couldn’t move his hands.  
  
"Please, Mattie?" Ivan softened his voice. "Just a few more minutes?"  
  
The boy frowned at him. “Why?”  
  
“Why, what?”  
  
He freed one of his hands and tugged at the coat and then at the sleeve of Ivan’s shirt. “Why?” He couldn’t understand why those on land always wore these things. They weren’t necessary as far as he could tell.  
  
"… Protection." Was the only single word that came to mind and it brought a saddened look over Ivan’s eyes. “No hurt.”  
  
“Oh.” Mattie’s expression softened a little at the look in Ivan’s eyes, though he tilted his head a little. He wasn’t quite sure why Ivan had that look in his eyes. Ivan let Mattie’s other hand go and continued eating.  
  
Mattie watched him quietly, his head tilted slightly to the side and Ivan took notice. “Hm? What?” Ivan asked, confused by the boy.  
  
Mattie pointed at Ivan and made a sad expression before tilting his head and giving a curious look. “Why?”  
  
Ivan looked down at his food. “I don’t want to talk about it… Not now.”  
  
The boy stared at him for a moment before giving a little nod. For the rest of his meal Ivan sat in silence.  
  
Mattie watched him quietly for a minute or two before looking down at the coat sleeves and playing with a loose thread on one of the sleeves quietly while Ivan finished his meal.  
  
When his was done, he ate Mattie’s too and then stood to drop them in the washbasin. “Home?” He asked the boy.  
  
The boy tilted his head a little, considering it for a moment before shaking his head.  
  
"No?" Ivan was now puzzled. "You wish to stay the night?"  
  
Mattie gave a little nod of his head.  
  
"Then you’ll be needing more water." He smiled and picked up the bucket to slowly pour over the merman, making sure he was good and wet. The boy smiled back a little.  
  
After everything was cleaned, put away, and Mattie had been watered down one more time, Ivan bid the boy goodnight and went into his room.


	4. Chapter 4

The next week or so continued in about the same way. In their free time, Mattie worked on teaching Ivan how to whistle while Ivan taught Mattie words. Every so often Mattie would request to come up to Ivan’s house and on his most recent visit he asked what was in the other room of the house.  
  
"It is just the bedroom. Nothing special Mattie."  
  
“Bed?” The boy asks, tilting his head to the side.  
  
"It is like a nest." Ivan smiles. "Man uses them to sleep in."  
  
“Nest?”  
  
"It’s like—," Ivan sighed, explaining it could take all day. "Would you like to see?”  
  
Mattie nodded. “See!”  
  
"Alright then, hang onto me." The lifted him from the bench and headed towards the bedroom door. Mattie nodded, looking towards the door curiously.  
  
Ivan opened the door and on the other side was a small one-person bed covered in blankets and furs. Next to it was a small dresser with a couple items gathered on top of it.  
  
Mattie pointed at the thing covered in furs. “Bed?” He guesses, tilting his head a little.  
  
"Yes, that is a bed. Not all the interesting is it?" Ivan chuckled.  
  
“Touch?” The boy made a little grabby hand at it, wanting to know what it felt like.  
  
"Sure, I don’t see why not." Ivan brought him over to the bedside and knelt so Mattie could feel.  
  
Mattie reached out and touched it, running his hand over the fabric. “Soft.” He says with a little smile before looking at Ivan and tilting his head again. “Use like bench?”  
  
"Yes, it is used like the bench."  
  
“Mattie try?”  
  
"Now or later?"  
  
“Now?”  
  
"Now it is then." Ivan then carefully laid him out on the bed; his slender form was nearly lost in the furs and covers. The man grinned at this. "Such a tiny thing you are Mattie."  
  
The boy smiled and tugged one of the furs over himself, giggling a bit at how nice the bed felt compared to the bench. “Soft! Nice!”  
  
Ivan laughed and laughed, lords above he had not laughed like this since he was a child. “Where have you gone Mattie? I can not see you anymore.”  
  
“Mattie here!” The boy giggles, popping his head out from under the blankets. “Bed soft! Mattie use?”  
  
Ivan pounced on the bed and grabbed Mattie though the covers. “Oh? And where would I sleep?” He asks playfully, still grinning and trying not to laugh as he spoke.  
  
The boy was squealing and giggling as he squirmed around. “Mattie use! Eon use! Yes?”  
  
"Both of us? But there is no room Mattie." Ivan tickled the boy’s sides. "And you move to much."  
  
The boy squirmed around more, stifling his laughter. “Mattie Eon both use now yes?”  
  
"I am on top of at the moment, Mattie. I doubt we could sleep like this." The man chuckled.  
  
The boy tilted his head before wiggling over as much as he could with a smile. “Here!”  
  
"Ha, that won’t work, I am as wide as the bed."  
  
The boy frowned in thought for a moment before tilting his head. “Mattie sleep on top?”  
  
"Hm. I don’t know, would you find me soft to sleep on?" He chuckled at the boy’s idea.  
  
“Mattie try?”  
  
"Very well." Ivan then rolled and pulled the boy and some of the covers on top of his chest. Ivan was not kidding when he said he was as wide as the bed. There was maybe three inches to spare. Mattie squirmed a little to get comfy before tilting his head a bit in thought.  
  
After a moment he spoke. “Bench no soft. Eon soft. Bed soft soft.” He says decisively with a little nod, meaning that Ivan was softer than the bench, but that the bed was softer than Ivan.  
  
Ivan laughed at Mattie’s mild descriptions. “Would you be able to sleep like this?”  
  
“Yes. Mattie sleep on no soft bench now.” He says, shifting to lay his head on Ivan’s chest.  
  
"Hard." Ivan corrected softly. "On the hard bench."  
  
“Harrrrd?” He asks curiously, rolling the R.  
  
"Yes, not soft."  
  
“Harrrd, no soft. Bench no soft. Bench harrrd. Yes?”  
  
"Yes. Very good." Ivan patted the boy’s shoulder with a proud smile; Mattie was a fast learner.  
  
Mattie squawked and propped himself up on his arms at this and patted Ivan’s shoulder many times in a row with a bit more force than necessary but not enough to qualify it as hitting. “No.” He says firmly with a frown on his face.  
  
Ivan chuckled. “What do you mean no? You got it right, even if you did hold the letter.”  
  
Mattie scowled and shook his head. “No dat. Dis.” He patted Ivan again.  
  
"Me? What about me?" He continued to chuckle.  
  
“No Eon!” Mattie says exasperated. “Dis!” He pats several things within reach, trying to get across that he was referring to the action, not the objects.  
  
The man was now puzzled. “I do not understand.”  
  
Matthew gave a squawk of annoyance and frowned at him before grabbing Ivan’s hand and making it pat the boy’s head. “Dis!” He pointed at the motion with his other hand.  
  
"Oh… Oh! The patting?" Realization flooded over his face and then was washed away by a look of disappointment. "You don’t like it?"  
  
The boy nodded, looking relieved he finally understood what he meant. “Dis.” He let go of Ivan’s hand and patted Ivan with his own hand. “Dis bad. Mean… Stop dat.”  
  
"Oh Mother of Russia… This whole time I’ve been doing that to praise you and you’ve been taking it as a bad thing." Ivan couldn’t help but laugh, even if he felt bad. Mattie frowned at him and patted him, not appreciating being laughed at.  
  
"To us, Mattie. It means good, ‘I’ve got you,’ and it is used to comfort one another." He grinned and patted Mattie just for the hell of it.  
  
The boy only scowled and patted him repeatedly on the head. “No ood. Dis bad. Stop dat.”  
  
"Alright, alright, I will, but what should I do instead?" He asks, still grinning as he moved the boy’s hand away.  
  
“What Eon mean?” The boy tilted his head a little, confused at what Ivan was asking.  
  
"Well you don’t like the patting. What should I do that is good or nice?"  
  
“Oh.” Mattie tilted his head in thought for a moment before nuzzling Ivan. “Dis ood. Dis nice.”  
  
Ivan flinched and sat up to get away, his eyes wide with a bit of fright. Mattie squeaked at the sudden movement, looking up and pulling back as much as he could at the look on Ivan’s face, a look of surprise and confusion on his own.  
  
"… What are you doing?" Ivan asked as he watched the boy closely.  
  
“Dat nice…” Mattie gave him an even more confused look. Ivan was the one who’d asked what was good and nice in the first place! “Pat bad…. Dat good.”  
  
"Well-… this is odd. To me, pat good and that bad." Ivan was feeling very awkward now and looked like he wanted to leave.  
  
“Why dat bad Eon?” Mattie asks with a sad frown. “Mattie see smah man like dat.”  
  
"Small… man?"  
  
Mattie nodded. “Man hod sma- smaw man.”  
  
"You mean child." Ivan realized.  
  
“Chi-od?  
  
Ivan nodded. “That is what small men are called.”  
  
“Oh.” Mattie nodded in understanding before tilting his head again. “Wat…” He used both hands to mime an hourglass shape in the air between then. “… Men cawd?”  
  
The Russian man went red in the face from the suggestion and he swallowed thickly. “A-a woman?”  
  
“Wo-man?” The boy tilted his head a little when Ivan’s face changed colors. Ivan just nodded quickly and Mattie nodded in return. “Mattie see man, wo-man, chi-owd like dis.” He pretended to nuzzle an invisible person before tilting his head at Ivan curiously. “Why Eon no like?”  
  
"I-" Ivan frowned; he really didn’t know how to explain it so he bailed. "I-I just don’t."  
  
“Why?”  
  
The man ignored him and patted the boy’s arm. “Time to get off.”  
  
Matthew frowned softly at that. “Why?”  
  
"Because you need water, you’re drying off."  
  
“Oh.” He gave a nod of understanding.  
  
The man then helped Mattie up and carried him back to the bench to soak him again. Ivan would remember to never use the pat as a form of comfort again.

  
☙~❧

  
About a month had passed since that time and Mattie hadn’t brought up the topic again. He continued to spend free time with Ivan though and learned many words and sounds, though he couldn’t quite make the ‘V’ sound still. He continued teaching Ivan how to whistle and came up to Ivan’s house for dinner every so often. When he did spend the night there, he chose to sleep out on the bench.  
  
Ivan found that it was odd that Mattie did not ask to sleep in the bed, and would rather have the hard bench. He couldn’t help but feel like it was his fault in some small way. So to make it up to the boy, he used some of the money he had been planning to use to repair the house before the fall to get something for him instead.  
  
The man was quite excited about picking it up when he brought Mattie home one afternoon and Mattie was a bit puzzled by the man’s excitement but smiled at him.  
  
"I have a present for you." Ivan said as he brought the merman inside the house.  
  
“A present?” The boy asks curiously, tilting his head at the man.  
  
Ivan nodded with a big smile. “Yes a present, when you give something to another. Like this.” Ivan pulled a necklace out from under his shirt; it was the very same white pebble from before only it had an M carved into it.  
  
“Oh!” Mattie perked up in recognition of the pebble and smiled. “Present.”  
  
"Mmhm and I have one for you." The necklace was tucked back under his shirt.  
  
"Where?"  
  
"I have to go get it. You will wait here, won’t you?" Ivan smiled. "I shouldn’t be long and I’ll leave you a bucket of water just in case."  
  
Mattie nodded. “Yes. Mattie wait here.” He smiled back.  
  
"Good." Ivan then got the water like he said he would and left it for Mattie before leaving. Minutes later Mattie shimmied out of the coat, as he’d grown tired of wearing it.  
  
It hadn’t taken Ivan long to get into the village to pick up the order he had placed but as he was rolling the big tub out, he ran into some trouble and a scuffle started after the first stone was thrown.  
  
About an hour later Mattie used the bucket of water and tossed it to the side as he continued to wait. After another hour he decided to just sleep while waiting since there wasn’t anything else to do but sleep and wait for Ivan to return. 

  
☙~❧

  
When Mattie awoke several hours later, the first thing he noticed was that it was very dark in the room, meaning the sun had gone down. The next thing he noticed was that Ivan still wasn’t back yet. The third thing was that he felt very dry.  
  
He reached for the bucket and gave a squawk when he lost his balance and fell off the bench. He gave a grunt when he hit the floor and went to slap his tail against the ground in annoyance when he noticed something very odd.  
  
Reaching down with his hand, the boy carefully felt for his tail and looked back, giving a squeak of surprise and confusion when he saw and felt something very different from his tail. His tail wasn’t there at all! Instead, in its place were legs, like Ivan had. And not only wasn’t his tail there, but his flippers and dorsal fin were gone too!  
  
Needless to say, this had the merman confused and more than a little freaked out as he tried to sit up and get a better look at them. He grabbed at the bench beside him to help him sit up but much to his despair, the blankets and furs just slipped off the bench and fell on top of him instead.  
  
Ivan burst through the door shortly after but in the darkness he couldn’t see the boy so he called out. “Mattie! I’m so sorry, I— Are you alright?”  
  
“Don’t know….” The boy whined softly from the floor, sounding close to tears. “Eon really late.”  
  
Ivan had never heard Mattie’s voice like that and it made his heart pound. He stumbled around in the dark, making his way to the stove. “I’m going to give us some light, are you hurt? Are you bleeding?” His voice was filled with great concern.  
  
“Don’t think so…” The boy responded in the same tone as before. “Tail gone… M-Mattie has legs…”  
  
He couldn’t have heard that right. “What do you mean your tail is gone?” Ivan had just gotten the stove lit and it was not enough to see with yet but Mattie was more important than light.  
  
The man was by the merman’s side in seconds, feeling for the boy in the dark before holding him close to his chest, one hand carefully feeling down his backside. He was startled to find the dorsal fin missing and to feel a butt cheek instead. Had there been enough light to see, Mattie would have seen Ivan’s face flush a deep crimson as his hand was pulled back like it had been burned.  
  
“Tail gone!” Mattie whimpered tearfully, clinging to Ivan and trembling in the man’s arms. “M-Mattie has l-legs…”  
  
"Shh, shh." Ivan wrapped his arms around him but he was still frightened himself. Was Mattie going to be okay? "Does it hurt anywhere?"  
  
“Shoulder, arm, and… Side a little…” Mattie’s voice got a little quieter but no less tearful. “Fell off bench…”  
  
He breathed a sigh of relief and rubbed his shoulder and back. “You sound like you are going to be just fine. You’re just scared… Has this ever happened before? To someone you know?”  
  
“N-no…” He whimpers, shaking his head and trembling. “Don’t think so…”  
  
Ivan wrapped the boy up in a blanket that already partially covered the boy. “Don’t be frightened Mattie. I am here and I will protect you.” He comforted him just as the fire grew bright enough for them both to see. Ivan had again come home with bruises, cuts and blood on his face but still he smiled.  
  
Mattie didn’t see Ivan’s smile or the injuries since his head was resting against the man’s chest. “O-okay…” He says softly, still sounding scared as he trembled.  
  
Ivan didn’t like this. He didn’t like it at all. Mattie hadn’t been scared for a single day since Ivan knew him; he was always cheerful and happy. The larger man kept him close as he stood up; he was so much lighter as a _human_. “Mattie? I will lay you down in my bed okay? I will get some water. It may help. But I want you to be okay with it before I do anything.”  
  
“Okay.” Mattie whispers with a nod, looking up and then suddenly frowning at what he saw. “Eon hurt.” He pouts, looking at the injuries in concern.  
  
"It’s just a scratch. You are more hurt than I." Ivan continued to smile as he carried Mattie into his bed and covered him with more blankets. It was possible that Mattie was much colder with a human body.  
  
“Blood.” The boy protests softly, frowning at the blood on Ivan’s face in concern.  
  
"Only a little. Now relax and I shall return shortly." Ivan gently touched Mattie’s shoulder. Mattie was still frowning but nodded at him quietly.  
  
The man then cleared the small living space in the other room before rolling in the tub. It wasn’t very long, a little more than half of Mattie’s length but he had it made to be deep to make up for the difference.  
  
After it was in place, Ivan then took the pails and ran down the path to the seaside. He had to make many trips there and back before the tub was filled with saltwater. Discarding the pails Ivan moved into the bedroom, panting lightly. “It’s ready…”  
  
“What is?” Mattie asks softly, looking over at Ivan in slight confusion.  
  
"Your tub and present." Ivan grinned and picked the boy up, making sure he stayed covered for decency.  
  
“Tub?” The boy wasn’t trembling anymore but still seemed uneasy.  
  
"Big bucket." Ivan explained as he showed it to him, he had set up the bench next to it to be used as a table for whatever food he brought to the boy. Mattie blinked in surprise and looked at it curiously, tilting his head to the side before he was then eased into the water, blanket and all.  
  
Mattie frowned a little in discomfort for a minute or so before he suddenly was trying to get the blanket off, soon succeeding in unwrapping it enough to see underneath. “Tail!” He exclaims happily, his expression brightening as he looked at his tail and flippers, which were back where they belonged. He turned a little to see his dorsal and just grinned and giggled a bit upon seeing it. Everything was back to normal!  
  
"I’m as glad as you are." Ivan smiled and removed the blanket. "So what do you think? Would you like curling up in this at night instead of on the bench?"  
  
Mattie nodded, dipping his head underwater and moving around in the tub to see how much of a range of movement he had in it. There wasn’t much room but it was better than being on the hard bench and only having a bucket to keep him wet. He came up for air moments later, smiling happily.  
  
"Now, which do you like better. The tub or the bed?"  
  
Mattie frowned a little, thinking about it for a bit. “Tub…” He says slowly after a few moments. “More use to sleep in water.”  
  
"Why do you frown?"  
  
“Bed really soft and nice. Tub more use to. Mattie like both.” The boy explains simply with a slight shrug.  
  
"I’m glad you like both Mattie, it makes me… happy, oddly enough."  
  
Mattie smiled at that. “Happy good.”  
  
"Yes it is." He placed a hand over his heart. "It feels good too. But it has been such a long time that I had forgotten the feeling."  
  
“Why forget?” The boy moved to the edge of the tub closest to Ivan and gave him a curious look.  
  
Ivan frowned, not sure if he wanted to talk about it. “I forgot because… because I was lonely.” It took a lot to say those words; he never wanted to admit them. They were always thrown at him to hurt him and it took all his might to deny it.  
  
“Lonely?” Mattie questioned softly, unfamiliar with the word. “What lonely mean?”  
  
"To have no one. No family. No friends." Ivan whispered, lowering his gaze.  
  
The boy was quiet for a moment before reaching out of the tub to lightly tug on Ivan’s sleeve. “Mattie here.” He says softly. He didn’t quite understand the words ‘friends’ and ‘family’ since he’d had never been told what they meant before but he could tell Ivan was sad and he didn’t like it. “Eon got Mattie.”  
  
Ivan slowly looked up at him, he looked broken and his eyes were beginning to fill with tears. “Do you mean that…?”  
  
It hurt the boy’s heart to see such a sad expression on Ivan’s face. He nodded, looking at him sadly and holding his arms out to be picked up. He couldn’t reach Ivan properly from down in the tub. “Mattie here.”  
  
Ivan was hesitant but he reached down and pulled the boy into and embrace. “Thank you Mattie.”  
  
Mattie nuzzled the man gently. “Eon got Mattie.” He says softly. “No lonely, okay?”  
  
Ivan tensed slightly, still not sure what to make of the nuzzle, but kept holding him. “Yes… As long as you are here, Mattie, I am not lonely.” He whispered.  
  
The boy nodded and rested his head on Ivan’s chest. He was quiet for a moment before asking in a soft, curious voice. “Eon lonely when Mattie sleep in big water…?”  
  
"A little, yes. But I know you are there in the morning." He said just as softly.  
  
“You didn’t know before, yes?” He tilted his head enough to look up at Ivan.  
  
"No…" He says sadly, closing his eyes so he did not have to look at Mattie’s violet-blue eyes.  
  
“Lonely before, yes? Why Eon say ‘go away’ a lot?”  
  
The man’s heart clenched in his chest at that; all these questions just brought up old wounds and bad memories. He did not want to talk about them but if Mattie wanted to know, Ivan felt he had the right. If anyone had the right to know the answer to everything they asked, it was Mattie. “I thought… it would be easier to move on before I grew used to you. It is easier to be alone than to be left alone.”  
  
“Oh… Why Eon think Mattie would left Eon alone?” He asks softly, looking up at him in confusion. “Mattie got no one but Eon.”  
  
"The way you left when I first brought you to the water! Do you recall _that_!?” Ivan snapped in anger, quickly regretting it and calming his voice when he saw Mattie flinch and duck his head at the shouting. “I’m sorry… I just thought I’d never see you again and, afterwards, it still hurt. It hurt that once again I had helped another and never got a sign of thanks. That was all I wanted from you on the day I met you. I thought that it would be different with a creature that had never known me or my past.” Ivan’s heart and feelings were becoming vulnerable and he was losing control of them. He wanted to run, fearing that he would be hurt once more. Hurt by someone he had grown to care for.  
  
Mattie cautiously looked back up after Ivan apologized. “Didn’t know what Eon saying then. When Mattie got here before, Mattie thought Eon would eat Mattie.” He explains, feeling a bit silly for thinking that before.  
  
A weak chuckle came from Ivan’s lips as he softly pet Mattie’s head. “If I was going to eat you I wouldn’t have let you hit me so many times. Tell me Mattie what do you do to a fish before you eat it?”  
  
“Catch it?” The boy tilted his head at the petting, not quite sure what to make of it.  
  
"You silly boy, you stun your fish. I’ve seen you do it with that wonderful voice of yours." Ivan gave a small playful grin. "If I had wanted to eat you, I would have made sure you couldn’t move. I would have left you in that net and bashed you over the head with a paddle."  
  
“Oh! Well Eon big and many big fish want to eat Mattie.” He says matter of factly.  
  
 ”Oh? Am I a big fish Mattie?”  
  
“Not a fish!” He giggles. “Just big!”  
  
"Yes, that much is true, Mattie." Ivan just laughed and nuzzled the boy without thinking about it, but when he realized what he was doing, he pulled away, looking awkward.  
  
Mattie absolutely beamed at the nuzzling before nuzzling him back happily. “Eon did it this time!”  
  
Ivan let the boy go and moved away from the nuzzling. “N-no, I did not mean to.”  
  
“What Eon mean?” Mattie held onto the edge of the tub and tilted his head in confusion. “It nice! Not bad thing.”  
  
"Yes- well, no. But I shouldn’t, even if it did feel… somewhat nice. I shouldn’t." He shook his head, both in confusion and to further his point.  
  
“Why not?” Mattie looked even more confused and just a tiny bit sad.  
  
"I…" Ivan drew a bit of a blank and frowned. "Don’t know if it is right for me to do… As a man."  
  
“What Eon mean?”  
  
"On land, there are ways in which others must act. If you don’t act this way it will cause trouble and make it hard to live with others." He wasn’t sure if Mattie would understand any of this but maybe Mattie had something like it in the sea?  
  
“Oh… How that bad? It good thing. It mean… care… comfort… protect… like… trust…” He listed off words he knew, trying to describe it.  
  
"Well it could mean something else here. Like the pat, it is a good thing here but bad to you."  
  
“What it mean here?”  
  
"I don’t know." He said honestly. "But if I wasn’t taught it, it shouldn’t be something I should do."  
  
“Oh… okay.” Mattie nodded, clearly disappointed by this. “Mattie will stop that…” He mumbles before sinking down to sulk underwater for as long as he could hold his breath.  
  
"Mattie I’m sorry, please don’t be like that." _It hurts to see you like this, please._  
  
The boy didn’t hear him and sulked until he needed to come up for air. When he did come up for air half an hour later, he didn’t look up at the man at all.  
  
"Mattie…?" Ivan asked softly as he reached to touch him.  
  
“…Yes…?” He asks just as softly.  
  
"Are you angry with me?"  
  
“No. Would hit you with tail if angry.”  
  
"Then you are upset by my words?"  
  
The boy nodded quietly.  
  
"Is an embrace not nice enough?" Ivan asked gently. Hugging was something Ivan was still getting used to. It was awkward in the start but he didn’t mind them now, in fact he almost treasured them. However he feared that too many would make Mattie uneasy or unsettled so he never said anything about them.  
  
“Embrace not done a lot in water.” The merman mumbles. “Because ones that don’t look like Mattie don’t got arms, just flippers. Can’t embrace back. That thing is what use instead. Use a lot, much a lot.”  
  
"But with me, could we just embrace instead of rubbing heads? Like with the others that aren’t like you, but backwards?"  
  
“Ones like me and others not like me all rub heads…”  
  
Ivan sighs heavily and places both hands firmly on the tub. “If you do not like the embraces, then I’ll stop.”  
  
Mattie shook his head quickly. “Mattie like embrace.”  
  
Ivan smiled “Then that is all that matters. Is there anything else you like?”  
  
“Rub heads…”  
  
"Aside from that…?"  
  
The boy went quiet for a few long moments, thinking of what else. “Hold… hold hand.” He whispers, looking down at one of his own hands and staring at the open palm.  
  
Curious, Ivan slowly lifts his hand from the edge and placed it over one of Mattie’s open ones, not at all surprised that his hand was larger than the merman’s.  
  
Mattie just stared at it for a moment before slowly curling his fingers to hold Ivan’s hand as Ivan did the same. It was an odd feeling to the man, but nothing like the nuzzling.  
  
Mattie stared at there hands quietly for a moment before asking a seemingly random question. “Eon… what friends and family mean? You said them before…” He wasn’t sure why but they just seemed like… important words.  
  
"A friend is… Someone you trust and care for. And family, family are ones you have been with you your whole life and have helped guide you as you get bigger." He tried to be as simple as he could.  
  
“Oh.” Mattie nodded in understanding. They were important words indeed. “Mattie family big…”  
  
"I am glad to hear that." Ivan said with a big smile and held Mattie’s hand a little tighter.  
  
Mattie held his hand a bit tighter in response. “What call family that help feed and learn most when small?”  
  
"Did they only look after you?"  
  
“Feed… comfort… protect… teach… first one Mattie met… and one that person really really really like.” He mumbles slowly, thinking aloud.  
  
"I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean."  
  
Mattie frowned in thought trying to explain. “Like… child and man and woman…?” He says, not sure if the people he’d seen on the boat were a family or not but they’d seemed like it from what he’d seen.  
  
Ivan blinked. “Mother and Father? Are those the words you are looking for?”  
  
“Is that what those are called?” He asks curiously. “Which one is which…?”  
  
"The mother is the woman and the father is the man."  
  
“Oh, okay.” He nods. “Which one sees child first before others?”  
  
"The mother… And father?" Ivan was confused by the question.  
  
The boy frowned and shook his head. “Only one there first. Child meet other one after first time head out of water.”  
  
"… I don’t know how to answer that Mattie. I don’t think such a name exists on land."  
  
The boy frowns in thought, thinking how to explain what he meant. It took him a minute or three but he finally spoke. “Mother… father… which one does child… come out of…?” He asks, not quite sure he’d be able to get his point across.  
  
Ivan jolts up from the side of the tub so quickly that he nearly falls over. Mattie jerks back in surprise before swimming to the edge of the tub closest to Ivan.  
  
"A-ah… That- that… is…" Ivan was stumbling all over himself as his hands held his face. He was shaking on the spot as words and memories crowded his thoughts, causing him to lose his ability to think.  
  
Mattie’s eyes were wide at he watched the man stumble to find himself somewhere to sit down, the closest seat being the bench. Once sitting, Ivan still shook, his body jerking from unpleasant memories from time to time; all the while he mumbled a few words. No, being used the most, over and over. The man’s hands were tight as his fingers griped his wounded face and hair.  
  
E-Eon…?” Mattie asks in a whisper, moving as close as he could. He reached out slowly before cautiously placing a hand on top of Ivan’s. His eyes were wide and a bit scared but he also felt horrid for asking something that caused this reaction.  
  
Ivan jumps from the contact but everything slows to a stop as Mattie pulled his hand back. Slowly, his body relaxes and he lowers his hand as he looks at Mattie with sorrow filled eyes. “Mattie?” He asks back in a whisper.  
  
“Eon okay…? The merman asks softly, unsure and confused at what had just happened.  
  
"Yes." Ivan says. "I am now, I’m sorry. _That_ hasn’t happened for a long time.” He looked away in shame.  
  
“What was… that…?” He tentatively stretched forward, reaching out to place his hand on top of one of Ivan’s again.  
  
"… A memory of sorts. A very bad memory." Ivan tensed as it all started to come back again; he had to shake his head roughly to stop it.  
  
“Oh…” After a moment or two the boy slowly held out both arms. “Embrace…?” He requests softly, tilting his head just a little.  
  
A half broken smile crosses the man’s lips and he gives a nod, turning towards Mattie to reach towards him and pull the boy into an embrace. Oh how that hug felt even better after a moment like that. Mattie embraced him back, resting his head on Ivan’s chest and just staying like that quietly. “Mattie sorry for asking.” He whispers after a minute or two. “Eon don’t got to answer it.”  
  
Ivan doesn’t say anything at first; he only nods. “Another time.” He whispers before changing the topic. “Are you hungry Mattie? Do you want fish?”  
  
The boy gave a nod. “Fish, yes.”  
  
"I’ll get you some fish then." Ivan let Mattie go and stood to get him a couple fish.  
  
Mattie nodded again and waited patiently in the tub. “After fish, take care of Eon hurt, yes?”  
  
"I can manage, I have medicine here. But thank you." A log was added to the fire and then he lit a lantern.  
  
“And then Eon food, then sleep time, yes?”  
  
"Yes that is right, food and then sleep. Are you wanting to spend the night or would you rather go home?"  
  
“Mattie stay here.” The boy says with a nod.  
  
"If that is what you want." 

  
☙~❧

  
An hour later, both had full bellies and Ivan cleaned up. Content was a good word for the moment right now. The Russian man had just finished cleaning the dishes from supper and was beginning to snuff the lamps out. “I think it is time we both get some sleep.”  
  
The boy nodded and moved to the edge of the tub closest to Ivan. “Can Mattie sleep in soft bed with Eon tonight?” He asks, tilting his head to the side a little.  
  
Ivan paused, taken aback a little. “But I thought you wanted to sleep in the tub tonight? And you might get legs if you dry out again.” He still wasn’t sure if that was the reason for the change.  
  
“Mattie can sleep in tub tomorrow. If legs, water bring back tail.” The boy fidgeted a bit in the water. “Mattie don’t want Eon lonely tonight…”  
  
Ivan smiled. “You are too kind for your own good, you know that Mattie.”  
  
Mattie smiled back. “Can Mattie? Yes or no?”  
  
"Yes, but I will need to find you something to wear. Can’t have you waking up naked now can we?" He chuckled. "Will you be alright with that?"  
  
“Yes?” He tilted his head a little. He didn’t really understand the concept of clothes or why they were necessary.  
  
"Then let us get you dried off." Ivan came to the side of the tub to lift Mattie to the bench.  
  
“Okay.” Mattie waited patiently to be lifted out and put on the bench.  
  
Once the merman was laid down, Ivan found his softest blanket to dry him with. Ivan guessed that Mattie’s skin was easily irritated seeing as he disliked wearing the coat and always wanted out of it. Mattie let Ivan dry him for the most part but refused to let him dry other spots and insisted he dry those spots on his own. After he was all done, he looked up at Ivan, waiting for him to bring out whatever he was going to have to wear.  
  
Ivan’s curiosity had only grown since the first day it had happened. Why Mattie was more than okay with being embraced and picked up but swatted Ivan’s hand every time he came near the boys front, whether it be the whole front or just the underside of the merman. It made him more daring some days but most days he just left he merman be. “I will get you something to wear, wait just a moment.” He then left to his room to find something that would fit the small boy as Mattie waited patiently for him to come back.  
  
A few moments later Ivan returns with a simple shirt and pair of pants. “I found these, I wore them when I was fourteen so they are more likely to fit you. I’m sorry if they are a little worn out.”  
  
Mattie nodded though didn’t think the pants would really work right now since he still had a tail.  
  
Ivan helped Mattie into the shirt, which was a little adventure all on it’s own. Ivan couldn’t help himself from laughing as they both struggled with such a feeble task but it was a good fit and not too lose. Ivan couldn’t believe that Mattie wasn’t all that bigger than he had been at fourteen.  
  
The boy giggled as well, examining the pants when they were done with the shirt. “Don’t think this fit until legs.”  
  
"No I don’t think it will." Ivan chuckles and covers the boy’s middle so when he changed he wouldn’t be exposed.  
  
“Sleep time now?”  
  
"Not yet, your tail has not changed."  
  
“Mattie was sleep when tail changed first time.”  
  
"That is true, but we don’t fully know what caused it other than you were dry when it happened. If sleeping had anything to do with it, wouldn’t you have changed much sooner than now?"  
  
“Mattie think it because dry. Mattie much dry when wake up.”  
  
"I think we’ll just have to wait and see. I’ll go change for the time being."  
  
“Okay.” The boy nodded and watched Ivan leave the room. By the time Ivan came back into the room, Mattie was looking back and staring at his own legs. “Mattie rather sleep when change. Feels not nice.” He states, turning his head to look at Ivan.  
  
Ivan was a little surprised by how little time it took but frowned at his words and knelt next to the boy. “What does it feel like? Does it hurt?”  
  
Mattie shook his head. “Not hurt. Just not nice… and not…. Right…?”  
  
"If it doesn’t feel right then you don’t have to do it."  
  
He shook his head a little. “Mattie mean… not… use to…? Not bad… not good too.”  
  
"Odd?" He offered. "Or weird feeling?"  
  
Mattie nodded slowly, those words sounded right. “Think so.”  
  
"I see, well, did you still want to sleep with me tonight?"  
  
Mattie nodded again. “Yes.”  
  
"Then let’s get your pants on." He smiled and helped Mattie sit up.  
  
“Okay.” He says, holding on to Ivan because his balance was weird without a tail.  
  
Ivan then helped move each foot into its proper place before pulling the material up to the boy’s knees. “Wrap your arms around my neck and don’t let go, okay?”  
  
The boy nodded and did just that, holding on tightly. Ivan then stood, pulling the boy with him. The blanket slipped off Mattie’s hips just as Ivan pulled the pants up. The man’s hands then supported the boy’s weight just a little above his hips. While Ivan was a little embarrassed and felt awkward, he didn’t let it show. “There. All dressed.”  
  
Mattie thought the clothes felt weird and he still wasn’t sure why they were necessary but he guessed it was all right. “Sleep time now?”  
  
"Yes, would you like me to carry you or would you like to try walking?"  
  
“Carry.” He says after a moment. “Don’t want fall.” So Ivan did, Mattie was lighter like this anyway so it was no trouble at all.  
  
After climbing into bed and adjusting them both to be more comfortable, Ivan began to wonder if it was really all right to do something like this. He had never had an opportunity or a need to share a bed with anyone. Did it matter if it was another boy? Was sharing a bed something that friends did or just family? Once again he had many questions but no answers.  
  
Mattie nuzzled his face into Ivan’s chest a little, getting comfy before closing one eye to get sleep. It was very different to sleep like this, but it was not a bad way to sleep. It was certainly more comfortable than the bench.  
  
It took Ivan a little while longer than Mattie to go to sleep, as his mind was plagued by questions and odd feelings. Mattie slept peacefully throughout the night, switching which eye was open every hour or so.


	5. Chapter 5

Ivan had forgotten that he had gone to bed with Mattie last night so when he first woke up, he found it odd that he felt a weight on his chest. When he felt for what was causing it, he was surprised to feel the shape of a person. He then remembered what had happened last night and just waited for Mattie to awaken.  
  
Mattie woke not too long after Ivan did, giving a confused little frown at first before remembering where he was and lifting his head to look at Ivan.  
  
"You awake…?" He whispered when he felt the boy move.  
  
“Yes.” The boy gave a little nod.  
  
"And how did you sleep?"  
  
“Good. How Eon sleep?”  
  
"I slept good as well." Ivan gave a small stretch and rested his arms on Mattie’s back.  
  
“That good.” He says with a smile.  
  
"Are you hungry?" He asked, not really sure what to be saying in a situation like this.  
  
“Little hungry.” Mattie responds. He was quiet for a moment before speaking again. “Do Mattie, Eon got to hunt today? Want to try walk. Can’t walk with tail.”  
  
"Huh?" Was the boy asking for the day off? Ivan started laughing a good and hearty laugh. "No, no we don’t have to go hunting today Mattie. I’ll teach you how to walk." He hugged him tightly and rested his head against the others.  
  
The boy was a bit confused by the laugh at first but smiled and hugged him back. “Good!” He says happily.  
  
"Would you like to sleep a little longer or get up?"  
  
"Get up now."  
  
Ivan gave a small grunt as he sat up, still holding Mattie close. “Alright, food first. Can’t be learning to walk on an empty stomach.”  
  
“Okay.” Mattie says nodding. “Food then walk.”  
  
Ivan sat Mattie at the table for the first time as they ate breakfast. He had given him fruits and toast to eat, not sure if eating raw fish would be good for him in the form of a human. Mattie munched on the toast and fruit while they took their time. There was no need to go out today and the sun rose shortly before they were finished eating.  
  
After breakfast was finished and Mattie’s hands were cleaned, Ivan stood next to Mattie’s chair with his hands held out. “First lesson, standing. You can’t walk unless you can stand.”  
  
The boy reached out and took hold of Ivan’s hands. “Standing first.” He repeats with a nod, looking down at his legs, not quite sure where to start.  
  
"Use me as a brace, it’s alright. I promise I won’t let you fall." His smile was kind and sincere as he lifted Mattie onto his feet.  
  
Mattie held onto Ivan tightly although he was wholly unprepared for needing to support all of his weight on legs and fell forward into Ivan with a surprised squeak as his knees buckled under the weight. The man only chuckled, holding him for a moment before moving him back upright. “Try locking your knees first, I’ll hold your weight. Then we’ll move from there.”  
  
“Lock how?” The boy questions as he looked down at his knees in confusion.  
  
"Stretch you legs slowly until they can’t move; that feeling when they can’t go any further is locked." He stood on one foot to show him. "Like this. See? Locked… bent, locked, bent." He said while bending and straightening his leg.  
  
Mattie watched Ivan for a moment before nodding slowly and stretching his legs together until he couldn’t stretch them anymore. “Think legs locked now.”  
  
"Good, now I am going to ease your weight down. Are you ready?" Ivan gave him a moment to nod before lowering his weight back onto his feet. Mattie wobbled a bit this time but managed to remain upright as he held onto Ivan tightly for support. "Very good." Ivan praised, waiting for the boy to be ready for more.  
  
Mattie smiled happily when he didn’t fall over. He was quiet for a good five minutes, getting used to having his weight supported by his legs before he spoke up. “Now walking?”  
  
Ivan thought about it for a moment. “No, next you should know each foot and use them separately. It is not like having a tail.” Mattie looked up at him questioningly and the man grinned; this was kind of fun. He then looked down at their feet. “This one is your left.” He gently tapped the boy’s foot with his own. “And that one is your right.” He tapped the other one.  
  
“Left.” Mattie repeats, looking at the left one before looking at the right one. “Right.”  
  
"Yes, now lift your right foot."  
  
Mattie tried, though ended up unlocking both knees and falling forward with another squeak of surprise, causing Ivan to laugh a little and stand him back up. “No, no, no…. Like, flippers!” He said when the thought came to mind. “Just like your little flippers. You can wave one without the other, right? It’s like that. Now try it again.”  
  
“Like flippers?” The boy questions as he looked up at him curiously.  
  
"Yes, you know, when you have a tail. They are right here." Ivan held the boy up with one arm as he used his other hand to touch Mattie’s hip.  
  
“Mattie know where they should be.” The boy says with a little frown before looking down at his legs. He stared at them for several minutes before the right one got lifted up just a little. Unfortunately, he wasn’t ready to support all his weight on one leg yet and wobbled and fell forward again.  
  
Ivan caught him and held him on the one foot. “Good, now practice picking up your right and setting it back down. Don’t worry about balance or weight, I’ll hold you still while you do it.”  
  
Mattie nodded and looked down, staring intently at his legs as he slowly did as Ivan asked. It took a few tries before he could lift it without his left trying to lift at the same time though but Ivan was patient, watching him grow accustomed to his new body. After he’d gotten the hang of lifting up and setting down his right leg, he looked up. “Now left?”  
  
"Yes, now the left."  
  
Mattie slowly shifted his weight to his right foot, again wobbling when he tried lifting the left. He frowned softly in concentration and tried slowly until he got the hang of it. When he did, he looked up and smiled at Ivan proudly. Ivan smiled proudly back. “You’ve always been a fast learner.” He praises.  
  
The boy grinned at him. “Now walk?”  
  
"Hmm." He said playfully. "I don’t know, you think you’re ready for it?"  
  
“Don’t know. Think so…?”  
  
"I’m only teasing Mattie. Yes, it’s time for walking." Ivan took a few steps back, still holding him up from a distance. "Start with your left. One step at a time." Mattie nodded and slowly lifted his left leg as Ivan talked him through it. "Move it forward and set it down, like you’ve seen me do. But just start small."  
  
Mattie nodded and slowly moved his leg forward a little before setting it down.  
  
"Your first step. How does it feel?" Ivan asked, wondering what it felt like. No one ever remembered because they were so young when they learned but Mattie was grown and strong, never having a chance or need to learn to walk before yesterday.  
  
“…New.” Mattie answers after a moment of thought. It was the best word he could think of to describe it. It was new and foreign, not really bad or good, just… different and new.  
  
It was not really what Ivan was expecting for an answer but then again, he wasn’t sure what he thought the boy would tell him. “Ready for the next step? It’s the right one now.”  
  
The boy nodded and slowly repeated what he just did with his right foot. “Good, now again with the left.” Mattie nodded and did it with his left foot again. “Right.” The man took a step back himself.  
  
Mattie did it with his right again and then his left again carefully. He was slowly but surely getting the hang of walking as Ivan led him around the small space of the home. “Mattie, you’re walking.” He said proudly as his cheeks grew sore from all this smiling.  
  
“Mattie walking!” The boy exclaims happily, a grin on his face.  
  
Ivan slowly started to let Mattie hold his own weight to see if he could. As it turns out, the boy was able to hold his own weight fairly well but couldn’t balance well yet and wobbled, gripping Ivan tighter when he started letting go. He might not have balance yet, but his legs were strong because his tail was strong.  
  
"I’m not letting you go Mattie." Ivan said when he felt the boy tighten his grip.  
  
At hearing those words, Mattie stopped moving suddenly and looked down at his feet with a frown, his grip tightening even more for a few moments.  
  
"Mattie?" Ivan stopped as the boy did and moved closer to him, wondering what was the matter. "Do your feet hurt? Do you want to stop?"  
  
The boy shook his head no both times. “Just… don’t let go…” He says softly. “Okay…?”  
  
"I won’t. I said I wouldn’t Mattie." The man says just as softly, crouching so he wasn’t towering over the boy as he wondered what had changed.  
  
The boy nodded but just kept staring at his legs, seeming to zone out for a few moments with a soft, almost sad frown on his face. His grip on Ivan seemed to tighten a little as moments passed with the boy lost in thought.  
  
"Do your legs scare you?" Ivan asked gently, his hold unwavering but his concern growing.  
  
It took a moment for Mattie to respond but he shook his head after a few moments. “No, not legs.” He says softly.  
  
"But… something does scare you?" Ivan shifted to his knees, now shorter than Mattie but still holding him steady.  
  
“Just don’t let go…” He turned his head away, his grip tightening briefly for a moment.  
  
"I won’t." Ivan was trying to be reassuring but he didn’t know what was making Mattie like this. Was he afraid of falling? Was he afraid of change? That he would be stuck as a human? "Mattie. I will never make you do something that you do not want to do or that makes you feel scared. I am not going to keep you from your home. If you never want to change again, then don’t. If you want me to never let go, then I won’t." Ivan tightened his hold a little more to emphasize this. "Mattie, please tell me what is wrong."  
  
“Embrace please?” The boy requests softly, wanting comfort before he said what was wrong.  
  
Ivan pulled the boy into a strong embrace, sitting down on his legs with the boy in his lap. He rested his head against Mattie’s to comfort him for a moment, wanting to show that he had Ivan’s full attention and that he was ready to right whatever was wrong. He waited, gently rubbing the boy’s back with one hand for several minutes while Mattie hugged him back tightly and just silently clung to him.  
  
“Storm…” Mattie finally whispers after nearly ten minutes of silence. “During storm, others like me…. the families…. mother, father, child… or just man and woman… they hold on tight to each other so if separated from big group, not alone.”  He spoke slowly, reluctant to share. “Big storm… Mother, Father, say won’t let go of Mattie but…” His grip on Ivan tightened just a bit more. “Let go when big splash hit and Mattie got separated from big group and- and got lost alone…”  
  
Ivan listened to every word and felt his chest grow heavier with each one. He did not speak until Mattie was done. “I’d rather drown…” He started, gently holding Mattie closer. I’d rather drown than let go of you Mattie. If I were there, holding onto you while the storm raged and the waves crashed, I’d hold onto you even if it killed me.  
  
I’ve never met someone that I cared for so much. I feel like I’m falling apart every time I see you frown or when you’re sad and I’m always scrambling to get the pieces together, not knowing what to do for the first time in my life. But when you look at me and smile because you’re happy or you want to, not because you feel like you need too, it is a feeling like no other. Because of you I feel happy. I honestly smile. I laugh and it feels good, not like I’ve been coughing for hours. I have never felt this way before and it only grows stronger with every day that passes. It- it scares me.”  
  
He then does something that he knows will help Mattie, gently starting to nuzzle the boy’s head. It is slow, but caring and tender. He feels parts of him tensing and relaxing with every movement randomly throughout him and it almost feels like he is going to be sick but he doesn’t want to stop. It was the same every time and he has pulled away before because he does not understand it. Fears it even. “It scares me to think that all my happiness comes from one person. I’m a greedy bastard; I don’t ever want to lose it now that I’ve felt it but I will not be a monster. You are your own person and I will not keep you like you are some blanket to use when I want to be warm. You are a free person Mattie; free to come and go as you please, free to swim through the largest waters… And if that means I lose my happiness, then so be it. I’d rather you be happy.”  
  
“Eon not drown. Mattie need air too. If Eon drown then Mattie also drown.” Mattie murmurs, gently nuzzling him back. “Mattie don’t know what that feeling called but… see it before with others like Mattie when just man, woman before and after child.” He went quiet for a moment. “Mattie can’t swim big waters alone. Mattie get eat if swim big waters alone. So Mattie stay here with Eon.”  
  
"Would you like to return to your family?" Ivan asks. "I would help you so you won’t get eaten but I do not have a ship strong enough. The one I have is fine for the bay and going a little ways out but it would likely sink if a storm came around."  
  
“They much far by now. Swim lots each day.” The boy says, shaking his head. “Would be better to wait until right time swim near here again. Long time wait.”  
  
"So next year at the same time I found you." Ivan noted and after another moment asked. "Are you feeling any better?"  
  
Mattie was quiet for a moment before nodding a little. “Yes, Mattie feel little better.”  
  
"Good, I am relieved to hear that." Ivan gave him a little squeeze before resting his head on the boy’s shoulder. Mattie nuzzled him a little before resting his head up against Ivan’s quietly for a few minutes.  
  
It felt like an hour had passed with just the two of them holding each other. Ivan was the first to break the silence, speaking gently to the boy, not wanting to have him feel like he was being pressured. “Do you want to continue walking or change back?”  
  
Mattie was quiet for a moment longer in consideration before answering. “Walk. Mattie want to see where Ivan go on land when not here. But need know walk first, yes?”  
  
"Learning to walk is needed, yes, but I’m not sure if coming to the market with me is a good idea. Or coming at all." The man said with some discomfort in his voice, wary of what the townsfolk would do to Mattie. The boy was taller than most and he didn’t know if they would treat Mattie the same as they did Ivan.  
  
“Why not good idea?” Mattie asks with a bit of confusion. “Others not nice?”  
  
"Very few are to me, I scare them. But I’ve seen many kind to others; they all help each other out."  
  
“Why scared of Eon?” Mattie pulled back to look at the man in confusion. “Eon nice.”  
  
"I’m taller than everyone. My height scares them off and they find me to be creepy most of the time." Ivan smiled like it didn’t matter because to him, it didn’t matter, not anymore. He had Mattie and that was all he needed.  
  
“What creepy mean?”  
  
"Smaller form of scary."  
  
“Oh… Eon scare them because Eon big?”  
  
Ivan nodded and sighed a little, not really all that comfortable talking about something so gloomy.  
  
“Are others like Eon not as big as Eon?” Mattie asks with a soft, confused look.  
  
"No, I am the only one."  
  
“Oh… Is Mattie more big than others like Eon?”  
  
"Most I would say. There are a few men that are about your height though."  
  
“Oh… after learn walk good… Mattie go with Eon one time?” He asks pleadingly.  
  
"If that is what you want, then I will take you one time." How could he say no?  
  
The boy beamed and nuzzled Ivan happily. “Walk more now yes?” He asks eagerly, attempting to get up on his own and tripping over himself before he could even try to stand up properly. The man smiled and gave a small laugh as he helped the boy to his feet. Mattie giggled a bit and wobbled after he was standing but was eager to start trying to walk again. So eager that he gave a little hop in place before squeaking in surprise and looking down at his feet before looking back up at Ivan. “What that called?” He asks with wide, surprised eyes.  
  
"What? The little bounce you did?" Ivan grinned with amusement. "There are a few words that it is called. The two most common would be hop and bounce. Pick your favorite."  
  
“Bounce…hop…” The boy repeats. “Hop hop hop.” He giggled and grinned a bit, clearly preferring that word to the other one.  
  
"Hop it is then. Now, ready to walk?"  
  
“Hop hop hop.” Mattie bounced in place a little more with another giggle, getting distracted for a few moments before stopping the hops and looking up with a nod. “Walk now yes.” He says with a smile. 

  
☙~❧

  
A week flew by as Ivan continued to help Mattie learn how to walk. The boy almost had Ivan frustrated with how quickly he learned as Ivan was still struggling with learning Mattie’s language. Ivan had also taught him how to dress himself because it was becoming increasingly awkward for Ivan to do it. Mattie had fun learning to walk and got a hang of dressing himself fairly easily though he still didn’t really understand why he needed them. It was a new and wonderful feeling to Ivan to have Mattie bounding around the hut, squealing with joy with his newfound abilities as Ivan cooked, like his chest was full of butterflies.  
  
By this time, Mattie had mastered walking, though still tripped over himself if he tried moving too quickly. He’d also finally managed to get the V sound down and could say Ivan’s name properly now, though most of the time he just used Eon.  
Today he went over to Ivan and tugged on his sleeve with an eager look. “Will Eon take Mattie to others today please?”  
  
Ivan disliked the idea but going into town might be a good idea. If Mattie was going to take to this form more often then he should have his own clothing. He gave a reluctant sigh. “Alright, but promise me that you will stay close and not wander off.”  
  
Mattie bobbed his head up and down in a nod. “Hold hands to stay close?” He questions, tilting his head curiously. When Ivan thought about walking into town while holding hands with another boy, something came back to him that he remembered happening once.  
  
 _The boys were only children but they came running out of the thrush near some of the homes; holding hands, laughing, and just being little kids having fun. They must have been no older than six when it happened and both of their fathers gave them a public lashing and then the other townsfolk weren’t kind to the boys for a long time. They said many cruel and hurtful things; to the point the boys turned on each other in anger, each hating the other. They fought almost everyday since then._  
  
Ivan may not care if holding hands with another man was wrong, everything he did was wrong to others eyes; but he did not wish for Mattie to feel their hatred. Mattie was innocent and grew up in a very different world, with very different rules. “No.” He said carefully after some time though he smiled. “It would be best if you just stayed close; the townsfolk would think ill of it. They do not understand.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
"They just don’t Mattie. There’s no way to explain it. Everybody thinks differently; everybody likes some things and hates others." The truth was that he didn’t want to tell the boy that many of the things they did together were punishable by death here. Couples were to be man and woman, nothing else. Not that they were a couple; more like brothers, Ivan felt. But this would not stop others from thinking what they wished. They already hated him; all they needed was a reason to execute him.  
  
“Oh… okay.” The boy says with a nod, still seeming a bit confused. “What else can Mattie not do?”  
  
"Embracing in public is not a good idea either. Other than that, I think you’ll be fine. I will watch out for you in case you stumble."  
  
“No head rubs too?”  
  
"Ah, no. No head rubs." Ivan still didn’t feel comfortable doing them but gave in when Mattie needed it.  
  
“Ok.” Mattie nodded. “…Is much water there?” He asks, looking down at his legs and back up at Ivan in concern. “Don’t know what will happen if Mattie gets wet with pants on.”  
  
"No, but about that. I have an odd question for you before we leave."  
  
"Yes?" Mattie tilted his head curiously.  
  
"To make things easier should you fall into water or have no time to change, um…" Ivan looked away with some embarrassment, not really wanting to ask. "Would you be alright with, er, wearing a dress?"  
  
“What’s a dress?”  
  
"A very long shirt that goes all the way to your feet."  
  
Mattie nodded his head after a moment. “That okay.”  
  
"I’m relieved to hear that… oh, well, actually. Odd thing; if you wear the dress you- we, can hold hands." He said as he rubbed the back of his neck in thought. If Mattie dressed like that, he would be seen as a girl so it would be all right. Ivan wondered why he didn’t think of that sooner. Now he was looking forward to the dress shamefully because he wanted to hold Mattie’s hand as they walked.  
  
Mattie smiled happily at that. “Where dress?” He asks curiously.  
  
"I have to buy you one. I don’t have one here."  
  
“Eon go get Mattie one then come back?” He tilted his head to the side.  
  
"No, you can come with me. What you are wearing is fine to wander around in." He smiled and placed a hand on the boy’s shoulder.  
  
“Okay!” Mattie says happily. “No hold hands until dress, yes?”  
  
"Yes, until I get you a dress. But first I need to find you some footwear, I don’t want you to cut your feet." He then stood to search for another pair of shoes, yet another thing he would have to buy for the boy. The boy looked down at his feet before following Ivan around the house.  
  
Ivan found a pair of old boots but they were likely too big for the boy. “Sorry, this is all I have until I get you a pair of your own.”  
  
”Mattie got to wear?”  
  
"Yes, the ground outside is not as nice as the wood flooring in here. Put them on and then we’ll go."  
  
Mattie took them and sat down, putting them on the wrong feet and looking up at Ivan. “Like this?”  
  
The man chuckled and swapped the boots. “Almost.”  
  
Mattie smiled. “Now outside?” He asks, standing up.  
  
"Yes, now outside." Ivan led him to the front door.  
  
Mattie wobbled a bit in the shoes as he walked and frowned down at them. “Don’t like these.”  
  
"That’s because they don’t fit you." Ivan made sure to stay close to the boy and shut the door behind them as they left. It was noon, with the sun high in the sky; a lovely summers day.  
  
“Weird.” The boy complains, wrinkling his nose up a little and walking slowly.  
  
"You only have to wear them until we get to the tailors." Ivan ruffled Mattie’s hair playfully. It would be about a fifteen-minute walk to the town.  
  
Mattie frowned but nodded; mostly getting the hang of walking in them by the time they got to town. He looked around curiously, blinking and turning to Ivan after a moment. “Lots smaller than Mattie!” He exclaims in surprise. He knew that Ivan had said that the others were smaller than both of them, but he didn’t think they would be _that_ much smaller.  
  
"Yes, I did tell you that you were taller than most." Ivan did his best not to laugh as they walked though town. Mattie walked around with Ivan, smiling and looking at everything curiously, though he made sure not to stray very far from Ivan.  
  
Many people avoided the pair but everyone was staring. Shocked to see another so tall, children pointed and asked questions, women spoke whispers to one another, and most men spared a glance, while others didn’t bother. Eventually, everyone went back to what they were doing.  
  
Ivan gently pulled Mattie’s arm as he redirected him into a building larger than his tiny hut. Inside were rows and rows of all different colors and patters of cloth along the walls. A large desk that led from one side of the shop to the other sat in the back, a couple racks of shoes and clothing out on display behind it. Normally a tailor and cobbler would have separate shops but a married couple that had brought their two skills together under one roof ran this shop. “Have a look around.” Ivan whispered to the boy, letting him know he was free to wander the shop as he pleased.  
  
“What look for?” Mattie asks back in a whisper as well, looking up at Ivan curiously. “Dress?”  
  
Ivan chuckled and continued to whisper, earning an odd look from the man working at the other end, not that there wasn’t a great distance between them. “No, just enjoy the new sights. You are free to touch and feel anything in here so long as it is not beyond that desk. I’ll worry about the dress, okay? I want you to enjoy yourself.”  
  
“Okay.” Mattie nodded and walked around the room, touching and feeling various fabrics and looking at the colors. He had a big smile on his face and was completely focused on his exploring, going around to all of the various colors and patterns, touching them and making quiet comments on how soft they were or weren’t.  
  
Ivan smiled for a moment before preparing himself to speak with the owner. He didn’t speak much to anyone before Mattie and he kept an eye on the boy as he told the man that he’d like to have something custom made. It was highly unlikely that there would be anything in here that would fit the boy after all.  
  
The man seemed indifferent to Ivan, which was a relief, and would take Ivan’s request. All he needed was a choice in fabrics.  
  
After a minute or two of standing in front of a few patterns, Mattie turned to find where Ivan was and beckoned him over.  
  
"Find something you like?" He asked as he approached.  
  
“What these called?” Mattie asks, pointing out different flowers on the various flower patterns.  
  
"The flowers?"  
  
“Flowers?” He repeats slowly, tilting his head to the side a little.  
  
Ivan nodded. “Do you like them?”  
  
“Flowers very nice to look at.” Mattie smiled. “Like these flowers most.” He pointed at the big yellow ones. “And these cloths.” The boy first pointed at a pastel green fabric, then a soft yellow, and then a blue one.  
  
Ivan swallowed thickly; while they were all lovely colors, they were also expensive. “Would you like them for your dress?”  
  
The boy tilted his head a little in thought and stared at the selection for a long moment. “Like these flowers and… this color most.” He says, pointing first at the sunflowers and then at the soft yellow colored fabric.  
  
"Then all we need to do is get you measured."  
  
"Measured?"  
  
"Yes, to make sure it fits you comfortably." Ivan smiled.  
  
“Okay.”  
  
Ivan then turned back to the man. “Sir, these two will do for fabric.” He said as he pointed to the two.  
  
The man nodded and came over shortly to note which fabric. He then turned to Mattie, having to look up slightly. “A tall lady you are. I am sorry I have nothing for you to wear until your dress is made. A lady should not wander about in menswear.” He spoke in a rough but kind tone as he unwound a long cloth with many marked stitches.  
  
Mattie smiled at the man and looked at the long cloth curiously.  
  
"Hold your arms up for me will you?" He requested.  
  
“Okay?” Mattie held up his arms as asked.  
  
The man then took Mattie’s measurements, marking them down with the fabric. It took only a moment. “Is there anything else I can help you with?” He asked Ivan afterwards.  
  
"Some shoes; comfy and easy to take on and off. Do you think you would have any that would fit her?" Ivan asked, still feeling greatly out of place.  
  
"Hm." The man looked at the boots Mattie wore. "Take your shoes off for a moment miss. I’ll need to have a look."  
  
Mattie sat down and pulled off his boots for the man, happy to have them off his feet.  
  
"I’m afraid not. Not for a woman." The man said to Ivan after a moment, who looked displeased at the thought of having another custom item to add to the list but he nodded.  
  
"Could I also request a custom shoe for her?"  
  
"I will need more measurements but it will not be a hard task." The man then turned back to Mattie. "If you will follow me."  
  
Mattie stood up without the shoes on, casting an uncertain glance at Ivan. He wasn’t quite sure where the man wanted him to go and if Ivan was coming along too. Ivan picked up the boots and followed after the man, glancing at Mattie for him to do the same. Mattie smiled a little in relief and followed after both of them.  
  
The man handed his notes to a boy closer to Ivan’s age that came out of the back and asked him to give Ivan the cost. While Ivan was dealing with payment, the man took out a stool and asked for her to take a seat. Mattie sat down on the stool quietly.  
  
As he took her measurements, the man spoke to her quietly. “It is an odd thing to see Ivan helping someone.”  
  
“How come?” Mattie spoke just as quietly and tilted he head to the side a little.  
  
"Ivan normally stays away from others unless he has to." He said simply.  
  
“Oh… why is that?”  
  
"Because most hate him."  
  
“What does hate mean…?” The boy asks with a soft, puzzled frown.  
  
The man didn’t even blink. “Ivan said you weren’t from around here.” He said as he finished up and wrote down a few notes for later. “Hate means, something you don’t like. Sometimes to the point of harm.”  
  
“Oh. Why do most hate Ivan?” He asks, honestly confused. “Because Ivan tall…?”  
  
"Well you see it wa—" A firm hand fell on the man’s shoulder. Mattie frowned a little when the man was interrupted but didn’t say anything, just watching the two of them quietly.  
  
"Thank you for your time, I’ve already paid but I do not know how long it will take. Could you inform me so I can come and get it when it is done?" Ivan was smiling but it didn’t feel friendly.  
  
The man grew stiff, but didn’t show any change on his face. “I am not all that busy for the next few days; her shoes should be done by tomorrow. As for her dress… about five days?”  
  
Ivan then smiled at Mattie, not like the one he had given the man. “Put your boots back on and then we’ll go see more of the town if you like.”  
  
“Okay.” Mattie nodded and held his hands out for the boots, putting them back on once he’d been handed them. He went slowly to make sure he put them on the right feet this time.  
  
Ivan then led Mattie out back into the street and continued to walk about. “Let me know if you see something you like.”  
  
“Okay.” He was a little disappointed that he didn’t get to hear what the man had been going to say but quickly got distracted with exploring the town with Ivan. There were many new things to look at and touch, and half the time Mattie was tugging on Ivan’s sleeve and asking what various things were called. Ivan did his best to explain and would ask if he would like a closer look or want one.  
  
Mattie said no to wanting most of the things, too distracted by other things nearby to want to stay with each object for very long. He did slow his pace and show more interest in the soft toys, asking Ivan what each one that had a different shape or color was called. Ivan explained again but after that he changed the subject and asked if he was hungry.  
  
Mattie blinked in surprise and set the toy down, considering for a moment before nodding his head. He had been so distracted that he’d hardly noticed he was hungry at all. Ivan then led him into the market, showing him all the fruits, breads, meats, and other foods that were available. If he did not see anything he liked, then there was one good place in town to stop in and eat.  
  
Mattie looked around and pointed out fruits and some bread to eat. He seemed to be sticking to the things he had had before and knew he liked. Ivan was more than fine with that and joined him with his choice of foods. He brought the boy to sit down on a bench near the market. Mattie happily munched away at his food while looking around curiously, watching everyone around them while he ate.  
  
"How are you liking the town?" Ivan asked as he nibbled on his bread.  
  
“Like it lots.” The boy smiled happily. “Lots of new things to see and many others here.”  
  
"Will you want to come back?"  
  
Mattie nodded quickly. “Yes!”  
  
Ivan stared at his food for a moment and then discreetly watched others go by. He couldn’t help but wonder how long this was going to last. He could never predict when one person or a group of them wanted to pick a fight. Ivan didn’t want Mattie to be a part of it nor see it.  
  
Mattie continued munching happily on his food before turning to Ivan. “Can we look there after eating?” He asks curiously, pointing out a spot that sold jewelry.  
  
"Hm?" Ivan’s focus was brought back to the boy before looking to where he was pointing. "Ah, sure if you like."  
  
Mattie nodded and smiled before resuming to munch the rest of his food. When he was done, he waited for Ivan to finish before standing up, eager to go look at more things. Ivan popped the last of his fruit in his mouth and stood, walking with the boy to the jewelry stall, watching as the boy looked at all the various jewelry and shiny things curiously though his eyes didn’t seem linger on much of them for very long.  
  
After a few minutes of looking at the various pieces of jewelry there, Mattie rather suddenly tugged on Ivan’s sleeve and pointed at one of the necklaces. The one he was pointing at was a pendant carved out of some sort of dark colored stone that was hanging on a strong, durable cord that wouldn’t bust easily but still looked nice; the pendant itself was just a simple dolphin. There was nothing particularly remarkable about it; it actually seemed to be plainer than many of the other necklaces there. Even so, the boy turned his head to look at Ivan with wide, pleading eyes. “Can have please?”  
  
Ivan couldn’t even bring the thought to his mind to say no. He gave a small nod and with a very brief talk with the seller, the necklace was his. Ivan then handed it to the boy. “Here, it’s yours now. Be careful not to lose it.”  
  
“Help put it on please?” Mattie asks, holding it out to Ivan.  
  
He felt like a fool for forgetting that Mattie wasn’t familiar with many of these things. “Right.” Ivan almost whispered as he helped Mattie get the necklace on.  
  
Mattie waited patiently for Ivan to put it on and then tucked it under his shirt like Ivan had his. He then beamed at the man and then resumed exploring the town with him happily. 

  
☙~❧

  
By the time they returned to Ivan’s home, Mattie’s feet hurt from walking around so much but aside from that he was extremely happy and still grinning by the time Ivan had started to prepare dinner.  
  
"I will pick up your new shoes tomorrow, your feet should hurt less with those." Ivan said as he cut vegetables, most likely the last ones for a while.  
  
“Okay.” Mattie says with a smile and a nod.  
  
"Would you like some meat tonight?" He asked as he moved on to cutting some beef into two-bite cubes.  
  
“A little yes.” Mattie says with a nod.  
  
It was a plain meal of meat and potatoes but it was filling for a long days work tomorrow. Ivan would need to bring in something better than the other fishermen, something less common in the market to come up with the money they spent today. The necklace was no problem at all but new clothes turned out to be more than he was expecting. Thankfully, Mattie was no longer a growing boy and would likely wear these clothes for a very long time.  
  
Mattie ate dinner without complaint, quietly munching on the food. Once he was done and his hands were clean, the boy took the necklace out from under his shirt and played with the pendant, smiling at it happily. Ivan smiled too; it made him very happy that he was able to give a piece of happiness back to the boy, even if it was just a very small piece.  
  
When Ivan was done eating and he’d cleaned everything up, Matthew beckoned him over with one hand.  
  
"Yes, Mattie?"  
  
“This what Mattie meant. The others in the group not like Mattie. They look like this.” Mattie says happily, holding up his little pendant.  
  
"You travelled with dolphins?" It made sense in a way; men had dogs and horses for companions after all.  
  
“Dolphins, yes.” Mattie nodded with a smile. “They like Mattie, but different. Dolphins and others like Mattie all have these.” He pointed at the flippers, tail, and dorsal fin. “But this is different.” He pointed at the head.  
  
"I understand now, were they friends of yours?"  
  
“Yes, but also family. Big group is a family.” He smiled and looked down at the pendant. “More big group is better. Safer in big group and harder for big fish to eat anyone that way.”  
  
"That sounds nice." A fond smile found its way across Ivan’s lips. "To have a big family like that."  
  
Mattie smiled back softly and nodded. “It is. All in group help keep others safe.” He was quiet for a moment before adding more. “Alone is bad… not safe, easier to become food alone.”  
  
"But you’re not alone." Ivan placed a hand on one of Mattie’s. "Remember that Mattie. We have each other so we are not alone, you told me so yourself."  
  
“Not alone now, yes.” Mattie smiled softly and nodded. “Very good thing. Dolphins and others like Mattie are very… friendly. Like spending time with others lots, like saying hello to those in boats. Very… bad at being alone. Alone is… sad and lonely.”  
  
"Are you happy… here?" Ivan asked looking down.  
  
Mattie tucked the pendant back under his shirt. “Yes, very happy.” He smiled and gave Ivan a hug. “Eon happy?”  
  
"The happiest I’ve ever been." Ivan returned the hug but more strongly.  
  
Mattie smiled and nuzzled his face into the man’s chest a little. “That is very good.”  
  
Ivan’s heart gave an uneven beat but he said nothing, just gently pet Mattie’s head. Mattie stayed with Ivan like that for a while, quite content where he was.  
  
After a while, Ivan picked the boy up and brought him to bed and Mattie curled up on Ivan’s chest quite contently once they were lying down.  
  
"Mattie."  
  
“Yes?”  
  
"Why do you sleep with one eye open? I took notice one morning."  
  
“Because dolphins and others like Mattie sleep that way.” The boy says, blinking in surprise. “In big water, one eye open helps us stay up where air is. Also helps stay together and not become food. Mattie switch which eye is open several times during sleep time.”  
  
"But what about when you’re not in the water?"  
  
“Mattie never sleep any other way before.” He says simply. “Mattie sleep the way Mattie always sleep before.”  
  
"Have you tried sleeping with both eyes closed? I promise you nothing will happen to you while I am with you."  
  
“Both closed?” He asks curiously. “No, Mattie not tried sleep like that before.”  
  
"Do you think it would be hard to?"  
  
“Don’t know, never tried before.” He says honestly. “How does Eon sleep?”  
  
"With both eyes closed." He said with a small chuckle.  
  
“Mattie could try that way.” The boy says after a moment of thought.  
  
"Mm." Ivan hummed and wrapped his arms around him.  
  
Mattie snuggled close, nuzzling his face into the crook of Ivan’s neck before closing both eyes. Ivan went a little stiff when Mattie nuzzled him like that but soon fell asleep. It took a little while for the boy to relax enough to fall asleep, but he eventually drifted off to sleep with both eyes closed and peacefully slept all night that way.


	6. Chapter 6

The man could not bring himself to wake the boy but it was nice to watch him sleep as the sun came up. He had never gotten the opportunity to do so before and he’d admit that it was an interesting sight to see. Ivan felt tingly all over but that was likely from the boy sleeping on him all night and cutting off his circulation.  
  
As the sun started to shine through the window, the boy slowly began to wake. He opened his eyes and yawned, blinking sleepily for a bit as he woke up fully. It was a bit odd to sleep with both eyes closed, yet at the same time it was also rather nice.  
  
"Ah, how did you sleep…?"  
  
“Good.” The boy says with another yawn, smiling a little. “It is different to sleep that way, but not bad.”  
  
"Are you well rested?" Ivan asked as he shifted.  
  
“Yes.” Mattie nodded and shifted as well, moving to get off of Ivan. “Food, then shoes, then hunt?” He asks curiously. “Or food, then hunt, then shoes?”  
  
"The second. Your shoes will be the prize for a job well done today. We’re going out beyond the bay today but not too far out. I have a feeling the weather will be good."  
  
“Oh.” Mattie nodded and got off of the bed. “Hunting different fish today?”  
  
"Yes, bigger ones too." Ivan sat up and stretched his tense muscles.  
  
“How much bigger?”  
  
"Hm, about this big." He held up his hands to show him, giving a length that was a little more than two feet. "Like that one you brought me the day we promised. And maybe a few squid or crabs if we can manage?"  
  
“Okay!” Mattie said with another nod. “Can try crabs but very hard and hands bite.”  
  
"I know. I’ll give you something to catch them in so you won’t have to worry about their biting hands." Ivan chuckled at the boy’s thoughts on the crab claws and ruffled his hair a little as he stood up.  
  
Mattie giggled a bit and smiled. “Okay.”  
  
"Now why don’t you go strip and get into the tub while I change? I’ll only be a moment."  
  
“Okay.” Mattie nodded and went to do just that, going into the other room and taking off the clothes before climbing into the tub. He had his tail by the time Ivan came out and the necklace was still around his neck.  
  
"Would you like to catch your breakfast this morning or have some porridge and toast?" Ivan asked with a smile as he walked into the kitchen area to cook.  
  
“Breakfast here.” Mattie replies, smiling back.  
  
"Lots of butter?"  
  
“Yes please!” The boy nodded eagerly.

  
☙~❧

  
Once they were out of the bay Ivan called Mattie over to the side of the boat. He asked the boy if he could search out a good spot for them to start fishing and then after that they could decide what catch they should go for first.  
  
Mattie gave a nod and went underwater, looking around for a bit before popping up not too far away and waving Ivan over. Ivan turned the ship towards Mattie and then their day of work began.  
  
Their method of fishing had changed since they had gotten to know each other; Ivan rarely, if ever, laid out nets for the next day anymore.  
  
The two of them started with fish; Ivan sorting them as Mattie was out scouting and when the boy found something, Ivan would move the boat and they’d work together to catch the fish before repeating the process.  
  
When Mattie found crabs, Ivan handed him an old rusted cage, square in shape, and with a sliding gate rather than a swinging one. He had founded it a few days ago and had thought it might be useful but didn’t know how until he actually thought of what to do with it. “Put the opening over the crab and then close the gate under him. You won’t get bit like this. Once you’ve caught him, bring him up and I’ll drop him in a bucket.”  
  
The merman nodded and took the cage, going back under to get the crabs. It took him a while to get the hang of using the cage but once he did, it was fairly quick work. He caught one or two good sized ones but most of the crabs were small. He even caught one medium-sized lobster as well on accident, coming up and saying that he’d found a different shaped crab before holding the cage up so Ivan could see.  
  
Ivan was surprised but pleased and by the time they were done with crabs, he was left with sore hands, pinched fingers, and a few nicks from the small beasts. Crab fishing was turning out to be nasty business and he hoped it was worth the trouble.  
  
When they were done with crabs, Mattie looked up at Ivan and tilted his head curiously. “All done for today or hunt more?”  
  
"We might have missed the morning market since we weren’t out before sunrise so bringing this to the noon market would be better.” Ivan replied thoughtfully. “But we still have some time before then."  
  
“Go back to house and dry off or hunt more?”  
  
"No, if we went back to the house there would be no point in coming back to the boat and then having to sail back for the market." Ivan says, shaking his head. "Why not just take a break for now and decide what to do after?"  
  
“Oh… okay. Mattie wanted to go to market with Ivan but clothes at house.”  
  
The man smiled. “I brought them with me, I thought you might want to come. I even have something for you to dry off with.”  
  
Mattie grinned happily and swam up close to the boat. “Can Mattie get in boat from here?” He wanted to get up and know what it felt like to be in a boat when he had legs.  
  
"Okay, one moment." He then left the edge to fetch the towel he brought, though it was more like a big blanket. As he neared Mattie again, he thought of something. "Mattie? Do you want me to pull you up or do you want to get up yourself?"  
  
“How get up by self?” The merman tilted his head a little and looked up in confusion.  
  
"You could jump?"  
  
Mattie considered this for a few moments before shaking his head. Landing on the deck would probably hurt a lot if he jumped. “Eon pull Mattie up please.”  
  
Ivan nodded, dropping the towel and reaching down to grab the boy under his arms. Mattie made sure to stay still while he was pulled up so it wouldn’t be harder than necessary. When he was up and being above the deck, he held his hands out for the towel and Ivan wrapped it around him carefully, tail and all before setting him down.  
  
Mattie dried himself off as much as he could and then just kind of waited for the sun to dry himself off the rest of the way, frowning a little when he saw the cuts on Ivan’s hands. “Crabs bit you.”  
  
"Yes they did." Ivan looked over his hands before grinning at Mattie. "Shall we eat one as punishment for biting my hands?"  
  
The boy giggled a little but shook his head. “Crabs go to market, right?”  
  
Ivan shrugged. “They will be.”  
  
“Tomorrow, want to hunt for those little round things?” The boy asks suddenly. “Saw them yesterday at market. They small, round, and white.”  
  
"You mean clams?" Ivan tilted his head slightly.  
  
Mattie’s head tilted to the side in thought and then he gave a small nod. “I think so. The small round things are inside those, right?”  
  
"Round things…?"  
  
“Yes. Round white things. They at the same place this was.” The boy motioned to the necklace that Ivan had bought for him that was hanging around his neck.  
  
"…Pearls? You want to hunt for pearls?"  
  
The merman nodded and smiled. “They look nice and they can go to the market like fish and crabs, right?”  
  
"They are worth more than fish and crabs! Do you know how hard it is to come by those?" Ivan exclaims in astonishment, gaping at the boy in surprise.  
  
Mattie stared at him for a moment before tilting his head a little. “No?”  
  
"They are very hard to find Mattie. That is why they are worth so much."  
  
“Oh… we could try.” He gave Ivan a smile and then going quiet for a moment before asking. “What does worth mean?”  
  
"Um… That one is hard to explain. I guess it would be how much one is willing to give up for something."  
  
“Don’t understand that one.” The boy gave a soft frown.  
  
"If—If someone wanted to hurt you Mattie, I would have them hurt me instead of you." Ivan says slowly as he placed a hand over his heart. "That is how much you are worth to me."  
  
“Oh… Mattie don’t like when Eon hurt though.”  
  
"It was merely an example Mattie. Do not worry." He smiled and moved his hand to the boy’s shoulder.  
  
Mattie went quiet for a moment before looking up and tilting his head a little. “Can we still try hunting for pearls tomorrow?”  
  
"If that is what you wish."

  
☙~❧

  
After Mattie was dry and dressed Ivan turned the ship around towards the docks. They would be early but that was not a problem. He could give Mattie a quick lesson on how to sell something while they waited.  
  
Mattie sat near Ivan, away from the wet part of the boat. He’d found that standing on a moving boat was not fun and rather hard for someone who’d only recently learned how to properly walk. Him sitting was safer and made the trip back more enjoyable.  
  
Once at the docks, Ivan began to sort the fish according to species and then size while Mattie helped as much as he could. Though the boy mostly just watched Ivan sort the.  
  
"Do you think you can carry these?" Ivan asks suddenly, holding two buckets of water with crabs crawling inside of them out to the boy.  
  
Mattie made a face and shook his head. “Don’t know but don’t want to carry them. They bite.”  
  
Ivan couldn’t help but laugh at that response. “Alright, will you watch them for me when I set them down in the market then? I don’t want them running off.”  
  
“Yes, but how can they run off? They in a bucket.”  
  
"Oh they can climb." The man teased playfully.  
  
Mattie made an unhappy face and took a step away. “Don’t want them to bite feet.”  
  
"You are quicker than they are, rest assured." Ivan grinned as he walked onto the docks, though Mattie didn’t look too reassured by that as he followed after the man.

  
☙~❧

  
Ivan found what he thought was a good spot and set the buckets down. He was nervous about leaving Mattie alone in the market but there were not very many people around at the moment so he figured that the boy should be fine while he went and got the rest of the catch. He then walked off to get the catch, leaving the boy to wait with the buckets and glance down from time to time to make sure the crabs stayed in the bucket and didn’t get anywhere near his feet.  
  
Ivan had to make two trips to bring the last of the catch into the market and afterwards he made rounds to see if some of the stationary merchants had any interest buying the catch from him. Ivan preferred it this way because there were less people to talk to and even less that would avoid him out of spite. He brought Mattie along with him, showing the boy how to haggle a little. While the boy didn’t seem to really understand the lesson, he paid close attention to what Ivan was telling him.   
  
The catch was sold with little trouble to the merchants. When they were done, Ivan placed a hand on the boy’s shoulder. “We did a good job this morning. Thank you for the help Mattie.”  
  
The boy beamed happily at the praise before asking a question. “Shoes now?”  
  
"I was just about to say that. Shall we?" Ivan started to walk to the other side of the market.  
  
Once inside, Ivan asked if he could borrow a rag and a pail to wash “her” feet before putting on her new shoes since they were a bit scraped up by the time they had gotten to the shop.  
  
The man had the boy from the day before fetch it for him and Ivan then started to wash Mattie’s feet while the boy sat there patiently, letting Ivan wash and dry his feet and then help him put the new shoes on. Once they were on, Mattie looked down at them curiously, noticing how different they were compared to Ivan’s. “Stand up and let me know how they feel.” Ivan says, standing and holding out his hand.  
  
Mattie took Ivan’s hand and stood up, looking down at his feet and tilting his head a little in thought. He let go of Ivan’s hand then and walked around a little before stopping back in front of Ivan with a smile. “Feels very nice. Much easier to walk with these.”

  
☙~❧

  
After they left, they returned to the market that was already growing crowded and Ivan began to look around for oysters. He had to show Mattie what he was looking for before they went hunting after all. “Ah, here. Come look.” Ivan pointed to grey shells. “That is what pearls are found in. They’re called oysters.”  
  
“Oysters.” Mattie repeats, looking at the shells and nodding.  
  
"You think we’ll find any?" Ivan asked as he led the boy away and back to the docks.  
  
“Oysters yes, pearls don’t know.”  
  
"Do you want pearls of your own?"  
  
Mattie shrugged a little. “Not sure. But it would be very good if we found any, yes?”  
  
"Yes, you could get a bigger tub with just one."  
  
“With just one?” The boy’s eyes went wide in surprise. “But pearls are so small!”  
  
Ivan nodded with a chuckle. “But they are worth a lot. Someone can get many things with something of great worth. You are understanding more and more Mattie.”  
  
“Can we go look for them now?” The boy asks with an eager smile.  
  
"Of course. But first let’s get something to eat, hm?"  
  
“Okay!”

  
☙~❧

  
Ivan got them some sweet bread as a treat but also some dried and salted meat. Both were favorites of Ivan’s and he happily chewed the meat as he readied his ship for sail. Mattie sat in the boat next to him and munched on the food as well, enjoying the bread quite a bit. He wasn’t that impressed with the meat but didn’t complain as he ate it.  
  
Once they’d set sail and were headed for the edge of the bay, Mattie looked up at Ivan and asked a question he’d had earlier. “Why do our shoes look so different?”  
  
"Because yours are made for a woman and mine are made for a man. A man does different work than a woman." Ivan replied simply as he steered.  
  
“Why do I have shoes made for a woman?” The boy tilted his head curiously.  
  
Ivan looked a little ashamed. “Well… You agreed to wear a dress so it would be easier and likely safer for you. The shoes are to match because it would look odd if you wore men’s shoes in a dress.”  
  
“Oh… okay.” He smiled and looked out at the water. He turned his head back to Ivan a few moments later. “What kind of work does a woman do?”  
  
"Uh…" Ivan was at a bit of a loss. He didn’t know anything about women other than that their appearance was different and that they looked after children. He had spent his early years with his grandfather and even then the only things the man had taught him were all about how to survive so Ivan didn’t really know that much about men either. "Look after children?"  
  
“Oh!” Mattie blinked in surprise, glad for a better idea of a comparison between which type was which for his own kind now. “Will the others in town expect me to look after their children?”  
  
"No. Everyone looks after their own children. They will most likely not ask you for anything." _I hope._  
  
 “… So the town is not like a big family then?”  
  
Ivan shook his head. “From what I know, everyone sticks to their own families.”  
  
“How big is each family?”  
  
"At the most maybe twenty? But even I don’t know."  
  
“Okay.” Mattie nodded and went quiet, enjoying the scenery. When he spoke up again, they were almost at where they had been earlier that day and his voice was soft and cautious. “Ivan…?”  
  
 ”Yes?”  
  
“My family is very far away because I got lost. Where—” The boy hesitated a few moments, unsure whether or not it would be okay to ask. “Where is… Ivan’s family?”  
  
Ivan was quiet for a very long time, not looking at the boy. Not looking at anything really. He then took a deep breath; breathing out slowly before replying in a faint, barely there whisper. “Dead.”  
  
Mattie was not quite sure what to expect but when he did get an answer, he didn’t like it at all. Without saying anything Mattie stood up slowly, wobbling a little due to being on a boat, and then turned and gave Ivan a gentle hug.  
  
Ivan tensed, freezing on the spot. “Mattie.” His voice was a mix of question, pain, dislike, and confusion. His chest felt tight and it hurt; he wanted it to stop.  
  
Mattie didn’t move from where he was. “Yes?” He asks softly.  
  
"What are you doing?" Ivan’s fists tightened into balls, fearing he’d push the boy away or do something he would regret for the rest of his life otherwise.  
  
“Hugging you.” The boy replies simply. “Do you not like it?”  
  
"It hurts… please stop." His hands were shaking now and his eyes stung as his vision blurred slightly. "Please."  
  
Mattie let go almost instantly, lifting his head quickly to look up at Ivan in confusion and worry. Ivan moved away, grabbing the anchor to throw it over with a great splash. Once it was in the sea, Ivan placed his hands on the side of the boat. Many ragged breaths came from him and he was gripping the wood with all his might until his hands were screaming in pain as he tried to steady himself but the hurt only throbbed harder throughout him.  
  
Mattie fell back down into his seat at the sudden movement in the boat, watching Ivan move with a worried look and waiting a minute before standing back up. He slowly wobbled his way over to the man, stopping next to him. “Ivan…?” He asks, his voice soft and full of concern. The boy put one hand on the side of the boat to steady himself and then hesitated a moment before he tentatively placed his other hand on top of one of Ivan’s.  
  
The man hissed in pain like hot coals had been dropped on him and Ivan’s other hand moved to grip his own chest. _Make it stop. Make it stop. I can’t take it._ Mattie was on the verge of breaking Ivan. Simple words, simple touches, simple anything. Most people would have to take a hammer to him for months just to get him to crack, to break and yet Mattie was able to do it in a moment, like being licked by the flames of the sun.  
  
The boy pulled his hand back quickly, looking at Ivan in worry and confusion. He wanted to do something to comfort the man, to undo the pain he’d unintentionally caused him but he didn’t know how to do that without possibly hurting Ivan more. “I-I’m sorry.” He chokes out, feeling close to tears himself with the knowledge that Ivan’s pain was currently his fault. “Didn’t mean to— to hurt you… I-” The boy quickly took steps back and away from Ivan, turning from him and removing his clothes and shoes as quickly as he could without falling as he made his way to the opposite side of the boat. He thought that maybe it would be best to just go and do what they came out here to do before he accidentally hurt Ivan even more.  
  
The boy climbed over to the edge of the boat and hopped into the water, sinking a bit before his tail came back. He then surfaced quickly for air. “I will just go hunt pearls now.” He calls up to Ivan before disappearing underwater and diving down to look for oysters.  
  
It was a good while before Ivan moved and then it was only to tie up the sails. He then lay on his back and stared at sky, just keeping his focus on his breathing and the pain. He kept his mind clear of all other thoughts until he knew he was calm once more.

  
☙~❧

  
Mattie didn’t like this horrid feeling of weight on his chest at all. It was tight and it hurt and he didn’t like it. It made him feel like he didn’t have enough air even though he knew he still had plenty.  
  
The merman swam down, looking for oysters and trying to pry them open. He got rather frustrated when the first one he found didn’t open and hit it on a rock nearby until it opened. He gave a squeak of disappointment when there wasn’t anything inside of it and continued this method of looking for a pearl until he ran out of air half an hour later, leaving the ones he busted open for other fish to feed upon as he swam to the surface.  
  
Once he’d surfaced, he got the air he needed before going back underwater, diving much deeper than he had the first time and repeating his process of looking for at least one pearl.  
  
Mattie surfaced twice more, growing more frustrated. He took a large intake of air before diving as deep as he knew he could go and still make it up in time, grabbing several oysters into his hands and swimming back up quickly. He surfaced, got more air and then went back under (though not nearly as low down) and used a rock to bust open the ones he’d grabbed.  
  
By this point it’d been a little over two hours since he’d jumped into the water and he was certain he’d gone deeper than any of those on land could go, however he was getting more frustrated with each one that he broke open and found it empty.  
  
He was starting to give up for today as he began cracking open the last one he’d grabbed from far down. He was been expecting another failure so much that he almost tossed this one away before he realized that much to his delight, there was a pearl inside. It wasn’t huge, but it wasn’t super tiny either. Squeaking happily in delight, he pulled the pearl from its oyster and held it in his hand securely as he swam up to the surface.  
  
By the time Mattie reached the surface, his smile had dropped and he approached the boat tentatively, unsure if it would be okay for him to come back up onboard now. He was glad that he found a pearl but was afraid he’d accidentally hurt Ivan more without meaning to, making him wary of making his presence know. “Ivan…?” He calls up softly after a few minutes had passed.  
  
The boat rocked as Ivan got up quickly. He didn’t even ask; he should have, but didn’t as he reached for the boy and pulled him into a strong embrace out of the water. He fell to his knees once Mattie was in the boat with him, cradling the boy in his arms. Ivan had waited, wanting, hoping, that Mattie would come back on his own. “You didn’t hurt me.” Ivan started off quietly. “You have never hurt me Mattie.”  
  
After Ivan spoke, the boy was quiet for a few moments. He wasn’t really sure how to respond to that right now without getting worked up over it so he avoided the topic entirely. Instead, he gently tugged on Ivan’s shirt to get his attention. “Look.” He says, holding his hand up to the man and slowly opening it to reveal the pearl sitting in the palm of his hand. “Mattie found pearl.”  
  
Ivan blinked in surprise; he never thought the boy would find one. “Incredible…” He breathed.  
  
“Worth lots, yes?” Mattie’s voice was soft and tentative as he closed his fist so he wouldn’t lose the pearl. He then turned his head to hide his face in Ivan’s chest. “Found it for Ivan.”  
  
"No, I couldn’t. It’s yours Mattie." Ivan shook his head.  
  
Mattie was shaking his head before the man could finish talking. “No. Found it for Ivan.”  
  
"Mattie." Ivan wanted to argue, to get him to keep it for himself but he also didn’t want to upset the boy either.  
  
“No. Found it for Ivan.” The boy insists, just a hint of a whine in his voice. “Mattie sorry. No more sad or hurt now please. Don’t like seeing Ivan like that.”  
  
"I’m no longer hurting Mattie. I’m fine, it’s passed." He rubbed the boy’s back gently as he said this.  
  
“Good. Don’t like seeing Ivan hurt.” Mattie whispers with a nod. “Hurts.”  
  
"Thank you." Ivan hugged him tighter for a moment and rested his head against Mattie’s as the boy hugged him back quietly.

  
☙~❧

  
Several days later, Ivan was just entering his home with Mattie’s new clothes folded nicely in his arm. He hoped that Mattie still wanted a dress because Ivan wasn’t all that inclined to go through that again. The town was already full of whispers about his new “prisoner” or the “poor soul” that he was bringing around. Ivan didn’t care what they talked about so long as they didn’t get involved. He didn’t want Mattie to be a part of any of their torture. “I return.” He says with a smile as he closed the door behind him.  
  
“Welcome back!” Mattie exclaims happily, coming over to greet him with a smile. Upon seeing the clothes in Ivan’s arm, the smile got wider and the cloth was taken from him; the boy unfolding it and excitedly trying to figure out how to put it on.   
  
"Take off what you’re wearing now and put that on like a shirt." Ivan happily shooed him off to the bedroom. "I’ll help you with the belt afterwards."  
  
“Okay!” Mattie grinned and went off to the bedroom, pulling off his clothes and putting the dress on. When he had the dress on, he came out of the bedroom, playing with the swishy material a little.  
  
Ivan froze the instant his eyes fell on the boy and his expression fell to a look of surprise. Had he been holding anything, he would have dropped it, and as he stared at the boy, Ivan felt a rising heat come to his face. His cheeks were no doubt becoming red.  
  
Mattie stopped in front of Ivan and tilted his head curiously, looking up at the man with a soft, questioning look. “Belt now…?”  
  
"Hm? O-oh, right." Ivan gave himself a small shake as if it would get rid of the strange feeling and then moved towards Mattie to tie the belt around his small frame.  
  
He regretted stepping back to get a better look to see if he had everything in the right place. The slight poof above the belt made it look as though the boy had some sort of a chest, thus giving an ever so slight curve to Mattie. One you wouldn’t see unless you were really looking.  
  
Ivan felt a bit hot under the collar as his heart pounded mercilessly against his ribs. His face was red as he placed a hand over his mouth to keep him from saying anything stupid or something that he might regret and it took a lot to pry his eyes away from the sight in front of him.  
  
Mattie had a confused smile on his face as he watched the man’s reactions, not quite sure why Ivan was acting like he was. “Does it look odd?”  
  
"N-no. It, uh, looks very good." Ivan didn’t understand why his mouth had a feeling of dryness.  
  
“Oh, good! I like it.” The boy’s expression brightened immediately. “It is soft and more nice to move in than the pants.”  
  
"I’m happy to hear." Ivan gave a small smile, glancing at the boy for a moment. "B-but don’t spin around in it, okay?"  
  
“Okay but why not?”  
  
"Well, because you’re not wearing anything underneath." Ivan responded awkwardly, his voice full of embarrassment. "If you were to… spin around, every one would see."  
  
“That is… not good then?”  
  
Ivan shook his head; he couldn’t even think how other people would react because his mind was too busy being bombarded with Mattie in a dress.  
  
“We can hold hands in town now, right?”  
  
"Ah, yes…"  
  
Mattie smiled happily. “What else is okay to do in town now?”  
  
"Everything." _So far_. Ivan surprised himself with that thought. _Where did that come from?_  
  
“Even rub heads?” The boy’s smile widened.  
  
Just when Ivan had thought the blush was fading from his cheeks, it came back full force. “Y-yes… Even rubbing heads.”  
  
“Good!” At seeing the red on his face again, Mattie tilted his head to the side a little. “Why Ivan’s face change color?” He asks curiously, reaching up and gently touching Ivan’s cheek with one of his hands. Ivan flinched and looked at Mattie with wide eyes while the other blinked in surprise at the temperature. “Very warm.”  
  
It took Ivan a few moments to get words to come out of his mouth. “… W-what are you doing?”  
  
At those words, Mattie’s eyes got very slightly wider and his hand was pulled back very quickly, almost as if he’d been burned by the words. He took a step back from Ivan as well and looked down at his feet dejectedly answering. “Just wanted to know why Ivan’s face changed colors…”  
  
Ivan grabbed Mattie’s hand quickly and Mattie looked back up. “It’s not bad!” The man exclaims, confusing himself with his own words. _It’s not?_ “Er, it’s fine, don’t feel bad Mattie.” He said gently a moment later. “I’m just overwhelmed with strange feelings from how beautiful you look. W-wait! That’s not what I meant— well it _is_ , b-but not in _that_ sense. Just that you are beautiful woman, if you were— what I mean is you’d make a beautiful woman!” Ivan groaned at his petty stumbling. He felt like he was ten all over again, unable to speak properly or get out what he wanted to say.  
  
Mattie watched Ivan stumble over his words in surprise and confusion. There were many new words that were being used much too quickly for him to ask what any of them meant.  
  
“ _Why_ do I keep saying beautiful so much?” Ivan muttered to himself. “… Never mind, that’s beside the point. You look very nice Mattie and it’s got me confused, no, not _confused_. Just— I am unable to understand why or _what_ I am feeling at the moment. It’s not about- it is about you, b-but not what you did, only how you look.”  
  
When Ivan was done speaking, Mattie just stared at him for a few moments looking rather confused and startled at all of that, not quite sure how to react to any of it. Ivan let the Mattie’s hand go after seeing the confusion on the boy’s face. “Sorry.”  
  
“Ivan is saying… Mattie looks very nice and also looks like a woman…?” The boy asks slowly after a few moments, tilting his head to the side a little. Ivan nodded slowly, still feeling odd and greatly embarrassed. “Oh… okay.” The boy gave a nod. “What do overwhelmed and beautiful and confused mean?”  
  
"Overwhelmed means too much. Beautiful… means very nice to look at, like pearls and flowers. And confused is another word for not able to understand." Explaining things to Mattie was a wonderfully soothing act for him; he was already feeling a little better.  
  
“Oh.” Mattie nodded in understanding. “Why did your face change color and get warm? What is that called?”  
  
"Blush." The man answers reluctantly.  
  
“Blush.” The boy repeats, tilting his head a little. “Why did you blush?”  
  
"I," Ivan started, feeling a little uncomfortable about this. "Felt embarrassed and other things."  
  
“What does embarrassed mean?”  
  
"To feel uncomfortable, ashamed, or timid? It’s hard to explain."  
  
“What do those words mean?”  
  
"Uncomfortable can mean a few things Mattie. It can mean scared, a little hurt, or not wanting something. Ashamed means you feel bad for doing something and don’t want to talk about it. Timid is like being scared, but not of something or someone, just a little scared of what it or someone does." It was like running around in circles; telling him one word meant telling him another two.  
  
Mattie thought about this for a few moments before nodding a little. “Oh, okay.” He smiled a little. He liked learning new words because it helped him understand things much better.  
  
Ivan was still pink and he still had the odd feeling but he was calm now and knew the feeling would pass eventually.


	7. Chapter 7

After they got done with fishing and selling things at the market the next day and had gotten lunch, Mattie asked if they could explore the town more. Ivan said it was fine and brought him to see a more residential part of town, a peaceful area, one where Mattie could see the families and a little of how they lived.  
  
There were a lot of children running around and Ivan thought that was a good thing. It was the older ones that were mean and threw things; these ones were still too timid to talk to someone they didn’t know. Although there were quite a few women that gave Ivan serious looks or just watched him walk by until he was out of sight.  
  
Mattie smiled at everyone they passed and said hello to several people, attempting to interact and be friendly with them, Ivan saying nothing as the boy tried to be friendly. A few people gave an uncertain wave though most just glanced at Mattie without saying anything, and few of the children had stopped to stare but quickly ran off when the pair had gotten closer.  
  
Mattie’s happy smile started fading slowly as his attempts of interacting with the others failed again and again, causing Ivan to frown. It wasn’t the boy’s fault that the townsfolk avoided him, but he kept trying, still smiling and saying hello to people though not nearly as enthusiastic as he had been when he had started.  
  
Suddenly, Ivan decided to do something very risky. He stopped and looked to the boy. “Mattie, would you like a sweet treat?”  
  
The boy stopped as well and turned to look at him, tilting his head curiously. “Like the bread from the market?” He asks curiously.  
  
"Yes, like that. Would you like some?"  
  
Mattie considered this for a moment before nodding, watching as Ivan then did a quick look around. “Could you wait there?” The man asked, pointing to a big tree stump. “I’ll only be a few minutes.”  
  
The boy tilted his head a little in confusion, unsure why he couldn’t just follow Ivan but nodded anyway. “Okay.” He then went over to the stump and stopped there, watching Ivan leave to get the sweet treat and waiting for the man to return.  
  
Ivan dreaded leaving Mattie alone; he didn’t know how people would treat the boy without him around. He feared that once he was out of sight, a group of them would attack the innocent boy. The man hurried to get the treat, but also stalled long enough to give Mattie a chance of getting to talk to someone.

  
☙~❧

  
Mattie stood patiently for a minute or two before sitting down on the stump and continuing to look around him quietly. A small group of children had taken notice of Ivan’s absence and stood a distance away from the new person. They had never seen a woman so tall before and were curious as well as cautious. As Mattie took notice of the children, he smiled at them a little.  
  
Two girls smiled back and one boy did a little wave, causing Mattie to smile a bit more and wave back. The children whispered to each other for a bit, looking back over to Mattie every now and then before they slowly moved closer to him. It was like a little cluster of ducklings following one another.  
  
Mattie waited where he was quietly, smiling a little and watching them start to move towards him, stopping about six feet away. The children seemed unsure about what they were doing until a little boy pushed himself to the front of the group. “Who are you?” He demanded.  
  
“Mattie.” The merman replied calmly, a soft smile still on his face.  
  
"What do you want?" For such a small boy, the child was rather nasty, scowling and crossing his arms at Mattie. Though it was possible that he was just trying to show off.  
  
“Nothing.” Mattie tilted his head a bit in confusion, not sure why the child was being so hostile towards him.  
  
"Lair. The giant never goes anywhere without wanting something."  
  
“I was just saying hello.” Mattie says with a soft, confused little frown. “Is it not a good thing to do?”  
  
"Hello doesn’t mean safe." One of the other children spoke up.  
  
“Hello doesn’t mean not safe either.” Mattie points out after a moment.  
  
"… You should leave." The boy said after a little bit. "If you don’t, I’ll get my brother."  
  
“Why? I am just sitting here.”  
  
"Because nobody likes giants! They do what they want and hurt people!"  
  
“But I’m not hurting anyone…”  
  
"But you will."  
  
“I don’t think I will.” Mattie says, looking down at his lap dejectedly. “I don’t like seeing people hurt. I don’t want to hurt anyone either…”  
  
"I won’t fall for your tricks giant. You’re a lair."  
  
“You are not nice.” Mattie says softly in a sad tone of voice as he stood up. He then walked away from the children, going the way Ivan had left earlier and hoping he’d find him on the way.  
  
"Leave and don’t come back mother killer!" The boy shouted after Mattie, though he stayed where he was.  
  
Mattie quickly left the area, his smile completely gone as he looked for Ivan. He had barely gotten out of the neighborhood when he realized he wasn’t quite sure which way to go to find Ivan in the first place. 

  
☙~❧

  
Ivan had returned after a while with a small bag but when he saw that Mattie wasn’t at the tree stump, he panicked. _No, no, no, no, NO!_ He was looking around everywhere for the boy. “Mattie!?” Ivan turned and shouted at the nearest person. “Did you see a woman, about this tall!?”  
  
The poor young lad just about jumped out of his skin, petrified of the man. Ivan really didn’t feel like repeating himself but stormed up to the boy. “S-she went that way! Please don’t hurt me!” The lad squealed, pointing in the direction he just came.  
  
The bag was forgotten as Ivan ran off, hoping that he would find Mattie before someone who wanted to hurt him did.  
  
When Ivan was outside of the residential area, he spotted Mattie almost instantly. Almost. His eyes had fallen on a young man that he knew all too well; he had been in a fight with him and his friends too many times to be overlooked.  This boy was looking at Mattie with the same hate he had always directed towards Ivan.  
  
Ivan _would have_ ignored it, he _would have_ called to Mattie, he _would have_ run to him, but he didn’t because the boy had started to twirl his sling. A sling which no doubt held a rock with the most edges on it the boy could find. He was cruel, always wanting blood when he fought and nothing less. Ivan had scars from that little toy and was not about to let Mattie have ones to match.  
  
Ivan charged at the boy, startling the people he nearly ran over. Ivan lashed out and grabbed the boy’s arm before he could launch the rock, said rock falling from the sling and hitting the ground nearby. Once the boy realized who had the nerve grab him, he let his guard slip and Ivan swiftly grabbed his free arm and pulled it into a painful position behind his back before shoving him into the dirt. The boy gave a shout of pain while women and children cried out in fear as they ran away.  
  
Kneeling down and pushing down more onto the twisted arm, Ivan made sure this boy knew what he was in for. “If I ever see you or one of you friends even _attempt_ to hurt Mattie again. I _will_ break your arms, boy.” He growled out, loud enough for everyone to hear so everyone would know.  
  
Mattie didn’t see the boy with the sling but he did see Ivan grab the boy as well as everything that followed. He watched with wide, startled eyes, not quite sure exactly what was going on. He could quite clearly hear Ivan’s words but he didn’t really know what to do or how to respond to this situation at all, just continuing to stare.  
  
"Why?" The boy grinned even though he was in great pain. _Cocky bastard—._ “I would be more merciful than you ever could. You’ll just watch while you kill her slowly. Just like you did to y—” A horrific sound was heard as Ivan had pulled the boy’s arm from its socket with a swift pop, the boy’s shout of agony following the sound.  
  
"Anything else you want to say before I pull the other one out?" Ivan asked coldly as the boy as he thrashed in his hold. A few men shouted at Ivan to stop and rushed in to grab him but Ivan had shoved the other men back, not in the mood to deal with them at the moment.  
  
Mattie cringed at the scream and without really thinking quickly ran forward until he’d reached Ivan. “House.” He demands, tugging on Ivan’s sleeve insistently. This situation was only getting more confusing and scary as time passed and he wanted to leave and go back to the house _now_.  
  
Ivan almost shoved Mattie away before he realized who it was and suddenly stopped what he was doing. He let go of the mean boy and stood, not caring about anything else as he wrapped his arms around Mattie. “Mattie, I’m so sorry. I should have never left you.” He whispered as he gently nuzzled the boy. “Are you hurt? Did anyone hurt you?” A few people were already helping the boy Ivan had hurt up, wanting to hurry and bring him to a doctor to get his arm fixed up.  
  
Mattie shook his head and pushed Ivan back to stop both the hug and the nuzzling. “House now.” He demands again, grabbing Ivan’s hand and tugging it insistently as he took a step in the direction he thought Ivan’s house was. Ivan didn’t argue and hurried away with him before anything else happened.  
  
They walked back to the house quietly, holding hands and not stopping until they were back inside Ivan’s little hut.  
  
"Are you hurt?" Ivan asked again as he shut the front door behind them, deeply worried that there was something that Ivan couldn’t see, like bruises.  
  
Mattie shook his head. “No, not hurt.”  
  
Ivan then gave a sigh of relief and smiled. “I am glad to hear that. I feared you were hurt when I couldn’t find you.”  
  
“I left because a child said he would get his brother if I stayed. I didn’t want anything bad to happen so I just left to look for you.” Mattie says quietly, not looking at Ivan.  
  
Ivan was frowning now; he had hoped the children would have been kinder to the boy. Mattie looked so gentle, how could someone think ill of him? “I’m sorry.”  
  
“He was not nice.” The boy frowned softly. “… What do giant and liar mean? The child said both many times.”  
  
Ivan thought hearing that was even worse; his names were being passed on to Mattie. He hated it but he would save his rage for later and spoke softly to the boy. “A liar is someone who doesn’t tell the truth and a giant is a big, ugly, dumb, human looking creature.”  
  
“What do ugly and dumb mean…?”  
  
"Ugly is something you don’t like to see, like rotting fish. Dumb means you can’t think or do anything on your own."  
  
“Oh… What does killer mean?” The merman had a pretty good idea of what it meant but he wasn’t positive and wanted to know for sure.  
  
Ivan stared at him in shock, wondering what awful things had been said to him to hear that word. “Someone who hunts because they can, not because they need to, but most times when it is said it means someone who hunted their own kind.” He answered sadly.  
  
“Oh.” The boy then fell silent, just looking down at his feet and not saying anything.  
  
"Mattie…?" Ivan knelt down so he could look him in the eye, one hand reaching out to gently touch the other’s cheek. "Listen to me, don’t listen to their hateful words. They are not about you. They do not know _you_.”  
  
Mattie’s cheeks were wet with tears though he didn’t seem to notice them at all. He just reached both arms out for a hug silently and Ivan didn’t hesitate a second pulling the boy in close right away. He hadn’t known the boy was crying, nor had never seen Mattie cry before; his heart ached just from the sight of it. “Oh Mattie, I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I will never do that again. I won’t let them hurt you. I’ll protect you.”  
  
“Not hurt.” The boy mumbles, hugging him tightly and hiding his face in Ivan’s chest.  
  
"But you’re crying Mattie, you’ve never cried before." He nuzzled the top of the boy’s head. "They may not have hurt you on the outside, but they hurt your feelings. That’s just as bad."  
  
“Crying?” The boy asks in confusion.  
  
"When water comes from your eyes." Ivan answered gently.  
  
“Oh.” He fell quiet and just nuzzled Ivan.  
  
"… Do you hate them? For what they said?"  
  
Mattie was quiet for a moment or two in thought before he shook his head no.  
  
"Are you mad at me?"  
  
“No.” The reply was instant as he shook his head again. “Why would I be mad at you?”  
  
"Everything that they said to you was because of me and…. Then what I did to that boy."  
  
“Not mad…  but that was scary.” Mattie admits softly.  
  
"I’m sorry you saw that but I didn’t want him to hurt you."  
  
“But he was not close to me…?”  
  
"He didn’t have to be. He was going to throw a sharp rock at you. He has done it many times in the past."  
  
“Oh…” Mattie pulled back a little and wiped the tears off his face.  
  
Ivan helped wipe away the tears with a caring touch and a smile. “Next time we go to town, stay with me. Okay?” He requests softly.  
  
“Don’t like being left on my own. It is not fun.” Was Mattie’s almost pouty response.  
  
"I’ll never let you out of my sight again unless we’re hunting. I only did that in hopes that they would accept you if I was not around, but I was wrong." Ivan felt horrible; it was all his fault from start to finish; Mattie couldn’t make new friends or even freely walk around because of him.  
  
“The other childs may be nice. Not sure though. Just the mean one talked.”  
  
"Children” Ivan corrected softly, though he was impressed that Mattie was trying to figure out the language on his own. “And if you want to go back and try again, then we will. But I will stay with you next time." The children might be a good step towards Mattie being accepted. While they may always hate Ivan, he didn’t mine. He just wanted Mattie to be happy since the boy was used to being around a big family and a lot of friends.  
  
“Children.” Mattie repeats, giving a nod. “…Maybe try again in a few days. Don’t want to go back to town right now.”  
  
"I understand. Would you like to lie down in the bed for a while? Or are you hungry?"  
  
“Bed.” He responds after a moment. “Not hungry.” He had been a little hungry earlier but to be honest, he really wasn’t hungry at all right now. Learning what the words the child had called him had ruined his appetite for the moment.  
  
Ivan said no more and brought him to bed, worried that if Mattie was reacting this badly to insults from a child, his reaction to insults from the adults would be even worse.  
  
Mattie just snuggled in bed with Ivan quietly for a while after that. 

  
☙~❧

  
About a week later, Mattie asked to be taken to town again.  
  
In town again together for the first time, Ivan was anything but calm. He had already dealt with heated words and actions towards him at the docks while leaving Mattie either on the boat or in the water this past week. So far, the most they got today was a few quick angered or frightened looks before people went about their day.  
  
Ivan bought the two of them a bag of treats to share as they walked and Mattie nibbled on the treats quietly, holding hands with Ivan as they walked. He wasn’t really smiling or greeting anyone, just quietly observing the townsfolk instead.  
  
"Where would you like to go today?" Ivan asked quietly.  
  
“Don’t know.” Mattie replies just as quietly. “Somewhere I have not been yet?”  
  
Ivan thought about it for a moment. “There’s the church. I’m sure you’d like the paintings.”  
  
“Okay.” The boy nodded. “What do those words mean?”  
  
"I think I’d rather show you this time." The man smiled and changed their direction towards the church.  
  
“Oh, okay.” 

  
☙~❧

  
The church was the largest building in town and one of the few that was made mostly of stone. It was a tiny thing compared to all the grand ones on the main land though. When they got there, Mattie’s eyes went wide as he looked up at it; it was by far the biggest thing he’d seen on land yet and he looked upon it with curious eyes as they approached it.   
  
"Wait until you see the inside." Ivan whispered in his ear, more for the fun of it than to keep his voice down. When he pushed open the big doors, only a few people were inside but they didn’t even turn their heads to see who came in.  
  
Mattie’s eyes went wide upon seeing the paintings that covered the walls and the stained glass windows that sent colored light dancing across the room. “Beautiful.” The boy whispers to Ivan, completely in awe of all the nice looking things in the room.  
  
Ivan nodded with a bright smile and pointed to one painting, explaining what it was. That one word was definitely better with a solid example. After thoroughly exploring the church, Ivan sat down on one of the benches still munching on the sweets, allowing Mattie to wander the place on his own since Ivan could easily see him from his seat.  
  
The boy took a piece of the sweets with him, munching on it quietly and continuing to look around at the paintings and stained glass windows. A smile was on his face and his eyes were wide in awe and wonder of all these nice looking things.  
  
Great relief finally washed over Ivan as the smile remained on the boy’s face; he had feared that Mattie would have lingered in the pain or lost some joy in the town because of what had been said to him.  
  
Mattie smiled and walked around the church even after he’d eaten all of his snack. He was just quietly observing all the nice things in here and enjoying how he couldn’t see or hear anything mean coming from the townsfolk inside. In fact, no one else seemed to care that they were even there.  
  
After a while, Mattie came back over and sat down next to Ivan. He rested his head on Ivan’s shoulder and grabbed another piece to nibble on quietly, a soft little smile on his face.  
  
"You like it here?" Ivan chuckled, wrapping an arm around the boy.  
  
Mattie nodded. “Yes. It’s beautiful here and no one says mean things to us or looks at us not nicely.”  
  
"That’s because it’s a church, everyone must be respectful when inside." Ivan explained regrettably, wanting Mattie to live in the little dream world but unable to allow that since it wouldn’t be wise. The boy needed to be aware of these things; he couldn’t stay as innocent as a child forever in Ivan’s world.  
  
“Oh.” Mattie was quiet for a few moments before speaking again. “Well, it’s still nice.”  
  
"Yes it is."  
  
Mattie smiled and snacked, and when the snacks ran out, he just quietly enjoyed the peace and calmness of the church. He was glad that there was at least one place aside from Ivan’s little hut that they could go and not get mean words and looks from the townsfolk.  
  
"We can come here whenever you like. But just know that there is one day where this place will be full of people."  
  
“Do they still have to be respectful on that day?” Mattie asks curiously.  
  
"Yes, if not more so on that day."  
  
“Why do they all come here on that day?”  
  
"It’s a day for God and a day for prayer. Some come because they want to, some come because they have to, and others come just to see others here."  
  
“Oh. What do those words mean?”  
  
"Which? God and prayer?" Ivan sighed shortly after. _That would take all day to explain and he still wouldn’t understand._ “I can’t tell you, they mean different things to different people.”  
  
“Oh… okay.” Mattie nodded. “Can we try coming here on that day?” He asks after a moment or two. “I want to see what it’s like then.”  
  
"If that is what you want, Mattie." Ivan smiled down at him and Mattie just smiled back up at him and nodded. He then snuggled close and just sat there contently with Ivan for a while longer. 

  
☙~❧

  
After two peaceful hours in the church, Ivan asked if he would like to see the children again and Mattie nodded after a moment of thought. “Can we get another sweet treat first?”  
  
Ivan ruffled his hair playfully. “Sure and you can pick this time.”  
  
Mattie giggled softly and nodded. “Okay.” He held hands with Ivan on the way to get their sweet treat.  
  
He picked a sweet snack that looked like it would be easy to share and gave Ivan a little, holding the rest of it in the little bag in one hand so he could hold hands with Ivan on the way to the residential area too.  
  
While the hand holding was nice, Ivan still felt a little embarrassed when he noticed people staring. It was a different kind of stare than he normally received and he didn’t know how to take it.  
  
When they got to the same area, Mattie quietly asked Ivan to watch him from off to the side while he sat down on the tree stump again with the snack. Ivan did as Mattie asked, but grew tenser the farther he was from the boy. But to Ivan’s amazement, a little girl about ten years old walked up to Mattie after staring at him for a few moments.  
  
Mattie was munching on a piece of the snack quietly, looking up and smiling at the girl softly when he noticed her. “Hello.” He calls out to her quietly.  
  
"Hello." She said softly. She didn’t seem shy or timid, as she looked Mattie over though. If anything, she was just being careful.  
  
“Would you like a sweet treat?” Mattie took another piece out of the bag and put it in the palm of his hand before holding out his hand and offering it to her.  
  
The girl looked at the treat, then at Ivan, and then at Mattie.  
  
“He will stay over there. He is just watching me to make sure I don’t get lost or hurt.” Mattie explains with a soft smile.  
  
"How do you get lost? You can see over everyone."  
  
“Well yes, but I haven’t been here very long.” The boy explains with a soft giggle. “I don’t know where everything is yet. It’s very easy to get lost when you don’t know where everything is.”  
  
"Can I really have that?" The girl asked, changing the topic as she pointed to the treat.  
  
Mattie nodded. “Yes. I wouldn’t say you could have it if I didn’t mean it.”  
  
The girl gave a little smile and took the treat before sitting down next to Mattie, humming away as she ate. Mattie smiled happily and took out another piece, eating it quietly and offering the girl another piece when she’d finished the first one.  
  
Ivan could only watch happily from afar as he watched the little girl and Mattie interact, even laughing a bit as he had the thought that the scene looked a little like a mother and daughter spending time together.  
  
Mattie smiled happily and interacted with the girl, sharing his bag of treats with her and asking what her name was. The little girl was just about to answer when she saw a group of young children coming in their direction and scowled in anger.  
  
Mattie followed her gaze to the children and sighed softly, watching them approach. It was the same group of kids from the first time Mattie had been here.  
  
The girl then hopped off the tree stump and ran at the group. “Nanook!” She yelled in rage, making all the boys scream and make a run for it as she tackled one of them to the ground, making the two girls that had been with them laugh.  
  
Mattie blinked and watched the scene unfold in surprise. He hadn’t been expecting her to do that at all. Ivan too was bewildered as he watched what happened. The girl was shouting at the boy she had pinned and he was clearly crying.  
  
Mattie got up after a second or two and walked over, kneeling down a little ways away from them with the bag of treats still in one hand. “That’s not a very nice thing to do.” He points out softly. He wasn’t scolding the girl, just pointing it out.  
  
The girl pulled the boy up into a sitting position; it was the same boy that had bullied Mattie last time. He was still sobbing as he looked up at Mattie. “Nanook, you will say you’re sorry. Right now!” The girl scolded. “Or I will get Mama and she will make you say you’re sorry.”  
  
Mattie blinked in surprise at her words and just looked at the little boy, waiting to see what he’d do.  
  
"I-I’m sorry." He said, sniveling as he closed his eyes. The other girls tried not to laugh too hard at the sight as they watched.  
  
"Sorry for _what_?”  
  
"I’m sorry for calling you a-a giant and a killer. I’m soorry!" The boy wailed. "I’m sorry, don’t tell Mama!"  
  
Mattie smiled a little at the apology, even if it was somewhat of a forced one.  
  
"I won’t if you go and say sorry to everyone you told lies to." The girl then let the boy go and stood up. Nanook took off in a hurry right after.  
  
"Nanook went around bragging that he had scared off the girl giant and you were the only one besides Ivan that is tall enough so when I saw you… I thought I’d see what my wimpy brother had really done." The girl explained before giving a bright smile. "My name is Natalya."  
  
“I see.” Mattie smiled back at her. “It’s nice to meet you Natalya. My name is Mattie.”  
  
"You’re a nice tall girl Mattie, I like you. Do you know how I can be tall just like you?"  
  
“I like you too. You’re very nice Natalya.” Mattie says happily, though he tilted his head a little at her question. “Why do you want to be tall like me?”  
  
"So that I can beat all the boys! I want to be strong just like my Mama, but I want to be tall too! That way I can crush them with just my hand and hide my stuff where they can’t reach." She gave a small cheer of triumph and the other girls cheered along for the sake of it. "I’ll teach those boys to never mess with a girl!"  
  
Mattie stared in surprise before giggling softly. “Well, I’m sorry to say that I don’t know how you can get taller faster but I’m sure you’ll get taller over time.” He says with a smile. “Though I don’t think it’s possible to crush anyone with just a hand. I’ve never done it before.”  
  
"That’s just ‘cause you have no muscle." The girl flexed her arms to show off her strength.  
  
“Very nice.” Mattie compliments with a smile. “Yes, I don’t have much arm muscle. I think all my muscle went to my legs instead.” He paused a moment before holding up the bag of treats. “Would you and your friends like to share the rest of the treats with me?”  
  
"I would!" One of the younger girls exclaims, bouncing up and down on her toes. Mattie smiled and beckoned her over, opening the bag of treats and holding it out for her to take a piece from. 

  
☙~❧

  
Later when they went back to Ivan’s hut, Matthew was holding his hand and smiling happily. “It was fun playing with the little girls.” He comments when they reached home.  
  
"I am happy to hear that. After Natalya, you had so many girls on you I thought I would have to go hunting for you." Ivan chuckled and gave Mattie’s had a gentle squeeze.  
  
Mattie giggled a little and squeezed back. “It is very nice being around children again. I’d almost forgotten how much I enjoy them.”  
  
"I suppose they are nice, but I rarely interact with them. Their parents throw a fit if I do. Then the whole town hears about it and I get into a fight. It’s not worth it." He sighed.  
  
“Oh.” Mattie squeezed Ivan’s hand gently again. “Well, I enjoyed it. I always enjoyed watching after children with my family too.”  
  
Ivan smiled at this. “I wonder what the children of your kind look like.”  
  
“A bit like me, only much smaller. They’re not that different from children of your kind. They like playing and having fun and getting into trouble sometimes.”  
  
Ivan pictured a group of tiny mermaids swimming about like a school of fish. “I bet they can be quite troublesome.”  
  
“Sometimes.” Mattie gave a shrug, still smiling. “It’d be nice to have children of my own someday.”  
  
Once Mattie had said that, it dawned on Ivan that Mattie would have to leave someday.  
  
He had gotten so caught up in his own happiness that he hadn’t thought about Mattie’s. Ivan felt horrible now but continued to smile. “You will. You’ll have a big family full of wonderful children. Just promise me that you’ll visit?” He was uncertain with the last part. Would Mattie come back?  
  
Mattie tilted his head a little. “Yes, of course. We do swim up this way when the waters are nice and warm.” He smiled. “Though there is quite some time before I can have children. I need a…” He hesitated, not knowing the word for it.  
  
"A woman…?" Ivan offered.  
  
Mattie blinked in surprise before shaking his head. “No.”  
  
"No?" Ivan did a double take in surprise and confusion.  
  
The boy nodded. “No.”  
  
Ivan opened his mouth a few times, baffled and trying to understand what he missed. “But… you want children.”  
  
“Yes.” Mattie nodded again and put one hand on his own stomach to hopefully help him understand. “But I can’t have them unless I have someone else.”  
  
Ivan’s hand was pulled away so quickly that he hit himself in the side. The man looked greatly startled, trying to keep his smile on his face as he gave a strangled laugh. “You… You are a funny one Mattie. Learning to tell jokes already?”  
  
Mattie however didn’t seem amused and gave a soft, puzzled look. He tilted his head to the side as he struggled to understand what Ivan had meant by that. “I… I am not a… a liar…” He says slowly.  
  
Ivan then realized that Mattie didn’t know what a joke was. “B-but you are a man?”


	8. Chapter 8

“I… am whichever one has the children here for a long time.” Mattie says slowly, putting a hand back on his stomach.

"You—You’re a woman?" He stared at Mattie’s hand for a long time before taking a few steps back, nearly tripping over the bench. "Sweet Mother of Russia, you’ve been a woman this whole time and… And I didn’t even realize it!"

“Yes…?” Mattie says slowly, clearly confused at Ivan’s reaction to this.

"I’m so sorry!" Ivan’s mind was spinning with everything they had done together, the ways he had touched hi- _her_ , and what little he knew on women. He had nearly seen her completely _naked_ and most certainly ended up touching her chest at least thrice. Ivan then recalled the day he saved her and the way she swung at him when he had tried to pick her up the first time. Everything that didn’t make sense before now clicked into place. He could feel his heart was freaking out and his face was burning once more. “All this time I thought you were a man.”

Mattie didn’t understand really why Ivan was acting like this and to be honest, it was scaring her a bit. “Oh.” Is all she can really say as she backs up against the wall and watches him in a mixture of confusion and uncertainty, unable to shake the feeling that this was all her fault again.

Despite his own mental turmoil, Ivan reached for her, but didn’t touch her. “It’s okay, it’s okay… Nothing bad has happened, Mattie. I’m just shocked and— feel dumb for not realizing it.”

“Oh… okay.” She says softly, giving a nod and looking down at her feet for a moment before speaking. “Um… I’m just going to lay down for a while…” She quickly made her way into the bedroom as Ivan watched her leave, slipping off her shoes before crawling under the covers and curling up there quietly.

He was feeling bad for ruining the nicest day they’ve had in a long time, but he refused to go to bed and sat down at the table with his face in his hands. _I’ll have to be more careful from now on. I’m lucky nothing has happened yet…_ And Ivan slept at the table for the night. It was uncomfortable, but needed; he didn’t know how much longer he could risk it without consequences.

  
☙~❧  
  


Mattie just lay in bed on her own for quite some time, unable to get to sleep. After a time, she poked her head out to find Ivan asleep at the table.

She didn’t really want to disturb him but she didn’t want to sleep alone either. So she just grabbed a pillow and some blankets before dragging them out onto the floor next to Ivan’s chair and curling up next to him that way. She fell asleep a few minutes later.

When the morning came; Ivan awoke with a sore back, a grumbling stomach, and was about to get up when he noticed Mattie at his feet. _Did she sleep here the whole night?_ He hadn’t meant to make her feel uncomfortable or unsafe. He just didn’t want to give her a burden without meaning to, _if_ that was even possible.

The man then picked her up with the blanket still wrapped around her and brought her back to bed. With Mattie tucked back into bed, he left to make breakfast.

Mattie woke up shortly after Ivan had put her back into bed. She got up and stretched a little before walking out into the main room. “Did you put me back in bed?” She asks with a soft puzzled look. “I am sure I slept out here last night.”

"Yes, but not all that long ago." He said as he looked over for a moment before going back to cooking. "Why did you sleep out here? I let you use my bed."

She went over and sat down at the table before answering. “I found it hard to sleep in the bed alone.”

"You did? Do you think you could if I was in the room?"

She nodded. “That was my thought when I came to sleep out here last night.”

"I’ll move the bench in the room then and I’ll sleep there tonight. Would you like some fruit for breakfast?"

“Yes, fruit would be nice.” She gave a nod. “Why can’t we continue sleeping as we have been though?”

Ivan flinched a little and his voice dropped to a mumble. “Well… Um, if we do… You might, if it is possible, you might become with child.”

She tilted her head to the side a little. “I do not think I’m familiar with that phrase.”

He turned to her slightly but did not make eye contact as his face was red and he knew it. “You could end up with a child here.” Ivan’s hand rested on his belly. “Become pregnant.”

“Oh!” She blinked in surprise and gave a nod of understanding before tilting her head a little and just kind of staring at him quietly for a few moments in thought.

Dropping his hand, he went back to making his hot breakfast. He could feel Mattie staring but he was doing his best to ignore it. She continued this act for several minutes before asking in a curious tone. “Do you want to have a family with me?”

Ivan ended up knocking his food off the wood stove when he heard that. He tried to catch it, but ended up burning his hand. “Ow! N-no! I thought you were a boy up until yesterday!” Only half of the contents of the pan had fallen out, now he had half the food he was looking forward to but remaining steady control of himself was difficult at the moment.

“Ah, I’m sorry. Are you okay?” She asks in worry. She hadn’t been meaning to startle him with that question.

"Yes, yes, I’m fine. I just burned my hand a bit." Ivan was cleaning his mess and watching his food more carefully. His hands weren’t likely to stop shaking for a bit or at least until his heart slowed down.

“Should I get the medicine?” She asks; referring to the stuff he put on her wounds that first day.

"No, it only works with cuts. I’ll be fine Mattie."

“Okay.” Mattie gave a nod. “I’m sorry. I just asked because you said I may become pregnant if we continue sleeping as we have been and I do not see how that can happen if you did not wish to have a family with me.”

"Accidents happen Mattie, I just don’t want to risk it. It wouldn’t be right or fair to you." Ivan said in a sad tone.

“What does accidents mean?”

"Something that happens whether you want it to or not. Like when the pan fell off the stove. I didn’t mean for it to fall but it happened anyway."

“Oh… I do not see how becoming pregnant could be an accident though.”

"If we continue to share a bed, it could happen or not. I don’t even know if it’s possible between our kind. It would be best not to share a bed, just to be safe."

“But that is a…thing that both choose to do, yes?” She asks in confusion. “It can not happen if both do not choose to do that with each other, right?”

Ivan finally looked at Mattie, not understanding her question. “Huh?”

“To have children both must do…. something, with each other yes?” She asks, not sure what the word for it was. “That something can not happen unless both want to and choose to do that, right?”

"If a couple wants children, they share a bed and then if it happens, it happens. I don’t think it is something that you can control aside from that." Ivan didn’t think she was understanding him, but then again there weren’t beds in the ocean so maybe it was sea grass that they shared?

She shook her head. “No, the…thing needed to be done to have children and the way we have been sleeping are not the same thing.” She says, getting a little frustrated because she didn’t know the right word to make him understand.

"They’re not?" Ivan raised an eyebrow, thinking about it a little more before giving a small shrug. The topic was just becoming annoying to both of them due to a lack of understanding. "It must be different for you then."

She nodded. “They’re not. We are just sleeping in bed. For children, something other than sleeping is done, yes?” Ivan just stared at her, slightly tilting his head and waiting for her to explain. _Something other than sleeping?_

“It’s… like a hug but different?” She says, not sure what to call it. “With no clothes on?”

His face reddened and he gave a slight scowl. “That doesn’t sound appropriate. People shouldn’t see each other naked.”

“My kind don’t wear clothes.” She says after a few moments. “You’ve seen me like that many times.”

"I know your kind doesn’t, but your real form is different."

“Not by much.” She says after a moment. “This part is just hidden in that form.” She pointed to below her pelvis but he refused to look and quickly turned back to his most likely ruined breakfast.

  
☙~❧  
  


During the next two months Ivan had to seemingly relearn everything. He was scared to even touch Mattie for a long while. Holding hands took only about week for him to open up to the idea of it again though.

Mattie was fairly patient with Ivan distancing himself from her. She was a bit confused and frustrated at times but didn’t mention anything about it and gave him time to readjust.

It took him about a month before he would hug her without feeling uncomfortable about it or without her asking for it. _Nuzzling_ , he had flinched away from like he had before and that clenching feeling had returned with it, but with a vengeance.

Ivan had also become a little more protective of her, which was not always a bad thing. The boy, the one Ivan had dislocated the arm of, had his whole group waiting for a chance to strike. Ivan had gotten into more than one fight with them; sometimes one on one, while other times more than three of them would take him on. But every time Ivan set them running with their tails between their legs or left them to pick themselves up in the street.

Ivan went on with his days with minor wounds; they were rarely major since most did not dare to draw their knife on him. He allowed Mattie to help treat his wounds so long as they were not under his clothes, but this did not help comfort her. She did not like the fighting and was quite worried for him.

All this fighting however, made some of the townsfolk hate him more. He had at least one rock thrown at him anytime he came into town. He just passed it off as a small bother whenever it concerned Mattie. However more were starting to, oddly enough, _like_ Ivan.

It baffled him one day when a lady passing by greeted him by his real name and even _smiled_ at him. Turns out he had gained quite the respect amongst some of them for _“defending his woman”_ from the group of boys that harassed him.

He had lost count of the times he had had to explain that Mattie was a _friend_ and not his lover _or_ lover to be. It was annoying when they would grin at him like they knew something he didn’t, but he was glad at the turn out of so many people accepting Mattie and talking to her like she was just another villager. Mattie was ecstatic about this and enjoyed talking with the people, learning things from them as well as Ivan now.

He was cute that Mattie often had a small parade of little girls following after her and it was clear that she absolutely _adored_ playing with the girls.

After a time Ivan had to put a restraint on how much treats Mattie was allowed to buy though, they’d be broke if she kept it up. He was trying to be tighter with spending now that the seasons were becoming cooler, even if he _was_ making more than he ever had because of Mattie’s help and her pearl dives. Ivan had something planned that he needed the money for.

Church was another interesting event that they now took part in every week. It was hard to pass up when _everyone_ had to be respectful. Ivan wasn’t religious and while Mattie didn’t really understand what the people talked about during church, she enjoyed conversing with people and chatting with them inside the safety of its walls.

There had been a few days though that Ivan asked that she not come with him when he went into town. She obliged and stayed home though she didn’t understand why she needed to. Until one day Ivan brought her to the furthest, least developed part of town. There were very little buildings around and the ones there were spread out from each other.

"I want to show you something." He said as they walked along the path together.

“Oh, okay.”

Ivan brought her up to one of the buildings, unlocked it, and held the door open for her. “You first.” He said with a smile.

“Okay?” She walked inside the building; the inside was similar to Ivan’s hut but much cleaner and even. Though there was nothing inside aside from a fair sized stove; three times the size of Ivan’s, on the other side of the room. There were three doors too, one on each far side of the stove and one closer to the front door. There were also a couple windows, though the roof felt a little higher than the ones in town.

While the place did not look like it had been built in the past year, it was clear that someone had worked on it a little. She looked around the place curiously before looking back at him. “What’s this?”

"Have a look for yourself." Ivan gestured to the other doors as he closed the front one.

Mattie looked around, opening doors and looking inside each room. Both rooms closest to the stove were as bare as the main room with only one window each. The last door opened into a small room about the size of Ivan’s bedroom, but inside this room was a big stone tub with a wood lining and a small pit next to it.She turned and looked at Ivan curiously. “What is this place?”

He just smiled, bouncing on his toes a little. “Nice isn’t it?”

She smiled and nodded. “Yes, but what is it?”

Ivan took out a key from his pocket and placed it in her hand. “Our new home.”

She took the key and stared at him in surprise for a moment before her smile grew. “Really?”

He nodded. “I have been repairing it for a while now and with all your help, we’ve been able to get a new place to live. I’ll still keep the hut for a fishing cabin or something, but this is our home now.”

“So we will be moving everything over here then?” She asks, smiling happily.

"Well, not everything. I’ll have to buy or make you a bed to put in your room." Ivan grinned.

“My room?”

"Yes. You will have your own room now. We can put your tub in there if you like that better than a bed too."

She shook her head a little. “A bed is fine.”

"How big of a bed would you like?" He asked as he walked to one of the rooms.

She tilted her head in thought for a moment before smiling. “Bigger than the one at the other house.”

"There are many sizes that are bigger than my bed." Ivan chuckled.

“Big enough for both of us to fit side by side.” She replies, looking pleased with herself for thinking of it.

Ivan’s face flushed red and he slowly turned to face her. “Mattie, I can’t share a bed with you.”

She pouted a little. “Why not?”

"Because we’ve talked about it Mattie. And I don’t think it is a good idea."

“But that can’t happen if we are just sleeping in the bed.” She protests with a soft frown.

“ _Mattie_.” Ivan’s tone was annoyed by her persistence on the subject.

“I’m serious! I even asked some of the ladies in town about it and they said it can’t happen if we’re just _sleeping_.”

The man sighed and ran his hand over his face. _How long ago was_ _that?_ It could be the reason for all this confusion about their “relationship”. “Mattie, can we please not talk about this?”

She frowned at him for a moment before nodding and going back to exploring the new house. Mostly she just looked at the new tub and tried to figure out just how much space she’d have to swim around in it even though there wasn’t water in it yet.

  
☙~❧  
  


It took them a day to move everything they needed over to their new home. Luckily they were able to use Ivan’s boat to move it over in one trip but it took a while due to the distance between the water and their new house.

The news that Ivan was closer to town now did not take long to spread though. It was hard to tell if the reactions were good or bad at the moment but Mattie was glad to be closer to town regardless of the town’s thoughts on the matter.

Two days later they were settled in and Mattie’s bed was almost finished; it was big like she had requested, Ivan just needed a few more cuts of wood and it would be done. He left to get them about an hour before sundown while Mattie stayed home, figuring he’d be back fairly soon.

She had waited for Ivan, but drifted off into an uneasy sleep curled up in his bed while waiting for him as the hours went by. She couldn’t sleep peacefully however and kept waking up every so often, continually getting up to check if Ivan was home yet.

It must have been four in the morning by the time he came staggering home. All the lights were out and he was quiet when he entered the home, shaking off his boots before walking to the bathing room.

It took some time for him to fill the tub with semi-hot water; normally he would have been fine with a cool bath but waking up after the beating he got, everything hurt and he was stiff. He then began to strip, peeling off the bloodstained shirt and tossing it out the door.

At this moment Mattie had also awakened and gone out into the main room, noticing the boots and the bloodstained shirt after she had lit the lantern on the table. She walked over near the doorway, frowning down at the shirt. “Ivan…?” She calls in a soft worried tone, looking up through the doorway.

Ivan looked as though he had just finished taking off his undergarments, the clothing dangling from one hand and obstructing the view of his privates. His gaze had snapped towards the doorway at hearing her voice, his eyes wide with surprise when he saw her standing there, himself frozen to the spot.

He was covered with bruises, some larger than others. Two large cuts went down the front of his chest on an angle; the blood was smeared around the area, dark in color from oxidation; muscles were being defined by the discoloration of his skin but were otherwise faint. His arms were covered in much more cuts, but most were not nearly as deep as the two on his chest.

But under all of that were old scars, the most notable was a great star burst on his left side that started on his hip and went to up his elbow and down to his knee.

Mattie couldn’t help but stare at him in shock for a moment before turning away from the doorway and just leaning up against the door, knowing he didn’t think people should see each other like that. “Sorry. Did you just get back? What happened? Why are you covered in so many wounds?” Her voice was soft and worried.

Ivan just pressed his clothing to his pelvis and fidgeted nervously or perhaps it was uncomfortably, he didn’t know. He felt embarrassed, but at the same time he didn’t. His face was red; he knew that, though he was still confused on how he felt about her having seen him.

“Ivan…?” She asks, her voice sounding a little more worried. “Are you okay?”

"Fine." He croaked, swallowing thickly before he tried again, his voice a little clearer. "I’m fine."

“What happened?” She asks softly. “You’re hurt…”

"Another fight."

“You’re back really late…”

"I know…"

“Why…?”

"I got into a fight."

“With that boy’s group…?” She guesses.

"No."

“Who then?” She frowned softly in worry. “You’re not normally back this late even if you have gotten into a fight…”

"I… got knocked out by a group of fishermen."

“Oh…” She went quiet for a few moments. “Well, just make sure to take care of your wounds, okay?”

"I will."

“Good.” There was the sound of cloth rustling a little and the door bumping the wall gently as Mattie slid down to sit on the floor with her back up against the door.

Ivan had hoped she would close the door but she didn’t. So he stood there unmoving for a bit before slowly backing up towards the tub. Then he quickly jumped in, hoping she wouldn’t have seen anything more before hunching down so only his head was above the tub, his eyes locked on Mattie the whole time.

But she was sitting just outside the doorway, hugging her knees to her chest. The dress pulled down over them so she wouldn’t be exposed and her head was resting on her knees, looking away from the open doorway. She just sat there quietly, saying nothing.

"Mattie." Ivan calls softly after a long moment silence. "I’m not mad or upset at you."

“I know.” She replies just as softly without moving. “I’m just waiting for you out here.”

"Why?"

“Well I didn’t think you’d want me to wait for you in there with you.”

"Well I can’t even get out without you seeing me naked." Then he remembered that he hadn’t even brought a towel in with him. _I must have lost some of my brain in that fight._

“I’m not even looking at the doorway.” She points out softly. “And even if I was, my eyes would be closed.”

"You don’t even care do you?" Ivan clenched his teeth together and looked away.

“I care that you’re hurt but I know you don’t think people should see each other naked and I’m respecting that by staying out here where I can’t see you.”

"… _Nothing_ good ever came of it.” He mumbled five minutes later.

“Nothing good ever came of what?” She asks moments after, confused by his statement.

"Being exposed." He brought his arms up, his hands grasping his shoulders tightly as that was the closest he could get them to his back.

“Oh… I suppose not.” She says softly. “Though I can’t say I entirely agree because I’ve always been exposed while in the water.”

"That’s different." Ivan was starting to build walls again, like when he had found out Mattie was a girl. Walls were like clothing, a form of protection. He could hide without fearing the outside; he couldn’t hurt if he shut it out.

“True, but in the open water it doesn’t matter if I have clothes or no clothes.” She says after a moment or three. “Clothes can’t protect me if something large and full of sharp teeth wanted to eat me.”

"I’ll get you a knife then."

“A knife will not protect me from something four or five times bigger than myself.”

"… It protected me." He whispered, ducking his head lower.

She was quiet for a few minutes. “Where would I keep a knife to begin with? My kind don’t carry things like that around… nor do we have a home to store things at.”

"I’ll get you a belt or something that you can attach it to while you swim."

“Wouldn’t a belt get in the way of my flippers or slide off my tail?”

"No. Not if it is done right."

“I see…”

When nothing else was said, Ivan scrubbed the dried blood and dirt from his body while Mattie waited silently outside the bathroom door. She was tired but she wanted to wait until she knew his wounds had been taken care of before she went back to sleep.

"Are your eyes closed?"

“Yes.”

"Good. Keep them that way." Ivan waited a moment before slowly getting out of the tub and hesitating before quickly running past Mattie to his room. With the door shut behind him, he quickly dried himself off and put some pants on, however before he went to bed, he had the cuts on his chest to deal with first.

She had kept her eyes closed until she heard the door to his room shut. Then moved and waited outside his door, out of the path of the door so she wouldn’t get hit if it opened suddenly.

Ivan reluctantly had to come out to get medicine for the cuts. He walked out with a blanket over his shoulders and went looking for the small jar. Once the item was found, he sat next to the table to be close to the light and then tried to apply it while holding the blanket over his body at the same time. Though with bruised and sore arms, the task was a little difficult to accomplish.

“Would you like help?” Mattie asks softly from where she was. Ivan had stopped and thought about it, but wasn’t sure.

“It’s fine if you don’t want me to help. I was just offering.”

"Could you hold the blanket?" Ivan asked quietly.

“Of course.” She stood and walked over to him; he’s tense but lets her take the blanket from his hands. As she held it up, her eyes were kept on the blanket.

Ivan then used both hands to lightly cover his cuts; the task didn’t take more than five minutes since he could put up with the little pain. He then took the blanket back from her. “Thank you…”

“You’re welcome.” She says, letting go of the blanket when he took it from her.

He sat there quietly, just watching her before looking away. “We should get some rest before the sun rises. I want to be sailing before two hours after sunrise.”

She looked down at her feet quietly, frowning softly when he said that. “You should get more rest than that…”

"Why?" He asked. "It’s nothing, I’ve been through worse."

“It didn’t look like nothing…” She mumbles, looking away from him.

"The bruises will be gone in a week and the cuts will be gone in two or three." Ivan said reassuringly.

She sat down next to him quietly and rested her head on the table, not looking very reassured. “At least sleep in the bed tonight.”

Ivan sighed and stood up, gently grabbing Mattie’s hand to pull her along. He led her into his bedroom, dropping her hand to point at the bed. “Lay down.” She frowned a little but lay down on the bed as asked.”… Close your eyes again please.”

“… Okay.” She closed her eyes.

Ivan then dropped the blanket and pulled on a clean long sleeve shirt. It was a dark shirt so it didn’t matter if blood got on it. The man then crawled onto the bed. “Move over some.”

It took some moving around before they were in a comfortable position. Ivan then pulled the blankets up and over their shoulders. “Only tonight.” He said softly before turning so his back faced her. Mattie didn’t move for a few minutes at first, but then she turned towards him and snuggled up close to his back, tentatively draping an arm around him after a moment or two of hesitation. Ivan tensed and inched away a little from the touch, wanting to crawl out of the bed and onto the floor.

“…Sorry.” She says softly, pulling her arm back and turning so her back faced his back. They fell asleep like this, back to back. But an hour later Ivan rolled over in his sleep and wrapped his arms around Mattie, pulling her in close with a content sigh. She snuggled in close when he did that, relaxing and finally able to get some peaceful sleep that night. This was first time in a long while that they had shared a bed and it was the most soothing thing right now for both of them.


	9. Chapter 9

The sun had been up for an hour but Ivan was still sleeping. He would make a content sound from time to time and nuzzle her gently. Mattie on the other hand was awake, though she stayed snuggled in close to him, not wanting to disturb his rest.  
  
Ivan continued to sleep peacefully for another half hour before his eyes opened heavily, trying to blink the sleep out of them while Mattie smiled at him. “Good morning.” She greets softly.  
  
"Mm." He was still very groggy and wanted to sleep more. He stretched a little before hugging Mattie close once more and closing his eyes.  
  
Mattie smiled a little more and snuggled close. “Why don’t we take the day off since you’re still tired?” She suggests gently.  
  
"…Day off?" He slurred as he lazily looked down at her. Something felt… Different. Odd.  
  
“Yes, a day off. We can stay here and you can rest some more.”  
  
Ivan stared down at her, blinking until he was more awake. He then jolted suddenly and let Mattie go, looking ashamed of his actions. “Sorry. I hadn’t realized I had grabbed you.”  
  
Mattie just giggled a little at that. “Relax. It’s okay. It was nice.”  
  
Ivan gave an uncertain frown and sat up, though gave a wince, as whole body seemed to throb in pain.  
  
Mattie sat up as well, tilting her head a little when he winced and watching the man rubbed the stiffness from his arms.  
  
Ivan took notice of another change, an odd soreness that ached in a way. He wasn’t sure what is was, what it was from, or even what to think of it though.  
  
“How are you feeling this morning?”  
  
"Sore and stiff but after I stretch some I should be fit for work."  
  
She frowned softly at that. “How about we take the day off instead?”  
  
Ivan sighs and looks over at her. “I’m fine Mattie, there’s no need to worry about me.” He then smiles.  
  
“Of course there is.” She retorts rather promptly.  
  
"Oh?"  
  
“Yes.”  
  
"Care to explain?" He asks as he turns slightly to face her more.  
  
“Last night is a good example. You get into fights or are attacked and you get many injures, and then you don’t rest enough and want to get back to work and that is not good.”  
  
"If I stopped to rest every time I got into a fight then I would have spent most of my days in bed." He said calmly and gave a small uncaring shrug.  
  
“I meant fights like last night.” She huffs.  
  
"I’ve had many of those and worse."  
  
“That’s plenty of reason to worry especially since you don’t seem to worry about yourself much.”  
  
He grew quiet for a moment. “Forgive me Mattie. This… is all still new to me. I never worried about myself until I met you. Or maybe I care less for myself, and more for you? I am not certain which is which right now.” He then gave a cheerful smile. “But I know this. I want to be able to support you, to take care of you and make you happy.”  
  
“Then start by taking care of yourself.” She says, crossing her arms and frowning at him a little.  
  
Ivan replied to this with a childish pout, not at all taking it to heart.  
  
“I’m serious. I didn’t enjoy waking up every so often last night waiting to see if you were back yet only to find that when you’d finally gotten home, you were covered in injuries.”  
  
"Well it’s better that you were here than there seeing it happen."  
  
“If I had gone looking for you, you would’ve been home sooner.”  
  
"No, I wouldn’t have and you would have gotten hurt."  
  
“I don’t care.” She huffs out. “At least I would’ve known where you were sooner.”  
  
” _I do_.” He almost growled. “I don’t want you to get hurt and I will punish anyone who does you harm.”  
  
“Well I care if _you_ get hurt!” She exclaims in exasperation. “And I wish I could do something about it but I can’t!”  
  
"There’s nothing that can be done about it. They will continue to hurt me until I’m buried but I won’t go down without a fight! Not when I finally have _something_ to live for!” He snapped back.  
  
Mattie gave a small cry of frustration and got up out of bed, just leaving the bedroom and briskly walking into the bathing room to strip and go sulk at the bottom of the tub with her back facing the open door. The water was colder than she would’ve liked it to be but right now she didn’t really care.

  
☙~❧

  
Ivan didn’t go after her until he had calmed his nerves. He got up and stood by the bathing room door, looking down at the floor before speaking. “They had found out about our new home. I heard them talking, arguing, and that’s when they saw me. They confronted me, saying I stole from their nets, and when I told them I hadn’t, they attacked me. They were saying that I was a liar and that there was no way I could have made the money on my own. That I was too soft in the head, too weak…”  
  
Mattie surfaced after a moment or two, her head just above water though she was still facing away from the door. “That means it’s my fault then… because I help you catch so many.”  
  
"No it’s not. I don’t care what they think; it doesn’t affect them! I just-! I just wanted to tell you what happened…" He ended softly. Hadn’t told her everything about the incident though; he didn’t want to frighten her.  
  
She was quiet for a minute before speaking just as softly. “I’m sorry for leaving suddenly like that. I was just… frustrated.”  
  
"We both were." Ivan admitted.  
  
“Yes.” She agrees with a slight nod.  
  
"I… I promise to be more careful and avoid fights whenever I can."  
  
She turned around at that, peering at him over the edge of the tub. _“Really?”_  
  
"Yes, but if someone tries to harm you I won’t hesitate to get involved."  
  
“Okay.” She says giving a little nod. “…Can we also take a day off today…?”  
  
"Yes, we can take the day off. Would you like something hot to eat or would you like some fish?"  
  
“Something hot would be nice.” She says with a smile. “Help out of the tub and a towel would be great too.”  
  
"I’ll get the towel, wait one moment." He said and then left to get one for her. It was easy to lift her out of the tub, but the odd ache had come back after he had helped her dry off some. He left her to finish drying and went out to cook breakfast.  
  
Once she finished drying herself off and got dressed, Mattie came out into the main room and sat down at the table. Ivan join her at the table shortly after with two plates of eggs, toast, and a few slices of apple. They ate in silence, but both wore content expressions.  
  
After clean up, the man then went back to his room to check his cuts and to change shirts. Mattie’s bed could still be worked on today since he wasn’t going anywhere and it was easy work so he went to her room and began to work on what he could. He still needed a few pieces of wood for it to be completely ready for use though. Mattie had followed after him, sitting down on the floor and watching him work quietly. “We’ll need to get you some more clothes, warmer ones. The days are slowly getting colder and it won’t be long before the temperature suddenly drops.” Ivan said shortly after she entered the room.  
  
“Colder than now?” She questions, frowning a bit. “I don’t think I’ve ever experienced colder than it is now.”  
  
Ivan looked back at her in great surprise. “You haven’t?”  
  
She shook her head. “No, my family travels a lot. We always stay in warm waters.”  
  
"Well, it will get so cold that the ocean will freeze. I’ll just make sure you have twice as many blankets and I’ll bring the small stove over for you to use."  
  
“Freeze?”  
  
"Water becomes so cold that it turns into a white rock basically." Ivan chuckled.  
  
Her eyes went wide. “Really?!”  
  
"Yes really." Now he couldn’t wait to see her face the day it snowed.  
  
“When will it get like that?”  
  
"In three months maybe? It will snow before then."  
  
"What’s snow?"  
  
"Um. How to explain this… It’s rain that is frozen, like freeze, but in tiny flakes that turn back into rain when they touch your skin." It wasn’t the best way to explain it, but it was all he could think of on the spot. "It will be easier to understand once you see it for your self."  
  
“Oh… Okay.” After a few minutes of quiet she spoke up again. “How are your cuts doing…?”  
  
"Fine, they didn’t bleed much while I slept." He replied as he worked.  
  
“That’s good. They’re not too deep are they?” She asks, fretting just a little. She hadn’t really gotten a good look at them earlier.  
  
"The ones on my chest aren’t, though I don’t think I need to stitch the ones on my arms." He thought about it a little more. "Actually… It may be a good idea."  
  
“Stitch?”  
  
He nodded. “To force a wound closed.”  
  
“Oh… are you going to stitch them then?”  
  
"Not while you’re around."  
  
“Why not?” She asks with a pout.  
  
"Because you will yell at me and might cry." He said softly with a frown.  
  
“Why do you say that?”  
  
"Because it will hurt me."  
  
She frowned. “Oh. Should I wait in here while you stitch them then?”  
  
He shook his head. “No, you would still hear me.”  
  
“… Should I go outside then?”  
  
"It’s fine Mattie, I’ll do it some other time or maybe I won’t have to bother with it." Ivan then stood up. "I need that wood if I’m going to be able to finish this."  
  
“Are you going out to get it then?”  
  
"Yes, would you like to come with? We can stop and buy you some blankets of your own." He turned to her and held out his hand to help her up.  
  
She took his hand and nodded with a smile. “Yes.”

  
☙~❧

  
Mattie’s bed was finished by noon and set up nicely in her room. Ivan had bought her five heavy blankets to start with and would buy her more when the days got colder. He also got her a winter coat to wear over her dress and knee high boots for when the snow came, though both would not be ready for a couple days.  
  
But now Ivan was bored with nothing to do and Mattie was currently sitting on the bench quietly, looking at Ivan every so often like she wanted to ask something but wasn’t sure she should. “You are free to speak Mattie. You have nothing to fear here.” He said as he leaned back in the chair at the table. It hurt a little that Mattie would refrain from speaking her mind when it was just him around.  
  
“I… was curious how you got the really big scar…” She says softly, looking down at her lap for a few moments before glancing up at him timidly.  
  
Ivan became very still. “You saw it…? The one on my left side?” He asked quietly, his eyes hidden behind his bangs.  
  
She looked back down at her lap and nodded. “Yes, I saw it.” Her voice was just as quiet.  
  
He sighed slowly before getting up to sit down next to her. “What about it?”  
  
“I was curious how you got it…”  
  
"Do you really want to know?" He says gently, looking at her seriously.  
  
She met his gaze and nodded. “Yes, but you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”  
  
"You’ve already seen it, there’s no use in hiding it." Ivan frowned, holding his hands together tightly.  
  
She hesitated a moment before gently placing her hands over his. “I only saw it briefly so you can hide it if you want to.” She says softly. “You don’t have to tell me how you got it if you don’t want to Ivan.”  
  
"… I got it from a fire. I was nine when it happened." He says slowly after staring at her hands, willing his own not to shake. _I want to trust her. I want her to know me._  
  
“What was the fire from…? I’ve only ever seen the one in the stove.”  
"A torch, a lantern, something. I don’t know, or I don’t remember."  
  
“Oh… was it an accident or…”  
  
He gave a weak shrug. “I don’t know… but I feel that it wasn’t.”  
  
“Oh…” She frowned unhappily at that. “Have the others always treated you so… harshly…?”  
  
Ivan cringed as he thought about the other times. He could still hear their shouting, feel their anger, see the hatred in their eyes, and feel the heat of the fire.  
  
Fire. FIRE. Oh how they loved **_fire_**. Loved to use it. Loved to _see_ it. Metal was another favorite. And rope. Oh _yes_ , rope, metal, and fire.  
  
"Y-yes." He stuttered out, cursing himself afterwards for the shake in his voice before moving his right hand to his burned side and gripping it tightly so all he felt was real pain and not the horrid ghost that was left behind. He hated how something as feeble as a memory could bring him pain and fear; make him _weak_. Ivan always just wanted to show Mattie how strong he was, he didn’t want her to see him like this, or see him broken.  
  
Mattie had a sad look on her face as she reached out and gently placed her hand over his right one. “Please don’t hurt yourself more.” She pleads softly.  
  
Ivan took a deep breath because if he didn’t his voice would shake once more. “If I don’t, it will hurt more.”  
  
She didn’t reply to that but she shifted to give him a gentle hug, keeping her hand over his right one. A sharp pain dug itself into Ivan’s chest, similar to the day Mattie asked about his family; it was hard to breathe and it hurt to swallow.  
  
They just sat there, Ivan breathing in and out slowly, a few shaky breaths here and there. After a long time Ivan let go of his death grip on his side; it was most likely bruised now. He then wrapped his arms around Mattie in a tight embrace and Mattie hugged back, rubbing his back gently like he’d done to comfort her before. “I’m sorry.” He said softly. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”  
  
“You didn’t scare me.” She replies just as softly.  
  
"You looked scared."  
  
“I’m not scared. I’m worried.”  
  
"Why? They’re just memories. The pain I feel isn’t even real. It lasts for ten minutes at most." He mumbled numbly.  
  
“Because I don’t like seeing you hurt. Even if it is just memories.”  
  
"That’s kind of you."  
  
“I don’t like that they’ve always treated you harshly either.” She says after a moment.  
  
Ivan gave a shrug. _I deserve it for what I did._  
  
“I don’t understand why they treat you like that… though I’ve had many people offer to tell me why but I keep telling them no.”  
  
He pulled back and looked at her with wide eyes. “You have? But— why?”  
  
“Why have they been offering or why have I been saying no?” She asks, tilting her head a little.  
  
"I know _why_ they want to tell you, but why have you been saying no?”  
“Because I’d rather hear it from you, if and when you’re ready to tell me.” She says simply. “I don’t want to hear it from them before you’re ready for me to know about it.”  
  
"And if I never tell you…?"  
  
She shrugged a little. “Then I suppose I’ll never know the reason.”  
  
"You’re fine with that?"  
  
She nodded. “Yes, why?”  
  
"I should be the one asking you that. I’ve just chosen to keep the most important part of my past from you and you just shrug." Ivan was confused.  
  
“I don’t care what it is in your past that makes them hate you. If you want to tell me, that’s fine. If you don’t want to tell me, that’s also fine.”  
  
"You might…" He looked away.  
  
“Whatever it is Ivan, it doesn’t matter if I know it or not. I’m not going to hate you for it either way.”  
  
Ivan opened his mouth a couple times, trying to get words out but he couldn’t and his vision was getting slightly blurry, so he did what he could. He pulled Mattie in for another hug and slowly nuzzled her shoulder.

  
☙~❧

  
A week had passed and Ivan had brought Mattie into town to pick up her new clothes, Mattie happily holding hands with him as they went. Ivan was happy today too; it was nice and sunny, most likely the last day like this until spring. He wanted to enjoy this for as long as he could.  
  
Once at the tailors, Ivan wanted Mattie to try on the clothing before they left, just in case it didn’t fit. He had even ordered a few pairs of warm socks a couple days ago to be added to the bundle. “Tell me how they feel.”  
  
Mattie went into a separate room to change into the clothes, making sure it fit before changing into her usual clothes and coming back out. “They feel warm and they fit well.”  
  
"And the socks? They don’t bother your feet?"  
  
“They feel a little weird, but they are also warm and fit well.”  
  
"Good. Do you want to pick up more blankets to add to your nest?" His tone was playful as he took her new clothes and folded them neatly.  
  
She giggled and smiled. “That would probably be a good idea.”  
  
"Alright off we go." The bundle of clothing was wrapped and tucked under his arm as he held out his other hand for her to take. She took it and happily walked with him to go get more blankets.  
  
☙~❧  
  
After they had picked a few more blankets, Ivan wanted to stop by the market to stock up on dried fruits. Meats, he could salt and dry on his own, but fruits he still hadn’t mastered.  
  
It was noon so the market was crowded but Ivan held Mattie’s hand to keep her close as she held her things in her free hand. Though it wasn’t like he could lose sight of the six-foot woman in a crowd of people barely over five and half in the first place. Mattie stayed close, she’d still rather not stray too far from him in the busy marketplace.  
  
Soon, a group of ladies and their children crowded near Mattie to converse in just the normal small talk while the kids thought that she might slip them treats under their mother’s noses. Mattie talked with the ladies a bit and apologized to the kids. She didn’t have any treats today.  
  
Ivan smiled and asked for his hand back for a moment so he could pay the man for the fruits and even a few jars of jam. The ladies then got a little more nosy and giggly as they started to ask Mattie how she had tamed the giant Russian.  
  
Soon their husbands had come around to collect the curious hens. Some of women tried to swoon their men into letting them stay longer to talk to Mattie, though they just laughed about it and slowly started to depart in smaller groups.  
  
The ladies patted Mattie’s arm and promised to come find her later for a chat, hinting at homemade goods to be brought along. The men also bid the taller woman good day.  
  
Ivan glanced back and smiled, grateful that Mattie had made some decent friends. He juggled the items to add the bag to his other arm so he could retake Mattie’s hand but then he thought of something and turned back to the sales man to ask him where to find a certain item.  
  
Meanwhile the last of the girls had turned to leave, trying to wiggle into the mass of people. A few others passed and called greetings to Mattie.  
  
A man even stopped to ask her how her day was going so far. The chat was pleasant and short, him offering her a handshake before apologizing with a sad look in his eyes. Apologizing for having fallen into Ivan’s cruel torment and promising her that there was a happy ending to it all. He would make sure she got that happy ending.  
  
She frowned at his words and tried to explain that there was no torment going on and asked what in the world was he talking about.  
  
He said all this and a little more as he held her hand before using his free hand to slip a blade through her clothing, into her belly just under her navel.  
  
Mattie tensed at first and went wide-eyed before giving an odd distressed squeak and curling in on herself at the pain, the items she had been holding falling to the ground with a dull thud.  
  
Ivan jumped at Mattie’s sound of distress and whipped around. “Mattie! What’s wrong?”  
  
It only took Mattie a second or two after curling in on herself to realize that she wanted to get _away_ from the attacker and not _towards_ the attacker. She shoved the man, giving another pained squeak as the blade was pulled from her belly and she staggered back into Ivan.  
  
At the sight of her blood and the knife slipping from her belly, Ivan snapped; his hand lashed out to grab the man’s hand before he could run, his other clenched tightly into a fist and was rammed into the attacker’s face. A sickening sound of bone cracking, joints popping, and flesh twisting could be heard as the man’s head was forced to turn ninety degrees, snapping his neck. He was dead in an instant.  
  
What felt like minutes was only seconds, Ivan’s items having hit the ground the second Ivan had killer intent and broken the man’s neck.  
  
No one noticed. No one so much as _screamed_ until the man had hit the ground, blood dripping passed his lips from the shattered jaw.  
Then Ivan spun back to Mattie, just barely catching her fall. Suddenly everyone was screaming and shouting, panic rising as they backed away from the man Ivan had just killed.  
  
"Mattie! Mattie!" Ivan called her name as he held her in one arm, keeping her propped off the ground. He could see the blood pooling around her pelvis, his hands were shaking and Ivan was panicking. His thoughts running wild before he finally pressed a firm hand onto her wound, trying to stop the bleeding.  
  
She flinched when her wound was touched. “Hurts!” She whimpers, tears pooling in her eyes.  
  
Ivan gently hushed her and tried to speak in an even tone. “I know, I know, but we need to keep pressure on the wound. You’re going to be okay.” He was shaking in fear, wanting to believe that his words were true, but he didn’t know if she was going to be okay.  
  
People around them were still shouting and crying out. Women were calling out for someone to get a doctor. Some were accusing Ivan of murder and he was the one that hurt Mattie in the first place, the few that actually saw what happened argued against them. Ivan had been defending Mattie.  
  
Mattie’s legs were so shaky right now. “Hurts.” She whimpers again, turning towards Ivan and clinging to him, tears falling from her eyes as she hid her face in his chest. “Scared.”  
  
He hugged her close, while still keeping a firm hand on her bleeding wound. “I’ve got you, Mattie… I’ve got you.” A few men started to grab onto him. Ivan could only growl out warnings and try to ignore them. He couldn’t risk letting her go.  
  
"Move you damn fool!" A man shouted, one of many trying to get Ivan to move. "She needs a doctor, she’s bleeding to death!"  
  
” ** _No one_** touches her!” Ivan snapped, bashing his head into one of the other man’s, but another was quick to get Ivan in a headlock. Slowly they were holding him off as more men got involved, but needed him to _let go_ of Mattie before they could get her out here.  
  
She whimpered in pain at being jostled by all of the movement. She tried to move away from all of that but her limbs felt really heavy and her vision was going dark. Before she could even figure out why her vision was going dark, she slipped into unconsciousness.  
  
"Mattie!? Wake up! Open your eyes! _Mattie_!” Ivan continued to cry out her name. He couldn’t believe this was happening, it wasn’t! Why Mattie!? She was innocent! She’s never done anything to anyone!  
  
Ivan was still shouting her name as they pried her from his arms and even when she was long out of his sight. The twelve men holding him back had little choice but to tie him down but Ivan didn’t stop fighting until he had nothing left for energy or strength.


	10. Chapter 10

When Mattie woke up she ached but she was warm. Her first thought was that she was at home but when she opened her eyes the place wasn’t familiar. She went to sit up and soon regretted that decision, giving a pained whimper and laying back down. Her eyes were wide and scared as she looked around as much as she could, trying to locate where Ivan was in the room.  
  
A few moments later a man with slightly curly brown hair and a beard came over to sit in a chair next to her bed. He was dressed in faded grey clothing and an apron with stains all over it. “I see you are awake. Tell me, how are you feeling?”  
  
Her wide eyes landed on him and regarded him for a moment before answering. “Hurts… Where is Ivan?” Her eyes darted around the room again, looking but unable to find him.  
  
"Don’t worry about him right now. I have some important questions to ask you." He waved it off. "First, do you have any questions for me?"  
  
“Where’s Ivan?” She asks again, looking at the man. “I want Ivan…”  
  
"He’s not here. Right now you should be worried about yourself."  
  
“Where is he? I want Ivan here…”  
  
"He’s not coming in here, he isn’t allowed." He said firmly.  
  
“Why not? I want Ivan…” She says, her voice nearing a whine.  
  
"Because this room is for doctors and women only."  
  
“But I want Ivan…” She protests softly.  
  
The doctor sighed and decided just to move on. “You have been sleeping for three days. You were lucky you didn’t have internal bleeding. Your stitches are holding up, I recommend you stay in bed for another three days and avoid all heavy lifting for three weeks.”  
  
“Don’t want to stay in bed here.” She mumbles unhappily. “Want to be where Ivan can also be.”  
  
"You can see him in a few days perhaps. It all depends on how you answer my questions."  
  
“No, want Ivan now. Not in a few days.” She whines.  
  
"Was Ivan the one who stabbed you?" He asks seriously.  
  
“No!” She glared at the man viciously at that question. “Man Ivan hurt stabbed me! Was talking very nicely to that man then the man stabbed me!”  
  
"Do you know why he stabbed you?" He asks, not caring about her anger at all.  
  
“He said he was sorry that I had fallen into Ivan’s cruel torment and promised there was a happy ending to it all and then he stabbed me.” She says slowly, frowning unhappily. “Ivan is not cruel and does not torment me. Ivan is very nice and tries to make sure I am always happy and safe.”  
  
The doctor nods slowly. “Did you know if you were pregnant at the time?”  
  
“I am not pregnant.” She says giving him an odd look. “Ivan and I do not sleep together. I have my own room and bed.”  
  
The doctor nodded again. “If I may, I strongly suggest that you never rear children. For your own safety and whatever future child you may have.”  
  
She frowned a little in confusion. “Why?”  
  
"Your hips." The man pointed to her lower half that was under the blankets. "They are very small. You have a high risk of dying in childbirth because of that, no doubt from the disproportions of your body."  
  
“Oh… okay.” She says, frowning sadly and nodding.  
  
"Moving on. I would like to ask you where the discoloration of your skin came from. An infection? Previous wound? Or since you are not from here, is it part of a tradition from your homeland?"  
  
She stared at him for a moment before realizing what he was talking about. “Tradition.”  
  
"Very well. Do you have any questions for me before I take my leave?"  
  
“Can I see Ivan now please?”  
  
"No. Ivan is in prison right now for murder." He said calmly and stood up. "One of the nurses will be around to give you some food. Please rest and we’ll allow some of your friends to come in and see you."  
  
“I don’t want to rest. I want Ivan.” She protests.  
  
"Don’t make me sedate you." He gave her a warning look before leaving the room as she glared at him unhappily.  
  
A nurse did come around with some food for Mattie and was much friendlier than the doctor. Shortly after, some of the girls Mattie knew stopped by to make sure she was all right. Even Natalya came to see her with a bag of treats. Mattie smiled a bit at the girls, petting their heads and assuring them that she was okay. She then asked Natalya if she knew whether or not Ivan was okay.  
  
"I don’t know… They won’t let any of the kids in to see. Says it’s an adult matter." She pouted and crossed her arms as she sat at the foot of the bed.  
  
Mattie frowned softly in worry. “Could you ask your mother for me later?”  
  
Natalya nodded, but then looked very sad. “I was really worried about you.”  
  
Mattie beckoned the girl closer. “Come here, you can sit by me as long as you don’t sit on me.” She says with a soft smile.  
  
The little girl moved to sit by her side and snuggled in close. “I hope they don’t put Ivan to death.” She whispered.  
  
Mattie held her hand and kept her close. “I really hope they don’t do that.” Mattie whispers sadly. “That would make me very, very, very sad.”

  
☙~❧

  
Three days passed slowly and Natalya would visit every day. She told Mattie on the second day that Ivan had been let go, but had to work for the town as punishment. Mattie was grateful and thanked Natalya for informing her on what was going on. When she was finally allowed to, Mattie got up and slowly left the doctor’s place with her group of girls following her.  
  
She found Ivan was standing right outside the building, he looked like he had taken a real beating and hadn’t slept in days. “Mattie…” His voice was hoarse and his eyes watered at the sight of her. “Mattie, you’re okay.”  
  
Mattie slowly walked over to him and hugged him gently. “I still hurt and it’s a little hard to walk but yes, I’m okay.” She says softly.  
  
He hugged her just as gently; he was shaking in relief that she was alive. “I thought I lost you.”  
  
“No, I’m still here.” She says, nuzzling him lightly. “I was worried for you as well.”  
  
"How-… How is your wound?" He whispered and pulled back some to look down at her. "It will heal with no problems?"  
  
“It’s fine but I’m not supposed to get it wet at all for a week.” She whispers back. “And no heavy lifting for me at all for three weeks.”  
  
Ivan nodded. “Got it, I’ll make sure you’re well looked after.” He then picked her up, cradling her in his arms.  
  
“Okay.” She nodded a little and rested her head on his chest. “Can we go to the house now please?”

  
☙~❧

  
He did not stop walking until they were safe at home. Ivan was guessing that she had been lying down for the whole time she was at the doctor’s and didn’t want to be in bed for a while so he sat her down at the table.  
  
“What happened to the things we got at the market that day?” She asks softly after he set her down. “My winter clothes and blankets and the food?”  
  
"They are in your room. I collected them the day I was let out." He said with a small smile.  
  
“Oh, good.” She smiled a bit.  
  
"Would you like to change your clothes?" Her dress was bloodstained and Ivan would like for it to be tossed to try and rid himself of the memory.  
  
After he asked her that, she looked down at her dress and nodded. “Yes, this one is ruined now.”  
  
"Do you need help changing?"  
  
“Probably.” She gave an apologetic smile.  
  
He blushed faintly but nodded and went to get a blanket and her change of clothes. When he returned he gave her the blanket first. “To cover yourself.” He said, more for her lower half since he had seen her top already. Even if it still made him feel off about it.  
  
Mattie covered her bottom half with it before wiggling the dress up high enough so she wasn’t sitting on it anymore. “I need help pulling this off.” She says after trying once on her own to pull it over her head and cringing when she’d stretched too much in one direction. Ivan carefully helped her out of the dress and tossed it to the side for the time being. He tried to give her some privacy and not look at her, even if it did take longer to get her dress on. She stood up to pull it down and handed him back the blanket when she was done. “All dressed now.”  
  
 ”… Are you hungry?” He asked as he took the blanket back, still not really looking at her.  
  
“A little yes.” She says with a nod.  
  
"What would you like?"  
  
“Some fruit would be fine.”  
  
With a nod, he put the blanket back in her room and went to get her a peach. As she ate the peach quietly Ivan looked down at his hands. “I’m sorry for breaking my promise.” He said with a deep frown.  
  
She looked up at him while munching on her peach. “Which promise?” She asks softly.  
  
"That I would protect you. I failed and you got badly hurt."  
  
“That wasn’t your fault.” She says shaking her head. “I didn’t think he’d do that and you were buying food for us.”  
  
"Still I— I should have known never to turn my back on you. The townsfolk are not to be trusted."  
  
She sighed softly and finished her peach, cleaning her hands off before beckoning him to come sit down with her. He did as she asked because he would not deny her. Once he was sitting down next to her, she turned towards him a little and took one of his hands in hers. “It’s all right Ivan.” She says gently. “I’m not mad at you, or disappointed, or anything like that. It was just an accident, all right?”  
  
Ivan didn’t make eye contact. “… When they took you from my arms, I thought that I would never see you again. I fought until my strength gave out and so many hours had gone by. I— I can’t fully explain why, but I was so filled with hate I would have killed everyone that touched you. So many thoughts ran though my head. What if, _what if_ , over and over; I couldn’t stand it. The hate didn’t end until someone told me you had woken up. I just wanted to be at your side after that; to hold your hand, embrace you, and touch you. To know for myself that you were real, not just some figment of my thoughts.”  
  
She was quiet for a few moments after he stopped talking. She then let go of his hand and slowly reached up to cup his face in her hands and directs his gaze at her. She waited until he was looking her in the eyes before she spoke gently. “It’s okay Ivan. I’m right here, and I’m very much real. Okay?”  
  
He in turn did the same, slowly bringing his hands up to cup her face and gently brushing his thumb over her soft cheeks. Ivan smiled, trying to hold it as it wavered, his eyes overflowing as two tears rolled down his slightly swollen face. He tried blinking them away, but a few more fell. His breath was shaking as he tried to keep himself calm.  
  
“It’s all right to cry if you feel like it.” She says softly, gently brushing the tears away with her thumbs.  
  
"I shouldn’t." He says weakly and closes his eyes. "It’s not proper for a man to cry."  
  
“It’s not proper for someone who’s always lived in the ocean to be living on land either and yet here I am.” She says with a soft smile. “I don’t care if it’s proper or not. It’s all right for you to cry if you feel like it. Only I can see you right now.”  
  
Ivan trembled a little before he rested his head on her shoulder and silently cried. The only evidence was his shaking shoulders and the dampness on her dress. He would do this only for a moment; to let all his fears of her dying go. She wrapped her arms around him in a gentle hug and held him while he cried, rubbing his back softly.  
  
"I don’t ever want to lose you, Mattie." He mumbled, wrapping his arms around her. "You’re the most important part of my life."  
  
“I don’t want to lose you either, Ivan.” She says softly.  
  
His heart practically leaped into his throat when Mattie said that. No one had ever said anything like that to him before. Not in his whole life. “Thank you.”  
  
“I was so worried the day I woke up.” She whispers softly. “I just wanted to see you and the doctor kept telling me no, but he didn’t tell me where you were until right before he left the room.”  
  
His hold on her tightened a bit. “He didn’t hurt you did he?”  
  
“No, he just asked if you had stabbed me, then something else, and then about my colors.”  
  
"Good…" Ivan nuzzled her shoulder, he was no longer crying, but still wanted her close. "I don’t like the thought of him having his hands on you or seeing you completely bare. Nor any other man." His voice was a mumble once more.  
  
“I don’t like him.” She mumbles back. “I don’t like what he told me either.”  
  
"It doesn’t matter any more. You don’t have to see him again."  
  
“Good. He tried to tell me I shouldn’t ever have kids because my hips are small.” She grumbles unhappily. “I don’t even have hips in my other form so I highly doubt that even matters. I’m the same size as my mother and she’s had two kids so that doctor is just stupid.”  
  
Ivan flinched at hearing this. “… He’s a human doctor Mattie, not a mermaid doctor. You can’t hold it against him, but you didn’t tell him what you were, right?”  
  
She shook her head. “No I didn’t. When he asked about my colors, he asked if it was from a previous wound or tradition from my homeland. I said tradition…. What’s tradition mean anyway?”  
  
He chuckled. “It means something that is done again and again and again with a family or town that has been done for so long no one remembers who started it.”  
  
“Oh…. Okay.” She says with a nod. She was quiet for a moment or two before speaking again. “I think the town spreads too many weird rumors about us because the doctor asked me a really odd question.”  
  
"Oh?" He pulled back with a smile. "What have they come up with this time?"  
  
“He asked if I knew whether or not I was pregnant when I’d gotten stabbed. I told him no I wasn’t pregnant and that we don’t even sleep together.” Ivan’s smile disappeared and his eyes widened. “A couple of the women in town have been asking things like that too and I just keep telling them no. I don’t understand why they seem to think that that is going on when it’s not.”  
  
Ivan sadly looked away. “It’s because you’re the first woman I’ve ever had in my life.”  
  
“That can’t be true.” She says with a puzzled look. “Wasn’t your mother a woman?”  
  
"She… she was yes. _But_ it was my grandfather that raised me.” He gave her a look that said he didn’t want to go any farther.  
  
“Oh… what’s a grandfather?”  
  
"The father of your father."  
  
“Oh. I don’t think I have one of those.”  
  
"Not everyone does." Ivan shrugged a little.  
  
“What was yours like?” She asks curiously, tilting her head a little.  
  
"A rock." He grinned.  
  
"A rock?" She asks looking confused.  
  
"Got hot and cold easy, very sturdy, hard to push around, and handy for tough jobs." Ivan laughed a little. "And he also couldn’t swim."  
  
“Couldn’t swim?” She gasps, eyes wide in surprise. “Can’t everyone swim?”  
  
Ivan only laughed harder and shook his head. She still looked very surprised, but started giggling and grinning after a moment or two because Ivan was laughing and it felt very nice to hear him happy.  
  
"Those that are born on land have to learn, just like you had to learn to walk."  
  
“Oh.” She nods in understanding. “Can you swim?”  
  
"Yes, I can swim. My grandfather threw me in the ocean once I turned three and told me I either swam or sunk." He chuckled.  
  
Her eyes went wide at that and her mouth popped open in astonishment. “Really??”  
  
"Yes, really. I swam like a fish though." He nuzzled her nose happily.  
  
She giggled and nuzzled him back happily. “We should go swimming together some day.”  
  
"The water’s getting too cold for me now, but come spring we’ll go."  
  
“Okay.” She says with a smile. “We could try swimming in the tub though if we wanted to.”  
  
"You are not to go swimming for a while missy." Ivan playfully scolded.  
  
“Just a week.” She says with a giggle, nuzzling his nose again happily. “Can we try after a week?”  
  
"Maybe. We’ll see how things go."  
  
“Okay!” She grinned. After a few minutes the smile fell a little and she tilted her head at him. “…Can I sleep with you tonight please? It was lonely sleeping at the doctor’s place.” She pleads gently.  
  
"Ah… All right. But in your bed. It’s bigger and I don’t want to open your wounds."  
  
She smiled and nods before nuzzling him again. “Thank you. I know it was only three days but I missed you a lot.”  
  
"I missed you too Mattie." He smiles.

  
☙~❧

  
About a week and a half later, after it was certain she’d healed properly, she’d walked with him down to the water’s edge and just put a hand in to test how cold it had gotten and she’d immediately pulled her hand back out, drying it on her dress and making a face. “Cold!” She states, walking away from the water. She’d then wanted to go back to the house with him.  
  
"I told you it would be cold." Ivan laughed.  
  
She wrinkled her nose up unhappily. “Don’t want to swim here until it’s warm again.” Mattie then took a hold of his hand and gently tugged it. “Let’s go back home now.”  
  
"Are you sure…?" He wasn’t.  
  
She nodded. “I’m sure. Let’s go home.”  
  
When they got home she tilted her head at him curiously. “Can we try swimming in the tub after the water is warm?”  
  
"Well… It won’t be swimming anymore." An awkward smile showed on his lips.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Um, for one, I don’t think there will be room for that. It would be more like a shared bath."  
  
“Oh… can we try anyway?”  
  
"I guess so? It would be no different than swimming."  
  
“Yay!” She beamed happily and waited for him to heat up the water first.  
  
He sighed heavily and went to draw the bath. Thirty minutes later it was nice and hot, good for relaxing. “If you want to get in now Mattie you can. I’m going to get changed.”  
  
“Okay!” Mattie nodded and waited until he’d left to go change before taking off her shoes and dress and climbing into the tub, wiggling happily and circling the tub a little, glad to be in the water again after a week and a half of not being able to be in it. Ivan returned to the bathing room a few moments later in beige shorts and t-shirt. He was still feeling unsure about this.  
  
She popped her torso out of the water and beamed at him happily. “It feels nice to be back in the water again.”  
  
"I bet." He grinned and sat at the edge of the tub but didn’t step in.  
  
She moved over and tugged on his hand gently. “Come on in.”  
  
He blushed a little and slowly turned, setting his feet in the water. The temperature helped him relax and he inched his way back into the tub. “This feels very nice.”  
  
She smiled and nodded, moving back a little to make room for him. “It does.”  
  
He closed his eyes and let out a content sigh. _This isn’t so bad._  
  
Mattie waited until he was in all the way before she moved over and nuzzled his shoulder a little. He gave a slight flinch before he chuckled and nuzzled back.  
  
“Sorry for surprising you.” She giggles, nuzzling him more.  
  
"No, no, it’s fine. It’s just something new is all."  
  
“Nuzzling isn’t new.” She says sounding a bit confused.  
  
"No, but the bath is. I’m used to being in the bath alone."  
  
“Oh.” Mattie nodded in understanding. She was quiet for a moment before tilting her head a little at the shirt. “How come you’re wearing the shirt in the bath?”  
  
"Um, you see. People still wear clothing when they go swimming." He explained as he also looked down.  
  
“Why? Don’t they get in the way?”  
  
"They do slow you down, but swimming is more for fun. It’s worn for decency."  
  
“Oh… but why the shirt? I understand the shorts but the shirt isn’t really needed is it? I never wear one.”  
  
"You weren’t wearing anything until you came on land, your point is invalid. And yes the shirt is needed." Then he looked at her curiously and cautiously. "Why…? Is there something you want to see?"  
  
She paused at his question for a moment before shaking her head. “Not if you don’t want me to see anything.”  
  
"I’d rather keep it on." He mumbled.  
  
“That’s okay.” She says nuzzling his shoulder gently.  
  
"Thanks." He then closed his eyes and enjoyed the warmth of the tub.  
  
She curled up next to him, resting her head on his shoulder and closing her eyes as well. After a while she shifted to curl up right up next to him, moving under his arm so his arm was wrapped around her as she rested her head on his chest. Ivan blinked down at her before smiling and giving her a hug.  
  
At about roughly the time when the water was more warm than hot, Ivan looked down at Mattie once more. He tried to see her stitches. Personally, he hadn’t really seen them and wasn’t sure where exactly she had been hurt. _Wherever she is hurt, **he’s** also seen. He’s seen all of her._ This same thought angered him again and again.  
  
Mattie noticed his stare after a moment or two, following his gaze and then smiling a little. “The stitches are fine. See?” She pointed out the line of stitches as long as her pinky that was located just a little bellow her bellybutton.  
  
He frowned at the sight of them. They were all bruised and puffy. “Do they still hurt?”  
  
“The area still aches when I bend or move certain ways but it’s not as bad as it was when I first left the doctor’s place.”  
  
"That must be irritating. Is it hard to move around in your form?"  
  
“A little but it’s not too hard. There’s not enough space in the tub for me to move about in ways that would make it hurt more than just an ache.”  
  
"I wonder when you’ll have to have the stitches removed."  
  
“I don’t know, he didn’t say.”  
  
Ivan frowns more at hearing this. “He should have told you.”  
  
She shrugged a little. “I guess. We could ask a nurse later if we wanted to.”  
  
He gave a curt nod and curled in closer to her. “I think that would be best.”  
  
She nuzzled him gently. “Yes but not today. I’d like to stay home for a while longer before I have to go back there again.”  
  
"I understand, Mattie. I won’t make you."  
  
“Thank you.” She rested her head on his chest quietly for a few minutes before she spoke again, her voice soft. “Ivan…?”  
  
"Yes, Mattie?"  
  
“Could you… make me a knife and something to hold it in and— teach me how to use it properly please?” She asks slowly, mumbling a little. “Just so I can protect myself if I ever needed to and you’re not there…” She didn’t really want to learn to use something like that and she hoped she’d never need to use it but she figured it would probably be a good thing to have in case of an emergency.  
  
Ivan rested his head on hers, rubbing their heads together with gentle affection. “I was already planning on it Mattie. I just didn’t want to say anything until you felt comfortable again. I didn’t want to bring you one if you were still in shock from the attack.”  
  
“Oh… okay. Thank you.” She says softly, nuzzling him back.  
  
"Anything for you." He cooed with a playful smile.  
  
“You spoil me too much.” She teases, returning the same sort of smile.  
  
Ivan chuckles. “And I plan to spoil you more yet.”  
  
“You’re too sweet.” She giggles, giving him an affectionate peck on the cheek.  
  
He smiles at the kiss and gives her one on the cheek as well. It made Ivan very happy that Mattie felt that Ivan was a close enough friend to give him a kiss. Though it was out of place at the moment, he didn’t care. “Says the one who eats enough to be one herself.”  
  
“I don’t eat _that_ much.“ She playfully nudged him away a little. “I share with you and the girls.”  
  
"I don’t know, your scent says differently." Ivan sniffed her hair. "Definitely sweet."  
  
“Does it really?” She asks curiously.  
  
"Mm." He was humming as he continued to smell her hair.  
  
“Oh.” She seemed surprised by this. “What kind of sweet?”  
  
"Like the bread we get often."  
  
“Oh.” She smiled a bit. “Is it just my hair that smells sweet?”  
  
"I don’t know…" Ivan moved to her neck. "Smells sweet here too."  
  
“It does?”  
  
He nodded. “You aren’t using a new soap or rubbing the treats on yourself are you?”  
  
“No. And rubbing treats on myself would be silly.”  
  
"You didn’t seem to mind with the porridge." Ivan chuckled at the memory.  
  
She laughed softly with him. “That was just that once.”  
  
He shrugged and took notice he still had his nose to her neck, pulling back with an embarrassed expression. That was going a little beyond appropriate. But she just smiled at him happily, not minding in the least. “Sorry. I hadn’t meant to do that.”  
  
“It’s okay.”  
  
Ivan let her go so he could stretch out a bit, though as he did he quickly took notice of the odd ache. _Why does it keep coming back?_  
  
She stretched just a little as well, taking notice of how the bath was no longer warm. “Should we get out now? The water’s cooled.”  
  
"If you like, but if you want to stay in longer I could add more hot water."  
  
Mattie tilted her head in consideration for a moment before answering. “We can get out now but can we do this again sometime? It was really nice.”  
  
"Sure. I don’t see why not." Ivan stood, his soaked clothes sticking to his skin. He twisted the cloth with his hands to try and get some of the water out. There was a slight change in his shorts but he simply ignored it, it wasn’t permanent or a problem.  
  
Mattie waited patiently for him to wring out his clothes and get out so he could help her out of the tub.  
  
"Your turn." He said as he lifted her up and she smiled, letting him help her out of the tub, waiting until she was given a towel and then drying herself off, being very careful as she dried the stitches. Ivan had left her to it and went to dry himself off in his room.  
  
She came out when she was fully dried off and dressed. But when she saw him in the kitchen area, she took notice of something. Ivan looked half startled as he was getting something together for the both of them to snack on.  
  
She tilted her head curiously. _Did something happen?_  
  
"Nothing’s wrong." He said when took notice of her looking at him.  
  
“What’s with the look of surprise then?”  
  
"What surprise?" He blinked, pretending that he didn’t know what she was talking about.  
  
She pouted at him for a moment before deciding to just ignore whatever it had been. “Never mind. What are we having for a snack?”


	11. Chapter 11

It was a week later when Ivan brought home a knife for Mattie, specially made. Not that he wanted it to be more of a gift rather than a form of protection, but he wanted it to be suited for her personally. The metal had been exchanged for whalebone, it was not as strong, however it would not grow dull from salt water and it was lightweight.  
  
The belt he got for it was made of the same material as rope, just in a shape that would be more comfortable to wear. If it were worn around her waist instead of her hips, then her dorsal fin would stop it should it start to slip. Mattie was surprised it was made from bone but decided that she liked it better this way and she was pleased with the way the belt fit. 

  
☙~❧

  
The weather got colder after another two weeks. Winter was just around the corner and Ivan was back to fishing solo. He only sold fish if there were any good-sized ones but he mainly just fished for Mattie and himself. They were well stocked for the winter. Ivan wasn’t the least bit worried about food or warmth. It was the boredom he was worried about; this was going to be his first winter since he was a child that he didn’t need to work to get through the frozen season. He had already had trouble trying to come up for something to do during his free time.  
  
Ivan had even asked Mattie if there was something that she wanted to try for a hobby and he would pick it up for her; she said sewing. He decided that he would try carving; he already knew how to work with larger pieces of wood and he liked to work with his hands.  
  
The ladies around town and some of the younger girls had started teaching Mattie how to sew and make things like dolls lately to give her something to do while she had been recovering. She’d gotten her stitches removed by this point and could move around and lift things again, but she was still taking it easy for now.  
  
However to Ivan’s irritation, he had gotten sick. The runny nose, sneezing, coughing, annoying kind; a cold. Ivan didn’t think that Mattie could catch it though, which was the only good thing about it. She’d been confused and rather worried at first before Ivan had explained it to her. After that, she’d relaxed a little but still seemed to worry.  
  
"It will pass, no need to worry." Ivan coughed, his voice a little hoarse.  
  
“I know, you’ve told me before, but I can’t help but worry at least a little.” She says with a slight smile.  
  
Ivan just smiled, he knew all too well. But a day later Ivan got a fever and could barely walk about without falling over. Mattie fussed and fretted over him then. She tried to keep him in bed for most of the day and did her best to make things for them when it was time to eat. She was able to successfully make some porridge because she’d watched Ivan make it so many times. She burned her left hand a little in the process, but tried to keep the fact that she’d done so a secret from him for the time being.  
  
The fever only continued to get worse; Ivan had ended up fainting when he had gotten up to go to the bathroom, collapsing to the floor.  
  
 _That_ had upset her quite a bit since she’d been in the main room cooking at the time and all she’d heard was a thud. Mattie ended up burning herself again in her rush to take things off the burner and make the stove safe to leave alone before rushing into the other room to find Ivan on the floor. She could’ve sworn her heart leaped into her throat and she’d feared the worst before realizing that he was still breathing.  
  
It’d taken her a few good minutes to calm down after she’d checked for injuries. She’d then remained by his side on the floor and didn’t relax until he’d woken up.

  
☙~❧

  
Ivan blinked slowly as he awoke and was confused as to why he was on the floor. “How…? When did I?” His head was spinning and he realized that he still needed to relieve himself.  
  
“You fell I think. I was cooking and heard a thump and found you on the floor.” Mattie says with a worried frown on her face. “Are you okay? How do you feel?”  
  
"Mattie?" Ivan didn’t even know she was there. "I need to piss." He groaned and sat up slowly, too sick to care if it was too much information.  
  
“Do you need help up?”  
  
"That would be nice, thank you." Ivan took the help.  
  
Mattie helped him up and then helped him into the bathroom. He shooed her away afterwards, having enough sense for that. Once he was done he stepped out to lie down on the frost-covered grass. It felt like needles at first, but slowly he was cooling down. She was fretting and followed him outside, crouching down next to him.  
  
"You should go back inside. It’s cold out." He mumbled before coughing. She frowned and went back inside for less than a minute before she returned with a blanket wrapped around her. She then went back to crouching next to him in worry.  
  
"It’s just a fever. It’s easy to handle if I stay cool."  
  
“I don’t care, I’m staying right here.” To further prove her point she shifted the blanket around so she could sit on the ground without getting too cold. He gave her a weak smile before closing his eyes, shivering every now and then.  
  
“You shouldn’t get too cold either.” She mumbles unhappily, moving closer to him.  
  
"I don’t feel cold Mattie, the shakes are from my fever."  
  
“… That’s not going to stop me from worrying.” She pulled the blanket tight around herself.  
  
"I know…"  
  
She sat there quietly, though after a few minutes she tried to subtly press her burns to the frost covered grass without him noticing she was doing it, hoping the coldness would ease the burns.  
  
The cold made Ivan’s nose worse and his coughing more painful. After a few minutes she held the blanket close with her left hand and gently tugged his sleeve with her right hand. “Let’s go back inside.”  
  
"All right." He said unhappily and stood up carefully, not wanting to fall over.  
  
She stood and was quick to help support him so he wouldn’t fall over. She then gently ushered him to the table and went to the stove to reheat the now cold porridge for them to eat.  
  
Ivan smiled. “Once this is over, if you like, I can teach you how to cook.”  
  
She smiled weakly and nodded. “Yes please. This is all I can really make and only because I’ve watched you make it so much.”  
  
"It is a simple thing, but I’d rather eat it cold if you don’t mind."  
  
She nodded and served it to him cold before heating her own up and then sitting down with him to eat her own. She was careful to keep her burns out of sight. Ivan took notice that she was holding things awkwardly. “Mattie. May I see your hands?”  
  
She paused in her eating and slowly put her spoon down before holding out her right hand for him to see. Ivan held her hand gently and looked it over before looking for her left. “Now the other one.”  
  
She slowly held her hand out in a loose fist but had the cloth of her dress pulled down over it so it was hidden. Ivan grabbed her wrist and pulled the sleeve away. He looked over the girl’s hand before flipping it over to see her palm. Then he saw the burns. They were not horrible, but they still made him sad to see. “Why did you try to hide this from me? Do you fear me?”  
  
She shook her head quickly, looking down at her lap. “No… I didn’t want you to have to worry about it while you were sick.” She mumbles sadly. “I just wanted you to be able to rest and relax without needing to worry about anything… that’s all…”  
  
"Hiding from me will make me worry." He let go of her injured hand in favor of the other. He kissed her hand softly and then brought it his face to nuzzle.  
  
“I’m sorry…” Mattie says softly, pulling back her injured hand and letting him kiss and nuzzle her other one.  
  
His face was hot and her hand just felt cool on his skin. ” ‘s alright, I understand.”  
  
She looked up and gently pressed the palm of her hand to his cheek. “You still feel really hot.” She says softly in worry. “Would a towel and cold water help any…?” She asks, suggesting the first thing that had come to mind.  
  
He blinked at her with dizzy eyes. “I t’ink?”  
  
She sighed softly. “Eat your porridge. I’ll get cold water after you’re back in bed. Okay?”  
  
"No, stay."  
  
“I can go get water on my own Ivan.” She pulled her hand back and went back to eating her own porridge.  
  
He felt so dizzy that he had a hard time eating, but he ate every last bite. When he was done eating she helped him stand and walked him into the bedroom. She gently ushered him into bed and tucked him in.  
  
Ivan whined and kicked the covers off like a child. She smiled softly and leaned down, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead. “Stay in bed and rest. I’ll be back soon.”  
  
"Mattie…" He reached out for her.  
  
She put her right hand in his and squeezed it gently. “Rest.” She coos softly. “I’m going to get cold water to make you feel better okay? I’ll be right back.”  
  
He weakly nodded and lay down, but pulled at his clothes uncomfortably. He was sweating from the fever.  
  
“Good.” She smiled softly and left the house with a pail and her knife and belt. She quickly went all the way down to the water’s edge and scooped up cold water with the pail and then walked home as quickly as she could without spilling the water.  
  
When she came back, Ivan had discarded his pants to the floor, leaving him in his underwear and shirt. Mattie was a bit surprised to see that but came in and set the pail down by the bed before going and getting a towel. “I’m back Ivan.” She says softly as she folded the towel up to be a long strip and then dunked it into the cold water. She then pulled it out and wrung it out some before putting it on his forehead.  
  
He flinched. “Cold…”  
  
“I know it is.” She spoke in a soft, soothing voice. “It should help your fever go away sooner though, so leave it there, okay?”  
  
"Okay." He moved a little trying to get comfortable.  
  
“I’ll be right back.” She left the room momentarily to get her sewing stuff and then sat on the edge of the bed and worked on that quietly. He drifted to sleep for a short while, but started to toss and turn; breathing heavily from the fever.  
  
She took the towel off and re-soaked it and wrung it out a bit before putting it back on his forehead. ” ‘urts… hurts.” He whimpered and hugged his sides.  
  
“What hurts?” She asks softly, pressing the back of her cool hand to his cheek.  
  
“ _Fire_.”  
  
She pulled her hand back for a moment before placing both lightly on his arms. “There’s no fire right now Ivan.” She says gently.  
  
"I didn’t mean to. _I didn’t mean to._ " His whispering was becoming more fearful and his eyes were screwed shut. "P-please… _Please…_ Not fire. Not fire.”  
  
That made Mattie’s heart just _ache_ to hear. “It’s all right Ivan.” She coos in a soothing tone, grabbing the towel and dunking it in the water again. Mattie unfolded it and wrung only a little bit of it out this time so it wasn’t dripping and then gently moved his arm away so she could push up his shirt and gently lay the cold towel on his left side, thinking perhaps it would help to cool off where he’d been burned in the past. “There’s no fire.”  
  
Ivan practically screamed in agony. His body was burning up from the fever so the cold cloth felt more like ice, but it was his thoughts that had the feeling confused with fire. His eyes weren’t even open to see what was going on as he thrashed about in defense of the phantom pain.  
  
She in turn shrieked and jumped in surprise, her eyes going wide. She’d quickly pulled the towel off and dropped it off to the side and hugged him tightly, trying to keep him from thrashing too much. “I’m sorry.” She whimpers, her lips near his ear. She continued to apologize as tears welled up and started to drip from her eyes. She hadn’t meant to hurt him more! She’d been trying to help but she only seemed to make it worse.  
  
Ivan slowly stopped thrashing and just lay there panting and shaking. ” ‘m sorry, ‘m sorry…”  
  
“Shh, shh. It’s okay Ivan. It’s okay.” She whispers, still hugging him. He opens his eyes for a moment, trying to look at her before they flutter closed and his body goes completely limp. She stayed where she was for a few minutes after that, just calming and collecting herself.  
  
When she’d stopped crying, she pulled back and wiped her face off before leaning down and getting the towel. She slowly folded it up again and dunked it in the water, wringing it out well before placing it back on his forehead.  
  
She then set her sewing to the side and got a washcloth and dunked it in the water before wrapping it around her burns to keep them cool. After that, she got some blankets from her room and made a little nest of sorts for herself on the floor beside the bed and curled up in it quietly.  
  
She’d get up from time to time to get the towel damp again but aside from that she just lay there and ended up taking a nap for a while on accident.

  
☙~❧

  
Ivan awoke early the next morning; the sun wasn’t even up yet, but he felt sick, like he was going to be sick. He stumbled out of bed, nearly falling into his dresser. He weaved around walls and furniture until he was outside. The frozen air felt wonderful and horrid at the same time. Ivan was not three steps from the door when his stomach had had enough and he heaved over, bracing himself on his knees.  
  
Mattie was asleep in a chair on the other side of the bed. Hunched over and using her arms as a pillow, she was so tired from staying up practically all night that she didn’t wake up right away. She woke up from all the bumping around Ivan had done and straightened up groggily, blinking in surprise when Ivan wasn’t in bed.  
  
She got out of her chair and walked out to see the front door open and peeked her head outside. “Ivan…?” She asks sleepily.  
  
Ivan’s stomach was empty now and he dry heaved a few times before he could answer her. “Mattie…”  
  
She stepped outside into the cold. “Are you okay…?”  
  
"I’m… feeling better now." He stood up straight and turned to walk back into the house. “Though a glass of water would be good.”  
  
She nodded and stepped back inside to let him in, closing the door behind them. She then went and got him a glass of water and brought it to him.  
  
"Thank you." The cold air from outside was already beginning to wear off.  
  
She nods and stifles a yawn before reaching up to feel his forehead; Ivan’s fever was still dangerously hot and made Mattie frown in worry.  
  
Once the water was gone Ivan gave her the cup back. “I’m going back to bed.”  
  
She nodded and took the cup, putting it back down. “Is it all right if I go into town later when it’s light out?” She asks softly.  
  
"I’ll go with you." He mumbles, his throat killing him.  
  
“No.” She shook her head quickly. “I meant is it all right if I go into town on my own later.”  
  
"Mattie."  
  
“Please? I’ll take my knife and be extra careful.” She pleads. “I just want to go to the doctor’s and ask if they’ve got anything to make your fever go down and then I’ll come right back home.”  
  
"… As long as you don’t go anywhere where there are little to no people." He sighs. "Promise me you will be quick and to wake me up before you leave. If you don’t come back within a half hour, I’m coming to find you."  
  
She nodded. “Promise!”  
  
"Thank you…"  
  
She nods again and gently ushers him back into bed. She then sat down and picked the towel up off the floor and dunked it in the water, wringing it out before placing it back on his forehead. “Does that feel a little better?” She asks softly.  
  
"What feels— oh, yes… it feels nice Mattie." He says softly, trying to keep his mind in place.  
  
She smiles a little. “Good… I’ve been wetting the towel every so often to try to keep you at least somewhat cool but I don’t think it’s been very useful…”  
  
"I’m sure it’s helping somehow."  
  
She smiled weakly. “I hope so. Now get some rest, I’ll wake you before I leave later.”  
  
"I will." He mumbles before slowly falling asleep.

  
☙~❧

  
Mattie napped for a while as well, waiting until about eight o’clock before she gently woke Ivan up. She had her knife in her belt and some coins in her pocket in case the doctor wanted payment. “Ivan, I’m heading off now.”  
  
Ivan could only faintly nod. He couldn’t speak; his throat was too dry. She made sure to leave him a cup of water where he could get it and re-wet the towel before hurrying out of the house and into town. She went very quickly to make sure she wasn’t in any areas alone and soon got to the doctor’s where she knocked on the door.  
  
It took a few minutes before the door was answered. The doctor did not look like he was in a good mood this morning. “Can I help you?”  
  
“I apologize if I woke you, but do you have anything to bring down a bad fever?” She asks with a worried and apologetic expression.  
  
"Depends on the fever." He crossed his arms.  
  
“Ivan caught a cold and then he got a fever and he’s had the fever for about three days now and it’s not going down any.”  
  
"Ivan?" The man look slightly surprised for a moment. "You sure it’s a cold? Not an infection?"  
  
“I don’t know. He said it was a cold. He has a stuffy, runny nose and he’s been coughing too and just this morning he um… emptied the contents of his stomach outside when it was still dark out. “ She frowned in worry. “I’ve been dipping a towel in cold water and putting it on his forehead to try to help the fever, but it doesn’t seem to be helping any.”  
  
"That man has gotten so many wounds I’m surprised he hasn’t died from blood poison." He scoffed.  
  
“Do you have anything to help with the fever or not?” She repeats, ignoring the doctor’s comment.  
  
The man, despite being shorter than her, glares into her eyes. “I do. But I do not give out important medicine for free.”  
  
“I know. I brought this much.” She says, pulling the coins out of her pocket and holding them in the palm of her left hand. “And if that’s not enough I also brought this…” She pulls out a small pearl she’d gotten on her last pearl dive before it got too cold out and held it in the palm of her right hand.  
  
"Coins are enough. Wait here." He slammed the door shut. She nodded and pocketed the pearl before waiting patiently. Five minutes later he returned with a tiny bag. "Here, use it like you would tea. One tablespoon in the morning and a teaspoon before bed. Best to drink it with food, it tastes bad either way."  
  
She nodded, handing him the coins and taking the bag and putting it in her pocket. “Thank you!” She says smiling before turning and running off home quickly.

  
☙~❧

  
When she got home, she put the pearl, her knife, and her belt back where they belonged and put the medicine bag in a safe spot. She then walked into Ivan’s room, where he lay in the bed fading in and out of consciousness, seeing things that weren’t there. “Ivan, I’m back.” She calls out softly, returning to his side.  
  
"Who…?" Ivan gave a surprised look when he saw her.  
  
She gave a slightly puzzled look as she sat down on the edge of the bed. “It’s me, Mattie.”  
  
"Mattie. Sorry, it’s hard to see you." Everything was in waves and moving, but it was just because he couldn’t focus or keep his head up. "When did we get on a boat?"  
  
Mattie sighed softly, re-wetting the towel and putting it on his forehead before answering. “We’re not on a boat. You’ve just got a bad fever.”  
  
"Right, I forgot." He mumbled.  
  
“Are you hungry at all?” She asks gently. “I’ve got medicine from the doctor, but he says you should have it with food.”  
  
"A little?"  
  
She smiled softly. “That’s good. Stay right here and I’ll go make some porridge and get the medicine.”  
  
"Okay, be careful Mattie. I don’t want you to burn yourself again."  
  
“I will. You just stay in bed, okay?”  
  
He gives a small nod. “Will be here.”  
  
“Good.” She nodded as well and went to make porridge and mix up the right amount of medicine in hot water. She waited until the water was cool enough to drink and the porridge was done and cooled some before coming back into the room and setting the items on the dresser. “Can you sit up on your own or do you need help?” She asks gently.  
  
Ivan was able to sit up, but swayed on the spot and it only made him feel dizzier. She sat beside him and steadied him, giving him a few minutes to get a little less dizzy before reaching and taking the cup of medicine. “This is going to taste really bad, but I’d like for you to drink all of it please.” She says softly, holding the cup to his lips. She didn’t want to hand it to him if he could possibly drop it.  
  
He was hesitant because the medicine smelled rank, but it was Mattie who was asking and he couldn’t say no. He took a small sip, just to taste how bad it really was, he felt like he was going to be sick again and coughed in disgust.  
  
“Just drink it all at once and then you can have porridge to get the taste out of your mouth.” She says with an apologetic look. Ivan frowned with a look that said _please don’t make me do it._  
  
“Please?” She asks softly. “It will help you get better.”  
  
He groaned and gave a tiny “Fine.” before he let Mattie help him drink it down. Ivan held his hand up to stop her a few times when it became to much and he thought he was going to puke. He didn’t and when it was all gone he was _really_ looking forward to the porridge. She put the cup down and grabbed the bowl of porridge and offered him a spoonful.  
  
Ivan took the offering but bit down on the spoon so she couldn’t take it back. She frowned softly. “Let go of the spoon Ivan.”  
  
"No." He grumbled and tried to take the spoon from her, but as weak as he was it was a harder task that it should have been.  
  
“Would you like to feed yourself?”  
  
"Yes, you’ll be too slow and I really can’t take the taste in my mouth anymore."  
  
“Okay then.” She says smiling a little and letting go of the spoon.  
  
Ivan took the spoon and the bowl and quickly ate. He had a stomachache when he was done but he didn’t care, the horrid taste was pretty much gone.  
  
“Better?” She asks, taking the bowl and spoon back when he was done.  
  
"Better. I don’t want to do that again."  
  
“Actually… there’s more. You’re supposed to have a tablespoon of it in the morning and then a teaspoon of it before bed at night.” She says with an apologetic look.  
  
"What?" Ivan looked horrified.  
  
She nodded. “You’re supposed to take it until your fever is gone.”  
  
"I hope it leaves now then." He grumbles and lies back down.  
  
She smiles weakly. “As do I.”

  
☙~❧

  
Ivan’s fever was down within an hour and he had a clearer head. She checked on him and put a hand on his forehead. “Your fever is going down.” She says with a smile.  
  
"Yeah…" Ivan didn’t look up at her, keeping his eyes on the wall and the covers up high.  
  
“How are you feeling?” She asks tilting her head curiously.  
  
"Better I guess."  
  
“That’s good.” She smiled softly. “Do you need anything?”  
  
"Some water would be good."  
  
She nodded and went and got him a glass of water. Ivan waited, wondering if he had said or done anything in the past day or so. He didn’t really remember from his fever being so high, but the last time this happened his Grandfather had told him how he had acted. It was embarrassing.  
  
She came back with a glass of water. “Can you sit up on your own or would you like help?”  
  
"I can do it on my own." Ivan held his hand out for the cup after sitting up.  
  
“Okay.” She nodded and handed him the cup. After the water was gone, Ivan sat there in an awkward silence for a good while.  
  
"I… I didn’t do anything weird did I?"  
  
“No, not weird.” She says shaking her head and picking up her sewing to continue it. “You were seeing or feeling things that weren’t there for a time, but I think that was just from the fever.”  
  
Ivan breathed out a sigh of relief. “That’s good to hear.”  
  
“I suppose so.” She says with a nod. “I’m just glad your fever is going down.”  
  
"Me too, I don’t like being a burden to you."  
  
“You’re not a burden Ivan.” She says seriously, looking up from her sewing.  
  
"I am when I’m sick like this."  
  
“I don’t mind taking care of you.” She says, looking back down and resuming her sewing.  
  
"You don’t?" Ivan was a little confused.  
  
“No. I don’t.”  
  
"That’s… strange."  
  
She looked up again. “Why is it strange?”  
  
"It just is." Ivan looked away. When everyone has hated you for so long, it feels wrong when someone doesn’t.  
  
“Well, I don’t think it’s strange.” She says after a few moments of silence. Ivan just shrugged and played with his hands. Mattie insisted he relax and come bedtime she brought porridge and a glass of the medicine again.  
  
He scowled at it, not wanting to drink it. Though he did because he couldn’t stand the look Mattie was giving him. It was just as bad as the first time only watered down some. She gave him the bowl of porridge afterwards and Ivan scarfed it down; the taste of porridge was never so good.  
  
When they were both done eating, she cleaned the dishes before coming to check on his temperature. He couldn’t help but take notice that Mattie had again learned very quickly. It made him a little jealous.  
  
She put her hand on his forehead before getting the towel wet again and putting it on his forehead.  
  
"Why are you doing all this?"  
  
“Because I want to.”  
  
"Because we’re friends?"  
  
“Because I care about you.” She kneeled down, rearranging the blankets on the floor so it would be more comfortable to sleep on.  
  
Ivan was quiet for a moment, hearing that hurt, but also felt very good. “I care about you too.”  
  
She smiled softly. “I’m glad. Now get some more rest, okay?” She lay down in her bed of blankets on the floor and tugged one of them over her to get some sleep.  
  
"Mattie…"  
  
“Yes Ivan?”  
  
"Come here." He patted the bed and moved over. His face was flushed, but he told himself it was the fever. "I don’t want you to lay on the floor."  
  
“I don’t mind Ivan. I slept down here the other day.”  
  
"Well I was out of it. I don’t want you sleeping on the floor." Ivan pouted in irritation.  
  
She sighed softly. “Ivan, don’t fuss over it and just go to sleep please.”  
  
Ivan grumbled out something and rolled over to face the wall. “… Goodnight.”  
  
“Goodnight Ivan.” She says smiling softly. She would have accepted his offer but it was too easy to relax and sleep all night like that. This way she would be able to wake up every so often to check on his temperature.  
  
As for Ivan, he didn’t move much at all in his sleep. Which meant that his fever wasn’t too high and he was able to rest more peacefully.

  
☙~❧

  
Come morning she woke up and started to make them porridge and medicine. Ivan had woken up to the sound of metal on metal, it took him a moment to realize that it was Mattie cooking. He then lay back down and rested his eyes, but did not go back to sleep.  
  
She ate her porridge while the water for the medicine was heating. A few minutes later she walked in with porridge and medicine for Ivan. “Good morning.” She says softly, not sure if he was awake or not.  
  
"Morning Mattie." He said as he sat up, glaring at the cup of medicine like it had wronged him.  
  
She couldn’t help but laugh a little at the glare. “I know, I know. It tastes horrid but it’s bringing your fever down so you need to take it.” She says bringing it over and holding it out to him.  
  
"Yes, yes I _know_.” He grabbed the cup and downed it as fast as he could, coughing afterwards. “Porridge, please.”  
  
She smiled and traded the glass for the bowl of porridge. “Here you go.”  
  
It was wolfed down right away and then he asked. “More?”  
  
She took the bowl back. “Give me a moment.” She says going back and getting him more before returning and handing it back. “Here you go.”  
  
"Thank you." It was a sign that Ivan was getting better with his appetite coming back.  
  
“You’re welcome.” After he was finished, she took the bowls and washed them before coming and checking his temperature. Ivan kept his eyes on the bed through the whole thing.  
  
“It may taste gross, but it is working. Your fever has gone down more.” She says looking pleased.  
  
"Hopefully it will be gone by this afternoon…"  
  
“That would be wonderful.” She says with a wide smile.  
  
"Hm… and I wouldn’t have to drink _that_ anymore.”  
  
She laughed. “Yes, if your fever is gone you won’t have to have anymore tonight.”  
  
"At least I’m not coughing or sneezing as much any more. My throat had just about had it." He rubbed his neck.  
  
She smiled. “That’s good as well.”  
  
"Mm. You haven’t caught any of it have you?"  
  
She shook her head. “I don’t believe so.”  
  
"Good." Ivan then got out of bed and stretched. She watched him to make sure he didn’t get dizzy and fall over. "I’m fine Mattie." His tone was firm. "I just want to go take a bath, I feel gross."  
  
“Would you like me to go warm up the water?”  
  
"I can do it."  
  
“Okay then.” She says with a nod.  
  
Ivan didn’t say anything else and went to clean himself off. He spent at least an hour cleaning himself good, but also was enjoying the water. A memory of the time Mattie and him had shared a bath came to mind a couple times.  
  
She knocked on the door a few times to check up on him though spent most of that hour sitting near the door and sewing. This bothered him though and he was starting to get a bit annoyed. How was he supposed to enjoy his bath if Mattie kept knocking on the door? But she continued to knock every so often to make sure he was okay. “Will you stop that!? I’m not going to drown or anything!” Ivan snapped, though regretted it once his throat started to burn.  
  
She flinched at his harsh tone. After that she didn’t knock anymore but continued sitting outside of the door silently sewing. Ivan got out not too long after, dried off and dressed when he left the bathing room.  
  
She was still sitting and sewing by the door quietly but didn’t look up at him when he came out.  
  
"I’m sorry for shouting."  
  
“It’s all right.” She says quietly. “How are you feeling?” She stood up and set her sewing things down on the table.  
  
"Good. The bath was nice. But I want to go for a walk now." Ivan was looking for his boots and coat. She came over and put her hand on his forehead to check his temperature. She then went to get her own boots and coat on.  
  
"You’re coming along?"  
  
She nodded as she put her boots on. “Of course.”  
  
"Want to walk along the shore then?"  
  
“I don’t mind where we walk.” She says, then putting her coat on.  
      
"All right then." Ivan waited until she was ready before they headed out.  
  
She held his hand quietly as they walked together, her knife and belt on her. Ivan wasn’t too happy about her holding his hand, but he let it go and just tried to enjoy the walk.  
  
After a minute or so she just let go of his hand and stuffed her hands in her pockets and walked with him quietly.  
  
"… How did you know?"  
  
“How did I know what?”  
  
"About the holding hands thing." Maybe he was wrong and it was a coincidence.  
  
“Oh… body language.”  
  
"Huh?"  
  
“Body language. Your posture, the way you move, the way you were holding my hand, and other things like that.”  
  
"I see. I guess it doesn’t work all the time does it?" He sighed a little and looked out at the ocean. His irritation had grown some.  
  
“What doesn’t? Body language or holding hands?”  
  
"Body language apparently." Ivan grumbled. “It’s useless; speaking is much better. It’s to the point and you don’t have spend your time guessing.”  
  
“No, from what I’ve been told, it works all the time. Some are just better at understanding it than others. Facial expressions are part of body language too, as are gestures.”  
  
"Well you seem to be _alright_ at it.”  
  
“I think that’s because we use sound and body language in the ocean.” Ivan didn’t reply to that and just kept walking. Mattie continued walking with him quietly, Ivan would glance down at her every so often, in his own way testing this body language out himself.  
  
After a while she looked at him and tilted her head a little. “Yes?”  
  
"Trying to read you, but it doesn’t work." He said blankly, but didn’t really care if he could.  
  
She smiled softly in amusement. “It does, it just takes practice and I don’t think you got much practice before I showed up.”  
  
"What’s that supposed to mean?" Ivan scowled a little.  
  
“Learning body language requires interaction with people in situations other than just fighting, and buying or selling things.”  
  
"Not my fault _they_ can’t just move on.” His voice was angry now.  
  
“I know it’s not your fault Ivan.” She says calmly. “Don’t get so defensive. I’m not accusing you of anything. You asked a question and I just answered it.”  
  
Ivan huffed and looked away. “I’m not angry at you. I’m just frustrated.”  
  
“I know.”  
  
Ivan turned around and started walking the way they came. “Let’s go home.”  
  
“Okay.” She turned and followed him. 

  
☙~❧

  
By the next day Ivan’s fever was gone, but his attitude hadn’t changed, he was still so tense about everything and often got mad. Mattie tried not to do anything to make him mad and mainly just sat and sewed quietly.


	12. Chapter 12

Eventually, Mattie’s quiet sewing also started to make Ivan upset. Though he never said anything about it and would normally carve bits of wood to try and calm himself. She could tell he was upset, but she didn’t know what to do about it. Sometimes, she just put down her sewing and went to sit and stare out the window in thought.  
  
"Alright I’ve had it!"  
  
Mattie jumped at the sudden exclamation as Ivan tossed the fifth piece of ruined wood into the fireplace before storming into his room and slamming the door shut once inside. She flinched, staying where she was for a moment before going into her own room to curl up on the bed quietly.  
  
Ivan didn’t come out until he had to make supper, and only then because his stomach wouldn’t stop growling. He had decided on stew because he had a feeling tonight was going to be very cold. Perhaps it would snow tomorrow? “Are you hungry?” He asked keeping his voice low when Mattie came out of her room a few minutes later.  
  
“Yes.” She nodded and sat down at the table.  
  
Ivan said no more and continued cooking. _Everything feels like it’s in knots.  
_

  
☙~❧

  
The stew was served fifteen minutes later, a bowl for each of them to start with as Ivan sat down across from Mattie.  
  
“Thank you.” She started to eat quietly, but to Ivan, eating felt like more of a chore today.  
  
When Mattie had emptied her bowl, she got up and got herself a little bit more stew before sitting back down. She had just scooped up a mouthful of stew as a heavy sigh came from Ivan and he rested his face in his hands. She lowered her spoon at the sigh and looked up at him. “Is everything all right?” She asks softly.  
  
"Fine." He said between clenched teeth.  
  
“It doesn’t sound like everything is fine…” She says, going back to eating quietly.  
  
"It doesn’t matter."  
  
“… All right then.”  
  
Ivan tensed and glared down at his bowl. He was trying to keep things under control but everything just bottling up; it felt like knots and being squished. He knew that there was nothing to be mad at, but he couldn’t stop feeling like this. Everything had just seemed to get worse since he had became sick, even if he was over the cold now.  
  
"I’m going out." Ivan said as he stood when Mattie had left the table to clean up.  
  
“When will you be back?” She asks softly.  
  
"Before morning I hope."  
  
“Please be careful…”  
  
"I will." He got his things together to go; he was going to the bar to get some vodka, hoping it would help him relieve some tension. Even getting into a scrap would be good right about now. She gave him a quick hug before he could leave and he felt out of place from the hug, but returned it nonetheless before then walking out the door. 

  
☙~❧

  
Ivan didn’t come home for five hours; most of it was spent walking the shoreline. He was drunk, but didn’t feel nearly as tense, not that bad of a turn out. It would have been better if someone had picked a fight with him.  
  
“Welcome home.” Mattie greets softly when he came in the door, making Ivan jump in surprise, not at all expecting her to be waiting for him.  
  
"Um…  you’re still up."  
  
“I napped earlier, so I wasn’t really tired.”  
  
"I see." Ivan then kicked off his boots and threw his coat onto the table before sitting on the bench, staring at the tiny fire in the stove.  
  
“Would you like a hot bath to relax in?” She asks after a few minutes.  
  
"Are you coming in?" He was mumbling as he looked at her.  
  
“Only if you want me to join you.”  
  
He tried to glare at her, but being drunk it was hard to get his body and mouth to do what he wanted them to. “ _I wouldn’t be asking otherwise._ If I said I was going for a swim and then asked you it wouldn’t matter, would it?” _  
_  
Mattie stared for a moment before nodding and standing. “All right, I’ll go get the water heated up then.”  
  
Ivan had enough sense to change first before coming to join Mattie, holding a cup of water in one hand as he watched her fill the tub. “You confuse me.”  
  
“What do you mean?” She asks as she glanced briefly at the tall man.  
  
He took a drink before answering. “I finally start to think it’s safe and then you turn around and change your mind. You only wanted to because I said no, wasn’t it? Just a game or something to tease me.” Ivan was mumbling with a slight frown on his face.  
  
“… I don’t think I understand what you’re trying to say.” She says slowly.  
  
"It hurt you know… it took a lot just for me to do it. I don’t know what the feeling is, but I just want to yell at you all the time now or throw something." He takes another drink.  
  
“What hurt?” Mattie asks softly, looking back at him, clearly confused.  
  
"This… _thing_.” Ivan tapped his heart but looked as though he was prodding at a jellyfish or something gross looking. “Like a rope or something’s been wrapped around it in a knot. And— and every time you do something, like hugs or hand holding, it pulls. But it tightens more and drowns when you sit alone.” He continued to poke at it as he thought aloud. “Mmm, maybe it is because of that gross tea, because my belly still feels like it turns when you touch me. It helped the fever, but made you a rotten fish.” _  
_  
“I… don’t think that’s from the medicine.” She says after he finished talking, resuming her task of filling the tub with heated water.  
  
"Eh? It’s not?" He tilted his head. "Must be sickness then… I don’t want to be sick anymore."  
  
“I don’t think that it’s sickness either.”  
  
"What you mean? Has to be, ‘s not normal." Ivan he frowned. “Hope ‘s not the same as grandfather’s sickness. His _thing_ killed him… Must be, he said his chest hurt a lot before he died.”  
  
“Well, if it _is_ a sickness then I must be sick too.” Mattie says after a few moments of silence.  
  
Ivan dropped his cup, spilling the last of its contents on the floor as he grabbed Mattie’s shoulders. She dropped the freshly empty bucket in surprise at the suddenness of Ivan’s actions. “No! Mattie, you can’t be!”  
  
Mattie took a breath to compose herself after being startled before she spoke. “Ivan, please calm down.” She requests gently.  
  
"But you can’t be sick too, I don’t want you to die.”  
  
“I don’t think it’s a sickness Ivan.”  
  
Ivan let go of her shoulders, still in disbelief. “Well what else could it be? Sickness is the only thing besides anger that makes your body strange or uncontrolled.”  
  
“I don’t think that’s quite true.” She says, finishing filling up the tub. “I asked the nurse about it hurting while I was there for a few days and she said it was probably either me just missing my home or this thing called love.”  
  
"What is love?" He asked, looking deeply confused. "I heard the word often, but was too scared to ask; afraid the town would punish me more."  
  
“The nurse didn’t have time to explain, but I asked Natalya and the girls when they visited me. They said love is when you really really like someone a lot and you want to protect them and be with them and stuff.”  
  
"Eeh? But I did all that before we were friends." This just confused him more. "I don’t think little girls know."  
  
“Well they said there were different kinds of love. I didn’t fully understand and I was going to ask some of the women what the word means the next time we went to church.” She says with a shrug. “The girls said there is friend-love, love between parents and children, and then love between two people that usually results in something called marriage.” Most of the latter description came from the older girls like Natalya.  
  
"Why? And how does one know the difference? Wait… Love is just another word for hurt? That makes more sense now."  
  
“I don’t know. Like I said, I was going to ask the women at church the next time we went there.” She shrugged again. “Anyway, the tub is filled now.”  
  
"Okay. You going in first or me?"  
  
“What do you want to do? I have to take my clothes off to get in and you usually don’t want to see me uncovered in this form.”  
  
"Here." Ivan put his hands over his eyes.  
  
Though the action was odd of him to do, she just stripped and tossed her clothes off to the side and got in, waiting until she had her tail before speaking. “Okay, you can uncover your eyes now.”  
  
He grinned after he did, his eyes marveling her lower half. “I really like your tail.” Ivan climbed into the tub, sitting down with a sigh. “I also like hot baths.” After a moment he reached out and ran his hand down her tail. “I wish I had a tail too.”  
  
“Why?” She asks curiously, tilting her head a little as she watched his hand move over her skin.  
  
"So I could live in the ocean with you and not have to worry about people anymore."  
  
“There are lots of other things to worry about though.” She gave a small smile. “Personally I think it’s safer up here on land.”  
  
"Why? Your kind seem nicer, the hugs and touching. People don’t do that with me at all."  
  
“The hugs and touching are a part of communication.” She gave a soft giggle. “And it’s also easy to get eaten in the ocean and if you get badly injured there’s not a doctor to stitch you up. If I’d gotten stabbed out in the ocean, I would have died.”  
  
"I would have stitched you!"  
  
“But if you were born in the ocean and had a tail, you wouldn’t know how to stitch.”  
  
"I didn’t say I wanted to be born in the ocean, I just wished I had a tail. There’s a difference."  
  
“I don’t think you can get a tail any other way Ivan.”  
  
"That’s not fair." He glares down at his legs. "I would trade my legs for a tail."  
  
Mattie placed her hand on top of the one of his that was still on her tail. “You may not be able to do that but at least I can trade my tail for legs.” She says softly.  
  
"I guess that is true… But then you’re stuck here when it freezes."  
  
“That’s not so bad.” She says with a gentle smile, shifting to cuddle up next to him.  
  
"Em." He shifted slightly. "Hurts again, if you have the sickness too, then why do this? Hurts you too, right?"  
  
“No, mine hurts for different reasons than yours does.” The mermaid says as she shook her head. “That’s why I don’t think it’s a sickness.”  
  
"How do you know it’s different?"  
  
“Because this makes it feel nice and… happy.” She says after a moment of thought. “It hurts when I’m lonely, it hurts when you’re hurting.”  
  
"How do I change it? Why can’t mine feel like that?"  
  
“I don’t know… maybe yours hurts like that because everyone’s always been mean to you and this,” She gently tapped the area over his heart. “Just doesn’t know how to properly respond to things that are supposed to be happy and nice.”  
  
"Hm." Ivan stared down at her hand for a long while in thought before fixing his eyes on her. "Like a dog learning tricks? Can you teach it? It doesn’t listen to me so maybe it will listen to you."  
  
“I don’t know Ivan.” She says softly, shifting to sort of sit on his lap, though sitting in general was a bit different in this form. She then pressed the side of her head to his chest to listen to his heartbeat. “It might. Mine doesn’t listen to me either though.”  
  
Ivan’s heartbeat started to pick up pace, beating rather hard. It also made a weird clenching feeling throughout his ribcage. “It’s hurting more now and feels like I’m going to be sick.” He felt like he was choking on his words, but he couldn’t stop looking at Mattie.  
  
“It’s thumping really fast.” She says softly, just listening to it for a few moments.  
  
It slowed some after a while and he seemed more relaxed. “It doesn’t hurt so much anymore… What did you do?”  
  
“I don’t know. I’m just listening to it. It’s not thumping so fast anymore.”  
  
"That’s weird…" Mattie didn’t respond and was quiet for a minute or two before gently hugging him and nuzzling where his heart was softly. A jolt ran through him and his heart was beating quickly like before. "Hurts." Ivan whined softly.  
  
“I think I was right.” She whispers just as soft. “Everyone’s always been mean and cruel to you so yours hurts whenever I’m being nice or trying to show that I care.”  
  
"What should I do then…? It’s not nice if you have to stop because it hurts me. I like giving you hugs and nuzzling is my favorite too." Ivan’s shoulders slumped.  
  
“I don’t know.” Her head came up and they nuzzled each other. “Maybe we should do things like nuzzling and hugs more often? If it gets used to it, then maybe it will stop hurting.”  
  
He smiled faintly. “I’d like that… oh, this feels like a different type of hurt.”  
  
“How does it feel?” She asks softly, smiling a little as well.  
  
"Weird…" He stops to think on how to explain it. "My arms are tense too, like I want to crush you."  
  
“Well don’t crush me silly.” She giggles, nuzzling him again. “Weird how?”  
  
"Hard to explain in words." He wasn’t sure if that was an invite to hug her or not.  
  
“Perhaps you could try to explain with body language?” She suggests.  
  
"How?"  
  
“I don’t know. Using facial expressions, gestures, or actions perhaps?”  
  
Ivan was utterly confused on what she wanted him to do. “… So just do what comes to mind?”  
  
She nods. “That could work, yes.”  
  
He looked a bit frightened by the idea. “You… _sure_?”  
  
Mattie pulled back a little to look at him and smiled softly. “Yes, I’m sure. I’ll let you know if I don’t like something or want you to stop.”  
  
Ivan was very hesitant about it and kept waiting for her to change her mind or to do something else but she just continued to smile so it must really be okay. He made sure to move slowly at first, wrapping his arms around Mattie tightly and nuzzling her. He made a happy sound as she returned the actions and nuzzled her more, her cheeks, her forehead, and lastly, her nose. His face was red and his heart was hurting a little, but he was happy.  
  
Mattie made a soft, joyful trill, smiling with her eyes closed contently as Ivan rubbed his hand up and down her back. He enjoyed her smoothness; it reminded him of polished stones from the sea. He remembered he used to always keep one in his pocket to touch when he was a child. “I enjoy touching you, you feel so nice.” He says with a chuckle.  
  
She smiled happily and nuzzled him. “I like things like this.” She murmurs. “Physical contact is very, very nice. I enjoy it a lot.”  
  
Ivan’s actions slowed and became a little firmer over time, though his heart was pounding harder as he nuzzled Mattie’s nose again and again and again with his own. He had a built up feeling of wanting to be closer. The feeling built until it felt like it was in his throat and that was where Ivan froze; the nuzzling and moving of his hands stopped suddenly. Mattie paused in her nuzzling when he stopped, opening her eyes to look at him.  
  
"I… I feel frightened." Ivan’s eyes were closed and he even began to tremble.  
  
“Why?” She asks gently in concern.  
  
"I don’t know, but it’s starting to hurt a lot again." He shook his head.  
  
“It’s all right Ivan.” She coos in a soothing tone, cupping his face in her hands tenderly. “Do you want to stop the physical contact?”  
  
"No!" Ivan hugged her close, trembling more.  
  
“Okay.” She nodded and let go of his face before resting her head on his shoulder.  
  
He went back to nuzzling her again, whining a little. “I don’t want the good feeling to stop either…”  
  
“Then don’t stop silly.” She murmurs with a soft smile. “Good things can come out of scary situations you know.”  
  
"They can?" He asked, unsure.  
  
“They can.” She says matter of fact. “When I first got caught in your net I’d been trapped for quite some time and I would have drowned if you hadn’t shown up when you did. And going out into open water and nearly getting eaten several times led me back here for safety. Those are both very scary situations but I’ve gotten to meet you and spend time with you and learn many, many new things. Those are all good things.”  
  
"I didn’t think about it like that. Maybe…"  
  
“Maybe…?” She prompts gently.  
  
He took a moment to ready himself and stop the shaking. Ivan gave her a kiss on the cheek, he had thought that that had been what he was aiming for, but it wasn’t scary. Now he was just confused. “Eh? Why was scary before…? Maybe just nose nuzzling was too much?” He mumbled and did it again to test it but felt unchanged.  
  
“Maybe you’ve gotten over that particular fear?” She suggests, smiling at the kiss nuzzling him back.  
  
"Maybe?" He smiled and placed more kisses on her cheek. "Mattie was right." Ivan said cheerfully.  
  
Mattie smiled back cheerfully as well. “That’s great.” She praises softly, giving him a few kisses on the cheek as well.  
  
"One here too." He kissed her temple and she gave him one in return. "Feels nice." Ivan cuddled her happily.  
  
“It does.” She agrees, cuddling close. “What about one here?” She asks curiously after a moment or two, one hand coming up to tap her own lips once before that hand lowered and went back to being used for hugging.  
  
Ivan blinked. “Why?”  
  
“Why not?”  
  
"True… Guess I could try." He leaned in but only got to where their noses touched before he jolted back. "I can’t!" His heart was hammering away too suddenly and he had flushed cheeks.  
  
“It’s all right if you can’t.” She says softly, giving a nod of understanding and a gentle smile.  
  
“But—“  
  
“You don’t have to if you’re scared Ivan.” She spoke in a soothing tone. “I was only asking.”  
  
"But…" He mumbled and looked away. "I want to try it. I’ve seen others do it before, but only when it’s a man and a woman. I’ve never had any friends to begin with, but I don’t think this is something that two men do."  
  
“I’m not a man though, I’m a woman.” She reminds him gently.  
  
"I know that!" He pouted.  
  
“Then there shouldn’t be a problem with it, right?” She smiled softly and nuzzled him for comfort. “If you can’t, then may I?”  
  
Ivan shook his head. “It’s no problem, you may try.” He gave her a nervous glance.  
  
“Okay.” She nuzzled him again before pulling back just a little to give him a soft peck on the lips. Ivan’s heart skipped a beat from the peck, his face becoming redder than before. He stared at her for a few seconds that felt like minutes to him before kissing her again; this time longer, and more than just a small peck.  
  
After the second kiss, she pulled back enough to nuzzle their noses together. “That felt very nice.” She murmurs softly.  
  
"Mm, more." Ivan agreed just as soft and continued to place more kisses upon her lips. Some were longer, some were deeper, and some were just sweet and quick. His chest hurt but it felt so _good_ ; like all his tension that had built up was being washed away. And Mattie kissed him back, following his lead. Her heart was pounding just as much as Ivan’s and the lighter portion of her underbelly on her tail was flushed a light pink.  
  
He stopped after a long while, he hadn’t wanted to but he wanted to ask her something. He was breathing a little hard from the thrill of something so wonderful and new. Ivan had to pause before speaking. “Will this end tonight? I don’t want to, but I’m sleepy. I’m afraid this is a dream.”  
  
“We can do that more tomorrow if you’d like.” She says with a smile. “If you’re sleepy then we should get out and go to bed.”  
  
"But what if ‘s all a dream. None of this happened?" He was deeply hurt by the idea and hugged Mattie close.  
  
“It’s not a dream.” She soothes, hugging him back and nuzzling him gently. “Would you like one of those tomorrow morning so you know it’s not a dream?” Ivan nodded.  
  
"… Things changed didn’t it?"  
  
“I think so.” She says with a little nod.  
  
"Is that bad?"  
  
She was quiet for a moment in thought before shaking her head a little. “No, I don’t think so.”  
  
"You sure? If it’s bad, I’ll stop."  
  
“I’m sure.” She says with a soft smile. “I think it’s actually good.”  
  
"Me too, but I feel worried for some reason." He lets her go to rub his eyes and mumbled. "… Falling asleep."  
  
“Let’s get out of the tub now.” She says gently, ushering him to stand up. “You need to help me out so don’t fall asleep yet.”  
  
Ivan laughed and staggered out of the tub, trying to drain some of the water out of his clothes. “Feels weird…”  
  
He then moved to pick Mattie out of the tub but didn’t set her down. Instead he carried her straight to her room. She giggled softly. “Ivan, I need to dry off and my clothes are in the bathing room.”  
  
"Oh, I’ll get them. Want me to carry you back or put you in bed?"  
  
“Carry me back.” She giggles. “I’ll get the bed all wet like this.”  
  
He shrugged, but carried her back to the bathing room. She asked him to set her down and hand her a towel and then she dried herself off.  
  
"I should as well." Ivan then left for his own room to dry off and change.  
  
She nodded and got dried off and changed, coming out of the bathroom when she was done. Mattie found that Ivan was already waiting in her room, nodding off from how tired he was. She blinked in surprise before smiling a bit and getting in bed with him. He was smiling when she touched him and was happy to crawl in next to her. Ivan wrapped his arms around her and both snuggled in close with a happy sigh as they fell asleep.


	13. Chapter 13

When Ivan awoke that morning, he was still so groggy he hadn’t the faintest idea where he was. All he knew was that he had a headache, was rather comfortable, curled up against Mattie, and had that weird ache again. Only more- _Wait_ … “Mattie? What- why am I in your bed?” He questioned, though didn’t move.  
  
Mattie woke up slowly at the sound of her name. “Mm? What?” She asks sleepily, blinking her eyes open and looking at him.  
  
"Why am I in your bed?" He asked again; he didn’t remember getting into bed with her.  
  
“You wanted to sleep with me last night.” She says with a yawn. “We took a bath and after I finished drying off I came into my room and found you waiting for me.”  
  
"I what?" Ivan’s jaw practically dropped and he moved to sit up, but froze as he felt something strange, very _strange_. It sent an odd chill up his spine as he felt a part of him brush against Mattie’s thigh. He didn’t know what to do or say so he just stayed there, frozen halfway through sitting up, staring at Mattie with wide eyes, and hoping she hadn’t noticed _that_. But with how red his face had just become, there was no doubt that she might suspect something.  
  
She blinked in surprise when something brushed her thigh, tilting her head a little as his face went red. “You… wanted to sleep with me last night.” She repeats, not quite sure why he seemed so startled. After she’d woken fully, she sat up. “You weren’t making a whole lot of sense when you first got home. It was a bit weird and you talked much more than you usually do I think.”  
  
"I-… I came home drunk?" Ivan put some distance between the two of them.  
  
“I don’t know what that means.” She says tilting her head a little in confusion. “You got angry really easily yesterday and after supper you went for a walk and came home late. I was still up because I’d napped yesterday.”  
  
"I remember _that_. I’m sorry I acted like that, I wasn’t mad at you or anything. I was just tense. Anyway, drunk is what happens when you drink too much alcohol and are not in control of your actions.”  
  
“What’s alcohol?”  
  
"A very bad tasting drink, most burn like fire when you drink it."  
  
“Then why drink it?”  
  
"It clouds and gets rid of your thoughts."  
  
“Oh. Do you not remember the bath last night then?”  
  
"Em, not really no."  
  
“Oh.” She frowned a little unhappily at that. “Want me to tell you about it during breakfast?”  
  
Ivan didn’t get why she was frowning, but he moved to get out of the bed. “Yes, I’d like to know if I did anything horrible… I didn’t bathe with you, um, naked did I?”  
  
She shook her head as she got out of bed as well. “No, you wore a shirt and shorts again. You didn’t do anything horrible either. It was very nice actually.”  
  
"Oh… Well, that is relieving to hear." When he was standing, Ivan felt like something was off, or rather _out of place_. He glanced down only to realize that his trousers were sticking out. _What?_  
  
“Mm. I think they’re still in a wet pile on your floor. You didn’t wring them out well as far as I know.” She stretched before giving another yawn and turned to look at him. “Should I go make porridge or do you want to make something else for breakfast?”  
  
He snapped his head up and turned slightly away from her. “Uh, I need to change, but you can cook if you like.”  
  
She blinked a bit in surprise and tilted her head a little before nodding. “Okay. Hopefully by now I can make it without burning myself.” She smiled at him before going off into the main room to start up the stove and start making porridge.  
  
"Yes, be careful and call me if you need anything." Ivan waited until she was busy before hurrying into his own room. She was right about the wet clothes on his floor and he quickly dealt with them.  
  
Much to his shock while changing, his private was sticking upright from his body. He just quickly changed, putting on his tightest fitting pants in hopes it would force it down, not wanting to touch it, because it just felt… _weird_. And with one of his loose sweaters on, he walked out of his room.  
  
Mattie was at the stove, humming a tune that the girls had taught her while she focused on making the porridge and not burning herself. Ivan said nothing; too afraid that she’d somehow notice that something was up, er, off, about him. He sat at the table; which felt awkward in its own right.  
  
She just continued humming while she cooked. When it was done, she served it up and gave him his bowl and spoon before sitting down with her own and looking immensely pleased that she hadn’t burnt herself at all this time.  
  
"Thank you." He whispers as he slowly began to eat.  
  
“You’re welcome.” She says happily, then starting to eat her own.  
  
"So… about last night. What _did_ I do?”  
  
“You mostly talked.” She gave a soft smile. “A lot more than usual and not as…” She paused a moment before continuing. “Guarded, I think, with what you said.”  
  
"I’m sorry. I did not mean to, I usually think a lot about what I’m about to say."  
  
She giggled and shook her head. “No, no. It’s okay, really. I enjoyed the conversation a lot. It was nice to have you openly share your thoughts with me.”  
  
"You did?" Ivan looked up at her with a puzzled look.  
  
“I did.” Mattie gave a nod and smiled.  
  
"… Anything else besides talking?" He asked before taking a bite.  
  
“Lots of nuzzles and… I think they’re called kisses.”  
  
Ivan choked on his food, coughing rather hard before staring at her with unbelievably wide eyes. _"Kisses…?"_  
  
She stared in surprise for a moment before nodding. “Yes, first it was just little kisses all over both of our faces and then there were lots of kisses here.” She tapped her lips once before taking another bite of her breakfast.  
  
Ivan’s face fell into his hands and he groaned in embarrassment. “I’m so sorry Mattie…”  
  
“Why?” She asks in confusion. “They were really really nice and we both agreed it’d be nice to do things like nuzzling and hugging more often.”  
  
"I- well… We did?"  
  
“We did.” She nodded. “We also talked about these hurting,” She tapped above her heart. “And then what the word love means, though I still need to ask the ladies at church about it because I’ve just got the meaning that the girls gave me.”  
  
"…"  
  
“And then you said you wished you had a tail like mine so you could join me in the ocean and not have to worry about people anymore.”  
  
Ivan chose then to look up at her; he frowned, but did not deny that. “That is true. I do wish I had one.”  
  
“I said I thought it was safer on land.” She says before taking another bite. “You also mentioned how your grandfather ah, died.” Mattie paused for a moment before continuing. “You got rather upset when I mentioned mine hurts sometimes too.” She tapped above her heart again.  
  
"His heart gave out." He retorted. "You better not be feeling the _same_ as he did.”  
  
“No, I’m not. I explained last night that mine hurts like yours does sometimes, but for different reasons than yours does.”  
  
"… I told you about that?" Ivan couldn’t believe he had told her something that he had been trying so hard to keep from her.  
  
She nodded. “It started with you not making sense, then saying I confuse you, and then it was about that hurting.”  
  
"You don’t have to say _that_. I know what it is; it’s a heart.”  
  
“Well I didn’t know what it was called.” A small pout appeared on her face. “And you were just calling it _that_ last night.”  
  
"Oh, I didn’t realize you didn’t know the name." Ivan felt a little bad now.  
  
“Well now I do.” She ate some more of her porridge before blinking in surprise. “Oh, you wanted me to give you a kiss this morning so you’d know it wasn’t a dream. But I don’t there’s much of a point to that anymore since you don’t remember last night anyway…”  
  
"About that… I think we need to talk."  
  
“Isn’t that what we’re doing right now?”  
  
"That’s not what I meant." Ivan said seriously. "The whole kissing bit. It is normal for friends to kiss each other on the cheek from time to time, but it is only those who are courting or married that kiss each other on the lips. I’m sorry if that confuses you or if you might have _liked_ it, but we are friends and friends should not act like that. You understand right?”  
  
“Oh…” Her expression fell and she looked down at her bowl of porridge silently for a moment before giving a slight nod. “Yes, I understand.” She says quietly, then going back to eating her breakfast.  
  
"I…" Ivan frowned when he saw how Mattie looked. He felt a pinch of guilt in his heart. Mattie ate the rest of her breakfast in silence, washing the dishes quietly when they were done, and then going to sit and work on the doll she was making.  
  
Ivan was thinking a lot about what he had said, what she said, and how Mattie had responded. Once he got up from the table, he walked over to Mattie and knelt down in front of her, placing a hand over hers to gently stop her from sewing. “Mattie.”  
  
She paused in her sewing but didn’t lift her gaze from the doll. “Yes?” She asks in a quiet tone.  
  
"Mattie… Do you want to be more than friends?"  
  
She was silent for several minutes before she gave a small nod. “I think so.”  
  
Ivan moved his other hand to gently lift her face up. “I think so too.” He whispered, giving her a soft peck on the lips. “I- just didn’t want to make you do anything you didn’t want but… since you are also wanting something _more_. Then, maybe we could try?”  
  
She gave a slight smile at the peck and nodded a little in agreement. “Yes.”  
  
Ivan smiled back for a moment before it became more of a frown. “But, I should warn you that I don’t know anything. Or what I should do. There hasn’t been a lot lately that I’ve understood.” He didn’t like to admit it, but maybe it was time he did. “I think you have more of an understanding of just what _this_ is. You will have to teach me.”  
  
“I don’t know much about more than friends either, but I’m sure the ladies at church would be willing to explain it for me.” She says softly, smiling a bit more. “Then I can teach you what they teach me.”  
  
"You’ve never had anything like this happen in your pod? Not with anyone? Or seen it?" Ivan found that hard to believe since Mattie had a family, but then again, here he was, lost without a clue.  
  
“I’ve seen it many times, but I’ve never been a part of it.” She says with a soft laugh. “And I think the customs of the ocean concerning this may be a bit different than the customs on land.”  
  
"I don’t care about the ones on land, I want to be more a part of yours. The people here have never welcomed me into it, so why should I care what they want?" Ivan scowled.  
  
“Well… I don’t think you’ll like the ocean ones much.” She murmurs. “Umm, basically men just give gifts, or share fish, or spend extra time around the woman they like most, and if she likes him back, she’ll accept the gifts and company, and if not she’ll ignore him until someone she likes comes along and then um…” She looked down at her lap before continuing in a quieter voice. “When they want to, and decide on it, they do a certain thing together and…. Usually she gets pregnant and then a long time later they have a baby….” She paused a moment. “They usually stay with the same person for life too. And then I think that’s about it…”  
  
Ivan smiled gently. “That doesn’t sound so bad; I could do it that way.”  
  
“…You don’t mind the last bit?” She asks as she glanced up at him, a bit confused. “I thought you were afraid of me getting pregnant. And that’s why I’ve got my own bed, and why we sleep separately.”  
  
"I don’t think I can get you pregnant Mattie." He said slowly, not wanting to freak out; she hadn’t said anything close to his trigger words. Her not being able to get pregnant worked in his favor though. "We come from two different places."  
  
“… Oh…” She says so very softly, her expression falling once more as she looked down at her lap. “Okay….” She gave a very slight nod of understanding but bit her lip softly.  
  
"Listen. When your pod comes back this way and you want to have children, you can go find someone who can. All right?" He gave her hand a small squeeze. "And if you like you can bring them here or stay with your pod. I won’t be mad either way; I just want you to be happy. Because seeing you happy makes me happy." Ivan then gave her a big smile.  
  
“You don’t understand.” She says softly, shaking her head, her throat feeling tight as she spoke. “When my kind picks someone to be more than friends with, that person is the one they stay with for the rest of their lives. The only time another person is chosen is if the first one has died.”  
  
"Then… stay with them. I won’t be mad; they’ll be able to give you something I can’t. Something that you _want_.”  
  
“But then you’ll be lonely again…”  
  
Ivan held her face in his hands. “As long as _you_ are happy, I will be happy. And that is _all_ I need.” She stared at him for a moment or two before her eyes started to water, and then she suddenly had tears dripping down her face. He was greatly startled by this; he didn’t mean to make her cry. “Mattie? Mattie, what’s wrong?”  
  
“Hurts.” She says softly, pointing to where her heart was.  
  
"Why?" Ivan asks gently as he wiped her tears away.  
  
“I don’t know what I want more.” She whispers, her voice cracking a little. “To have children, or to be with you.” She felt torn; on the one hand, she’d always wanted to be a mother and have children of her very own. But on the other hand, she really wanted to stay with Ivan, but he didn’t think they could have children together and the thought of not getting to ever be a mother just tore at her heart and made it ache so _much_.  
  
Ivan moved to sit on the bench with her and pull her into a strong embrace, gently rubbing her back and petting her head. “You have all winter to decide Mattie, don’t push yourself. See how things go, maybe you won’t want to be with me like that and only want to be friends. You can choose when the spring comes and your pod has returned. Okay?”  
  
She hugged him back tightly and buried her face in his chest. “Okay….” She whispers, sniffling softly.  
  
"Good."

  
☙~❧

  
Later that week when they went to church, she asked him to let her go talk with the ladies on her own for a while. He did, knowing he could see her anywhere in the church and that it was _very_ unlikely that anyone would try something in here.  
  
She smiled and went over to the ladies, chatting with them pleasantly for a while before bringing up what she wanted to. “May I ask a question? I’m not quite sure what a certain word means. The younger girls tried to explain it to me but I don’t think I fully understood what they meant.”  
  
"By all means, ask away."  
  
“The word is love. The younger girls explained that there are several different types of love, but I don’t quite understand.”  
  
 ”Love?” One lady laughed softly. “Poor girl, you don’t what love means? Love means that you care about someone very much, that they you happy, and that you would do anything for them.”  
  
“Oh.” Mattie nodded. “The younger girls tried to explain the differences between different types of love, but I didn’t understand all of it. I understood what they meant with love between parents and children. But I didn’t quite understand the difference between friend-love and the love that results in marriage?”  
  
"Ah. I see. Well, the one that results in marriage is love between a man and a woman who wish to spend their lives together, share each other’s happiness, and sadness, and when the time comes, have children together."  
  
“Oh, okay.” Mattie says, smiling a bit and nodding in understanding. After a few moments she tilted her head a little with a curious look. “Does love make this hurt sometimes?” She asks, pointing to her heart.  
  
"Sometimes too much." Another said and the others agreed.  
  
“Is it supposed to? How do you make it stop hurting?”  
  
"Yes, when you’re in love it is supposed to. But giving each other affection helps the pain.”  
  
“Oh, I see.” Mattie smiled a little. “Thank you for explaining it to me.”  
  
"Not a problem. We are happy to help."  
  
Mattie smiled and nodded before going back over to Ivan and taking his hand in hers. “We can go now if you’d like.”  
  
"Find out what you needed Mattie?" He smiled.  
  
She nodded and smiled back. “Yes.”

  
☙~❧

  
Ivan turned to her on their walk though the market later. “So what did you ask those ladies?”  
  
“I asked them about what love means, the different types of love, and if love is supposed to make hearts hurt.”  
  
"And did you find what you were looking for?"  
  
“Yes, I did.” She says, nodding her head and giving a smile.  
  
"Do you believe that you feel love?"  
  
She tilted her head in thought for a moment before nodding a little. “I think so, yes.”  
  
"Is there a word in you language that means the same?"  
  
“I don’t think so.” She shook her head. “Love is shown through actions and body language, not words.”  
  
Ivan nodded and thought about it for a while.  
  
She smiled and walked with him through the market place, tugging him over to get something to eat after a few minutes. He happily bought her what she wanted to eat, but was sneaky while she was distracted and got something of his own, though it wasn’t food.  
  
She munched on her food happily, giggling when some of the girls came up to see if she had any sweets. “Sorry, no sweets. Just lunch.” She says ruffling their hair fondly and gently shooing them off to go back where they were supposed to be right now.  
  
"If you stop giving them sweets they wouldn’t ask every time they see you."  
  
She giggled softly. “I suppose so, but it’s fun to give them a treat every now and then.”  
  
"Just keep in mind that we have to watch not to spend too much. It’ll be winter soon."  
  
She nodded in understanding. “Okay.”  
  
Ivan looked up at the grey clouds in the sky. “It should snow soon.”  
  
She looked up as well. “Today?”  
  
"No, not today. Perhaps in the next few days though."  
  
“Oh, okay.” She smiled and nodded. “Tonight could you teach me how to cook something other than porridge?”  
  
Ivan laughed. “Sure, whatever you like.”  
  
Mattie smiled happily. “Can we go home now? I’m almost done making that doll and I’d like to finish it today.”

  
☙~❧

  
Once they were home Ivan offered Mattie the item he bought. He was going to try his hardest to do things Mattie’s way. He had gotten her a small bag of shiny stones with small holes in them so she could use them to add eyes or whatever to her dolls. “Would you like them?”  
  
She blinked in surprise and took the bag, looking at them before smiling up at him happily. “Yes, thank you.” She hesitated just a moment before giving him a peck on the cheek. Ivan smiled with a faint coloring to his cheeks and gave her a kiss on the cheek as well. She beamed happily and sat down to finish up her doll, adding two of the shiny stones for eyes.  
  
"So what is it that you are making Mattie?"  
  
“Just a doll.” She says happily as she worked on it. “The girls taught me how and I thought that maybe if I could make them well enough then we could sell them at the market like other people do.”  
  
"Have you thought about making one that looks more like your kind?"  
  
She shook her head. “No. Would people want to buy ones that look like my kind?”  
  
Ivan shrugged. “It would be something different and there are already many stories about mermaids. Little children like those sort of things.”  
  
“Maybe I’ll try to make one like that next.” She smiled, looking down and finishing up the doll with a few more stitches and tying it off. “What do you think?” She held up the finished doll to him.  
  
"I think that everyone will be coming to you for dolls come spring." He smiled. "You are again fast at learning something."  
  
She giggled and set her sewing materials down off to the side. “Thank you. How is your woodcarving coming along?”  
  
Ivan grimaced. “Ah, well… I threw them in the fire.”  
  
“Were they not turning out well?”  
  
"No. They either break before I’m done or don’t turn out the way I want."  
  
“Why don’t you try making another one? I’d like to see one, even if it doesn’t turn out the way you want it to.”  
  
"I don’t want to show you until I get one right." He said with a glum look.  
  
“Why not?”  
  
"Because I want it to be a gift."  
  
She smiled softly. “I don’t mind if it’s not perfect.”  
  
"I want it to be at least decent."  
  
“I’m sure I would like it even if it wasn’t.”  
  
"That isn’t the point." He then gave a big sigh. "Enough of that, what do you want to learn?"  
  
“Something easy to make.” She didn’t have a specific thing in mind; she just wanted to learn how to cook more than just porridge.  
  
"All right, come. I’ll teach you how to cook fish." He gestured her to come to the stove with him. She nodded and got up, following him over to the stove.  
  
Once the stove was hot, he got them each a fish, asking Mattie to follow along. Ivan showed her how de-scale and gut the fish. Then how to cook it, season it with salt, and then he showed her how it should look and taste when finished.  
  
Mattie paid close attention, following his lead. She didn’t seem to enjoy the scaling and gutting part of it, but she enjoyed learning the rest of it. When she was done, she looked to him for approval.  
  
The man was grinning. “You did good.” Ivan then took a small piece of her fish and ate it. “Very good.” She grinned back at him happily, looking proud of herself and pleased at his praise.  
  
"Shall we enjoy our efforts?" Ivan brought their food to the table and sat down to eat. She smiled and nodded. Mattie wanted him to have the one she made and ate dinner with him happily. He was more than happy to eat her fish and had offered his to her.

  
☙~❧

  
Later, Ivan bid her goodnight and then retired for the night. But as Ivan predicted, it started to snow while they slept and by morning there was half a foot of snow on the ground.  
  
When Ivan learned this, he kept it to himself, wanting to surprise Mattie after breakfast. When Mattie woke up, greeting him with a semi-sleepy nuzzle before sitting down for breakfast.  
  
"There is a little bit of a surprise for you outside Mattie." Ivan said after they were finished.  
  
“Outside?” She asks curiously, helping him clean the dishes before moving to put her shoes and coat on.  
  
Ivan nodded with a grin. “Not so fast, wait for me.”  
  
“Okay?” She smiled and waited for him after she had her boots and coat on. After he was ready, he waited for her to open the front door, watching her face closely. She opened the door and looked outside, her eyes going wide in amazement and her jaw dropping open. She turned her head to look at him. “Snow?”  
  
"Yes, snow."  
  
She went outside; crouching down and poking it with her finger, pulling it back quickly. “Cold!” She squeaks in surprise.  
  
Ivan laughed and followed after her. “You’ll be fine, it’s not that bad yet.” She stood up and walked around in it, watching in amazement as the snow kept her footprints like sand on the beach.  
  
"Mattie look." Ivan walked up to her with his hands folded over each other, then opened them to show her a ball of snow. "You can shape it with your hands."  
  
She looked at the ball of snow in his hands and her eyes went wide. Mattie then crouched down and tried to make one though it came out rather lumpy and malformed. “Aw.” She pouted and tossed it back on the snow before grabbing more and trying again.  
  
Ivan chuckled and began to roll his around in the snow while she continued to make her own. It took her several more tries before she got it right. When she did, she beamed happily and looked up before holding it out to him. “Look!” She says proudly.  
  
"Ah, very nice." He chuckled, his own snowball now up to his knees.  
  
Mattie looked at his snowball in surprise. “It’s big!” She says, coming over to look at it.  
  
"And I plan to make it bigger."  
  
“Why?”  
  
"Because I can." He shrugged with a smile and continued to roll it.  
  
“Oh.” She watched him for a few moments before trying to make her snowball bigger as well. Ivan kept an eye on her and gave her tips as she needed them. Mattie had lots of fun playing in the snow with him, though after an hour or so she came over and put her cold hands on his cheeks. “My hands are very cold. Is it time to go inside now?”  
  
"Only if you want." He placed his hand over hers. "But you are rather cold."  
  
She nodded. “Very cold. Let’s go inside.”  
  
"I’ll make you some tea to warm you up." Ivan held onto one of her hands as he led her back to the house.  
  
“Can you warm my hands first please?” She asks as they go inside together.  
  
"By fire or skin?" Ivan asks as he shuts the door.  
  
“Not fire.” Mattie made an unhappy face.  
  
"… All right." Ivan shrugged off his coat, letting it fall on the bench. He took both her hands and slipped them under his shirt, laughing a little as he flinched from her cold hands on his warm belly. She giggled a bit as well and leaned close to him, pressing her face into the crook of his neck because her nose was cold too.  
  
He laughed a little more. “It’s not even that cold out yet.”  
  
“I’m not used to the cold.” Mattie says, nuzzling her face close.  
  
"Well, I’ll make sure you’re kept good and warm." He nuzzled back.  
  
“Good.” She smiled and nuzzled him some more. “You’re warm.”  
  
"I know." Ivan smiled softly. "Would you like some tea now?"  
  
“Mm, not yet.” Mattie says after a moment of thought. She was enjoying being close to him right now and didn’t really want him to move away just yet.  
  
"Okay." Ivan let go of her hands so he could hug her instead.  
  
Mattie snuggled close, hugging him back, though he jumped and quickly pulled her hands away before she could feel the scars on his back.  
  
She jumped a little as well and looked up at him with a startled look. “…?”  
  
"Not my back… It’s not a pleasant idea." He did not make eye contact. "Anywhere is better than there."  
  
“Why?” She gave him a soft, concerned look.  
  
"It just doesn’t feel nice."  
  
“I don’t think I would mind, but okay.” She gave a little nod of understanding.  
  
He just sighed and went back to hugging her. She hugged back, keeping her hands over the shirt instead of under this time; Ivan was much happier with that and relaxed into the hug.  
  
"Would you like some tea now?" Ivan asked a few minutes later.  
  
“Yes please.” She says with a nod.  
  
"Then I’ll make you some. Why don’t you get out of your heavy clothes and sit on the bench?" He asks while he lets her go.  
  
“Okay.” She nodded and took off her boots and coat before sitting down on the bench.  
  
While the water boiled, Ivan sat down next to her; Mattie rested her head on his shoulder and snuggled up to him with a smile.  
  
"You’re quite affectionate today Mattie."  
  
“Is that okay?”  
  
"Yes, though I feel like there is a reason for it."  
  
“Oh?”  
  
"I don’t know your reasons Mattie, only you do."  
  
She just smiled at that and didn’t really say anything else on the matter until after she was sipping her tea. “The ladies at church said the heart is supposed to hurt during love sometimes but sharing affection helps it to not hurt.”  
  
"So that’s what this is about."  
  
“A little yes.” She says with a smile. “My kind is also just really affectionate with people they care about in general.”  
  
"I’m fine with it either way." He returned the smile and helped himself to some tea.  
  
“I’m glad.” She says smiling some more and sipping her tea happily.


	14. Chapter 14

A week passed and the snow continued to fall, it was soon almost to their knees but this did not stop them from spending time outside. Mattie wanted to play almost every day and Ivan was happy to comply; things were much better with Mattie.  
  
They always stayed out for as long as Mattie could handle and then they returned inside for tea, a hot meal, or a hot bath. Ivan was so very glad to have gotten a new home to share; otherwise she would have not been able to keep warm.  
  
Today was one of these days for a bath, she came inside with him, shivering a little and requesting a hot bath. He just smiled and went to fill the tub for her. She took off her boots and coat before then following after him.  
  
"Hang on, the water has to heat up first." Ivan chuckled. "Are you really that cold?"  
  
Mattie nodded. “Yes, I’ve never been somewhere this cold before.”  
  
Ivan took off his coat and draped it over her shoulders. It was still very warm from his body. “Here.”  
  
Mattie smiled and tugged the coat around her close. “Warm.” She says happily.  
  
"Enough until the bath is done?"  
  
She nodded. “Yes.”  
  
"Good." 

  
☙~❧

  
Once the water was ready, she stripped and got in, giving a soft pleased trill at the warmth. When her tail was back, she said it was okay for Ivan to join her in the water. He opened the door before saying answering her. “I don’t think I’m getting in today.”  
  
“Why not?” Mattie asks, pouting a little.  
  
And he just shrugged. “I don’t really feel like it.”  
  
“Okay.” She nodded in understanding before curling up under the water to soak up the warmth of the water contently. She was sulking just a little too, though she tried not to make it too apparent. Ivan gave a heavy sigh and left her alone for a bit. He then came around changed and stepped into the tub, being mindful not to step on Mattie as he did so.  
  
She perked up a little when she noticed he was getting in, popping her head above the water and moving so he could have more space before she swam over and snuggled up to him happily.  
  
"Don’t think that you’re going to get away with this every time." He grumbled.  
  
“Get away with what?” She asks, looking up at him.  
  
” _This_ , just because you pout or sulk doesn’t mean I’m going to give in.”  
  
Her stomach flushed a light pink though it couldn’t be seen at the moment. “Was it that obvious I was sulking…?”  
  
"Yes." He nodded.  
  
“It wasn’t meant to be obvious.” She mumbled, hiding her face in his chest.  
  
Ivan nuzzled her and brought his arm around her. “Does it really upset you that much when I don’t share a bath with you?”  
  
“Not always, but it’s nicer to share one and not as lonely.” She answers, nuzzling him back.  
  
"Then the other times I’ll sit nearby and carve. Sound good?"  
  
Mattie thought about this for a moment before she nodded. “Yes, that sounds okay.”  
  
"Then that’s what I’ll do." He closed his eyes and just enjoyed the hot water. She rested her head on his chest, right over his heart, and closed her eyes as well.  
  
After fifteen minutes or so of just relaxing and warming up, she spoke up softly. “Ivan…?”  
  
"Hm?"  
  
“Are you um… always going to wear this when we share a bath?” She asks, gently tugging on the material of his shirt.  
  
"As long as I share one, yes. Why?"  
  
“Oh, okay… I was just curious.”  
  
"Mattie." Ivan moved so he could look at her face.  
  
“Yes…?” She asks, glancing up at him.  
  
"Out with it, I doubt curious is your real reason."  
  
“No, curious _is_ part of it.” She mumbles, averting her gaze. “Just curious to see under it.”  
  
He was not really all that surprised to hear that. She had seen a glimpse of him already. “Do you really want to see all that? It is not a pretty sight like your markings or tail.”  
  
She nodded though didn’t look at him. “Yes, I do and…. I think my kind has different views on scars than your kind does.”  
  
"Move." He says with a sigh.  
  
Mattie shifted and moved back away from him. “You don’t have to show them if you don’t want to…”  
  
"This is no longer a one on one thing. If we’re going to be more than friends we have to start trusting each other more." Ivan started to pull up his soaked shirt. "Mainly me…" He added sadly.  
  
“Oh.” She nodded a little. “I won’t touch any of them if you don’t want me to.”  
  
Once the shirt was off, Ivan dropped it outside the tub. There actually wasn’t much for scars along his chest, soft nicks and starbursts lifting from his skin, odd ovals of discoloration, and then the great burn scar along his left side.  
  
The man had his back pressed firmly against the wall of the tub with his eyes cast downward. Mattie swam closer to him, looking at the scars, but not touching any of them.  
  
"Is this what you wanted…?" He whispered.  
  
“I wanted to see them, yes.” She whispers back with a small nod. “Is it okay for me to touch them or do you not want that?”  
  
"It’s only fair." Ivan spoke a little louder. After all, Ivan had felt Mattie’s tail many times. She then reached out and touched one of the smaller scars gently, watching his body language just to make sure it was really okay. Mattie found that Ivan held his breath with a small smile on his face.  
  
After a moment or two, she gently ran her fingers over the various scars on his chest, eventually reaching the biggest one.  
  
"Mattie. Mattie, stop—“ He started to laugh, trying to hold it back, but being so gentle was tickling him. She pulled her hand back quickly, not understanding why he was laughing.  
  
"Don’t be so gentle please, it’s tickling me." Ivan couldn’t stop grinning at her, first the touching, and now Mattie’s look.  
  
“Oh, okay.” She smiled a little and touched the burn scar again, trying to just touch it normally instead of gently. That one was rougher feeling than the others, while it brought some discomfort to Ivan, he didn’t say anything and just let Mattie do as she liked as long as it was away from his back.  
  
“Why do you not like showing them?” She asks softly in a curious tone, looking up at his face.  
  
"Reminds me and others of what happened."  
  
“Why? Are you-” She paused for a moment to choose what word she wanted before continuing. “…Ashamed of them? Or do you just not like the memories?”  
  
"I’m not ashamed really, they just anger me and the memories are horrible.” Ivan gave a shrug and looked elsewhere. “I’d like people to forget that I ever existed, but it’s unlikely to happen. The scars are just another reminder to those that were there when it happened. It just makes them as angry as me when they see them and with others it’s pity. Though I have yet to see one person regret what happened. I doubt any of them care; I’d be better off dead to them. The ocean herself knows they’ve tried enough."  
  
Mattie was quiet for a few moments after he finished speaking. “My kind view scars quite a bit differently. Though scars on men and women are not viewed quite the same.” She says slowly. “Scars on women… well, they’re not so wanted… well, not by the women anyway. The women like looking nice and little to no scars usually means they’re well protected and well loved.”  
  
She smiled a little. “Scars on men are seen as… a very… wanted thing. More scars usually mean they’ve helped protect the group more, it means they’re stronger, and braver. It means they’ve faced many dangerous or deadly things and have beaten them, or at the least, they’ve survived being attacked.” She paused for a few moments before continuing. “And for women who are deciding on someone… Choosing one who is very strong and brave means that if for some reason, the pair were ever separated from the rest of the group, she knows he will be able to keep her safe from harm while they are on their own and that he can protect her from things that would do them harm until they can find their group again. Or until they find another group to become a part of.”  
  
"You choose someone because of their scars?" Ivan thought this was a rather odd way to pick someone. Picking someone who has suffered the worst? He shook his head.  
  
Mattie shook her head. “Not just by the scars. Also by looks and how they act.” Sighing a little. “The ocean is a dangerous place to live, and for women, especially those who want children, they want someone they know will be able to protect and care for her, and any children she has. They usually want the strongest, the best. When one lives in a dangerous place, the strongest usually has the most scars. Men with many scars are seen as strong and brave for surviving.”  
  
"And I am all that to you?" He asked uncertainly. "You think that I am able to be what you need?"  
  
Her stomach flushed pink and she looked away shyly before giving a small nod. “Yes.”  
  
"That is nice of you to say Mattie, but… that’s not all true."  
  
“What do you mean?” She lifted her gaze to look at him.  
  
Ivan frowned slightly and touched her arm. “I might be able to protect you Mattie, and take care of you… but you won’t get any children from me.”  
  
“We don’t know that for sure.” She mumbles, looking away, her stomach flushing more. “Just because no one’s tried it doesn’t mean it isn’t possible…”  
  
Ivan sighed and became quiet for a moment. _How do I tell her that I don’t want children without bringing up the past?_ While she continued to look away and fidget a little, Ivan touched her belly, wondering why it was a different color. “Why is your stomach red? Is the bath too hot?” He asked, changing the topic.  
  
“It’s… blush.” She mumbles, her stomach flushing a bit more as she avoided looking at him.  
  
"Your blush shows on your stomach? That’s… kind of cute." Ivan chuckled and ran his fingers up and down her belly. That only made her stomach flush more but she let him touch her belly.  
  
Ivan gave her a nuzzle and stopped his touching after a moment. “I’m sorry, I’ll leave you alone. I was just curious is all.” Then he kissed her cheek.  
  
She flushed more and took his hand in hers. “I don’t mind.” She murmurs, shyly returning the kiss.  
  
"You don’t mind or you like it?" Ivan asked.  
  
“… Like it.” She mumbles meekly.  
  
He smiled and kissed her again. “I like it when you do the same to me as well.”  
  
“I… also like it when you do that on my back.” She smiled back at him a little. “You did it the night you were drunk but I really liked it.”  
  
Ivan had remembered some parts of that night, but hadn’t said anything on it. “Ah, well I don’t think it would be hard for me to do again.”  
  
”Good.” She smiled a bit more at that, pleased.  
  
"Anything else I should know that you like?" He teased.  
  
“Sharing baths and sleeping next to you?”  
  
"We’ll work on the sharing a bed, I’m still unsure it’s a good idea."  
  
“If you’re so sure you can’t give me children then why are you so worried about us sharing a bed?” She asks with a pout.  
  
"All right, all right. It’s still a little weird for me okay?"  
  
“Okay, but why? We shared a bed a lot before you knew I was a woman.”  
  
"Yes, but now that I know, I just can’t stop thinking about it."  
  
“Why?” She tilted her head curiously.  
  
"I’ve never been around anyone like this, other than my Grandfather, but even then it was different"  
  
“Oh, okay then.” She rested her head on his chest, snuggling close to him as Ivan wrapped his arms around her, staying like that for the rest of the bath.

  
☙~❧

  
When the water had cooled and they had decided on getting out of the bath, she tilted her head at him. “Do you want me to not look at your back when you get out or is it okay to look?”  
  
Ivan shook his head and reached over the tub for his shirt. It was ice cold, but he put it back on. “T-there, we’re good now.”  
  
Mattie nodded though when he took her out of the tub, she shivered a little at the coldness of the shirt he wore. “Don’t get sick again or I’ll make you drink more of that gross tea.” She threatens lightly. “Set me down and go change out of that cold shirt.”  
  
Ivan glared. “I am _not_ going to drink that stuff again.” He then set her down and left to change. She giggled and dried herself off, changing back into her clothes before exiting the bathing room. 

  
☙~❧

  
As the weeks passed, it got colder and colder, especially at night. Mattie found that although she’d been given a majority of the blankets in the house, it was becoming increasingly difficult with each passing day for her to keep herself warm at night. She simply couldn’t generate enough heat to keep herself warm under all of those blankets.  
  
Knowing how Ivan felt about sharing a bed, she didn’t complain for the first few weeks but it had now gotten cold enough that she just couldn’t stand sleeping alone anymore. That night, a little after bedtime, she left her room and went over to his, knocking on the door gently before opening it. “Ivan?” She calls out softly.  
  
"Mm? Mattie? What is it?" Ivan rolled over as he sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "Is everything alright?"  
  
“It’s too cold.” She complains, a slight whine to her voice. “I’m still cold even under all of the blankets. Can you come sleep with me please?”  
  
"You’re still cold?" Ivan got up and walked over to her, placing a hand on her skin. She was indeed cold to the touch. He frowned and walked with her back to her room. "All right, let’s get you warm."  
  
“Yes.” She shivered at the temperature difference between the two of them and nodded, sticking close to him as they went back to her room.  
  
Ivan got into her bed first and then held out his arms for her to welcome her to snuggle up to him. “Come here.”  
  
She got into bed quickly after him, snuggling up close right away and shivering. “How long have you been cold, how many nights?” Ivan asked as he tucked her in.  
  
“Weeks.” She mumbles, clinging to him. “It’s been mostly bearable until tonight.” She shivered as his warmth slowly started to warm her up.  
  
"You should have told me. I thought you were doing fine on your own."  
  
“I wasn’t complaining because I knew how you felt about sharing a bed.” She mumbles, pressing her face to the crook of his neck to warm up her nose and face.  
  
"That’s different Mattie. What if you got sick?"  
  
“Then I’d probably have to drink that gross tea.”  
  
Ivan chuckled. “I don’t know if it would have worked with you.”  
  
“Well at least a fever would be warmer than this weather.” She mutters, her shivers getting less severe as she started warming up more.  
  
"I would rather avoid you getting a fever."  
  
“Then you should probably sleep with me until it starts warming up again.” She paused for a moment. “It’s not going to get any colder than it is now… right?”  
  
"I’m afraid it is, it’s not quite the middle of winter yet, but… Yes. I will sleep with you until it gets warmer." Ivan nuzzled her cheek and pulled the covers higher.  
  
“Good, I think I’ll freeze if you don’t.” She says and after several more minutes she finally stopped shivering and gave a content sigh, closing her eyes and drifting off to sleep.

  
☙~❧

  
The next morning, she woke up first. “Good morning.” She greets softly, nuzzling him and waiting for him to wake up before pulling back to give him a soft kiss on the lips. “Thank you for sleeping with me. I was much warmer last night.”  
  
"I’m glad." He said lazily and kissed her nose.  
  
She smiled and nuzzled him again. “Will you teach me how to make something this morning, like toast or something else?  
  
"How about toast and eggs?"  
  
“That sounds good.” She nodded.  
  
Ivan hummed with a smile and slowly got out of bed. “I’m going to get changed.”  
  
“Okay, I’ll work on convincing myself to get out from under the warm blankets.” She says with a giggle, sitting up but staying wrapped up in said blankets.  
  
Ivan smiled. “I have something for you to look forward to.”  
  
“Making breakfast together?” She asks curiously. “Or something else?”  
  
"Well there is that, but I was thinking more like curling up together by the fire." He shrugged and left the room.  
  
She beamed happily at the idea of that. A few minutes later she was out in the main room, though her coat was wrapped around her for warmth. Ivan had the fire going by this time and was getting things ready for breakfast. She went over to stand by his side and watched him prepare things.  
  
"Want to cook first or curl up for a bit longer?"  
  
“Food first.”  
  
"Alright, this won’t take long."  
  
It really didn’t. Ivan had shown Mattie as they cooked and even then it had only taken them six minutes. Ivan even made tea; all the while Mattie thoroughly enjoyed herself. After their food was ready, they did as he had suggested; they curled up together on the bench near the fire and ate their hot breakfast.  
  
After their food and tea was gone, she set the things on the table to be dealt with in a little while and curled back up with Ivan on the bench. Ivan was happy to have her back at his side and draped his arm over her shoulders as she cuddled up closer. A few minutes later, she turned her head to give him an affectionate peck on the lips. Ivan smiled and gave her one on her forehead.  
  
“You missed.” She says, pouting a little.  
  
"I missed? No, I’m pretty sure I hit my target." Ivan laughed a little.  
  
“No, you missed here.” She says tapping her lips with one finger.  
  
"Oh…" He made the kiss on her lips quick. "There?"  
  
She beamed at him happily and nodded.  
  
"All right." He went back to enjoying the warmth of the fire; Mattie could be a silly girl at times.  
  
The snuggling and cuddles continued on after that, along with the odd peck on the cheeks and nose. But when Mattie gave another kiss on his lips, Ivan’s response was to sigh softly and then give her one as well, knowing she would want one.  
  
“Do you not like that kind of kiss?” She asks with a soft little frown.  
  
"No, I like it."  
  
“Then how come you seem like you don’t want to do it?”  
  
"It…." He didn’t know if he wanted to say it. "It makes me feel… different."  
  
“Different how?”  
  
"Ah… different?"  
  
“Good different or bad different?”  
  
"Um. I don’t know?" He looked away uncomfortable with talking about this and looking at her at the same time. That just encouraged it.  
  
“Then why not try it until you figure out if it’s good different or bad different?”  
  
Ivan just grew uneasy from the thought of that happening and Mattie taking notice. It didn’t sit well with him and had his heart beating quicker.  
  
“…No?” She asks softly when he didn’t answer.  
  
"I- I don’t know?" He swallowed.  
  
She looked up at him questioningly. “…?”  
  
Ivan’s face flushed with anger and embarrassment. “I don’t know okay!? So stop looking at me like that and do what you want!”  
  
Mattie flinched back away from him at his tone of voice, her expression falling. “You didn’t have to shout.” She says softly, looking down at her lap. “I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable by just doing what I wanted, that’s why I was asking first…”  
  
"I’m sorry for shouting." He said calmly.  
  
“It’s okay.”  
  
"Let’s just do this your way, okay?"  
  
“My way?”  
  
"Yes, your way."  
  
“Okay.” She nodded and just curled back up with him quietly for the moment.  
  
"… Well?"  
  
“I just want to cuddle right now.” She mumbles. Truthfully, she didn’t feel like kissing after she’d just been shouted at. The shouting had kind of ruined her overly affectionate mood.  
  
"All right." He nuzzled his nose against the side of her neck. She lightly nuzzled back, but just remained curled up with him for the rest of their snuggle time. After a while she wanted to try to make a doll that looked more like one of her kind and she brought her sewing things over and sewed while leaning on him a little.  
  
Ivan also took it as the time to work on his carving again. Every so often she would pause her work to watch him work on carving for a little while.


	15. Chapter 15

Come the next day, Ivan made sure to be more open about Mattie’s approach. After playing in the snow they cuddled by the fire. She gave him a peck on the lips after they’d warmed up and Ivan returned the peck without hesitation. He wanted to make up for ruining the moment yesterday and to show Mattie that he could trust her.  
  
She smiled happily and gave him another kiss, more than a peck but still chaste. Ivan did the same, his hand gently running down her side.  
  
Mattie smiled wider and gave him a little nuzzle before kissing him again. This time Ivan decided to be a little bold and moved his hand to the back of her head to hold her there longer for the kiss, even if he wasn’t sure if he should go farther or run away; it was conflicting, between unfamiliarity and curiosity.  
  
Mattie chose for him, she tried kissing the way she vaguely remembered him doing when he was drunk, making it just a little bit deeper of a kiss. He shivered; it felt nice so he added to it. The kisses became longer and more than just simple acts of affection. His lips became less tense, enjoying the softness of Mattie’s lips flowing over his. Ivan only paused for a moment to pull Mattie to straddle his lap before his lips were on hers once more.  
  
She gave a soft surprised squeak when he pulled her onto his lap, giggling as she kissed him back quite happily. Though she gave a soft curious noise when she felt something at her thigh. She pulled back a little and glanced down, but Ivan hadn’t noticed until he went to continue their kissing.  
  
When he looked down to see what she was looking at, Ivan gave a jolt of surprise and quickly placed a hand over his crotch to obstruct her view. He was too ashamed to say anything. _Why do I feel this way?_  
  
Mattie looked up and gave him a questioning look; but he did not want to look at her. “Sorry, I don’t understand it myself.” His voice was hushed. “But it will go away in time.”  
  
“What will go away?” She asks, a bit confused.  
  
"The, ah, odd _ache_ here.” __  
  
She looked at him in confusion and then looked back down at his hand covering the area. His face just grew redder, unable to bring himself to move right now. A moment passed before Mattie decided to ignore it for now and lifted her head back up to give him another kiss. Ivan was hesitant at first, but eagerly continued after a few moments.  
  
“Kisses are very nice.” Mattie says after a while, a bit breathless but smiling.  
  
"Mm, very." Ivan agreed softly, placing both his hands on her sides and moving to kiss her neck. She gave a pleased little hum though shivered a little at the feeling. "Like that?" He chuckled against her skin and placed more kisses down her neck.  
  
She shivered a bit more but gave a slight nod. “Mhmm. It feels nice.”  
  
"Good." One hand moved to the center of her back. His kissed all around the front of her neck and under her jaw before moving to her shoulders. He did not know where this urge to kiss every inch of her came from, but he was enjoying it, wanting to flow with it more.  
  
Mattie must have as well as she had pressed herself closer to him, giving soft little noises of approval. She was enjoying all of these kisses from him very much. They made her heart pound and she felt a bit breathless, but decided she definitely liked this feeling.  
  
Ivan thought her voice was beautiful, each sound a note of a captivating melody, like a song written by the sea. He was surprised by the sound that came from himself as he moaned softly. His hands seemed to move on their own accord as they grasped Mattie’s legs firmly. Mattie herself gave a squeak of surprise, pulling her head back just enough to see his face.  
  
Ivan almost didn’t hear her over the blood pounding in his ears, his eyes screwed tightly shut as he breathed heavily. His whole body felt like his heart; pulsing and throbbing that _ache_ throughout himself. His flesh felt hot and a bit sweaty, wanting to rid himself of the suffocating cloth. Ivan’s trousers felt uncomfortable and tight… He wanted something; _needed_ something, but he didn’t know what it was. __  
  
“Ivan?” Mattie asks a bit breathlessly, her hands coming up to cup his face gently.  
  
Ivan shivered at her touch, opening his eyes slowly halfway, unfocused. _Warmth… I want warmth._  
  
She gave him a gentle kiss on the lips. “Are you okay?” She asks softly.  
  
"Yes…" He mumbled.  
  
“Good.” She smiled a bit and kissed him more as Ivan hungrily accepted, moving his hands lower down her legs, wishing it were her tail he was touching.  
  
Mattie enjoyed these kisses very much. She liked the way they made her feel warm all over, how her heart felt like it was soaring. She felt just a bit uncomfortable in this form though; she wanted her tail and not these legs, but she didn’t want to move away from him. If anything, she wanted to be even closer than they were now.  
  
"Water?" He murmured between a kiss, as if reading her mind.  
  
“Water.” Mattie agrees breathily.  
  
Ivan moved his hands to her hips to support her weight for when he stood, but— he didn’t. Everything grinded to a halt after he felt her hips; even his own heart seemed to stop. _Why… **Why** did I stop? What was I going to do?_ He didn’t know, he just didn’t know- couldn’t remember, everything just got so confusing. Haunting memories were filling his clouded mind, but he still wanted to know why. “Mattie…” Ivan pulled back from their kissing slowly.  
  
“Hm?” She pulled back as well and looked up at him.  
  
"Do you—" Ivan tried to keep himself from kissing her lips again. "Do you know what’s happening?"  
  
“Sort of?” When Ivan just stared at her, waiting for her to explain, she continued speaking. “I don’t think I know the right words to explain it.” She shook her head a little. “And it’s hard to compare it to what I’ve been told when I’ve got legs instead of a tail. But if it’s what I think it is, it’s a very good thing that’s supposed to feel really nice.”  
  
"Then why does this suddenly feel like I should stop?" He rested his head on her shoulder, his voice dropped to an almost vulnerable state.  
  
“I don’t know. Do you want to stop?”  
  
"Yes? No? It feels too good to stop…"  
  
“Well why don’t we go heat up the water in the tub first?” She suggests softly. “We can decide whether or not to continue after we’re in the tub.”  
  
He nods and places a kiss on her shoulder before letting her go so she could stand.  
  
She stood slowly and then held out her hand for his. Ivan took her hand eagerly and followed her into the bathing room. He even helped get the fire going to heat the water, but after that he was on her lips again, with his hands running up her back. He couldn’t help it; he wanted to hold her, to feel her in his arms.  
  
She smiled and was more than happy to continue kissing him, and when the water was heated up she reluctantly pulled away so they could start filling the tub up with the hot water. Though his hands lingered on her back as he watched her move. It would still be some time yet before the tub was filled and Ivan wanted to spend that time covering her lips and neck in kisses.  
  
Mattie paused in her actions to turn and give him a soft kiss on the lips. “There are two pails you know. The tub would get filled faster if we worked on filling it together.” She then pulled away once more to start filling the tub. Ivan huffed at that and helped out when needed.  
  
Eventually the tub was filled. “Are you going to change into shorts?” She asks, noting that he still had pants on.  
  
Ivan made a slightly frustrated noise as he looked down at his clothing. “I’ll be back.” He rushed out of the room to change, as annoying as it was. He didn’t even care if his body was acting strange again as he quickly changed.  
  
By the time he returned, she was resting with her back against the tub and had her tail smoothly curled around the tub. Ivan’s stomach did a weird flip when he saw Mattie and her beautiful tail.  
  
She smiled at him. “Are you going to leave your shirt on?” There was really no point in him getting it soaked if he was planning on taking it off anyway. Ivan didn’t answer, he only stripped his shirt before getting in the tub with her, showering her with kisses right away, humming happily as he ran his hands over her tail. Mattie gave a soft pleased noise at his touch, pressing closer to him.  
  
They kissed quite happily until they needed to pull back a little to breathe. Ivan leaned back against the other wall of the tub to relax a bit, pulling the mermaid along with him. His mind was becoming flooded with bad thoughts and he kindly wanted them to _piss off._  
  
Mattie nuzzled him gently just before he groaned. “I still don’t understand…”  
  
“Hm?”  
  
 ”I feel like I’m stuck… Like there is more to this than kissing, but I keep pulling back.”  
  
“There is more to this than kissing.”  
  
Ivan blinked and looked down at her. “There is?”  
  
She nodded. “Yes and it is what I thought it was, but I’m still not sure I know the right words to properly explain it.”  
  
"What about an example? Or showing me?"  
  
Her stomach flushed pink and she quickly shook her head. “That-that wouldn’t work. I think I’ll just try to explain instead.”  
  
Ivan tilted his head slightly. “Alright, do your best.”  
  
“Well it— it is a good thing, and it’s supposed to feel good, and the ones who are courting or married do it usually…” She fidgeted a little; trying to figure out how to explain it without mentioning it sometimes resulted in children. The last thing that either of them needed was a freak out right now.  
  
"Oh? Well this already feels good." He nuzzled her to emphasize and lightly ran his hand down her back.  
  
She arched into his touch and gave a soft little trill before responding. “Mhmm, it’s supposed to feel even better than this though.”  
  
"How?" He smiled at the sound she made and put his other hand on her belly.  
  
“Um… with that.” She nodded down at the rather obvious bulge in his shorts. “And this…” She put her hand lower down than his hand was, pointing out the barely noticeable slit there, her stomach flushing pink again as she did so.  
  
Ivan’s face also flushed, but he shook his head quickly and looked at her in disbelief. “You-you can’t mean what I think you mean.”  
  
“What do you think I mean?”  
  
"That we… rub against one another?" He did not like this idea, having been kicked and hit there quite a number of times he knew that it did not feel nice. Ivan doubted that even some sort of pressure would not hurt.  
  
“Not rubbing exactly.” She says shaking her head and not looking at him, her stomach flushing red. “It-it goes… in.”  
  
” _In?_ " Ivan choked.  
  
Mattie nodded slightly. “In and out many times… From what I’ve heard it just feels really really good and everyone who’s ever told me about it really like doing it.” She was avoiding his gaze, clearly quite embarrassed.  
  
All words seemed to have left the man as he tried to picture it in his mind, but was not able to come up with a logical one so he watched his hand as he brushed it down her smooth front to where she had pointed. He was very alarmed when his middle digit slipped into her skin up to the first knuckle. The sound he heard come from Mattie was a rather odd sounding squeak and her body tensed a little at the feel of it, her eyes going wide in surprise. Ivan pulled his hand back, unsure if he had hurt her by doing what he did. “Sorry!”  
  
“It’s fine!” She says quickly, wanting him to know that he hadn’t done anything bad. “You didn’t hurt me. You- you just startled me.”  
  
Ivan could only nod as he looked away, ashamed for doing something without asking first. After a moment or two she nuzzled him softly to try and comfort him. “It’s okay, really. I’ve just… never had anyone touch there before and it startled me.”  
  
"I think we should stop and just enjoy the bath." Ivan mumbled as the sense of shame was turning into a haunting sensation; similar to the feeling that had ran through him when he felt her hips not that long ago.  
  
“Okay.” She nodded a little in agreement and rested her head on his chest.

  
☙~❧

  
The odd feeling and aches didn’t go away for hours, but even when they did, they only showed up again some mornings; he even had a few odd dreams. Ivan now found that he avoided some forms of contact with Mattie; fear of the unknown had him jumping through hoops. He never let a kiss go on for more than a few minutes at a time. Unknown to him, avoiding some forms of contact made Mattie’s heart ache, but she wasn’t sure how to approach the topic with him, so the distance remained between them.  
  
Most days she worked on making four dolls that looked like her kind. She appeared to be trying to make them so they would all end up finished on the same day. Two were the same size, one was a bit bigger, and the other was even bigger than that; the patterns were a little different on each one and the hair color and stones chosen for eye color were different for each as well, though she absolutely refused to let Ivan see any of them until they were finished.  
  
When the day came that they finally was done, she called Ivan into her room. She was sitting on the bed with a blanket in front of her, her little project hidden from view. “Sit, sit. I finally finished them. I want to show you them now.”  
  
Ivan sat and smiled, happy that she was finally sharing her little secret piece. First, she pulled out a male with blond hair and green stones for the eyes and a fair number of scars; this was the second largest doll, but Ivan didn’t know that yet. She set it out on the bed so Ivan could see it.  
  
"This is very nice work." Ivan lightly touched the doll, just to feel and left it as is. She smiled at the praise and took out one of the smaller dolls. This one was a female with dark blonde hair and blue stones for the eyes. She set it next to the first one for Ivan to see.  
  
"A couple?" He asked and the mermaid nodded as she took out the next doll. This one was the same size as the female and looked like Mattie. She gently nestled hers in-between the first two and smiled softly at the three dolls.  
  
Ivan tilted his head at this one. “Is…. Is this you?”  
  
She nodded. “It is.”  
  
"Very cute, this is your family then? Mother and Father?"  
  
“Yes, it is.” Mattie says smiling as she gently relocated her doll to be on the other side of her mother so her parents were side by side. She then reached her hand under the blanket for the last doll, but didn’t pull it out just yet. “Close your eyes, this one is a special surprise.” A little grin danced across her lips.  
  
"Oh?" Ivan chuckled as he closed his eyes as requested.  
  
“Mhmm!” She pulled out the last and largest of the dolls and set it down on the other side of her doll. She then pulled her hands back and set them in her lap. “Okay, you can look now.”  
  
And so Ivan did. And it looked like… Ivan, scars included, except as one of her kind. Mattie’s eyes were locked onto his face, watching his expression closely, waiting for his reaction to the last doll.  
  
"Is this… me?" Ivan asked in awe and surprise before looking up at Mattie.  
  
She grinned a little and nodded; pleased she’d managed to keep this one a secret until now. “Yes.”  
  
Ivan picked up the doll carefully, like it might break and looked it over. “Why did you make one of me?”  
  
“Well, you want a tail, but can’t get one so I made you with one.” She mumbled a bit shyly in response, looking down at her lap and fidgeting a little. “Do you not like it…?”  
  
Ivan used a free hand to tilt Mattie’s chin up so he could place a kiss on her lips. Ivan did not want to say the word love since the human world mattered little to him, but Mattie, Mattie was his everything and he would express love the way her kind did.  
  
She blinked in surprise before smiling softly and kissing him back. “You like it?”  
  
"Very much, thank you." He gave her one last peck before pulling back.  
  
She smiled happily and handed him her doll as well. “Those two are gifts, if you’d like them.” She says softly. “Yours isn’t quite done yet though, and I can’t finish it yet either.”  
  
"Huh? What do you mean? Are you out of materials?"  
  
Mattie shook her head and gently flipped the doll over in his hand so he could see the un-scarred back. “This part isn’t done yet, but I can’t finish it because I haven’t seen what it looks like.” She explains softly.  
  
Ivan flipped the doll back over, carefully wrapping his fingers around the soft object. “Don’t finish it.”  
  
“Why not?”  
  
"Because I like it better this way." _It’s perfect… untainted._  
  
“Oh… okay then.” She gave a small nod.  
  
"Thank you." He gave her another kiss and held the two dolls close to his heart. "I will find a safe place for them."  
  
She smiled with a bit of pride before then placing the dolls of her parents on her pillow gently.  
  
"Do you miss them?"  
  
“Yes.”  
  
"Do you want to go back with them?" That came out a little sadder than he was expecting, so he threw on a smile to balance it out.  
  
Mattie looked at him before looking down at the dolls quietly for several long moments. “I… don’t know.” She replies at length.  
  
Ivan frowned a little. “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have asked.”  
  
She smiled a little and shook her head. “No, it’s fine.”  
  
"Nonetheless, I won’t bring it up again until spring." Ivan then got up and left to find a place for the dolls.  
  
Mattie sat in her room for a few moments after he left, leaning down to nuzzle the dolls affectionately before getting up and going to sit out into the main room.

  
☙~❧

  
Another week or so passed and she found herself again considering how to approach the topic they’d been avoiding for quite a while. Eventually she decided she’d just request that they share a bath and go from there. Ivan complied with little hesitation and joined her for a bath; she took it a good sign, but when he wore his shirt, Mattie knew she was starting from ground zero once more.  
  
She tried not to frown as she moved over to him and rested her head on his chest, hugging him gently and closing her eyes; just listening to his heartbeat in silence for a few minutes as she thought about how to approach the topic now.  
  
"Are you still keeping warm enough?" Ivan asks to strike up a conversation.  
  
“Yes.”  
  
"I’m glad, it will soon be the middle of winter and I don’t want you getting cold."  
  
She nodded in agreement and the room then became silent once more. It continued for about five minutes before she had to say something. “Why do you keep making me start over?” It sounded a bit sudden and her voice was soft.  
  
"Hm? What do you mean?"  
  
“Every time I think I’ve gained more of your trust and gotten you to relax more and have fun and things like that, _something_ happens and you close yourself off again and I have to start all over.”  
  
"Oh…" Was all Ivan said and he didn’t move for a few moments. He then removes his shirt, dropping it outside the tub like the time before and looked at Mattie. "Better?"  
  
She rested her head on his chest, closing her eyes once again. “A little yes, but you’re avoiding the question…”  
  
"Didn’t I just fix it?"  
  
Mattie just sighed softly at that response, not answering his question.  
  
"What?"  
  
She just shook her head quietly, making Ivan sigh heavily. “I don’t want to hurt you.” She remained silent, waiting to see if he was going to say more first, and he did. “Every time something happened, I thought it would be best to just start over rather than to hurt you.”  
  
It was Mattie’s turn to give a heavy sigh. “It hurts to have to start over you know.”  
  
"I don’t mean for it to hurt." The man says softly as he hugs her close.  
  
“I know, but it still does.” She replies, hugging him back.  
  
"Then I’ll stop."  
  
“Thank you.” She says softly, giving him a small nuzzle. He placed a few kisses on her head before nuzzling her as well.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning: This chapter contains NSFW content.

Mattie spent a good portion of the next week curled up with Ivan while either sewing or just deep in thought. Though when asked about it, she wouldn’t say what she was thinking about. Ivan had found she was a little off but he had been like that a few times before himself so he just let her be. By the end of the week, Mattie appeared to have figured out what she had been thinking about and was back to her affectionate self.  
  
After one of their many play times outside in the snow, she requested a bath together. Whenever a bath was being taken, when it more as a way to spend time together or warm up, they shared. It was starting to not cross Ivan’s mind to ask or wait for her to ask and he would just follow her. However, he never wore a shirt anymore in the tub, wanting to keep his word on not backing down.  
  
Mattie was being particularly affectionate today, nuzzling and kissing him a lot once they’d both warmed up.  
  
"Feeling better?" Ivan chuckled as he returned the affection.  
  
 “Yes, much better.” Mattie replies, smiling and giving him another kiss.  
  
"Good." He purred.  
  
“Mhmm.” She gave him another kiss, this one a bit longer than the first.  
  
Ivan smiled and waited until he pulled away to speak. “Slow down a little Mattie, I’m not going anywhere.” He wrapped his arms around her back to hold her a little closer.  
  
Mattie nuzzled him a little. “But I really like those kind of kisses and we don’t kiss like that very often.”  
  
"Yes, but if you rush to them then they don’t feel as good."  
  
“Oh.” She says, sounding like she hadn’t thought of that before.  
  
"Take it slow at the start, like this." Ivan then placed a few gentle pecks on her lips and traced her spine with his fingertips, making her shiver a bit. Little by little, the kisses grew longer, firmer. His touch went from a few fingers to both hands running up her back and tail. She arched into his touch; she did indeed enjoy it more this way. "See?" He said playfully before moving his hands to instead cup her cheeks and give her a deep loving kiss.  
  
“I see.” She says, smiling and kissing him back. Though it didn’t stay that way for long, soon it was more lustful and playful.  
  
But after a while, even if Ivan was thoroughly enjoying himself, he pulled back. “I think that’s good, right?”  
  
Mattie pouted a little at that. ”If we’re both enjoying it, then why stop it?”  
  
"Ah…" Ivan didn’t have an answer to that.  
  
“Well?”  
  
He gave a sigh and caved. “All right. I don’t _know_ what I should do.”  
  
“What do you mean?” She tilted her head a little.  
  
"Beyond kissing."  
  
At hearing this, she was now confused. “I told you what’s beyond kissing before, didn’t I?”  
  
"Doesn’t mean I know _how_.” He replied irritably.  
  
“You really don’t know how?” She looked a bit surprised. “I thought that kind of thing was one of those things people just _know_ how to do? Like… it’s not something you learn, but you just know how to?”  
  
Ivan gave a small glare, not liking the position he was in. “ _No_ , I don’t. Keep in mind that I didn’t have anyone else other than my grandfather growing up and all he taught me to do was _survive_.”  
  
She sighed a little. “I meant isn’t it something that doesn’t need to be taught? Like… Like breathing! No one teaches you how to breathe, you just know how to.”  
  
"I’m not liking this Mattie, stop it please."  
  
“Oh… Sorry.” She nuzzled him apologetically though he did not return it at first. “If it makes you feel any better, I just know what I’ve told you.” She mumbles, nuzzling him gently.  
  
"I guess that helps…"  
  
The mermaid fell quiet after that and just nuzzled him, not quite sure what to say or do now.  
  
"Mattie. I don’t mean to bring this up again after what I said, but are you picking _me_? Something like this… to me feels like it means quite a lot to anyone and I don’t think it is done between friends.” Ivan’s eyes were averted and his tone concerned.  
  
She nodded a little. “Yes.”  
  
Ivan gave her a questioning look. “To what?”  
  
“To both?”  
  
A frown fell over his lips as he heard this. “Are you sure? Don’t you want a family more?”  
  
“Yes, I’m sure.” She says, giving a nod. “I think I’d miss you too much to want to do that with anyone else.”  
  
Ivan was hesitant; it was too good to be true wasn’t it? He placed one small and gentle kiss on Mattie’s lips; waiting a moment to let everything settle in, just to feel this emotion, remembering the way his heart fluttered when Mattie gave her answer and the way it was still beating away now.  
  
He was undeniably happy and he couldn’t wait another moment, Ivan had to share it with her. Kisses were showered over the pale skin of her face and neck, soft as rain and swift as the wind. Mattie was his ocean, his beautiful, powerful, ocean.  
  
After all, an old man had once said, “A fisherman needs only the ocean herself and no one else”.  
  
Mattie smiled softly and giggled a little at all of the kisses, nuzzling him happily. She’d meant it; she’d been thinking long and hard lately on what her decision would be when spring came and she’d finally come to the conclusion that, family or no family, she’d rather stay with Ivan than leave him.  
  
The kisses continued down to her collarbone and then her arms one at a time. Ivan also took an extra moment to place longer and heavier kisses to her hands and fingers, his eyes remaining locked with hers, soft little hums leaving his lips as Mattie’s stomach flushed a light pink. Ivan smirks a little at that and decides to be a little daring.  
  
He placed his arms around Mattie under her dorsal fin and lifted her up so that her belly was eye level. He cast one last grin up at Mattie before kissing all around her belly. She squeaked a little in surprise, her stomach getting pinker. Mattie had a brief thought of him doing this for a different reason, but quickly shoved the thought out of her head. It was an impossible thing anyway. Ivan laughed against her skin and placed a few over her navel.  
  
“You keep missing my lips, they’re up here.” She teases, giggling a little and leaning down.  
  
"Hm, you sure the rest of you isn’t getting jealous?"  
  
“Hmm, I’m not sure.”  
  
The man just smiled and continued his trail of kisses to where her hips would have been, while she ran gentle fingers through his hair and tried not to wiggle too much even though it tickled just a little.  
  
"That feels nice." Ivan said softly, moving one hand higher to support her as he laid Mattie down. Floating was most likely the easiest thing for her, but Ivan still kept his arms under her just in case. His lips were now on her flippers, placing tender pecks all over the tiny limb.  
  
It felt a little odd to have her flippers kissed, but it wasn’t an unpleasant feeling, just different. Gentle carcasses of her fingers through his hair did not cease.  
  
When her flippers twitched, Ivan had given a small chuckle and continued down her tail. Avoiding the _area_ as he did, and though she did squirm a little, she did not stop him.  
  
At her tail fin, he was much more careful; he knew that she wouldn’t, but he didn’t want the chance of being whacked in the head again. She couldn’t help but smile in amusement at his carefulness.  
  
When he had trailed up to her hips once more, he paused and thought about something. He was a little unsure but it was something he felt like he needed to ask first. “Mattie.” He started as he lifted his head. “Do you want to go farther than kissing now?”  
  
Mattie’s stomach flushed a little as she gave a shy nod. “… Do you?”  
  
"I am willing to try." He gave a small smile, his cheeks flushed as much as her stomach. He couldn’t deny it, he was nervous and embarrassed, and maybe… even a little frightened. But Mattie just smiled back softly at him. "You will tell me if I hurt you, won’t you?" Ivan needed to know before he did anything more.  
  
She nodded. “Of course.”  
  
He then moved to kiss her lips. The kiss was soft at the start and Ivan caressed her flank with his hands at the same time, but then pulled back for a moment, nuzzling their noses together. “You are free to touch me as well Mattie.” Ivan then connected their lips once again, giving her a deeper kiss than the last.  
  
Mattie replied by running her fingers over his scars a little after being reassured that it was all right to do so; making sure to keep her hands away from his back. A smile forced its way onto Ivan’s lips; he couldn’t help it, it just tickled.  
  
After a while of just kissing and touching, his hand moved lower. First, it was only his fingers running around the area of her slit, and then it was his whole hand softly rubbing over it. Ivan hoped that what he was doing felt good in some way. He was rewarded with Mattie’s soft little noises of approval, her stomach flushing a little from the sensation.  
  
“That feels nice.” She murmurs with their lips still lightly touching.  
  
Ivan deemed that as a response to continue, moving his hand around just a little until his finger found its way between the two soft folds of skin, forcing a little gasp of surprise from the mermaid.  
  
The gasp made Ivan flinch, him thinking he had done something wrong at first, but when Mattie didn’t say anything, he continued. He was slow and gentle as he stroked his finger over the passage and he noticed a faint difference in her temperature here than on the surface.  
  
“Mm.” She gave soft pleased little hums, pressing herself a little closer to the new and pleasant feeling.  
  
"More?" He asked quietly, continuing the movements.  
  
“More.” She agrees just as quietly, giving him a slow, but intimate kiss.  
  
Ivan’s focus is fully on the kiss for a moment before meekly pressing his finger in up to his first knuckle, waiting a moment to feel Mattie’s reaction. It was a soft, but sharp intake of breath that came past Mattie’s lips.  
  
Ivan just placed many kisses on her lips and continued to slide his finger further in, past his second knuckle until he could go no deeper with it. Ivan was quite surprised at his find; her flesh was so soft and snug around his finger and went much deeper than he thought, possibly more than his finger’s length.  
  
It was also warm, not like the hot bath they were sharing, a different type of warm. Ivan could feel his heart beating against his ribs now, hard and strong, and an odd feeling of want building in his lower stomach. He remembered having a similar want the first time their kissing had become more.  
  
 _So, this warmth is what I wanted then…?_ He thought to himself as he rubbed her soft insides, a sort of chill running through his body as he did.  
  
All the while Mattie trembled; she could also feel her own heart beat and her insides clench around him a little. She captured his lips in a long, wanting kiss. His finger felt nice, but she felt like she wanted _more_.  
  
Experimenting, Ivan began to pull his finger out and then pressed it back in after crossing halfway, no faster than if he was running his hands over her skin. She gave small whimpers at that, her muscles twitching ever so slightly.  
  
He liked that and continued the motion for a couple more times, but he had a slight pinch of worry. “Mattie… you’re small, are you sure it’s safe?” Ivan didn’t want to hurt her and if she was this snug around a finger, he didn’t think he could do more without bringing her pain or injury.  
  
“I’m sure.” She murmurs, nodding and nuzzling him. “Don’t worry, you won’t hurt me.”  
  
Ivan gave a look of doubt, but nodded, proceeding to slip a second finger in with the other.  
  
“I’m serious.” She breathes, pressing herself closer to him. “It doesn’t hurt, it just feels good.”  
  
"Alright." He whispers and moved the two fingers in the same motion as before, wiggling them a little experimentally as he did, noting that the insides did seem to stretch with ease. Mattie gave a moan, flushing at the sound that had just come out of her own mouth.  
  
"I like that sound." Ivan grinned, it made him feel little proud and he added a third finger. He continued to move them rhythmically, beginning to kiss at her neck as she made more sweet sounds. It felt wonderful to hear the sounds she was making, to make her feel good.  
  
But Mattie wanted to make Ivan feel good too. Her hand slid down his chest and stomach to experimentally touch him down there as well. Though his body shivered under her palm, he showed no sign of resistance.  
  
She rubbed him through his shorts at first, slowly just to see how he’d react to it. He jumped at the touch, stilling his moments, not at all expecting it to feel good like that. He gave a slow and heavy breath to keep himself from doing anything he might regret. As Mattie continued to rub him slowly through his shorts, Ivan’s breath hitched and he groaned softly.  
  
After doing that for a little while, she got a bit more daring and slipped her hand into his shorts to rub him. The response from Ivan was more than pleasing as he gasped and rolled his hips into her touch.  
  
As Mattie lifted her head to give him a kiss, Ivan practically dove into it, muffling his moan and starting to move his fingers again, only with a little stronger of a motion pulling a moan from her as well. Mattie’s touch got a little bit firmer and a little less slow as she could feel him become very firm. It all felt so good and it felt good to make Ivan feel the same.  
  
After a while, Ivan pulled back from the kiss and rests his forehead against hers, breathing heavily, and grunting every few moments. “… _Mattie_.”  
  
“Yes?” Mattie asks breathily, soft noises still coming from her as well. Her stomach was flushed brightly as she caught her breath.  
  
"I think I’m ready, are you?" Ivan moaned and pressed himself closer to her. He could feel that they were both pulsing and he had this urge to bury himself within her warmth.  
  
“Yes.” She pressed herself closer to physically show him. “I’m ready.”  
  
With a reluctant breath, Ivan pulled away from Mattie, withdrawing his fingers carefully as she whimpered from the loss. He then gingerly pulled her hand from his shorts and took them off, tossing them over the side with a wet flop. Now fully naked, he took a moment to look down at himself, it was still very strange to him on what was happening with his body, but it did feel good.  
  
Ivan had quite the number of faded scars on the front of his hips and lower pelvis, even some higher up on his thighs. Many of them looked like they were from knives, red-hot iron, and even just plain fire. Even his great starburst along his left flank reached scarily close to his crotch. Mattie looked down as well, frowning softly at the scars and reaching our to run her fingers over them. His body gave a little jolt from the unexpected contact, but he just chuckled.  
  
“If it were possible, I’d give you my tail so you could get far away from the mean people here.” She says softly, looking up to give him a kiss.  
  
"Oh? But what about you Mattie?" He gave her a kiss on the forehead. "I couldn’t leave without you."  
  
“I’d just take one of the mean people’s really nice boats and follow that way.” She says with a smile.  
  
Ivan laughed and gave her a kiss. “Enough about the past, hm? Let’s just be happy.”  
  
She nodded and kissed back with a smile. “Okay.”  
  
Ivan then looked back and forth between them, trying to figure out what would be the most comfortable way to do this. Neither of them had the space to lay straight and Mattie’s dorsal fin made it impossible to lay on her back without hurting herself.  
  
"I’m going to move you around a little, okay Mattie?"  
  
“Okay.”  
  
Ivan moved Mattie’s tail and straddled her form. Then he picked her up so they were chest to chest, trembling as his length was brushed and pressed against her body. All their support was on his forelegs and knees; he was certain that even if he wasn’t able to stay kneeling, that falling on or sitting on the smaller length of her tail would be almost unnoticed.  
  
Now moved, Mattie wrapped her arms around his neck so she could lean up and kiss him. Ivan indulged for a few minutes, and then softly spoke. “Ready…?”  
  
“Ready.” She says just as softly.  
  
Ivan pulled them apart slightly and positioned himself at her entrance; he had a feeling that he would hurt her from the comparison of his member to her slit. He took a breath before pressing in slowly. Both gave a sharp gasp at the feeling.  
  
Mattie was tight around him as he continued to be slowly engulfed and kept pressing further and further in until there was no space between them, Ivan deep within her. He held her tightly, breathing heavily against her neck as his body shook and flexed from the immense pleasure that was surging right through his very core. Mattie was breathing just as heavily as she gave a stifled moan; she could feel her insides start clenching around him and was convinced her own heartbeat must be loud enough for Ivan to hear right now.  
  
Ivan keened and felt like he should move. He started off with a slow grind as his hands moved to where she would have had hips, just above her flippers and then grasping her sides. He pulled his hips back slowly, both of them groaning at the feeling; it felt new and wonderful.  
  
After about half way up his shaft, he pushed himself back in with a moan, hugging her tightly. Their moans vibrated with the trembling of their bodies. The slow pacing of his thrusts continued as he kissed Mattie deeply. As he began to move faster, the pleasure only just seemed to rise.  
  
Mattie was soon running her fingers in his hair, gently grasping the strands with every return. She really just wanted to hug him close while they did this, but she knew he wouldn’t want her touching his bare back so this would do for now. Ivan moaned and his breath hitched as he thrusted harder into her warmth, his grip possibly almost bruising. It felt so _good_ and he only wanted more.  
  
“Told you it wouldn’t hurt me.” She says with another moan, smiling and kissing him. “It feels amazing.”  
  
He smiled back and kissed her deeply. “It does, it _really_ does.”  
  
”I love you.” She murmurs when they pulled their heads back a little to breathe.  
  
"I love you too Mattie." He panted, though he disliked the verbal use of the word from trying so much to live in Mattie’s ways, it still made him feel incredibly happy. He noticed that it felt like heat was pooling in his stomach, though he didn’t slow, if anything he thrusted faster. Mattie only moaned louder as he sped up, she felt amazing and truthfully, the sensation was getting a little overwhelming but at the same time, it felt too good to want to stop.  
  
” _Mattie_.” Ivan moaned. “I feel—“  
  
“You feel?” Mattie questions, panting and moaning every few moments.  
  
He didn’t get to answer as he gave one final thrust, burying himself as deep and holding Mattie as close as he physically could. Ivan moaned loudly and felt like some part of him gave way, like all of the tension left him with a great, pulsing tremble. Mattie moaned just as loud, a warm feeling pooling into her, her insides clenching around him tightly. She pressed herself to him closely at the intense feeling.  
  
When the sensation had dulled, she felt all warm and relaxed and just panted softly, resting her head on his shoulder as Ivan did the same. The embrace was more gentle and loving now that the feeling wasn’t so intense. They slowly nuzzled each other lovingly as they both caught their breath.  
  
“That was wonderful.” She murmurs once she’d caught her breath, continuing the affectionate nuzzles.  
  
"It was and do I feel like a fool." He gave a good hearty laugh.  
  
“Oh?” She gave a smile. “And why is that?”  
  
"Because of me being so damn fearful of physical contact and ignorant of this all." Ivan was just in a good mood over all and couldn’t believe he had felt any other way.  
  
“Oh.” She just nuzzled him happily. “Well now you know about it.”  
  
"Yes I do." He gave a smug grin and rolled his hips against her playfully, giving a small reminder that they were still connected, even if they were both in a more relaxed state. "And I look forward to more of it."  
  
She squeaked a little and blushed. “As do I, but right now I think cuddling by the fire or in bed sounds nice.” Mattie was rather relaxed and feeling like she may want to take a nap right about now.  
  
Ivan gave a small, but playful pout, and then nodded. He would have liked to stay like this longer, but if Mattie would rather do something else right now that was fine. “The fire does sound nice.” He then removed himself, being careful even after knowing it would not hurt her.  
  
She shivered a little before giving him an apologetic tone. “The water’s just getting colder.” She explains. “And I kind of feel like taking a nap or something.”  
  
"You can sleep on me if you like, but I’m not all that tired." He then stood up, taking Mattie with him so she could dry off as well. Though even after taking their relationship to such a level, Ivan still took extra precaution in making sure that Mattie didn’t see his back.


	17. Chapter 17

The rest of winter was routine; there just wasn’t a lot that this couple could do together without the sea and warmer weather. Mattie was so cold most days when it stormed; Ivan feared that leaving house would bring in a chill she couldn’t handle. So Mattie was bundled up most days. He didn’t doubt that Mattie might want to spend a few nights out on the ocean once it was finally warm enough, rather than in a bed.  
  
Ivan had also made a few carvings worthy of Mattie’s gaze, though they were simple things like fish and canoes. The little carvings made Mattie smile; she liked them and she herself had made several other dolls that looked like her kind while inside.  
  
Bathing together was something that had changed; when they were both up for it, which there wasn’t many times that they weren’t, it was filled with lovemaking and all sorts of physical contact. It was rare that bath time was _just_ bath time.  
  
But, there was something else too. Some days Mattie felt like _something_ had changed about her, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. She didn’t mention it either, not thinking much of it. 

  
☙~❧

  
By the time spring finally rolled around, Mattie was more than ready for it. She was thrilled it was warming up, mainly because she was just tired of being so _cold_ all of the time.  
  
When the first beautiful and sunny day came around, Ivan took Mattie on his ship and they went far out, out of the bay even. So that Mattie could swim, jump, and do whatever she wanted without a worry. Ivan did warn her that the water still might feel chillier than she would probably like.  
  
She got in the water happily regardless, but popped up and shivered a little at the temperature. Once she started moving about though, she found the water wasn’t as cold anymore. She swam around happily, doing one or two jumps, but mainly just swimming around and exercising after being cooped up all winter. Ivan did a little fishing while she played about, whistling whenever he saw her jump.  
  
Mattie happily swam about for quite a while, eventually coming back to the boat, and asking to be pulled back up into it. She dried off once up there and got dressed. “That was fun, but it’s still a bit too cold.” She says, sitting down near him. “It’ll be a while yet before my family is in the area.”  
  
"All right, when you think the water is warm enough for your family to be around, we’ll sail out on a good day. We’ll go out as far as we can and still see the mountains." He smiled and gave her a peck on the lips.  
  
“Okay.” She smiled happily and gave him a kiss back. “I don’t think it will be for another week or three.” She looked out at the water for a moment before turning to look at him. “I’ve already made my decision, but would it be all right with you if I spent a week with them when they’re in the area?”  
  
Ivan smiled; he would never keep her from spending time with her family. “Of course, as long as you like. You could even bring them over to visit.”  
  
She giggled a little at that and shook her head. “There’s too many to bring to the house and I don’t think any of them know we can have legs. I just know they’ll want to spend time with me before they leave the area. Plus I’ve got many questions I want to ask my mother and father while I can.”  
  
"I don’t even get to meet your mother and father?" Ivan honestly felt disappointed.  
  
“Of course you get to meet them! Just out here on the ocean and not on land. The group won’t want to get too close to the bay anyway.” She laughed a little. “I think my mother will like you.”  
  
"You think so?" He asked in a strangely sad tone. His whole posture changed, no longer relaxed and almost… defensive, wanting to protect himself.  
  
“Yes, I think she’ll like you a lot.”  
  
"I hope she likes me…”

  
☙~❧

  
As the weather and the water slowly got warmer, Mattie again felt like there was something different about herself, but she couldn’t quite pick out what it was. She just felt _different_. Again, she didn’t mention it to Ivan. The feeling came and went, and it probably wasn’t something to be concerned with anyway. It could have something to do with staying around for winter and feeling the change of the seasons after all.  
  
Mattie did briefly wonder _if_ perhaps one of their bath times had resulted in getting her pregnant, but she quickly tossed that idea out of her head. Ivan didn’t think that was possible and he didn’t appear to want children anyway, so for now it would be best if she wasn’t with child.  
  
Soon enough the water was deemed to be warm enough by her and she asked him to take them out of the bay. Ivan had to gamble if the weather would hold up and remain unchanged for the day. He then packed them some food, not knowing how long it would take to find them, and set sail with her. 

  
☙~❧

  
Once outside the bay, Ivan offered for her to lead in the water. She agreed and gave him a kiss before stripping and diving into the water. The mermaid swam around, popping up from time to time to see where the boat was. A few hours passed and she’d returned to the boat, to get dressed, eat with him, and keep a look out.  
  
Ivan had to just make sure that as they went further out that he did not lose sight of the mountains. They were the only way he would be able to find his way back home. Meals were kept light and if Mattie was up for it, short. Ivan wanted to make sure she had a good chance at finding her family.  
  
As it turned out though, her pod actually found them before they found the pod. The dolphins had appeared suddenly and were swimming and jumping near the front of the boat as it moved. Mattie gave a gasp when she recognized a name-whistle from one of them and asked Ivan to stop the boat. She’d then hurried to the side, whistling out her name and grinning as one of the dolphins repeated it back to her in a little bit of surprise. Stopping a boat was a little harder than Mattie gave credit, but Ivan said nothing, merely nodding in reply and set to work on tying the sails and dropping the anchor.  
  
Mattie quickly stripped again and jumped back into the water, swimming over to one of the dolphins and nuzzling them, whistling out a question before nodding and diving under the water.  
  
It didn’t take her long to locate her parents and she practically squealed in delight as she swam over and hugged them tightly. They were shocked at first, but quickly were showering affection on her; amazed and relieved that she was still alive.

  
☙~❧

  
By the time Ivan had dropped the anchor, Mattie was chattering away with her parents and taking them both by the hand and gently tugging them towards the boat. She was telling them that she wanted them to meet someone and that it was safe to show themselves because this person knew what she was. Her parents were reluctant, but followed their daughter towards the boat.  
  
Once they were above surface, Mattie let go of their hands and swam over to the boat, not noticing them hang back a little and look up at the boat warily. “Ivan!” She calls up happily.  
  
He came to the side as he was called, smiling down at the three faces, quite surprised at the close resemblance to her dolls of the two. “Ah you found them.” Ivan then did his best on speaking in their language.  <Hello, it is nice to meet you.>  
  
The pair looked rather surprised he could somewhat speak their language. <I taught him.> Mattie tells them, beckoning them over.  
  
Her mother swam over first and her father followed closely after. They both stopped by their daughter, but her mother was the first to respond back. <Hello. Who are you?>  
  
<Ivan. I’m from that island.> He pointed in the direction they had come, the mountains were just tiny hills in the distance.  
  
Her parents both looked that way before looking at their daughter. <Why are we meeting him?> Her father asks her. <Why does he know about our kind?>  
  
Mattie gave a sigh and started chattering very fast, quickly explaining how she’d gotten lost, that she’d looked for them but was unable to get very far, and that Ivan had been taking care of her since then.  
  
<How did you survive the cold?> Her mother questions as Mattie laughs at that and explains that they get legs like people do if they get too dry and that she’d been living on land all this time. Sadly it was all too fast and Ivan didn’t catch most of the conversation so he just nodded with a smile.  
  
<Well… thank you for taking care of her then.> Her father says.  
  
<Yes, thank you.> Her mother says with a nod and a smile.  
  
<It was no trouble. I was happy for the company.> The man waved it off, truthfully, Ivan might have been the trouble for Mattie.  
  
Her parents nodded and the father looked to his daughter. <You will be returning with us, won’t you?>  
  
Mattie fidgeted a bit and shook her head, much to both of her parents’ surprise. <Why not?> Her mother asks.  
  
Mattie swam closer to the boat and looked up. “Ivan can you lean down please? It’s easier to show them than to try to explain.”  
  
He laughed and leaned over the edge as requested, holding on to the edge so he wouldn’t fall out. “What, a kiss?”  
  
“And nuzzles.” She says with a nod and a soft smile, stretching up to give him a kiss on the lips before they both nuzzled with great affection. Ivan gently caressed her chin with his fingers as Mattie pulled back to look at her parents.  
  
Both had gone wide-eyed, though their reactions after were rather different. Her mother had a soft smile on her face while her father had more of a scowl. <Are you sure? He is not our kind. You won’t be able to stay with us if you choose him.> Her father says seriously.  
  
Mattie nodded; she knew that already. <Yes, I know. I’d like to spend a week with the group before you leave the area, but I’ve already made my decision.>  
  
Her mother looked back and forth between her daughter and Ivan. <Have you already-?> She used a term that Mattie hadn’t taught Ivan, but whatever the term was made Mattie’s stomach go bright pink as she nodded shyly. Her father, however, glared up at Ivan, but her mother just smiled more and nuzzled her daughter happily.  
  
"Mattie, whenever you’re ready to stay with your family is fine." Ivan smiled, clearly something good was being said between mother and daughter. "I’ll just head back to shore when you are ready… Though I’m not sure if I’m welcome to stick around much longer anyway." He was use to glaring, but it felt a little differently when it was coming from Mattie’s father.  
  
“If it’s alright I’d like to spend the next week with them.” She says, looking up at him with a smile. “Can you come back out here to get me in a week as long as the weather isn’t bad?” She asks, tilting her head a little. “If the weather is bad, I’ll just swim into the bay instead.”  
  
"I can do that. Enjoy yourself alright?"  
  
“Okay.” She smiled and stretched up to give him another kiss and a nuzzle. “Take care of yourself, okay? I don’t want to come back and find you sick or hurt.” She says seriously.  
  
"I won’t, I’ll be too busy fishing." He chuckled with a grin and then turned to her parents. <I hope to see you again.>  
  
<It was nice meeting you as well.> Her mother says happily while her father just nodded. Mattie then bid him goodbye and swam off with her family.

  
☙~❧

  
Mattie spent the first day with her family explaining in detail everything that had happened while she was away. On the second day, she mentioned the odd feeling she’d been having to her mother. Her mother took great interest in this and questioned her on several things before prodding her gently and inspecting, making her daughter describe the odd feelings she’d been having lately. After a while, her mother grinned and nuzzled her, quite happily informing her that the odd feeling meant she was with child.  
  
Mattie’s eyes widened when her mother said that. She was both happy and worried. On the one hand, she really did want children and this _thrilled_ her. On the other hand, she was certain that Ivan didn’t want children even if she didn’t know why and this worried her.  
  
The rest of the week was filled with her spending time with her family. Her mother spent much of that time informing her daughter all about being pregnant, having children, what she should or shouldn’t do, and just generally informing her on the subject as much as she could.  
  
Mattie paid attention to what her mother and father taught her, but made them promise not to tell Ivan about this. If he was to know, it would be her that would tell him. They agreed and soon, it was time for their daughter to leave them again. They swam with her to the surface when they saw his boat, swimming with her over to the side.  
  
<Hello.> Ivan grinned at the small family that popped above the water. <Have fun Mattie?>  
  
Mattie nodded and smiled. <Yes, I did.>  
  
Her mother swam over to give Ivan a kiss on the forehead. Mattie smiled widely at this, thrilled her mother approved of her choice. Ivan blinked in surprise, misunderstanding the action. <I’m with Mattie.>  
  
Mattie giggled at that and smiled. “She’s showing her approval of my choice.” She explains. “It means she likes you.”  
  
"Oh." Ivan laughed. <Thank you, I like you as well.> The mother smiled at that.  
  
Mattie then swam over and gave both her parents a big hug. They all nuzzled each other, showering each other affection as they prepared to part ways. <You’ll return next year, right?>  
  
<Of course.> Her father replies.  
  
<Just take care of yourself.> Her mother adds.  
  
<I will.> The words ‘I love you’ and ‘I’ll miss you’ went unspoken but it was clear through their actions that that’s what they were saying. Eventually they pulled back and individually gave her one last hug and nuzzle and kiss before she swam over and held her arms up at Ivan so he could lift her into the boat.  
  
Ivan helped her up, giving her a hug in the process. “Don’t worry, they’ll be around here for at least a month won’t they?”  
  
“No, they’ll head a little south to safer and more familiar waters today with the rest of the pod.” She says, shaking her head a little and hugging back. “Two of the pod members will be having children very soon. They just came up this far to check if it was safer up here, but there are a few larger threats in the area that they don’t want to be near when the children arrive.”  
  
"Oh, well you’re welcome to stay longer if you like. It is going to be some time before you see each other right?"  
  
“Yes, it will be quite a while until they’ll be back in this area. I can’t stay longer unless I go farther south with them though. I don’t really want to do that because then I’d have to swim back up here on my own when I was ready to come back and it’s not safe to travel alone.”  
  
Ivan gave Mattie a soft nuzzle. “I see, well I’m happy your coming home. I’ve missed you.”  
  
Mattie nuzzled him back. “As am I. I’ve missed you too.”  
  
Her mother called her name and she looked down at her parents. <Yes?>  
  
<We have to get going now.> Her mother said.  
  
She nods. <Take care.>  
  
<We will.> Her mother then said a few more things, most of which were words Ivan hadn’t been taught yet. Mattie just nodded and smiled, reassuring her mother that she’d be fine.  
  
Her father had just been staring at Ivan while the women had been talking and when their conversation was done he spoke up. <Take good care of her.>  
  
<Always.> Ivan smiled and held her close. The father nodded and then both parents bid them goodbye before swimming off and going back under water.  
  
When they were gone, Mattie turned back and nuzzled him. “Do you have my clothes here still? I’d like to dry off now.”  
  
"Yes, yes." He then brought her over to the towels and dry clothes.  
  
She dried off and started to dress once she had her legs. “Thank you for letting me spend time with them. I had many questions for them and they had many questions for me.” She smiled softly.  
  
"There is no need to thank me Mattie, I’m happy you got to see your family. Will you tell me of your adventures?" He grinned and prepared their trip home.  
  
“Of course.” Mattie smiled and sat down, telling him of her time with her parents as they sailed back home, though she left out the parts about pregnancy. She thought it would probably be best to inform him of that at home.  
  
Ivan enjoyed the conversation about her family, though wished he could have spent more time with them himself.  
  
They soon returned home but Mattie wasn’t sure she wanted to tell him today. She knew she _had_ to tell Ivan, but she was worried what the response would be. Perhaps it would be best to wait a few days first. 

  
☙~❧

  
Mattie had spent the past several days just getting used to life on land again. She had decided she would tell him after supper after she’d been home for a week, and soon enough, a week had passed.  
  
They both were enjoying the peaceful dinner that they had cooked together, however Mattie was a bit fidgety and quite obviously worrying about something.  
  
"Mattie? Is there something wrong with your food?"  
  
“No, the food is wonderful.” She says with a slight smile, going back to eating her meal normally and trying not to appear like anything was out of the norm.  
  
"Mattie, are you alright?" Ivan asked in a soft voice.  
  
She nodded. “I’m fine. My mother just told me something while I was spending time with them and I’ve just been… worrying about it.”  
  
Ivan thought about everything Mattie had told him, but nothing came up that he thought needed to be worried about. “I don’t recall you telling me anything your mother said that would have been something to worry over.”  
  
“That would be because I skipped that part.” She says, finishing up her dinner before getting up to wash her dishes.  
  
Ivan abandoned the last of his meal and walked up behind Mattie, gingerly wrapping his arms around her. “Mattie, what is it? Tell me so I can make it better…or at least try.”  
  
Mattie set her dishes down and sighed a little. “I’m worried about how you’ll react to it.” She admits, leaning back into his embrace.  
  
"Even I can’t promise you how I will react to anything, but I can do my best to take it well."  
  
“Okay.” Mattie took a deep breath and let it out before just saying it. “I’m… going to have a baby.”  
  
Ivan became stiff. “That— surely you must be mistaken Mattie. It’s not possible, we’re too different.”  
  
“That’s what I thought as well, but my mother is convinced that I am.” She says softly. “She asked me many questions and poked me a lot before telling me that. I can only assume she’s right since she’s been pregnant twice.”  
  
Ivan’s hands slowly fell. “No….” He choked out pitifully. _This can’t be happening._  
  
“I’m sorry.” She says softly, turning to face him, but her eyes were on the ground. “This… is my fault I suppose. I knew… what we do during bath time can… sometimes result in children, but I didn’t tell you because I-I didn’t want you to worry over something that I didn’t think was possible.”  
  
Ivan tried to form words, to say something, but he couldn’t get them out. _What have I done? I should have known better! Now she’s— she’s…_ He covered his face with his hands.  
  
Mattie looked up and slowly reached out, placing a hand on his arm gently. “Ivan…?”  
  
"I’m sorry- I-I didn’t mean to, I love you Mattie. Please believe me I didn’t mean too." Ivan whimpered.  
  
It made her heart ache to hear him sound like that. “I know. I love you too.” She says softly, pulling him into a hug. “It’s okay, I believe you Ivan.”  
  
"No!" Ivan thrashed away from her embrace; this was not the time for comfort. She needed to know how bad this truly was. "You don’t understand! I-I’ve killed you! I’ve killed you! _I’ve killed you…_ ”  
  
Mattie flinched at his shouting, a confused look on her face. “Ivan, I’m fine.” She says, trying to keep her voice calm. “You haven’t killed me. I’m right here and I’m alive.”  
  
"For now! But you’ll die because of what I’ve done!" He was shaking and grasping his hair tightly enough to turn his knuckles white. Ivan could already feel the burn of tears in his eyes. "S-slowly… _Slowly_ you will die. _J-just like her…_ " The man slumped to the floor. " _Just like her…_ ”  
  
“Just like who Ivan?” She asks softly, kneeling down in front of him. Her hand hovered near him, but she wasn’t sure whether touching would be comforting or not right now. Ivan was scaring her a little and she didn’t understand why he was so distraught about this.  
  
"My mother, I _murdered_ my own mother.” Ivan’s teeth were tightly clenched together. “And now I’ve done the very same to you.”  
  
 _Oh_. Suddenly what Natalya’s brother had shouted at her that first day made a bit more sense. “Ivan.” She says softly, placing a hand on his back and rubbing gently. “It’s okay. You haven’t killed me. I’m not going to die, okay?”  
  
"Yes you will; your hips are too small, a-and I am monster! That child will kill you! J-just as I did mine!"  
  
“No, it won’t.” She soothes, gently wrapping her arms around him in a hug. “I asked my mother about that and she’s sure that I’ll be just fine as long as I’m in my other form when the child arrives. I’m the same size as she is and she’s had two children just fine.”  
  
"No, no no _no_. Y-you— you have to get rid of it some how!” Ivan finally looked up with fear filled eyes and streaks of tears on his cheeks. “I-I don’t want you to die Mattie. I can’t live a day without you.”  
  
She may as well have been stabbed again, because the look on Ivan’s face hurt just about as much as the stabbing had, if not more so. Mattie slowly moved her arms out of the hug in order to cup his face in her hands gently. “I don’t think that’s possible Ivan.” She whispers as she gently wiped his tears away with her thumbs. “And even if it was… I don’t think I’d want to…”  
  
"What!? _Why-_ even after what I’ve told you!?”  
  
“Ivan, I’ve _always_ wanted to have a child of my own. And I was _very_ happy when my mother told me, but I was also very worried, because I wasn’t sure how you’d react.” She explains slowly. “But I’m the same size as my mother. She’s had two children and she’s still alive, so I don’t believe that this will kill me. Okay?”  
  
"But Mattie, look at you! You’re half my size; it would take two of you side by side to make me. Do you understand? It’s not the height that I’m trying to warn you about."  
  
“I meant hip size, not height.” Mattie says, managing to keep her voice calm. “I don’t even have hips in my other form, but my mother and I are still the same size there anyway. So if she can have two children without dying, I should be able to have _one_ without dying.”  
  
Ivan snapped, fear bubbling over into anger. “You’ll be ripped in half and bleed to death!” _Why_ , why didn’t she understand? Could she not hear the words coming from the deepest, darkest part of his soul? The cage he had built to keep this very part of him away from her was shattering and he could hardly stand it.  
  
Mattie flinched back at his shouting, feeling her eyes burn as tears pooled in her eyes. It wasn’t fair. This was supposed to be a good thing, a _happy_ thing. It was something she’d always wanted and looked forward to. It wasn’t supposed to be bad, or scary, and she was trying her hardest to make Ivan understand that, but it _wasn’t working._  
  
It hurt her to see him this hurt and scared for her, but it also hurt for him to suggest she get rid of something she’d always wanted, and his constant talk of her dying was starting to scare her too. She just wasn’t sure how to deal with this situation anymore so she pulled back and stood up, wavering a moment, unsure which room she wanted to go into before turning and choosing her bedroom.  
  
Mattie could feel the tears start to fall down her face as she shut the door and went over to her bed. She curled up under the covers and hugged the dolls of her parents close to her chest, her eyes shut tight as she trembled and cried as softly as she could manage.  
  
All the while, Ivan hadn’t stop her; he just stayed where he was on the floor, but once she was gone he was left alone to be tormented by his own thoughts. It was like a veil of darkness had consumed him.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning: This chapter contains ABUSE and TORTURE.

_………………………._  
  
 _…….….I……….._  
  
 _….Iv..an.._  
  
 _…Ivan…_  
  
 _“Ivan.”_  
  
“Boy, are you listening?” Tamerlane’s tone of voice was becoming annoyed.  
  
Ivan flinched and turned away from the window before quickly making his way over to the man’s side. “I-… I’m sorry Grandfather. I was just wishing Mother a good morning.” He mumbled softly as he looked down at his boots. The Grandfather sighed and nudged a bowl to the boy’s chest.  
  
“Eat. We have work to do.” Ivan took the bowl with a quick nod and went to take a seat at the table. He ate without a word, his curious eyes shifting from his food to the elder man standing by the small stove. Tamerlane looked so tired today, more than he usually did, but it did not dull his senses. “You have something you want to say.” He says.  
  
Ivan’s eyes quickly returned to his breakfast, trying to make it look as though he had never looked away from it. He did have something he wanted to ask, however he feared that the answer would either be silence or a lie. His grandfather did lie to him a lot, but Ivan knew when he was and wasn’t lying, like the man did it on purpose for him. Why his grandfather wanted him to know when he was lying, Ivan did not know. A form of false comfort perhaps?  
  
Comfort was a rare treat in this home and Ivan can only recall three times when his grandfather had willingly held him. Other times were just Ivan holding on to him. There was once a time when he thought his grandfather would hit him for such actions. In time, the elder man must have just let it happen.  
  
“Time to leave. Clean up and meet me outside.” His grandfather said gruffly. 

  
☙~❧

  
Working the boat and fishing was harder today than normal. While yes, his grandfather did test him to see if what was taught stuck in his mind, Ivan found that he was doing much more than ever before and if it was a test, then why was his grandfather struggling so much?  
  
Ivan watched him stumble about in the boat like a storm had suddenly waged and his grandfather had to stop working and focus on breathing quite a few times. _Something is wrong…_ Ivan knew it, just not what was wrong, or why.  
  
He kept silent about it and tried to make sure that his grandfather didn’t do any of the heavy work. This might have angered the man before, but today they seemed to have come to an understanding from mere glances and not a word was said about it. Truth be told, Ivan felt a little proud of himself and continued on with the morning work with a small smile on his lips. 

  
☙~❧

  
“Tamerlane!” An old friend called out to him when they brought their boat into the docks. “You still owe me a round of drinks, what do you say about meeting me and the men at the bar at dusk today?”  
  
Though Tamerlane did not speak as he climbed down onto the dock, his friend didn’t take the silence as a bad thing like usual, continuing on with the conversation like he had gotten a response. “The brat ought to be fine on his own now.” The man gave Ivan a cold look as the boy slinked behind his grandfather. Ivan was lucky he could still hide behind the old man like he was a shield. “So what’s one night with a bunch of dirty fishermen going to hurt?”  
  
Ivan grabbed onto the back of his grandfather’s coat with two small fingers. _No… Grandfather, don’t leave me alone. I don’t like it… It’s scary, please._  
  
Tamerlane pulled away to make it seem like he was moving to speak to his friend, but it was really to pull away from Ivan’s weak hold. In truth, Ivan should have known better than to do such things in public; it was weak of him. Almost twelve and the size of a young man, with the strength of one too. And yet he still hid in Tamerlane’s shadow.  
  
“Very well… At dusk, no earlier.” The old man tells his friend.

  
☙~❧

  
"Where’d he go!?"  
  
"Keep the doors and windows locked and the women and children inside!"  
   
"Has anyone seen it!?"  
  
"Look everywhere! Something like that just can’t hide!"  
  
 ** _"Found you."_**  
  
"I-I didn’t do anything!" Ivan cried as he was grabbed by the hair and pulled out from his hiding spot, nearly falling as he stumbled over a barrel.  
  
"I found him! I found the monster!" The man shouted as he pulled the boy out into the open. Men with torches moved in like a wave of fire in the darkness towards them. It was the first thing that Ivan saw before their angered and disgusted faces came into view.  
  
"I-I didn’t do anything!" Ivan sobbed as he closed his eyes, unable to turn his head away from the sight. “Please… L-let me go. Let me go!"  
  
"Let’s just kill him and get it over with!" One shouted.  
  
The rest gave a heated cheer at that before another added his words. “Like we should have done the day he tore himself into this world!” The crowd of men gave a roar of anger as Ivan shook in his boots.  
  
There was no one left, he was alone and without protection. “Grandfather…” It was all so sudden and everything had been just fine beforehand. It was normal for the elderly to become short of breath, right? Because their bodies had grown weaker… right? _Right, Grandfather?_  
  
 _There was a small clatter of furniture as Tamerlane fell to the floor. Ivan bolted, making a beeline for his fallen guardian. “Grandfather! I told you should rest. You are unwell…” Kneeling, Ivan was quick to check if the man had hit his head, but it only looked as if he was finding it hard to breathe. The boy tried to sit him back up or help him stand, but he was swatted away. “But-… I can’t just leave you on the floor.”_  
  
 _His grandfather did not say a word as he rolled onto his back. It made it a little easier to breathe but the pain was still there, like it had been for most of the day; coming and going like the tide. To them both remaining as they were, it felt like a day had gone by within only an hour._  
  
 _“Ivan.” Tamerlane’s voice was steady like it always was, but different somehow, like all this time he had been thinking very hard in order to answer a difficult question._  
  
 _“Yes, Grandfather?” Ivan had not expected him to speak, only for him to eventually get up and go to bed without a word. This…“incident” was not the first after all; there had been others over the past year. Then his grandfather gently grasped his wrist; either from weakness or the faintness of his caring side, either way, it startled the boy and he did not like it._  
  
 _“What she said… is true.”_  
  
 _“She…? Who are you talking about Grandfather?”_  
  
 _Tamerlane shut his eyes slowly as he took a deep and slow breath. “Don’t be destroyed.”_  
  
 _Ivan sat there watching his elder, scared and confused by his words and his odd action. He almost feared speaking out and asking more questions; Grandfather always hated too many questions. “I-… I don’t understand Grandfather.” However the boy received no response. After a few moments, he spoke again. “…Grandfather?” The boy gave Tamerlane’s shoulder a cautious shake. “Don’t fall asleep here, it’s cold, Grandfather…. Grandfather, wake up…” He shook the man harder, but still he did not wake. There was a brief moment that Ivan thought he saw him beginning to wake, only to find that it was really himself shaking. What was this growing sense of fear and dread inside of him? “Grandfather, wake up. Please, Grandfather I’m— I’m scared.”_  
  
They could have their vengeance and the satisfaction of having him gone at last. It would be swift, wouldn’t it? Was it not better to have a quick death instead of suffering for the rest of his life alone? In all of the noise around him, it sounded like he was drowning beneath the waves: waves of fire.  
  
"Wait!" And the men did, stopping their bickering over how the deed was to be done. They wanted to know who had the gall to speak up for the beast they had caught. "I say make him _suffer_. Punish him for the crimes he has committed.”  
  
To Ivan, it felt like everything had become still and silent. He did not hear the roar of the crowd once more, nor the shouts of what punishment awaited him, and he did not feel himself being pulled away. It was like feeding a pack of rabid wolves another taste of meat.  
  
For crimes…? What **_crimes_**? It was not the first time he had had these words thrown at him; but- Ivan was just a child; a timid boy who was just barely twelve. He hadn’t done anything to wrong these people. He had always done his best to listen to his grandfather. To stay out of the townsfolk’s way.  
  
Everything came rushing up at him suddenly, giving him quite the shock as he was thrown to the ground. He wasn’t even given a moment to get up before they were on him, holding him down. He should have fought sooner; he should have tried to run, but he hadn’t and it was already too late to do so once he had thought about it. He didn’t think to fight until he felt the burn of rope against his wrists and the pull of men stretching him as far as his reach could go.  
  
"No!" Ivan cried out, starting to struggle. He was not a fool. He knew they were trying to trap him and that it was no use. He could not see what they were doing, though he felt the vibrations down the rope and the painful pull. _Stakes_. They were hammering stakes into the ground through the ropes. The men also did this to his ankles, with his legs parted, and all Ivan could do was cry out and beg them to stop.  
  
They tore his shirt open so that his back was exposed: a new canvas for them to leave their marks on. Then all of the men moved from the boy, standing in almost a circle around him. They began to drop their torches in a pile, adding more wood to it to make a blazing mound. Ivan’s eyes widened in horror; did they plan to burn him alive!?  
  
No, they had much worse in store for him.  
  
Three men approached the fire and each stuck an iron rod into the embers. Ivan knew them, but couldn’t remember their faces anymore.  
  
Ivan soon lost all sense of time. Had it been minutes? Seconds? Hours? Did it even matter anymore? He watched as one pulled out the first rod, glowing white from the heat it now contained.  
  
There was only so much of what Ivan could see as the man stepped over him. He could feel the heat radiating off the rod as it hovered over his shoulder blades. How proud was he now to have broad shoulders at such a young age?  
  
"N-no, please… I didn’t mean to. I-I tried to help Grandfather. Please…" Ivan begged.  
  
"Help? You killed the closest person I ever had to a brother." _The older fisherman, Grandfather’s friend?_ “I mark you for your crimes. Murderer.”  
  
Ivan would never forget the feeling of his flesh being seared as each crooked letter was formed. How it felt like his throat was bleeding from his screams. The smell of his own skin burning. The scratching of rocks and dirt against his face as he thrashed his head around helplessly.  
  
Three times…  
  
Threes times they did this.  
  
 _Monster._ For him to never forget what everyone saw him as.  
  
 _Murderer._   For him to never forget what he had done.  
  
 _Giant._ For him to never forget what he was.  
  
Ivan couldn’t remember what happened after that. The last thing he saw was a big man coming forward with an axe in hand, gently placing it on the back of his neck before raising it high over his head.  
  
 _Don’t be destroyed._  
  
He couldn’t watch any more. Ivan let his eyes fall onto the blazing fire. It was so hot. He could feel the heat on his face from where he laid. Ivan blinked as everything moved in slow motion. Everything was blurring together, like the ropes had started to evaporate and the voices were becoming soft whispers of the wind. _When…_? When did he have the freedom to sit up? Ivan slowly blinked again; the men faded into the darkness.  
  
Slowly Ivan began to realize that he was no longer there. He was here, in the present… and that had all been a very lifelike memory; a dream of what had happened. He was in his home; sitting, hugging himself on the bench near the stove, and watching the small flames crackle in their iron cage.  
  
The pain in his back felt so new, so fresh, like it was only yesterday that it had happened… It was still so dark.  
  
Ivan relaxed his arms, still watching the fire as if hypnotized by it. His hands felt odd as he rubbed his fingers together. He looked down and was confused by what he saw. They were red, in shades of bright and dark, making a lovely match with the spots on his pant legs and the shallow, crooked pool at his feet.  
  
"Blood…?" He asked aloud numbly, but then his mind came reeling back to him and he bolted upright. This was not a dream! How much time had passed? What had he done in his catatonic state? _Mattie-_  
  
” _Oh god_.” Ivan thought he was going to be sick as he felt his stomach turn with the sudden horrid thought. What had he done? This blood wasn’t- Ivan was in a sudden surge of panic. It couldn’t be Mattie’s, could it? It couldn’t! He couldn’t have! He wouldn’t-!  
  
And yet… this would not have been the first time that he had attacked someone while in that state; he’d attacked men from the town before.  
  
Ivan quickly searched the room for evidence with his eyes, spotting tiny glinting pools of blood in different dark corners of the room. The furniture was in disarray, like a fight had happened. “Mattie?” He finally called out, his voice weak with fear.  
  
His next cry was louder and more desperate. “ _Mattie!!_ ”


	19. Chapter 19

Mattie had cried until she had no more tears to shed, and by the time she’d calmed down enough to stop crying, she was tired but didn’t feel much like sleeping. Instead she just lay on her bed, quietly snuggling the dolls of her parents.

Hours passed with her mind drifting from thinking about the situation at hand to just zoning out and staring at the wall in silence as the room slowly grew dark. At one point she had become acutely aware of the silence in the house, just listening to the noises she could hear in the darkness of her room. After a while, she had even drifted off to sleep without intending to.

Mattie had woken up a little later to the sound of the furniture being thrown around in the other room, but didn’t get up to investigate it. _Maybe he’s taking his anger out on the furniture?_ Soon enough, the noises quieted and she lay there silently for what felt like a few hours until her ears picked up the sound of his voice and her name being said. The first one was quiet and she wasn’t sure whether or not to respond. The tone of voice however, caught her attention and she sat up slowly, setting the dolls down on the bed gently as she listened to see if he’d say anything more.

When he called her name a second time, she frowned softly in worry at the sound of panic in his voice and got up out of bed, silently walking over to her door and opening it. “Ivan?” She asks softly in confusion, blinking as her eyes got used to the light of the fire after being in the dark for so long. “Is everything alright?”

"M-Mattie… Is that really you, are you hurt? I didn’t do anything to you?"

“No, I’m fine.” She says, turning her head towards him, noting that it did look like he’d tossed some chairs around and shoved the table from where it was supposed to be. Ivan’s gaze was fixed onto her, his blood covered hands shaking, the same mess all over his shirt. Her eyes widened at the sight and she walked forward slowly, a look of concern on her face. “Ivan, what happened? Why is there blood all over you?”

"I don’t know, I-I can’t remember. I just— I just started remembering my grandfather and then I realized that time had passed and it’s dark out." Ivan said, his voice shaking, frantic as he tried to wipe the blood off of his hands; he was slightly startled when he saw his shirt. Panic surged through him once more and he looked back over Mattie, mainly her belly. Imagining himself crazed and unable to hear her cries as he torn into her, tearing the child away. Ivan was only scaring himself, but right now, he was horrifying; a monster buried beneath. “Y-you sure it’s not yours?”

“No…. it’s not mine.” Mattie says slowly. “And I haven’t heard the front door open or close at all… so I don’t think it belongs to anyone outside…” She stopped in front of him but left a few feet of space between the two of them. “Ivan, are _you_ hurt…?”

Was he? Ivan pulled his shirt up to his ribs and sure enough, blood was still oozing from the claw-like wounds. Though these only looked like the tail ends as they coiled around to his back. “Oh… well, that explains why my back hurts.” He mumbled, though he was relieved that it was not blood from someone else; especially not from Mattie.

Mattie sighed softly. “Well… stay right there, but take off that bloody shirt please.” She left the room and first heated up a pail of water just enough for it to be warm instead of room temperature. She then brought that out and set it on the floor near him before going and grabbing a towel, a washcloth, a clean shirt from his room, bandages, and the salve he’d used on her wounds almost a year ago. She placed everything on the table before moving it back to where it should be, keeping only the washcloth in hand.

Ivan had peeled the shirt off and dropped it on the floor, but was still making sure that Mattie didn’t see his back, though he did not seem as tense about it.

Mattie pulled a chair over and sat in front of him, motioning for him to sit back down on the bench. Once he was sitting, she dipped the washcloth into the bucket and made sure that it wasn’t dripping wet before she spoke. “Hand please.”

When he gave them both to her without a word, she gently wiped off first one hand and then the other, rinsing the blood off her own hands and setting the washcloth in the pail when she was done with that. She dried his hands off on the towel one by one before checking his hands for wounds; relieved to find nothing other than the bruising that was beginning to show around his fingertips.

After rinsing the blood from the washcloth thoroughly, Mattie had him lift his arms a little so she could start washing the blood off of his front and clean the tail ends of the wounds. It stung, but Ivan didn’t say anything. It would feel better in the end, it always did, but why was _he_ injured? They _did_ look self-inflicted, and probably were, but he couldn’t understand why he would do such a thing to himself.

The washcloth had to be rinsed out quite a few times before Mattie was done cleaning off his front. She washed the blood off her hands again and gently dried off his front before opening the salve and applying it to the wounds she had just cleaned.

When she was done with that, she lightly soaked the washcloth again before looking up at him, knowing she needed to ask for permission first. “Will you please turn around so I can clean off the rest of your wounds?” She asks softly, her tone gentle but cautious. She knew he hadn’t ever wanted her to see his back before.

Ivan frowned, but gave a slow nod. He felt raw and broken throughout, however it was not due to his fresh wounds. “You already know I’ve committed crimes so… I guess it doesn’t matter anymore does it?”

Mattie was relieved that he was letting her clean his back, finally and for the first time ever, but his words hurt to hear for some reason. Ivan had turned slowly and her expression fell when she saw his back. While she didn’t know how to read, she knew what letters looked like and could tell that there were words on his back despite the deformities of the letters. Mattie didn’t know what they said, but she could only imagine that they were horrid words. There were other scars too; cuts, burns, starbursts, and puncture wounds.

The fresh ones though… it looked as though Ivan had tried to removed the words from his back, clawing at them like they had been an unstoppable itch.

Mattie didn’t say a word and just started to gently wash the blood from his back and clean the wounds, rinsing the washcloth many times before she was done. Ivan flinched each time his back was touched, either biting his tongue or his lip to hide any sound. It didn’t matter if she was gentle or careful; he was still feeling the phantom pains from his memories. After, she left the washcloth in the pail and rinsed off her hands one last time before drying his back off and carefully putting the salve on his wounds.

When it was done, Mattie put the salve back where it belonged before going and dumping out the bloody water. She then put the towel, the washcloth, and the bloody shirt in the bathing room near the pail to be dealt with later. Coming back into the main room, she brought the clean shirt and the bandages over to him and helped him put both on.

"Thank you." Ivan said quietly, placing a hand over his injured area. It was already feeling better from the tender treatment.

“You’re welcome.” She says softly, going over and putting out the fire before walking back to him. She then took his hands in hers and tugged gently, wanting him to stand up.

"Bed?" He asked, unsure of where she was taking him.

“Yes.” She nodded as she gently led him towards her bedroom. “It’s late. Let’s go get some sleep, okay?”

Ivan looked towards his own room and then back at her. “You’re… not making me sleep alone?”

“Not unless you want to.” Mattie replies softly.

He shook his head and moved closer to her, speaking in a quiet, caring tone. “I want to be with you always, Mattie.”

Mattie smiled tenderly at that and nodded in agreement. The dolls of her parents were placed back on her dresser and then both of them got into bed; snuggling up close, but being still being mindful of his wounds. She gave him a soft peck on the cheek and bid him goodnight before closing her eyes and slowly falling back asleep.

  
☙~❧  
  


In the morning, Mattie made breakfast for both of them, but went into the bathing room to deal with the bloody materials, washing the blood from them as much as possible and hanging them up to dry before she came out to eat her own breakfast.

"I should have cleaned those." Ivan said, not having touched his food yet as he was waiting for her; waiting to hear Mattie ask for an explanation.

“How are your wounds doing?” She asks, sitting down and starting to eat her breakfast.

"They itch and are swollen a little. Nothing new, so good."

“That’s good.” She says, nodding and the meal was eaten in silence, neither of them spoke until the dishes were being done.

"… You have nothing to say?"

“About what?”

"Don’t give me that Mattie." Ivan scowled. "I hate it when you do that. You are not an idiot."

She sighed and came back over to the table. “If you’re waiting for me to ask about the scars on your back, then you can stop waiting because I wasn’t going to ask about them.”

"Why." He almost growled.

“Ivan, if you _want_ to tell me about them, then just tell me. If you don’t want to tell me, then don’t tell me. I’m not going to just _ask_ you about memories that hurt you enough that you end up hurting yourself like you did last night, okay?”

Ivan stood up with such haste that the chair fell on its back and the table skidded forward. “You don’t think that I don’t want you to!? No one, _not one_ damn person has ever cared until you came into my life! I can’t stand the thought of you becoming like _them_! Even if it hurts me or upsets me, I want you to ask… I want you to ask whatever you want and whenever you want, don’t feel like I don’t want you to. All my life I’ve been tormented and beaten, without anyone even telling me what I did wrong or wanting to hear any word from me!”

Mattie took a step back at his shouting. “Please stop shouting at me.” She says calmly, moving past him to right his chair. “And please don’t think that not asking means I don’t care. I don’t ask because I don’t like seeing you hurt. I don’t like seeing you hurt because I care. Okay?”

"And I don’t like the fact that I’ve most likely killed you." He mumbled. "Me getting a few scratches is nothing."

“Would you stop saying that!?” She exclaims, turning to look at him with an exasperated expression.

"But it’s true! I was close to twice the size of a _normal_ human child and I doubt any child of _mine_ will be any less in size! My own mother bled to death in a matter of moments even with doctors trying to save her!” Ivan spoke loudly, but tried not to shout at her. “It could very well happen to you.”

Mattie slammed her hand down on the table in frustration so she wouldn’t lash out at him. “I’m not human Ivan! I don’t know how big human children are when they’re born, but children of my kind are big, too! My father’s not too much smaller than you and my mother has had two children just fine!”

"You mean long! Even your father wasn’t all that much wider than you!"

“Most of my kind is that wide! The only ones in the pod wider than us are the dolphins!”

"But that’s my point Mattie!"

“It doesn’t matter! I’m not going to die!”

"You don’t know that!"

“You don’t either!”

"I know because you’re smaller than I and anyone of my blood will just do the same as I did!"

Mattie was so frustrated with this line of conversation that her self-control slipped and she finally lashed out at him, backhanding him across the face with a fair amount of strength and shouting at him. “Stop saying that I’m going to die! Having a baby is supposed to be a good thing! A happy thing! I’ve wanted to be a mother and have a child of my own for a _very_ long time and I’m _happy_ that I get to have one with you! Or at least I’m _trying_ to be happy, but you just keep saying how I’m going to die and it’s starting to scare me! Just stop it! Stop making what I’ve always wanted seem so scary!” Her voice had risen a few octaves during her shouting and had broken more than once. By the time she was done she had tears threatening to fall and the look she was giving him was full of mostly anger and frustration, along with hurt and a few other mixed emotions.

Ivan was stunned from her blow and just watched her with wide eyes while Mattie completely ignored the way her hand hurt from hitting him. She could only hold his gaze for a few moments before she decided she’d had enough of this conversation and spun around, storming into her room and slamming the door shut behind her.

Recovering from his surprise Ivan followed after her, knocking to let her know he was coming in. “Mattie.” He called softly as he found her sitting at the head of the bed with her back to him, knees drawn to her chest, and a blanket wrapped around her tightly like a cocoon.

“Go away!”

Hearing that from Mattie for the first time ever deeply hurt and Ivan backed off. He didn’t want to leave, but if it was what Mattie wanted then he would. The door was shut, leaving Mattie to cry silently until she’d calmed down. Even after she had, she just stayed curled up in her room, not really sure what to do now.

“…. What.” She calls out miserably when a soft knock came from her door. She didn’t know if she wanted to talk with Ivan or not right now.

The man cracked the door open so she didn’t have to listen to him through it. “The bath is ready if you want it.” And then the door was closed once more.

“I don’t want it.” She calls back stubbornly. While a bath sounded nice right now, she didn’t want to get up and have to walk to the other side of the house and more importantly, past Ivan, to get to it.

She jumped at a tapping sound that was suddenly coming from her window and peeked her head out from under the covers to look. A bit to her surprise, it was Ivan. The man then waved and walked away.

She frowned and waited a moment before getting up and rushing to the bathing room, stripping, getting into the tub, and curling up at the bottom of it. It was not the ocean, but it would have to do.

  
☙~❧  
  


Later, some time after lunch, the front door was knocked on. Mattie jumped a little and went over to it, but didn’t open it. “Who is it?” She calls out.

“Ivan.” Confused as to why Ivan was knocking on the door of his own house, the woman opened the door only for Ivan to stand back further. “Ah… here.” He lifted up a bucket with some fresh fish.

Mattie stared at it for a moment before speaking. “…. I’ve already eaten lunch.” She mumbles, taking the bucket in anyway to be placed with the rest of there food supply.

"Sorry…” But Ivan didn’t come in. “I’ll bring some more things by tomorrow."

“It’s fine. You don’t have to.” She hesitated for a few moments; unsure, before going back to where she’d been curled up on the bench.

"… I’ll be going now then." He then softly shut the door.

“Where are you going?” She asks.

Ivan cracked the door open again. “Did you say something?”

“I said, where are you going?” She repeats.

"To the hut."

“…. Why?”

He was confused now. “You told me to go away.”

She stared at him for a long moment in disbelief before she gave an exasperated sigh. “Get inside the house. I meant I wanted you to leave me alone right then, not that I wanted you to leave the house.”

Ivan gave a small nod and came to sit at the table, wanting to give her space until she said otherwise.

“Next time I say go away, I just mean that I want to be left alone and that I don’t want to talk right then, okay?”

"Okay." He nodded, making sure to remember that. He was grateful that it wasn’t as serious as he thought it could have been.

Mattie pulled her knees back up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them as she had been sitting prior. She stared down at her feet quietly for a few moments before sighing and speaking. “I’m sorry for hitting you and shouting at you this morning.” She says softly. “I didn’t mean to…”

"I deserved it. It is me who should be apologizing." Ivan said in shame.

She had to disagree. “No, I shouldn’t have hit you.”

"It’s fine, Mattie. It’s nothing I’m not familiar with." Ivan gave her a little smile, but it was not comforting at all to her and she unhappily frowned at that, choosing to be silent now.

“Mattie?”

“Yes?”

"Is everything all right?"

“I don’t know….” She sighs.

"Do you want to cuddle?"

“Maybe? I don’t really know what I want right now….” Mattie admits softly, her shoulders slumping a little. Ivan took that as an okay to do so. He moved to sit by her side, gently pulling her into a hug. There was hesitation from her for a few moments before she accepted the comfort and then gentle nuzzling of foreheads and noses was shared between the two for many long slow moments.

"I love you." He said softly, placing a kiss on her head, knowing she’d rather hear him say it right now.

“I love you, too.” She returned the words just as softly. Then it went quiet for a few moments between them before Mattie spoke up; a bit off topic, but it really did hurt. “I burned myself making lunch on accident. It hurts.”

"Can I see?"

She nodded, pulled back a little, and pushed up her sleeve before she flipped her arm over to show him the burn on her wrist. It looked like she’d pressed it to the edge of the pan on accident. Ivan was glad it was only a small one. “I could get you something for it from the doctor if you like.”

“Yes please.”  
  


"Alright. I’ll be back in a few minutes then. Anything else while I’m at the nasty doctor’s?" He teased, knowing she hated the man; not that he blamed her.

That eared him a slight smile and a shake of her head. “No, just that.”

Ivan had gotten a smile on her face once more and that was plenty. “I’ll go get it then.”

  
☙~❧  
  


Like he had said was back within a half hour with some ointment for the burn. She made a displeased face at the itch it gave her, but once the itch had gone away, she appeared a bit happier now that her wrist wasn’t hurting anymore. “Thank you.”

"Anything for you."

Mattie took that as a great opportunity to ask him to relax about the pregnancy. “Could you try to be a little less insistent that I’m going to die then? I really don’t think that’s going to happen. I’ll be just fine, okay?”

Ivan grew silent, fearing what would happen if he opened his mouth. He didn’t want another fight between them; he didn’t like it all, so he just wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug.

“Please…?” She asks, her voice even softer as she hugged him back.

"I will try." He whispered.

“Thank you.” She whispers back, giving him a kiss on the cheek, though this did not stop his fears in the slightest. “It really is a happy thing, I promise.”

"Hope you’re right…" Ivan mumbles and nuzzles his face into her neck as he held her tight while Mattie ran her fingers through his hair gently.

“I am.” She replies softly, a slight smile on her face.


	20. Chapter 20

Ivan never thought that he’d ever fight so much with Mattie. It had been a month since their first real fight and it hadn’t been their last. Ivan had kept his word; he _tried_ not to be the doom bringer, but when Mattie brought it up enough, he just lost it.  Ivan had also gone catatonic once more when it had gotten bad; no injuries this time, just a death grip on his own hair and lots of mindless pacing. However, a lack of injuries didn’t make it any less frightening for her to watch, knowing she’d been part of the cause and that she was unable to do anything to make it better.

Today was a good day though; they had gone fishing together in the early morning and had a good time. They made a big lunch together after their work was finished, Mattie humming a little tune while they did so. Ivan was happy to listen; Mattie had a lovely voice and it was likely a skill from her original form. So far, today had been oh so peaceful and very much needed for the couple, giving them a chance to just be happy and content for a while.

They both laughed a little when she accidentally got the front of her dress soaked while doing dishes. Drying her hands, Mattie headed into her room to change, leaving Ivan to think that maybe they could share a _bath_ again. It had had been some time since their last one, since before her parents’ arrival actually. _It would be nice just to forget everything for a while and hold each other like we used to…_

Lately, Mattie felt like she’d been getting a little bit heavier over the past month, but hadn’t really mentioned it since her mother had told her that it was normal. With her damp dress removed and the new one in hand, she started to put it on, but noticed something different. She stopped and stared for a moment, her eyes widening at the small, but still there, visible bump on her tummy.

She ran her hands over her tummy, just feeling it for a moment before giggling a little and fixing the dress properly. She felt rather giddy at knowing that the baby was growing and she wanted to share it with Ivan, though wasn’t sure if she could do that without it ending in a fight. Today had been a great day so far and she didn’t want to ruin it with a fight.

She then returned back into the main room, unable to keep the smile off of her face. Ivan quickly took notice and grinned at her. “What are you thinking about?”

She rocked back and forth on her feet a little. “It’s to do with the baby and I want to show you something, but I don’t want it to end in a fight so I’m not sure that I should.” She said it all in one breath. On the one hand, she was really excited by this, but on the other she didn’t want to upset Ivan with it either.

It was not often that the topic was about the baby itself; mainly it was about her being pregnant. He stiffened a little, trying to hold his smile for her. “What about it?”

“It grew! Look!” She says excitedly, grinning and pulling her dress up enough so he could see the small, but still there, bump on her tummy.

Ivan blinked, a little confused. Personally, he did not see much change at all, but he agreed with her to make her happy. “I see.”

“It’s only a little bit bigger.” Mattie says, putting her dress down and resting her hands over her belly. “But it’s still growing so that’s okay.” She was practically glowing with happiness; she was just so pleased that the child was doing well. However, Ivan was doing his best not to cringe. “Do you want to feel it?” She asks after a moment, tilting her head curiously, the smile still on her face.

"No. Thank you… Another time perhaps?" He replied promptly, his smile weakening. Ivan didn’t want to feel what he had done to her, regardless of it being something that was making her happy. Their happiness would only last for so long and this was just another reminder of that.

Mattie’s smile dimmed a bit but didn’t go away. “Oh… okay.” She nodded and went to grab her sewing things from her room before sitting cross-legged on the bench to resume working on the dolls that she was carefully making to sell at the market; the ones that looked like her kind.  

"You think you have enough yet?" He asked, wanting a change in topic.

She looked down at her pile of dolls and considered them for a moment. She only had about six right now to sell and she was nearly done with the seventh. “After I’m done with this one.” She chirps, holding up the one she was working on with a smile.

"Alright. Then this afternoon, would you like to join me in buying you a vender?" Ivan smiled. "You can then sell whatever you like, even your pearls once you start diving for them again."

“Okay!” Mattie nodded happily, continuing to work on the one in her hands. “How much should I sell them for?” She asks curiously. While she _had_ gotten better with understanding money, she still had trouble with it at times.

"Hmm, good question. How long do they normally take you to make?"

“Umm… a few days for each doll I think. Sometimes a week if we’re really busy or if I don’t feel like making them.”

"Will you sell them only to children, or adults too?"

“Adults too, if they want to buy them.”

"How about fifteen each? Or maybe twenty?" He suggested as he finished with clean up.

“Let’s start with fifteen and see if people like them first.”

"If that is what you want."

  
☙~❧  
  


After the doll was finished, Mattie was a bit eager to go to town and hurried to get her shoes on. “Do I bring the dolls with me?” She asks curiously.

"Not yet, you don’t even have a place set up for them."

“Oh, okay.” Mattie nodded in understanding, then putting on her belt with her knife in it. She didn’t wear it when she was at home, but she always brought it with her when she was going out, just in case. It also brought Ivan great ease and he was happy every time she brought it with her. On her belt was on, she took him by the hand and started tugging him towards the door eagerly.

Within an hour of leaving their home, they had found a spot that Mattie was happy with and had paid the loan. It was a small little booth, but that was all she needed. Ivan then took her around to buy things for her booth: a nice tablecloth, a coin purse of her own, and then whatever else she wanted for it.

Truthfully, she didn’t think she needed anything else for the booth right now, but Mattie did want to go and visit Natalya and her mother. She realized that she had questions that Natalya’s mother would be able to answer. Ivan was fine with her going, just so long as she waited for him there and didn’t leave on her own.

  
☙~❧  
  


Natalya was very happy to see Mattie again and hugged her legs. “You came to visit!”

“I did. How are you Natalya?”

"I’m doing good, all of the boys still run from me, and I made a new friend as well. We fight the boys together!"

“That’s great!” Mattie ruffled the girl’s hair fondly. “Is your mother home? I have lots of questions about something.”

"Ya, she’s home. Come on, I’ll take you to her." Natalya led Mattie inside and towards the kitchen. Her mother was currently cooking something and her grandmother was sitting in a chair, knitting quietly at the table.

"Mama, Mattie has some questions for you." Natalya cheered as she got Mattie a chair.

"What is it you need help with?" Natalya’s mother smiled, looking away from the stove for a moment.

“Well, it’s just that I’m rather curious about babies and pregnancy.” Mattie replies, sitting down when Natalya got her a chair. Though the mother was not expecting this topic from Mattie and seemed a bit surprised by this. “My own mother didn’t get the chance to teach me and Ivan’s not really fond of the topic, so I thought I’d ask someone who already has children instead.”

"I do not blame him." The mother sighed a little before turning to Mattie with a kind smile. "Ask and I shall answer."

Mattie smiled happily and the long conversation of questions started. She asked about how long babies stay inside their mothers, how big mothers get, what it’s like when the baby comes, how big babies are when they come out, how babies are born, and anything else she could think of. She kept getting reminded that it was different for every woman, but was grateful for all the information she got; many things were different from what she knew about her own kind.

She was about to excuse herself to leave when she thought of one last question, though it was a little more personal. “Ah, do you think that it’s very likely that I would die if I were to have children?” She asks, tilting her head slightly, her brows furrowing just a little. “Ivan and the doctor both seem to think so because of the size of my hips, but my hips are about the same size as my mother’s and she had two children just fine.”

Natalya beat her mother to it and asked rather loudly. “Are you having a baby Mattie?!”

"Natalya! Keep your voice down." Her mother scolded.

“You have to promise to keep the answer a secret before I tell you.” She tells the girl, holding a finger to her own lips. “You can’t tell _anyone,_ okay?”

Her mother rushed over and put her hands over Natalia’s mouth, hushing them both and giving Mattie a serious look. “Something like that you should keep to yourself, even if you _think_ you are. Or something like the incident in the market could happen again.”

“I’m not certain if I am or not, but I understand.” Mattie says with a nod.

"Please understand that some of us hold nothing against you or Ivan, but there are many who wish you harm." The mother said softly and let her daughter go.

“I know. That’s why I carry around my knife.” Mattie says, gesturing to the knife in her belt. “I’ve seen what others have done to him too… and I learned the reason why when he finally let me see his back…”

The mother gave a sad nod and left her daughter to talk to Mattie.

“Oh, before I forget, Natalya thank you for teaching me how to make dolls.” Mattie says, putting a smile on her face. “I’ve gotten much better at it and I’m going to start selling them at the market.”

Natalya was confused for most of what had just happened, but understood when to keep her mouth shut. “So um, you are going to be selling dolls?”

Mattie nodded. “I am, but they’re special dolls. I know that there’s none that look like them in the market, but I don’t know if people will like them or not.”

"What do they look like then?"

“I think they’re called mermaids.”

"Mermaids? I haven’t heard stories about them for a long time; I’ve forgotten what they look like. All I can remember is that they live in the ocean."

“They look like people from the waist up, but they’ve got a fish tail from the waist down.”

"Ah, right! I think they sound wonderful! It would be nice to have a different doll to play with, I’ll make sure to get one." Natalya grins from ear to ear. "I bet they’re beautiful."

“I’m glad you’re interested.” Mattie grinned back at her.

  
☙~❧  
  


Another month had passed in what seemed like the blink of an eye. Mattie was now visibly pregnant when her dress was off and she really _did_ want to share it with Ivan, but stayed quiet about it for the most part.

"How are you doing today?"

"I’m doing okay. You?"

"Same, but I—" Ivan looked uncertain and glanced about the room. "When you went to Natalya’s that one time and talked to her mother… You had asked about…" He gestured to her form, mainly her belly.

Mattie nodded. “I asked about pregnancy and babies, but I only said that I didn’t know if I was pregnant or not.” She shrugged a little. “She didn’t want to know anyway, she said I should keep that sort of thing to myself.”

"Yes. Make sure you do that." Ivan was serious about that rule, and then he asked a rather uncomfortable question, for him anyway. "Did… She tell you how long you have— would have?"

"She did, but it’s a different time than the one my mother gave me." Mattie says taking a seat down on the bench. "For people it’s ten months, for my kind it’s twelve months, so I’m not sure exactly when it will be."

"A-a year?" Ivan sputtered in shock.

"Yes.” She nodded. “I’m assuming it will be sometime in winter."

"You don’t know when?"

"No. Any one of our various bath times could have been the one that resulted in this."

Ivan flushed a little at this and looked away. “I’m sorry.”

She sighed a little, got back up, and walked over to him before taking his hands in hers. “Ivan, you don’t need to apologize.”

He held her hands tightly. “Yes. I do.”

"No. You don’t." She says softly, leaning up and giving him a chaste kiss. "I know you don’t like this, but I really am happy, okay?"

"It’s not—" He couldn’t bring himself to finish it.

"Ivan, look at me please?" Mattie asks softly, waiting for Ivan to do so before she continued. "I know you’re scared for me, but neither of us know exactly how this will end." She spoke gently, choosing her words carefully. "I _am_ truly happy that I’m having a child of my own, and I’d like to share that happiness with you too. Nothing will change the fact that I’m pregnant, and I think that we should stop worrying so much about it for now and just be happy. Okay?”

"It’s not that I _don’t_ like this Mattie… I’ve been thinking and I don’t think that it is the thought of a child that I hate, only what it’s doing _to_ you.” Ivan said softly. “But I am still unsure, so don’t get mad, okay?”

"It’s not doing too much. Just making me bigger and messing with my emotions a bit." Mattie smiled and nuzzled him gently. "I won’t get mad, I just want to be able to share this with you."

"That sounds painful and annoying." He mumbled.

"It’s not that bad." She kissed his cheek. "It just means that the baby is doing well."

"Sounds bad for you."

"It’s not." She says, trying to reassure him by squeezing his hands softly.

Ivan looked to her belly as if he’d understand better by looking at it, even if it was not visible through her dress yet. “How?”

"Well, if the baby is doing well and things are going as they’re supposed to, then I’m doing well too." She let go of one of his hands to rest it on her belly. "If the baby wasn’t doing well, I’d probably be really sick."

He gave a nod of understanding. “I will keep that in mind.”

  
☙~❧  
  


The day that Mattie suddenly found herself caught in a net was the day that she remembered how terrifying fishermen were. Her instant response was to thrash about, but that only got her more tangled. Quickly, she stopped, trying to calm herself a little so she could think rationally. Though calming herself was a bit hard when her heart was going as fast as it was, especially when the net started to pull up.

Mattie froze for a brief second before suddenly remembering that she owned a knife now. She fumbled for it, pulling it out of the belt and quickly starting to cut the net that was tangled around her, even as the net started being pulled closer to the surface.

She managed to cut the last bit of rope holding her there shortly before the surface, wiggling free and quickly swimming away. Her heart was pounding from how close she’d been to being discovered by one of the other fishermen. That would have been a very bad thing, even worse since she was pregnant too.

Mattie then quickly swam back to Ivan’s boat, taking care to avoid any other nets and then surfacing right next to the boat. “Ivan?” Her voice shook when she called out for him and when he appeared she held her arms up so he could lift her out of the water. She was a little chafed from the netting but aside from that and the fear of almost being discovered, she was okay.

"What happened?" Ivan asked once she was covered in a blanket, he could tell that she’d had quite the scare.

She hugged him tightly, trembling a little as she took a few moments to just catch her breath and calm herself in his embrace. “…I wasn’t paying enough attention and I accidentally swam into someone else’s net.” She says finally, her voice a little unsteady. “They were starting to pull it up too. I cut myself free so they didn’t see me but-”

"Shh, shh, it’s okay. You’re safe now. It was a good thing you had your knife." Ivan kissed her forehead. "No more swimming far from the boat, got it?"

“Got it.” Mattie replied softly with a nod. “I think I’m done fishing for today— we can do more tomorrow…” She slowly pulled away and dried herself off while Ivan turned the boat around for home. After she was dressed, she sat down in the back of the boat, her arms wrapped around her tummy protectively. In truth, she may not want to go back into the ocean for a long time; it wasn’t safe on her own and she had more than just her own life to keep safe now.

Once they were back in the comfort of their home, she wanted to cuddle with him in their room. They lay together on the bed, her back pressed to his chest and his arms around her. Mattie’s arms were wrapped around her belly while Ivan nuzzled her neck softly and whispered words of comfort. Soon she was relaxing, snuggling close, and just enjoying being next to him for several long, calming minutes.

After about ten or fifteen minutes, she suddenly jolted a little, giving a soft squeak of surprise as she looked down at her tummy, eyes a little wide in shock.

"What is it?" Ivan asked, sitting upright to look over her.

“It moved.” She replies with a small smile, sitting up as well. “I’m fine Ivan, it just startled me a little.”

"Moved?" He asked in confusion. "What moved?

“The baby.” She smiled a bit more. “It’s supposed to start moving after a few months; it means that it’s doing well. This is just the first time that it’s ever moved and I wasn’t expecting it.”

"Oh… Did it hurt?"

“I think it startled me more than it hurt me.”

"Good, it better not be hurting you." He scowled at her stomach.

“Even if it does, I doubt it’s doing it on purpose.” She says gently, shifting to tug her dress up and rest a hand against her belly that way; she enjoyed feeling where the baby was without the fabric of her dress getting in the way.

Without her dress covering it, it was much more obvious that she’d gotten bigger there, but Ivan just looked away and moved to sit on the edge of the bed. “Oh!” Mattie exclaims softly a moment or two later, a soft grin on her face. “It moved again.” She turned her head to look at him. “Would you like to feel it?”

Ivan shook his head quickly and tightly held his hands together, turning his knuckles white from the pressure. With a soft sigh, Mattie tugged her dress back down before moving to sit next to him on the edge of the bed.

"I’m sorry." He whispered, turning his head away.

“For what?” She asks softly, though Mattie was pretty sure what for.

"For not partaking…"

“It’s okay.” She replies, resting her head on his shoulder and taking his hands in hers. “But you know you’ll have to partake eventually… right?”

"I’m not ready yet, it still upsets me and frightens me." His words seemed to fall flat to the full understanding of his fear; his fear for her, and his fear for when this all finally came to an end.

“I know, and that’s okay. You don’t have to partake yet.” Mattie spoke calmly, gently stroking the back of his hand with her thumb. “For now, I’d at least like for you to not hate it or get mad at it if it hurts me, okay?”

"I will try not to hate it, but I’ll still be mad if it hurts you. That just goes for anyone."

“It doesn’t mean to hurt me though.” She squeezed his hands gently. “And—” Mattie paused for a few seconds, considering if she wanted to say it or not before deciding to just say it. It would likely upset him, but she just felt as though she needed to say this now instead of later; to give him time to accept her request. “And I don’t want you to hate it. Even _if_ — even if it _does_ kill me, okay?” She knew it was _a lot_ to ask for, but she wanted him to know now that this was what she wanted.

That was too much, too soon; the wounds were still fresh and healing. Ivan pulled his hands back and looked at her with a form of pained anger. He was hurt by her words. How could she ask that of him? Couldn’t she see how _hard_ he was trying to just accept the fact that had done _this_ to her?

Ivan bit his tongue to keep himself from saying anything, from shouting at her, and he turned his head away, his hands moving to grasp his knees tightly. The man’s form was shaking from the sheer ferocity that was building up; he could already feel the familiar sensation of dark, numbness seeping into his bones as his tortured thoughts supplied images of his faceless mother being replaced with Mattie— Mattie dying because of _him._

Mattie pulled her hands back and rested them in her lap. “I know that’s a lot to ask of you.” She says in a whisper, looking down at her hands. “But I just wanted to let you know that that’s what I want because…” She trailed off, wondering if perhaps she should keep her reasoning a secret for now.

“ _Because what?!_ ” It came out a little harsher than he’d wanted it to, but the thought of Mattie dying was making him feel horrible, lost, and angry. “We are already talking about something that bothers both of us; me more, but we might as well get through it now rather than ruin another day ahead of us.”

Mattie shrunk back just a little at the harsh tone. “Well, because _if_ … it does kill me, I— I don’t want you or any of the others to hate it… and I don’t want anyone to treat it like you’ve been treated…” She whispers softly, her voice sad.

Ivan felt very cold all of a sudden and quickly reached for one of Mattie’s hands and held it tightly between his own, holding on silently as he began to feel the anger fade and his mind slowly clear. Once he felt more like himself again, Ivan breathed out a firm whisper. “I will _never_ let another person suffer like that.”

Mattie gave a relieved smile and nodded a little. “Thank you.” She whispers, leaning forward to nuzzle him, but Ivan kissed her instead, a deep and loving kiss.

He only pulled back once they both had physically expressed their feelings for each other. It had been too long for either of them. Both had been running from the other out of fear: fear of rejection and fear of loss. It was about time it stopped; this path only led to separation and heartache.

"I love you Mattie, and I will try to get better at this. Just… don’t push me too fast okay? This is just so much harder for me, you have to understand that."

“I won’t. I understand.” She nodded and nuzzled her nose against his. “And I love you too… very much.”

  
☙~❧  
  


About a week later as they were bringing things to the market to sell, she spoke up. “Do you mind if I go shopping on my own while you sell today’s catch?”

Ivan gave her an uneasy look, remembering the last time he had taken his eyes off of her in the market. “I don’t know Mattie…”

“Please? I’ve got my knife and I was going to start at the tailor’s. I don’t think anything will happen to me there. Plus, I’ll be extra careful and not talk to people I don’t know well.”

"Start…? What more are you picking up?" It wasn’t that he minded, but something felt off.

“Sewing supplies and then some more salve because we’re nearly out.”

"You have enough on you for those?" When she responded to him with a nod, Ivan reluctantly agreed to let her go. "Alright… where will I find you after your done?"

“Either the tailor’s or the church, but most likely the church.”

"Wait at the church when you’re done, promise?"

“Promise.” She nodded and smiled at him.

Ivan placed a kiss to her temple. “Be safe.” He whispered.

“You too.” She replies, giving him a quick hug before taking off.

At the tailor’s, the man merely nodded in greeting when she came in. Mattie smiled and gave a small wave, going around and carefully picking out the cloth she wanted to purchase before going over to pay for it.

"Anything else for you today?" He asked.

“This is all I’ll be buying. Though I also had a question.”

"And what is your question?"

“Well… I wanted to know how Ivan’s back got injured, but I don’t want to upset him by asking about it, and I don’t want rumors either. Do you know who I could ask about that who actually knows what happened?” She asks meekly.

The tailor frowned at this question. “I don’t think you will like what you find. You sure you want to know?”

“I’m sure.” She nodded.

"Those who know won’t speak of it. But if you want honesty… the town doctor was the one that treated him and an old man named Pavel knows a part of why it happened, but wasn’t actually there." He spoke quietly.

She nodded in understanding. “Where can I find Pavel?”

"He lives outside of town and doesn’t stop by often from what I’ve heard. Follow the road west into the woods to get there and when you see a tree with two whale ribs on it, turn left and walk until you find his cabin. You _can’t_ miss it.”

“Okay, thank you.” She smiled a little and paid for her stuff before going to get the rest of her sewing supplies from a few other small shops and then heading to the doctor’s to get the salve. After the doctor’s, she went to the church to wait for Ivan.

Ivan came by not that long after she got there and was relieved to see her unharmed. Mattie gave a short laugh at the look on his face and came over, greeting him with a kiss on the cheek. “Told you I’d be extra careful.”

"And I’m happy to see that." He hugged her tightly.

She hugged him back. “Shall we go now?” Ivan nodded and took her hand in his. “Would it be okay if I spend the day with Natalya and the girls tomorrow?” She asks as they start walking back through town towards their home. “I want them to teach me how to make more things by sewing.”

"That’s perfectly alright. I’ll just fish on my own tomorrow; it gives us a break from each other." He playfully nudged her with his arm.

She giggled softly and gave him a peck on the cheek. “Thank you.”


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning: This chapter contains brief mentions of abduction, rape, and death.

The next day, Mattie headed west and took the road into the woods, following the directions the tailor had given her to get to Pavel’s house. As she walked, Mattie had a lingering feeling of guilt for lying to Ivan; for telling him that she would be with Natalya and the girls, but only remaining at Natalya’s home long enough to leave without the possibility of being caught.

But she felt like she had to do this. She needed to know the truth, but didn’t want to hurt Ivan by asking him about it.

Turning left at the whale ribs, as the tailor had instructed, it was not long before Mattie found the house. He was right about not being able to miss it. The house was about the size of hers and Ivan’s house, but it was decorated in bones and skins of mainly animals. The yard was littered with bones of all sizes and shapes; the surrounding grass long dead from all the rot that must have taken place. Above the door of Pavel’s home was a human looking skull sitting on the edge of the roof, looking out down the faded path to the home. Two big wolfhounds laid on the small porch in front, one raising its head to watch as she drew nearer.

Mattie was rather uneasy at the sight of the cabin; it was an eerie looking place and definitely didn’t seem very welcoming. She hesitated for a few moments, debating if she really would rather talk to this person than to the doctor before deciding she may as well try this person since she was already here.

The wolfhounds were a bit intimidating and she approached the porch slowly with much caution, not sure how they’d react to her presence once she got closer. She quickly learned their response was an unwelcome one as one began to growl and the other started to bark. Mattie stopped where she was immediately, startled and admittedly a little afraid.

The front door then slammed open, almost coming off its hinges. A man that looked to be in his fifties came storming out with a knife in his hand, looking battle ready until his eyes fell on the woman, his expression then becoming more of an annoyed gaze. “Stay.” He spoke roughly to his dogs and they quieted to a soft growl. Putting the knife away, the man had a _slightly_ softer look on his face. “You’re a tall one for a woman, what do you want.”

Mattie took an involuntary step back at the way the man had appeared, but didn’t go back farther than that. Giving a timid smile, she replied. “I am. I have a question I wanted answered, but I wanted more than just rumors. I’ve been told you are one of few who know more than just the rumors and I thought I’d come see if you would be willing to answer my question.”

"And that question would be?" Pavel crossed his arms.

“I was wondering how Ivan got the scars on his back.”

"Ya want the long version or the short?" He clearly did not want to stand out here all day.

“The long version please… if that’s not too much to ask.”

The man groaned, a scowl on his face. “At least tell me _why_ and who the hell ya are.”

“My name is Mattie. I’ve been living with Ivan since I arrived here about a year and a half ago.”

He stared at her for a long while and almost seemed to ignore her. “Get inside.”

Mattie hesitated for a moment before walking forward, glancing down at the dogs warily as she passed them and went inside.

Pavel sat Mattie down in his living room, which turned out to be more of a trophy room than a living room. She sat, glancing around quietly. More pelts covered the inside of the house, and skeletons of various animals as well as one great skull sat over the mantle on the fireplace; it was twice the size of a grown man’s skull.

As the old man sat in a fur-covered armchair across from her, Mattie turned her attention back to him. “Now then. Ya know of the three words, yes?”

She nods once. “I’ve seen them, but I can’t read, so I don’t know what they say.”

The man counted with his fingers as he spoke. “Monster. Murderer. Giant. The three words were branded into his back with hot iron the night after his grandfather, Tamerlane, was found dead in his home.”

“Oh.” She frowned sadly at the words. “His grandfather had a… heart attack, right?”

"That is what the doctor said." She nodded a little and remained silent. He lifted an eyebrow before standing. "Oh? No other questions? That certainly did not take long."

“Ah, sorry. I do have more. I just didn’t want to interrupt if you had more to say.” She apologizes.  

Pavel sat back down with a huff. “Ya want to know what happened without the rumors. Ya want the truth, but it is blunt and to the point. I will answer only what you ask so be _blunt_. Just know that I will not take whining. If you don’t like what you hear, then leave. I do not care if it hurts your _feelings_.”

“I’m not going to whine and I’ve gotten plenty used to hearing things I don’t like. And quite frankly I’d rather have my feelings hurt than be stabbed in the stomach again.” She snaps with a frown. She paused for a moment after that, her frown disappearing as she realized she’d lost her temper for just a second there. “Sorry. Um… why did they hurt Ivan if his grandfather had a heart attack? It wasn’t Ivan’s fault that his grandfather died, right?”

"No. It turned out it wasn’t, but no one knew what had happened until the doctor had a look at his body. Everyone had thought that Ivan had finally succumbed to his animal nature and strangled the old man."

 _Animal nature?_ She frowned a bit at that. “Why do so many people hate him?“

"Because of his father really. For most, that is more than enough of a reason to chop his head off."

“Why?” She tilts her head to the side a little. “I haven’t heard anything of his father. I’ve only heard about his grandfather and very briefly about his mother.”

"His father was a giant, the first one seen in a hundred years on these lands.” The old man started, relaxing in his chair like he was about to tell a grand story. “A small one really, in comparison to the old bones of the ones found before. Or maybe it was just a juvenile. Nonetheless, within a month, he had destroyed three farms and seven buildings, stealing livestock and whatnot. But no one had ever seen more than a shadow in the night. By the time anyone had realized that it was a giant’s doing, a number of people had gone missing, even more before we found the giant. Seventeen women and five men had been taken. Most were killed and some were even eaten."

“What does that have to do with Ivan?”

He shrugged, looking indifferent. “Nothing, he’s just the bastard son of the giant.”

“But that doesn’t make sense. It’s not his fault that that’s who his father was. Why punish him for something that’s not his fault?”

"Punish? An odd thing to say, is that what they are calling it now?" He shook his head.

“What word would you rather I use? Hate? Injure? Insult?”

"Because he is a giant, or rather a half-breed, cripple is the word I’d use."

“But that’s not his fault. He didn’t choose to be one.”

"Is there something that you hate or dislike just by looking at it? You may not know why, only you know that you don’t like it and want it gone. It is the same thing. Like rats."

“I suppose… though most things that I dislike, I know why I dislike them. Like the way people treat Ivan, the way some people treat me, and the way some people assume he treats me harshly when he doesn’t.”

"Have you anymore questions?"

She went quiet for a moment, considering whether or not it would be a good idea to ask something or not. “Well… I do have one, but it’s more of a what if question.”

"And that is?"

“Well… Ivan and I are in a relationship.” She says slowly. “ _If_ I were to get pregnant, how do you think the townspeople would react to that in general, and how do you think they would react if I were to die like his mother did?”

The man simply pointed to the skull of the fireplace. He was utterly calm about it and did not take his eyes off her. “His head right next to his father’s. The child too perhaps.”

She grimaces at that. “And… if I were to live?” She asks tentatively.

He brought his hand back to rest on his lap. “I believe no one wants another giant around, yes?”

“…Yes.” She nods and stands up. “That’s all of the questions I have. Thank you for taking the time to answer them for me.”

Pavel just raised his brows. “Need help getting out?”

“As long as your dogs will let me past them, I think I can manage on my own thank you.”

"They will so long as ya don’t run."

“I will make sure to walk then.” Mattie says, walking to the door and exiting the house. She made sure to walk until she was out of sight of the house and then hurried until she’d gotten back to Natalya’s house. She went back to playing with them until it was time for Ivan to be back from fishing, but made no mention of her visit to Ivan or anyone else.

☙~❧

About two days later, Mattie was standing in the doorway of the doctor’s study on her own. She was out and about yet again when she was supposed to be at Natalya’s; it was time to ask the doctor what he knew.

"Is there something _else_ you need, Mattie?” The doctor asks in a slightly annoyed tone as he sat at his desk, in the middle of writing out a document.

“I… wanted to know about Ivan’s past. The tailor suggested I ask you.”

He stopped writing and looked up at her before pointing to a chair in front of him. “Sit.” As Mattie took a seat, the doctor set his things aside and then neatly laced his fingers together. “I have been waiting for you to show up here with that question in mind for some time now.”

“You have?”

"You and Ivan are engaging in fornication are you not?" He said bluntly just after her question.

“… I do not believe I was ever taught that word.”

"Having sex."

“I wasn’t taught that word either.”

The doctor looked a bit bewildered for a moment. “Do you know what a penis or vagina is?”

"I wasn’t taught those words either."

He gave her an odd look and opened one of his drawers to pull out two papers. Both were diagrams of the human body, one male and one female. He set them on his desk facing her. “Please tell me that you know the difference between these two pictures.”

She nodded and pointed at the female one first. “That body is like mine, and that one,” She pointed to the male one. “Is like Ivan’s.”

The man then pointed to both sexual organs. “Men have a penis and women have a vagina, when a man’s penis is in a woman’s vagina, that is fornication, sex.”

“Oh.” She nodded in understanding while he sighed and put the diagrams away carefully. _How has she not been told of any of this?_ “Again with my original question, have you and Ivan been interacting with each other in such means?” When Mattie nodded in response, he hummed in thought and then stood. “So, what would you like to know about Ivan’s past?”

“Just more about it. I’ve already been told about his father and how he got the scars on his back by Pavel.”

"Pavel? You’ve spoken to Pavel already?" The doctor looked surprised.

“I have.”

"So you are here about his mother then?" He gestured for her to follow him.

“I suppose so.” She says, standing up and following after him. “All I know about her is that she’s dead.”

"Then ask your questions, whatever they are I will answer." He looked at her as he spoke and walked slowly down a hallway.

“Well… Pavel stopped at how many were kidnapped and I suppose I don’t quite understand how she ended up pregnant…?”

"That is quite simple, she was raped by the giant." He says, glancing at her. "Forced to have sex against her will."

“I thought babies were a choice though…?” She asks, a bit confused.

"No, not always. Men have been known to force their children into unwilling women. Ivan is such a case; his mother did not choose to have him, and she was forced to."

“Oh…” Mattie frowned unhappily at this, going quiet for a few moments before tilting her head a little. “What was his mother like?”

"A strong and happy woman; the village loved her deeply. She was preparing to become a full member of the church and to care for the children there, as a sister and mother to them, and to all."

“I see.” She nodded. “Is that part of why the village hates Ivan so much? Aside from what his father was I mean.”

"Yes, that is a part of it." The slow walk continued down the hall. "More questions?"

“Did she… hate Ivan too…?” She asks slowly, seeming reluctant to use such a word.

He was silent for a moment, but his expression became hardened. “No, oddly enough she did not… She was scared of him for a very long time, coming and going from here over any little thing that happened during her pregnancy, but in the end, all she wanted to do was hold him. I remember her speaking to him while we were working to stop the bleeding and the nurse was trying to take him away from her.”

“What was she saying? Do you remember?”

"I was not paying attention. The nurse that was working with her may still remember though if you really wanted to know."

“Where can I find that nurse?”

"You may be surprised to know, but she is Natalya’s grandmother. You are friends with that child, yes?" He looked at her, remembering how much that child had visited her while she was injured.

"Oh!" Mattie gasps in surprise. "Yes, I’m friends with her. I was actually going over to visit after I talked with you."

"Hm. Are there anymore questions you wish to ask of me?"

She shook her head. “None that I can think of. Thank you for taking the time to answer my questions.”

He stopped and turned to her. “Very well, you know where to find me if you… need anything.”

Mattie thanked him before turning around to leave, but the doctor reached out and grabbed onto her upper arm. “Ah, just one more thing before you go.”

She jerked away from his hold before turning to look at him. “Yes?”

"I could help but notice, that for a woman with such small hips, you have quite a bit more rotation in your walk.” He smiled a little for the first time and spoke softly. “I look forward to seeing the child you two form together."

She stared at him uneasily, before turning and quickly leaving without saying another word. She gave a shudder after she was away from the doctor’s home; his words had unnerved her greatly.

☙~❧

Natalya’s mother answered the door when she arrived. “Oh, hello Mattie. Are you here to see Natalya?”

“In a little while yes, but I actually had a few questions for your mother first if she’s not busy.”

"Oh…" She blinked in surprise, certainly not expecting that sort of request. "No, I don’t think so, come in Mattie."

Mattie smiled a little and followed the mother to in the kitchen where the grandmother was knitting by the stove, seemingly watching the food while the mother had gone to the door.

“Mother, you remember Mattie? She has come to see you today.” The elderly woman looks to Mattie for a brief moment before continuing her knitting.

Mattie greeted her with a smile and sat down in a chair near the woman. “Yes, I had a few questions. I’ve been asking around about Ivan’s past. I’ve already spoke to Pavel and the doctor, but he wasn’t able to answer one of the questions.” She explains softly.

The woman glanced up at her. “You wish to know of his birth.”

Mattie nods. “The doctor mentioned she was speaking to him while they were working and I was wondering if you remembered what she said.”

"Ah, I remember it quite well. Not many births I have had to deal with in my lifetime that were like that."

“Would you mind telling me about it?”

"Do you want to hear the whole story or just what Helina had to say?"

“The whole story if you don’t mind.”

  
☙~❧  
  


_When the child was on its way, Helina screamed and cried; the poor woman was terrified. As was her father, Tamerlane. He was at her side for as much as he could, whispering to her, holding her as she wept. It was going to be a horrifying evening for them both._

_Having devoted her self to God she had never had man in her life other than her father. With such, never had the thought of giving birth crossed her mind and she had little idea of what to expect._

_Helina begged for help whenever she felt pain and the most the nurses could do was massage her aching body. The doctor had given her something to help with the pain after a while, but it did little to soothe her._

_“Father… f-forgive me.”_

_His words were gentle as the evening breeze. “There is nothing to forgive; you are still my strong, beautiful daughter, Helina.” Tamerlane held firm to that reply, ever since they found her and the other survivors. “And that is what you will always be. Nothing could ever change that.”_

_She closed her eyes and turned away from her father, new tears fell as she wept. “Oh God… T-tell me… Tell me why. Why have you chosen to let this happen? Is this the price I have to give for asking to live…? Why? What have I done wrong to suffer like this!?” Angry and scared, she covered her face with her hands; Helina’s words could not be made out for more than pleaded mumbles; for mercy, for forgiveness, for a sign. She had so little faith, so little left. Having never felt more abandoned than she did now._

_Time neared for the child to be born, she could feel it. How everything from before was nothing like this, this weird sensation that began to coarse through her whole body and how the pain changed. She knew. She knew and it was horrifying. “ **Oh God**. Oh God, no. No, no, no, no…. **Please** , I beg of you!” Helina then screamed in agony, but the pain did not last. _

_However… she could feel that there was more to come. It was written all over their faces. How her father’s expression lost all confidence; the nurses that just stood by and watch her writhe in misery, now ran to find the doctor. “Please… God, help me…”_

_The doctor rushed in not a moment later, took one look over the situation before turning to the nurses. Point to them one at a time to give them orders, having in the end only about three permitted in the room. “Tamerlane, I-” The doctor started._ __  
  
_“I know what you are going to say and I’d like to see you try and remove me from my daughter’s side.”_ __  
  
_“That is highly improper…” He grumbled, knowing full well that he did not have the time or the staff to forcibly make the man leave._ __  
  
_Tamerlane turned to him now and like a raging thunderstorm, his voice boomed. “And just what about this is proper!? Tell me, God damn you! My only child is being forced to give birth to a barbarian half-breed!”_

_“The child will still appear human, it might even be human. It is not as if it is a monster.” The doctor replied calmly. If this man ever felt sympathy, he was poorly capable of showing it._

_Tamerlane had much more to say, but his daughter’s screams pulled him away from the doctor and to where he truly needed to be._

_“I-I can’t, I can’t— F-father…”_

_Taking her hand in his and placing a kiss upon her forehead, his words were soft only for her ears. “Hush now, breath in slowly. You can, I know you can.” He smiled as she followed his guidance and crushed his hand with the strength he knew she held. God be damned, only his love and daughter had the power to break his hands._

_Many hours passed before Helina was able to birth the child, cries filled the room that once only held her screams._

_“A boy.” The nurse supplied gently as the child was handed to her from the doctor._

_Helina, from where she lay now, could barely see. The nurse was cleaning the boy as he continued to wail; she saw maybe a foot or a hand. **What does it look like…? Is it… is it human?**_

_“Can…. can I see?” She whispered as she pulled herself up by her father’s arm. The nurse gave a frightened glance to Tamerlane, not certain if it was a good thing to do. “Please. I want— I need to know.”_

_“Whatever she wants.” Tamerlane says to reassure the nurse and with that, the nurse brought the newborn to her side._

_Being held up by her father’s arms, Helina hesitantly looked down at the child barely covered in a towel. She showed no reaction, only holding her gaze on the crying boy. Her first thought was not what anyone or herself would have expected. “You… you must be cold on a night like this.”_ __  
  
_With that murmur from her lips and before anyone could stop her, she leaned over and pulled the child into a gentle embrace. He was not as heavy as she was expecting, but still difficult to hold, being as exhausted as she was. Helina was stubborn and lightly ignored her father’s and the nurse’s help. With him tucked in and against her breasts, his gaze locked onto her own and Helina smiled ever so slightly._

_And just like that, his crying came to a stop; a few whines and hiccups were the only sounds Helina heard. Feeling his faint warmth and heart against her own, all her fear, her anger, and her sorrow felt so far away. Like everything was a blur as she felt more like herself than she had in a year._

_Taking his tiny hand between her fingers ever so softly, she spoke to him quietly like any other mother would to their newborn. “You have a gentle soul, don’t you? Not a drop of that monster in you, is there? Look at your eyes; they’re just like mine, and your nose; like my father’s.”_

_The doctor gestured for the nurse to take the child. “Ma’am…” The nurse held her arms out for the child. But Helina’s hold tensed up and shook her head; she didn’t want to hand him over. This, **son** of hers, that she had given life to, was not what she was afraid of. _

_The nurse let it be and returned to the doctor’s side. The doctor then whispered angrily in her ear. “ **What** are you doing? I told you to remove the child from the room. She will not let it go if she bonds with it.”_

_The nurse replied just the same. “He is perfectly healthy, I have no need to remove him from his mother. Helina is weak, she needs rest, not stress.”_ __  
  
_“She has already informed me before that she does not wish to keep the child!”_

_“But she can change her mind! It is her son! I will leave this clinic before I separate a mother and her newborn child.”_

**_“So be it.”_ ** _The doctor turned to the last two nurses in the room. “Take the child into the other room and let her rest.”_

_“No.” Tamerlane said firmly as he laid his daughter back down on her bed, child in her arms._

_“Tamerlane, you yourself said earlier-”_

_“What my daughter wants is what matters to me, if she wishes to hold it. So be it.” The doctor stormed from the room, never had the nurses seen him so angry. But no one cared._

  
☙~❧  
  


“—I had to help her nurse him for the first time, Helina was not able to move him. She kept saying, _a little longer… just a little longer_ , whenever someone went to take Ivan from her and in the late hours of that night while it was only her father and I with her, she would continue to talk to him. About how he was a handsome boy, how strong he looked, how he would grow to be a kind and loving man…”

The old nurse took a small drink of water and then continued. “Then Helina named him, much to Tamerlane’s shock and distaste. Ivan was named after his grandfather’s birth name and his mother’s own name as his last name. She asked if her father would help raise him, protect him, to help make him into the man she promised he would be.

Tamerlane agreed that he would do that for her. She had smiled with joy and then began to sing Ivan to sleep… her singing became humming… and as Ivan fell asleep in her arms, she too fell asleep with a soft smile of her face.” The grandmother set her knitting down, her eyes still on the woven thread. “Helina… never awoke that morning, she had slipped away some time in the night.”

When the story was over, Mattie; having been utterly silent the whole time was a bit surprised to find that she was crying and quickly wiped the tears from her cheeks. “Thank you for telling me.” She says softly.

The grandmother nodded and looked to Mattie. “Have you found all the answers you were looking for?”

Mattie nodded as well. “Yes… thank you.”

"Take care then." She resumed her knitting once more.

Excusing herself from the room, Mattie went to go play with Natalya until Ivan would be back for her. Surprised to find the little girl quietly crying in the other room, Mattie quickly realized she must have been listening in on the story. The pair spent the remaining time in a long embrace and speaking soft words instead of playing. It helped them both recover from such a tale, and allowed them to appear happy by the time Mattie had to return home with Ivan.


	22. Chapter 22

In the morning she requested that they stay home today. Ivan was fine with that, as he wanted to stay in bed a little longer anyways. So they snuggled while Mattie rubbed her belly gently to soothe the child.

"Is it bothering you this morning?"

“No, she’s not bothering me.” Mattie says softly, a fond little smile on her face as she continued to rub her belly. “She’s just saying good morning and letting me know that she’s doing well today, that’s all.”

"She…?" Ivan asked puzzled.

“It just seems like a girl to me.” She says with a slight shrug.

"Oh. Should I call it she as well?"

“You can if you’d like to.”

"Will it make you happy?"

She nodded a little. “Mhmm.”

"Then I will call her, she from now on." His hand hovered over her belly before moving to cup her face for a chaste kiss. "So, what would you like to do today Mattie?"

“Well, I’d like to share some things I’ve learned after we’ve had breakfast.”

"Is it about her?" Ivan asked, not sure he was ready for more baby talk just yet.

“No. I’ve… actually been doing a bit more than playing with Natalya lately.”

"What do you mean?"

“Well, I was curious about a few things, but I didn’t want the rumors around town. The tailor told me who to ask so I went and asked them in between playing with Natalya.”

Ivan sat up but kept his eyes fixed on her. “You left Natalya’s?” He didn’t raise his voice, but he was clearly upset by this.

“Only twice… and nothing happened to me either time.” She says, sitting up as well.

"That is not the point Mattie. I trusted you to be where you told me you would be."

“I know… I’m sorry. I was just curious…”

"What if something happened to you or the— I can’t protect you if I don’t know where you are." Ivan wrapped his arms around her. What if a group had caught her? A single knife in her hands would only keep them at bay for so long.

“I know, I know.” She says hugging him back. “Yesterday I only went to ask the doctor though. I wasn’t there very long either.”

Well the doctor wasn’t so bad, that made him feel a little more relieved.

“I have a feeling you’re not going to like the first person I asked though…” She mumbles.

"The _first_?”

“The tailor said he would be able to answer my questions. Since I don’t like the doctor much, I thought I’d ask Pavel first.”

“ _Pavel?!_ The man that lives in a house of _bones_?! Are you _mad_ Mattie?!” He pulled back to look her in the eye. “Do you have _any idea_ what he could have _done_ to you?!”

Mattie shrunk back at the shouting and looked away. “His house is _scary_ and he’s got _big dogs_ , but he answered my questions and then I left…. I don’t intend on ever going back so please don’t shout at me.” She says softly.

Ivan pulled her back into the hug, nuzzling her lovingly. “I’m sorry, I was just scared.”

Mattie returned the affection after a moment. “I know… He and his house are both scary, but he didn’t do anything…. That was a few days ago. Yesterday I talked to the doctor and then Natalya’s grandmother.”

"Why did you talk to the doctor?" She wasn’t sick was she? If she was sick, that meant something was wrong.

"It was to have more of my questions answered because I didn’t want to stay at Pavel’s any longer." She says with a wry look. "The doctor is weird though. I didn’t do or say anything and he was able to tell that I was pregnant. I don’t think he’ll tell anyone else though…"

"I hope he doesn’t." He held her more protectively. "I want you to be at ease during this time and not have everyone breathing down our necks."

She smiled softly and leaned into his hold. “I was much more at ease listening to Natalya’s grandmother talk. Did you know she used to be a nurse?”

Ivan shook his head. “I did not talk with many of the villagers before you came along.”

“Right.” She nuzzled him softly. “Why don’t we start cooking breakfast and I’ll tell you why I was asking them questions after breakfast is over.”

"Alright… It’s nothing I should worry about right?"

“I don’t think so.” Mattie says, pulling away to get out of bed and stretch a little. “You probably won’t like what Pavel told me, but I’m not sure you even know about what the doctor and Natalya’s grandmother told me.”

Ivan gave a small sigh and got up. The more she beat around the bush with this, the more he worried that he wouldn’t like the ending.

  
☙~❧  
  


After breakfast, Ivan sat down with Mattie on the bench so he could cuddle with her.

Both were content and happy, so with this atmosphere Mattie began. “I suppose I’ll start with what Pavel told me. My question asking actually started with me wanting to know how you got the scars on your back.” She mumbles a bit embarrassedly. “I didn’t want to upset you by asking though, so I thought I’d ask someone else…”

He frowned. “I would have rather had you ask me… But I understand.”

“He then told me about your father and…. showed me the skull on his fireplace.” She grimaced.

"Well that is disturbing." He wrinkled his nose in disgust. "I am sorry you had to see that."

“As am I. He’s my new least favorite person. I may not like the doctor but I’d rather talk with the doctor than talk with Pavel again.” Ivan found it a bit amusing when Mattie would talk about things or people she did not like. She had this cute little pout with an air of superiority like none of it was a big deal, almost like a little child. “The doctor told me a little about your mother, but Natalya’s grandmother told me more about her than he did.”

"I see…" Ivan grew very quiet. His mother was a sensitive topic and one that he would rather avoid. Often it triggered the darkness and cut Ivan away from the world for hours. Mattie knew this, but still she continued with small steps.

“Did your grandfather ever tell you about her?”

Ivan shrugged. “A little… He didn’t like to talk about her much because it brought back bad memories.”

“What did he say about her?” She tilted her head curiously.

"Just little things. Her name, what she was like, what she looked like… Things like that." He said sadly.

“Would you like me to share what Natalya’s grandmother told me?” She asks softly. “She was the nurse working with your mother when you were born.”

Ivan flinched, feeling a familiar pain and fear prickling along his back. “I am not sure… I’ve heard a lot of things that happened that day and none of it has ever been something I’ve wanted to hear.”

“I can tell you just the parts that I think you should know about if you’d like.”

"I already _know_ all I need to.” Ivan looked away, the words feeling bitter on his tongue.

“Do you know that your mother didn’t hate you?”

"… I find that hard to believe."

“I don’t find that hard to believe at all.” Mattie gave a soft smile. “Especially after hearing what Natalya’s grandmother had to say.”

Ivan turned to her slowly. “Mattie, what are you trying to do?” Was she trying to change things to make him feel better about the baby? It felt like a trap, like she was about to make him promise something.

“I just think you should have the chance to know what your mother said to you and thought about you after you were born, if you want to hear it.”

"I… I don’t know, I fear knowing." He frowned, looking at her lap.

“I think they’re very nice things to know.”

"If that’s what you believe… then I will listen, but they may not be true." Ivan thought that maybe someone was taking pity on her and gave her a happier version. One full of lies.

“I think it is true. She started with telling me of the birth itself and that wasn’t a very happy thing to hear. Pavel, the doctor, and Natalya’s grandmother have all been very blunt and to the point with me.” Mattie gave a wry look before smiling softly. “Well, first thing after you were born, your mother heard you crying and wanted to see you, and after she saw you she wanted to hold you.”

"…" Ivan did not look up at her, not sure if these words were painful or numbing.

“Your cries stopped and your mother started to speak to you softly as she held you.” Mattie continued to speak in a soft voice; she’d made sure to remember exactly what his mother had said. “She said, “ _You have a gentle soul, don’t you, not a drop of that monster in you is there. Look at your eyes, they’re just like mine, and your nose, like my father’s.”_ ”

"It’s not true." Ivan whispered, but he did not believe his own words.

“It is.” Mattie whispers back. “The doctor then told the nurse to take you away, but your mother wouldn’t let go of you and your grandfather wouldn’t let the others take you either… And every time someone tried to take you from her, she’d say _“A little longer…. just a little longer”._ And late at night when it was just you, her, your grandfather, and Natalya’s grandmother, your mother still held onto you and talked to you. About how handsome you were, how strong you looked, and how you would grow into a kind and loving man.” Mattie paused a moment before continuing. “Then she named you and asked your grandfather if he would help raise you, protect you, and help make you into the man she promised you would be. She then sang you to sleep, and at some point during the night, she slipped away peacefully.”

"She died peacefully?" Ivan’s voice wavered as he thought of his mother not suffering to the very end.

Mattie nodded. “Yes. She just fell asleep and didn’t wake up.”

Ivan held his head in one hand, his eyes felt like they were beginning to sting with tears. “I haven’t been told this before… Are you sure that it is true?” He liked this ending much more, having pictured her ill and fading away painfully for so many years. To finally hear the truth; it was very relieving.

“I don’t think your grandfather would have wanted to remember that day long enough to tell you about it. He did lose his daughter after all… and the only other person there was Natalya’s grandmother. Since you didn’t talk with the villagers much before, I don’t think there would have been a chance for her to tell you about this.” She says softly. “But… I feel like she was telling me the truth.”

"I pray she was. I did not wish for my mother to suffer after all the pain I had caused her."

“Despite any pain you caused her, do not forget you gave her happiness as well.”

"How could I?"

“Well… just by being there, healthy and alive I suppose.” She says slowly.

"I don’t understand." Ivan’s eyes became locked with Mattie’s. "How? I had only just met her; it wasn’t like we were friends. We were barely mother and son."

“No, you already were mother and son by that point.” She says with certainty, a small smile on her face. “Do you mind if I use myself as an example? I think it will be easier for me to explain it that way.”

"Go ahead."

"Okay." Mattie paused a moment in thought before beginning. "Being pregnant means I have a child growing inside me for a long time. The child is always there keeping me company even when I am alone, and now that she is moving I am happy that she lets me know she’s there." Mattie rested a hand on her stomach gently. "Even if she doesn’t know me yet, in a way, I already know her, and I grow more attached to her, and think fonder of her each day. I care for her and I already think of her as my daughter because she is, and I love her very much. I can hardly wait to meet her, to hold her, and the feeling only grows the more time passes."

Ivan swallowed thickly. “I don’t know if my mother ever felt that way. But… I won’t blame her if she didn’t, I was a living reminder of what happened to her.”

She reached out and took his hand in hers, squeezing it gently. “I know she did.” The words earned a soft smile from Ivan and Mattie smiled back just as softly. “She loved you Ivan, I’m certain of it. She wouldn’t have refused to let go of you, and she wouldn’t have asked your grandfather to help take care of you if she didn’t care.”

"I knew she cared in some way." Ivan said sadly. "That’s why it hurts so much to have taken her life from her."

“It wasn’t your fault Ivan.” She says gently.

"… I was still the one who wounded her." He rested his head on her shoulder.

“You didn’t do it on purpose. It’s not your fault Ivan.” She rubbed his back gently. “You’re not a monster, or a murderer, or a giant.” She paused a moment before continuing. “Your father was the monster, the murderer, and the giant. It was _his_ fault, not yours.”

"Do you really believe that?"

“Yes.” She replies without hesitation. “I really do believe that.”

"Then, maybe… I can learn to forgive myself in time." Ivan whispers as he nuzzles her neck.

“I hope so.” She whispers back with a smile, holding him close. She was silent for a few moments before speaking again. “Can we go back and cuddle on the bed instead of the bench? It’s more comfortable.”

Ivan gave a small chuckle and swooped her up into his arms; Mattie giving a squeak of surprise in response before giggling as he carried her back.

  
☙~❧  
  


Two weeks later, Ivan was willing to give this baby thing a go. He felt nervous about the whole thing and he still hadn’t told Mattie that he was ready to partake. As of the moment, he was staring at her belly as she sewed, it would have been the first time he had been caught staring in the months past. She was starting to be more visible, but they could pass it off as her gaining weight for now.

Mattie was happily sewing what appeared to be a dress; it was too big to be for her dolls and too small to be for her or any of the girls though. It was simple and she was using plain cloth to practice with so she didn’t waste any of their nice cloth. She’d noticed Ivan’s stare a few moments ago and had simply thought he was watching her work before glancing up again and noticing that he was staring at her belly and not her sewing. She lowered her needle and tilted her head at him. “Yes Ivan?”

Flinching, he looked away. “Ah, it’s nothing, you, um, look like you’re getting bigger.”

Mattie smiled a little and went back to sewing. “That’s because I am. She’s still growing, so I’m still getting bigger.”

He nodded and grew silent for a moment. “Mattie…?”

“Yes Ivan?” She asks, continuing to sew.

"I think I’m ready." He paused a second before clarifying. "To _partake_.”

Mattie blinked in surprise and looked up from her work. “Really?” She asks, smiling a little and beginning to set the sewing materials off to the side.

"Yes." Ivan said slowly, glancing over to her.

Mattie nodded, moving the rest of her sewing things off of her lap and out of her way while Ivan just sat there, watching her and glancing down at her belly a few times. He waited, as if expecting some sort of instructions, but she didn’t look like she was going to say anything at all. It had Ivan feeling uncomfortable.

"So I just… touch it?" He asks, referring to her belly.

“Yes.” She replied simply. Again Ivan felt like she couldn’t clue in and left him feeling like a fool, but he lifted one hand and brought it to hover over her belly. He sort of froze there, his fingers lightly curling and uncurling as he thought about what he was to do. Poking, even lightly, seemed like it would be insulting, so that was a no. Just a brief touch and retreating back would also be insulting… so another no. While petting sounded like the best approach and one he had witnessed Mattie do often, Ivan wasn’t fully confident that he could just dive in. It looked as though he had no other choice than to start simply. The motion was very gentle and slow as his fingers spread over her belly. Ivan was surprised by the firmness; he was expecting it to be soft. Chipping away at his unease, he ran his hand all over the bloated area and smiled a little. “It feels different… but a good kind of different I think.”

“Yeah.” Mattie grinned with glee and let him feel all over her belly.

Ivan then leaned in closer, looking up at her to make sure it was okay. “May I?”

“Hm?” She tilted her head and gave him a questioning look.

"I want to listen." He mumbled, a little embarrassed for wanting to try.

Mattie blinked in surprise before smiling softly. “That’s okay. Do you mind if we move to the bed first? It’s more comfortable for me than the bench.”

Ivan reared back. “Sorry, I should have asked if you wanted to lay down.”

“It’s fine.” She says, kissing him on the cheek and standing up, both then making their way to the bedroom.

“I think my dress will get in the way of you hearing anything though.” She comments. “Like how it’s harder to hear if you’re under a pile of blankets.”

"Do you need help?"

“No thank you. I’ve got it.” She slowly pulled the dress up over her head and tossed it on the dresser and then sat on the bed. Without the dress on, it was more obvious she was pregnant. Her belly had gotten bigger and her flat chest wasn’t flat anymore, as she’d developed breasts over the last few months. Though, not that Ivan had taken notice as he hadn’t seen her naked for a long while.

"Are you comfortable like this?"

“Not wearing the dress?” She asks as she rearranges the pillows and a few blankets to make something comfy for her to lean against. Once she was satisfied with it, she laid a blanket over her legs and hips, as they were a little cold, and then leaned back up against the prop.

"Being pregnant. Gaining so much weight must be uncomfortable." Ivan supplied as he sat on the bed with her.

“Oh. Well, sometimes I’m comfortable and sometimes I’m not. Aside from weight gain, pregnancy seems to come with many different aches and other things that make it hard to get comfortable at times.”

"You should tell me more often. I’ll change what I can to make you more comfortable." Ivan frowned and leaned over her to place a peck on her lips.

Mattie smiled a little and returned the peck. With Ivan slowly opening up to the baby, she found that Ivan was more willing to change. Simple things that just helped her feel more at ease and more confident to trust Ivan to be there for them both. “Okay. Thank you.”

"Don’t keep things from me anymore, alright?"

“Alright.” She nodded.

"May I continue now?"

“Of course.”

Ivan sat up and carefully placed his hand on her belly, softly rubbing circles on the smooth skin. After doing this for a moment, Ivan leaned over and tenderly laid his ear to Mattie’s stomach.

Mattie watched him with a fond smile, though Ivan lost his to a frown after a few moments. “I don’t hear anything but your blood moving.” He was honestly a bit disappointed, though didn’t know what he was expecting.

She reached down and ran a hand through his hair affectionately. “Too bad. Well, if you stay in one spot long enough, she might greet you instead.”

"Greet me? You mean move?"

“Mhmm.” Mattie giggled with a tiny nod. She was eager to see Ivan’s reaction to feeling the baby –their daughter- move for the very first time in his life.

Ivan lifted his head, but left his hand on her belly. He wondered what it would feel like. _Like a fish in a barrel? She would have a tail after all… right?_ Suddenly, for the first time Ivan found himself wondering if the baby would look like Mattie or like himself.

There was nothing to be felt for the next five minutes, but Mattie insisted he be patient, and not too long after that, the baby hit just underneath where Ivan’s hand rested. Ivan’s eyes snapped to his hand, he had felt the movement, his eyes wide and watching like a cat as if he’d see it happen again.

Mattie grinned softly in amusement at Ivan’s expression and a few minutes later, there was another hit in about the same spot as the first one. Ivan felt an odd reaction to these soft kicks, not one that he could explain it, but it was something close to butterflies swarming his chest and a pinching feeling in his cheeks as a smile cracked its way through. Perhaps it was just simply pure excitement and wonder.

He did not move for a moment and then all at once, Ivan hugged her belly and nuzzled his cheek against it. “Hello little girl, I feel you in there.” The man was practically giggling to himself, fascinated by the tiny life moving within. Whether or not that this would be a short lived joy or not, Ivan couldn’t find himself to be troubled with what was to come.

Mattie was beaming at Ivan’s response and was practically radiating happiness; she was thrilled Ivan was starting to see the wonderful side of this. The baby then kicked about where Ivan was nuzzling; it was a bit harder than the others before and Mattie couldn’t help but laugh a little even if it did hurt a bit. “I think she’s excited to meet you Ivan.”

"You think so?" Ivan laughed some more. "It feels weird, but wonderful too."

“I know so.” She says reaching out and ruffling Ivan’s hair fondly. “It does feel wonderful, though sometimes it hurts when she’s being very active.”

"Is she pushing too hard?"

“Sometimes, but I can usually get her to settle down with gentle rubbing.” She says, doing just that as the little one hit a bit too hard.

"Oh." Ivan rubbed Mattie’s belly after the big kick. "Like that?"

“Yes, like that.” She smiled and nodded as the little one started calming down and not hitting, though she could still feel it wiggle and squirm about. “I like talking to her and humming and singing to her too.”

"I like your singing."

“Thank you.” She says with a soft smile before pausing and tilting her head a little. “I don’t think I’ve gotten to hear you sing yet.”

He frowned. “I can’t sing. That’s why you haven’t heard me.”

“Ah, well I guess that leaves the singing up to me then.” She says with a soft laugh. “No matter, you can still talk to her if you’d like to.”

The frown disappeared quickly with the prospect of still being able to do something. But… “I don’t know what to say.”

“That’s okay. You don’t have to right now…. I usually talk about anything and everything. I just want her to know that this voice belongs to her mother.”

"She will be able to know the difference now?"

“I don’t know.” She shrugs a little. “She may not even be able to hear us yet. But if she can, I just want our voices to be familiar to her.”

Ivan nods. “That would be good for her, then she would know who we are.”

“Exactly.” Mattie nods, then nuzzling him softly.

  
☙~❧  
  


After lunch, she moved her sewing things to the bedroom so she could sew and be comfortable.

Ivan tried not to seem too clingy, but he honestly liked this new experience of feeling Mattie’s belly and the baby move. His heart felt like it was swelling every time. He was just too excited to be scared right now.

Mattie didn’t seem to mind however; in fact, she rather welcomed it right now. She was just thrilled that Ivan was excited about this. She let him cling and feel her belly as she worked on sewing the dress, humming happily as she did so.

"Do you speak to her in your language or mine?" Ivan asked after a while.

“Yours.” Mattie replies, not looking up from the sleeve she was in the process of sewing, wanting to make sure it wouldn’t end up uneven. “Why?”

Ivan buried his irritation before it could surface. “Shouldn’t she know yours?”

“Should she? We usually use this one.”

Ivan frowned and spoke in an off key whistle. {I know this one, I’m not as good, but I can get better. What about your mother and father?}

“I’ll teach her mine after she’s born then.” She smiled softly in amusement. “Body language is a large part of my language and that can’t be taught until after she’s born anyway.”

"I just think it be better for her." He said softly.

“To learn mine?” She tilted her head a little and gave a curious expression though didn’t look up from the sleeve. “Why? It’s not very useful up here on land since we’re the only ones that know it.”

"That is true, but what if she’s more like you? You can’t talk like this in the water."

“Yes, but we live up here on land. If she is like me, she’ll have legs when she’s out of the water. I don’t think she’d have a chance to use my language very often. I’m only ever in the water for hunting, swimming, and baths anyway.”

"…" Ivan gently rubbed her belly, not wanting to press this further and have it end in a fight.

“Why are you so concerned that she knows my language?” She asks curiously after a few minutes of silence had passed.

"I just want her to be prepared, but this all might just be me being me."

“Prepared for what? It’s not like she’ll be hunting or swimming about in the open ocean right after she’s born.”

Ivan tilted his head. “… You couldn’t swim after you were born?” He thought that all things born in the water could swim after birth, but he could be wrong. Did their parents carry them on their backs then, until they learned? _Then what about fish? There wouldn’t be any if it were like that._

“Of course I could.” She says, looking a bit surprised at the question. “I didn’t say she wouldn’t be swimming; I said she wouldn’t be swimming in the ocean. It will be winter then and the ocean will be too cold to swim in.”

"I wish it wasn’t going to be in the winter… but the further it is away, the better." He mumbled the last bit.

“I’m actually glad it’s in the winter.” She admits after a moment or two. “No one wants to be outside long in the winter, so the townspeople will leave us alone for a few months.”

Ivan nodded in agreement. “Yes, that is one good part.”

“What do you think we should do after winter? I don’t think the town will want us around…”

"Huh?" Ivan looked at her now, confused by what she said. "What do you mean?"

“Before I left Pavel’s I asked how he thought the town would react if I were pregnant and ended up dying, and how they’d react if I were pregnant and ended up living.” She explains with a sigh, continuing to sew.

"And he told you the town would hate you?" He wanted to clarify, but didn’t doubt the town would throw a fit.

“He said if I died then your head and likely the child’s head would both be on his fireplace like your father’s is.” She growls quietly, her hands stilling as she just glared at the sewing materials in her hands. She didn’t want to mess up the sleeve by sewing while she was irritated. “And if I lived, his response was ‘I believe no one wants another giant around’.”

"Don’t stress yourself, okay?" Ivan placed a kiss on her forehead. "I will take care of all that."

“I can’t help but stress about it sometimes.” She gave a heavy sigh before continuing her sewing. “I don’t want them to hurt us or hate us any more than they already do. We’re not even doing anything to them, why can’t the ones that don’t like us just leave us alone?”

"Because they fear us."

“Well they’re stupid.” She grumbles, frowning at her sewing. “There’s no reason to fear us. We’re not mean, we’re just tall.”

He shrugs. “I fear fire; I can watch it or use it, but I don’t want it too close or too big. I don’t want to be afraid, but I can’t control it.”

“They’re still stupid.” She huffs, going quiet as she continued her sewing. A few minutes later, her frown melted away as she gave a heavy sigh. “Anyway, what do you think we should do after winter?”

_The way she is asking…_ “Do you want to leave?”

“No, not really.” She says softly. “But if they’re going to hate us, I’d prefer we leave and be able to live peacefully instead of remain here and have them try to hurt or kill us.”

"Oh, _we_. I thought that you had changed your mind.” He gave a sigh of relief.

“Yes _we,_ silly.” She says with a soft amused smile. “I don’t ever want to leave you.”

"Well, we could see if we could travel to where your family has gone. I’d rather go somewhere you’ve been to before. I’ve never left this island."

“That sounds like a good idea.” She says with a nod. “But we’ll need a better boat; I don’t think ours will fare very well in a storm.

"No it won’t, it is an old thing. I’m lucky it still floats. But to get a boat like that will take years and I’m not talking only money."

“Well, if we’re going to leave and not come back we could just take one of the really nice boats.” She suggests after a moment of thought.

"You mean _steal_?” Ivan blinked in surprise before grinning. “When did you become a little devilfish?”

She grinned a little but didn’t look up from her sewing. “Well, if they’re going to try to kill us then they don’t deserve to have such a nice boat.”

He laughed. “A fair point.”

She finished sewing the sleeve before holding up the nearly finished dress. “What do you think so far?”

"It looks nice, but what is it for— Oh, it’s for her isn’t it?" Ivan gently patted her belly with a fond smile.

“Yes, but this one is just for practice. I want to make a really nice one for her once I’ve gotten better at making them.”

"That is a great idea, I should make her something as well."

“A toy perhaps? Or something easy to take with us when we leave.” She suggest with a soft smile. “I want to make her a blanket too. She’ll need it since it will be winter.”

"I’ll try." He chuckled at the thought, what could he make her? Girls liked dolls didn’t they? A wooden doll didn’t sound nice at all, but he had time to think of something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you ever find something out of place or miss spelled, please let us know. We'd be happy to fix it right away :3
> 
> -RQ


	23. Chapter 23

In just a short month she had gotten _much_ bigger. It was now obvious to anyone who looked at her that she was pregnant and not just gaining weight. Mattie didn’t want to stay home though, even if it would be safer. She still wanted to go out, sell her dolls, play with the girls, and do other things in town.   
  
Natalya and her friends were ecstatic over the baby nonetheless. They loved touching her belly and feeling the baby kick. Soon every kid was talking about it and most of them looked forward to possibly having a new playmate. This was baffling to Ivan, why hadn't there been more kids that had wanted to play with him when he was little? Maybe Mattie was just that special, and honestly, Ivan was good with that.   
  
If the adults didn't appear to be saying anything about it, it was because they were talking about it behind their backs. Ivan always had his arm around her when they were in the market and he tried to have her in a safe spot at all times. Mattie, however, didn’t care if people were talking about it or not, and she thought Ivan being so overprotective of her was sweet.  
  
On the days that Mattie did agree to stay at home, Ivan made sure to get lots done in the time he had. He began with some work on his old room by bringing home planks of wood each day and not letting Mattie into the room at all. Sometimes he was on the roof, fixing parts or tearing off others. He had also brought home big rocks on many occasions. All the while Mattie remained curious about what he was making in his room; she asked from time to time, but since he wouldn’t tell her, she let him keep it a secret for now.

 

☙~❧

 

One day, Mattie had heard a noise that was a little different than the usual hammering in the other room; like something large had fallen over. Knowing full well that Ivan would not let her in, she left the house and walked alongside the outer walls to try and sneak a peek in through the small window. To say that she was surprised to find Ivan half way out of a hole in the wall would be an understatement.  
  
"Oh, hello Mattie." Ivan waved, but couldn’t stop giggling from the look on her face.  
  
She stared at him for several long moments before finally speaking. “...Why is there a hole in the side of our house?”  
  
"It's a surprise." He grinned mischievously.  
  
"A surprise that needs a hole in the side of the house?" She questions, arching an eyebrow.  
  
"Oh yes, very necessary for what I have planned."  
  
“.... Okay then."  
  
Ivan waved his fingers rhythmically before wiggling his body back through the hole into the house, leaving Mattie to stare at the opening for a long moment before walking back inside to resuming her sewing.  
  
As Ivan's work continued, the hole got a bit bigger and he smoothed it out as much as he could. There was hammering going on throughout the morning as he set in the planks of wood; then sneaking out once when Mattie had laid down for a nap so he could pick up some more supplies.  
  
Mattie hadn’t been sleeping particularly well as of late due to the baby’s fondness of being more active late at night. It worried Ivan at first, but she made up her rest during the early and later hours of the day. He was sure that the baby would eventually settle in with her mother's sleeping routine.  
  
Upon his return, Ivan set some sweet bread out on the table for her to find as he went back to work.

 

☙~❧

 

When Ivan came out for supper that night, he had dark gray stains all over his hands and clothes.Mattie looked up from her cooking and tilted her head a bit when she saw them. “Whatever the surprise is must be messy, hm?” She teases with a smile, looking over his dirty attire; it was almost sticky looking.  
  
He just softly laughed with a nod and went to clean up. She giggled and went back to cooking, serving it up and setting the table when it was done. Ivan then ate happily and asked how her own little projects were going.  
  
“Good.” She smiled happily. “The dress is coming along slowly and the girls are helping me make the blanket. Natalya’s mother called it a quilt the other day because the girls are making patches to be sewn on when it’s done.”  
  
"Ah, quilts are very warm, a good choice for her."  
  
“Mhmm.” Mattie nodded with a smile. “I figured she’ll need something extra warm since she’s being born in winter. Plus, the girls are having fun making patches.”  
  
"Yes, well I am also going to make sure the house is extra warm this winter. I've already started to stock up on the logs."  
  
“Excellent! I’ll likely be spending part of winter in the tub though.”  
  
"Better for her right?" Ivan smiled.  
  
“Yes, and for myself. My mother said she thought it’d be best if I were in that form when the baby arrives.”  
  
Ivan nodded quickly in agreement, though he had a bit of an embarrassed look on his face. "She... uh, was conceived in that form."  
  
“Well, yes.” She says with a nod. “But also because I’ve seen several pod members give birth before, so I know much more about that than I do about how people give birth.”  
  
"I would feel more comfortable about it if you did things your way." He added softly as he looked at his food.  
  
Mattie gave a look of understanding as she took a bite of her food. “If you’d like, I can explain just the basics of it so you’ll have a better idea of what to expect when the time comes.”  
  
"I would like that. The more I know how to help you, the better chance I have of keeping you both."  
  
“Well there’s not much helping involved really.” She says with a bit of an apologetic smile. “The mother does all of the work. In the ocean, the most helpful thing is keeping sharks away, but that’s not really necessary on land.” She smiled softly. “The best way you can help is really just by being there to soothe me and keep me calm.”  
  
Ivan pursed his lips at this. "Doesn't sound like I can do much..."  
  
“Perhaps it doesn’t seem like much, but soothing and keeping me calm will be a really big help.” She reached across the table and placed her hand over his, giving it a gentle squeeze. “It’ll make it much easier for me to give birth if I’m calm.”  
  
Ivan covered her hand with his other one. "Then I will do my best for the little I can do."  
  
“Thank you.” Mattie smiled softly, staying like that for a moment before pulling her hand back and continuing to eat dinner. “It will take some time for the baby to be born, a few hours I think.”  
  
"Hours?"   
  
She nodded. “Yes and if she has a tail like I do, then she’ll likely come out tail first.”  
  
Ivan was silent as a familiar thought crossed his mind. It was a hopeful one, but he wasn't sure if Mattie would be bothered by it. He felt it was a little insensitive, but one that he should be the one upset, not Mattie. The man did not speak until his food was finished. "Do not think bad of me for saying this, but... I hope she has a tail."  
  
She was finished with her food by that point as well and she smiled. “I hope so as well.”  
  
Ivan cleaned both of their dishes since Mattie had done the cooking. She waited until he was done before she continued with her talk of the birth. “There’s one other thing about the birth I’d like to mention, because I’m sure it will scare you more if you’re not aware of it.”  
  
"And that is?" He gave her a wary look.  
  
“Well, there will be some blood.”  
  
"Some? That doesn't sound so bad..." He says, trying to hold a strong front, it was something normal and that was why she was telling him. _No need to panic.  
  
_ “Yes some, but it usually seems like there’s a lot more than there is because it spreads out in water.”  
  
"Okay." He breathed. "I will do my best not to overreact then."  
  
“Thank you.” She gave an apologetic smile. “Though I’m worried you’ll overreact anyway. The tub isn’t as big as the ocean and it’s likely to turn all the water red as it spreads out.”  
  
"About that..."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I ordered you a bigger tub, long enough for you to lay straight in anyway. I thought it would be more comfortable than curling up in the one we have now."  
  
“Oh!” She gave a big smile. “Wonderful, thank you.” She got up and came over to give him a peck on the lips.  
  
Ivan smiled and returned the peck. "You're welcome, it should be ready by next Sunday."  
  
“Excellent.” She nuzzled him. “Though, even if it is bigger, the birth may still turn the water red.” She added softly after a moment.  
  
"Yes, yes, I know." Ivan pulled her into a hug. "I just want you to be comfortable."  
  
“I know. I just wanted you to know that it’s supposed to happen so you won’t get as scared when it does.”  
  
"I will still be scared, but I am grateful that you told me."

 

☙~❧

 

A month had passed and their home was mostly ready for their little girl's arrival. Now, they were out at the market, stocking up on anything else they may need for both the winter and their long trip in the spring. However, much to Mattie's discomfort, the town doctor was also in the market this afternoon.  
  
Mattie had previously been happily helping with their shopping until she’d gotten a glimpse of the doctor. She frowned a little and moved to Ivan as she looked away, hoping that if she couldn’t see him, then perhaps the doctor wouldn’t notice her. As Ivan took notice of Mattie coming closer to him, the doctor took notice of them and came walking over. "You haven't come in to have a checkup." He said gruffly.  
  
Ivan scowled and moved in front of Mattie. "She doesn't need to be, Mattie and the baby are healthy."  
  
"And what would you know?" The doctor huffed.  
  
“I don’t want to come in for a checkup.” Mattie protests, clinging to Ivan gently and peeking out from behind him. “The baby and I are doing fine.”  
  
"I would think a checkup would be a wise idea, seeing as you are close to giving birth in the next three months or so." It was a rough estimate from how big she looked, not that he had any idea that for Mattie it takes about a year before a baby is born. "Perhaps even a discussion on _how_ you are to give birth relatively safely?"  
  
“No. Go away.” She frowns unhappily at his suggestion.  
  
The man gave her a scowl and took a step forward. "Be reasonable. Your hips are far too small, and Ivan's own birth is reason enough for you to be cautious."  
  
“No.” She gripped Ivan tighter. “Leave me alone. I don’t like you.”  
  
Ivan didn't even give the man a chance to bring his thoughts to words. "Enough!" His voice bellowed over the noise of the market, stilling most into silence. "Mattie has clearly made _her_ point. She wants nothing to do with _you_ , doctor. And if you ever lay so much as a hand on her, I'll break that hand. Is that understood?"  
  
The doctor grew uneasy from Ivan's anger and with everyone that was watching. "You are overreacting, Ivan. You of all people should agree with me that she is _not_ in a safe position. This child will most likely have the same outcome as your own mother without proper measures."  
  
Ivan growled and stomped closer to the man. "Choose your next words _carefully_ doctor, for they may yet be your last." The shorter man swallowed nervously and took a slow step back. "You sound like you are implying that what happened to my mother was avoidable? That you _had_ the capability to save her, but you didn't?"  
  
“Ivan stop. Everyone’s looking at us now.” Mattie spoke softly and stepped closer to him, clinging to his arm tightly. She already felt uneasy enough with the doctor there and the unease only grew the longer that people stared. “If he really wants to, I’ll talk and listen but not here and no touching.” She mumbles unhappily.  
  
"... See that wasn't—"  
  
"Shut it!" Ivan barked. "We're done here. Leave. Now."  
  
“Ivan stop shouting.” Mattie’s voice was soft, but almost a whine. “I don’t care if we talk with him, let’s just go. I don’t like everyone staring at us...”  
  
Despite her words, the doctor left without another word and Ivan didn't stop glaring until he was out of sight. He then turned to Mattie with a soft look. "I'm sorry, but I had to." He said gently as he nuzzled her.  
  
“Let’s just go home...” She whispers. “I don’t like everyone staring at us.”  
  
“Alright.” Ivan placed a soft kiss on her head and took her home.

 

☙~❧

 

Mattie didn’t relax until after they were home and then she just wanted to cuddle with Ivan on the bed, her back pressed to his chest because it made her feel more secure that way. Ivan was content with this and placed soft kisses in her hair and down her neck to her shoulders as one hand gently rubbed her belly.  
  
Mattie took time slowly relaxing in his embrace for several minutes before she spoke suddenly, sounding quite annoyed. “I just realized we’ll still need to go to him to stock up on things for when we leave.”  
  
Ivan just laughed and nuzzled her neck. "Another day, hm?"  
  
She nodded and went quiet for a few more moments. “When we do go, I don’t care if he just wants to talk. I just don’t want to talk to him alone and I don’t want him to touch me or get too close to me.”  
  
"You do care, Mattie. Don't be forced by his words. You don't have to do anything he says, that doctor knows nothing about mermaids. And he's only going to tell us what we already know; he can go tie himself to a mast."  
  
She smiled a little at that before sighing. “Yes, but we’ll have to talk to him anyway to get supplies for when we leave. I just hate talking with him alone and I really don’t want him to figure out what I am.”  
  
"Then _I_ will go for supplies." Ivan said protectively.  
  
“No, I’m starting to really not like when I’m left home by myself.” She protests, snuggling closer to him. “Plus, I don’t think you’ll get that tea stuff if you go because you hate the taste of it.”  
  
"I will if you want me to and I will only be gone for that time. You can stay at Natalya's for then."  
  
“Okay...” She says softly. “Make sure you ask for- for stuff for pain too... I don’t know how much it will hurt but Natalya’s grandmother made it sound scary...”  
  
"If you want it, I will get it." Ivan nuzzled his cheek into hers. "Whatever you like."  
  
“Okay.” She say with a little nod, then returning the nuzzle.

 

☙~❧

 

Day by day, the weather slowly changed from summer to fall. As the weather started cooling off, Matthew spent much of that time over at Natalya’s; working with the girls to finish the dress and the quilt before winter came. By the end of fall, both were complete and the girls had even gifted Mattie with other little articles of clothing that they’d secretly been making for the baby to surprise her with. There was a little hat, some booties, and a little pair of pants in case it was a boy. Natalya’s mother had even gifted her with diapers and shown her how to use them properly.  
  
Mattie thanked them all; she appreciated the gifts and the tips very much. At the end of the visit she told the girls she’d be staying home all winter, and then gave them hugs and told them goodbye.  
  
Just before she left, Mattie talked to Natalya’s mother in another room and quietly explained that depending on how the town reacted, it was very likely that she and Ivan would be moving away in spring, but that she’d like her to keep it a secret from the girls until spring.

 

☙~❧

 

The work in his room only continued; planks of wood and wheelbarrows of dark grey clay came in each passing day. Even the hole was fixed, which thrilled Mattie to no end. It was covered over by a mound of rocks and a small iron door the size of a watermelon. Ivan worked hard to make sure that most of that room’s supplies were ready before the snow came; knowing it would be best to focus on stocking food and fishing now and work on the room after the snow.  
  
While Mattie was grateful that Ivan was getting everything ready for winter, she felt a little guilty that he was doing all of the hard work and tried helped out as much as she could by cooking and cleaning. She had grown much bigger and heavier by the time winter had arrived though, and it was starting hurt her a lot to have so much weight resting on her hips all of the time. She stayed off her feet as much as possible, usually either laying on her side in bed to keep the weight off her hips, or relaxing in either tub. She preferred staying in the water most of the time though because her body was mostly unchanged in that form. So instead of a huge stomach, it was just a little bump and she was grateful for it. It might have something to do with the restrictions of her hips not letting the baby stretch out, but she didn’t know for sure.  
  
The longer tub was currently in the main room, but would be moved to the bedroom when Mattie was ready for it to be moved. It may not be very wide but it was long enough to stretch out in and have a bit of extra space. It was as deep as a door was wide and Ivan had requested for hooks on each end. The reason for this was so he could tie down a hammock so Mattie could relax more as she laid in it. This also made him worry less that she would burn herself on the hot rocks that he would take out of the fire and place in the bottom of the tub. The hot rocks helped keep the water warmer longer and he hoped that when the time came, she wouldn’t need to get out of the water and that it would stay at least lukewarm until he could either heat up more rocks or until the next morning when he could get her some more hot water.

 

☙~❧

 

"Supper?" Ivan asked after Mattie was comfortable in the water hammock.  
  
“Yes, please. Shellfish would be nice.”  
  
Ivan smiled. "You're lucky I still have some. Raw or cooked?"  
  
“I know.” She smiled back, tilting her head in thought before answering. “Cooked please.”  
  
"Any vegetables with that? Or bread?"  
  
“Hmm, vegetables.”  
  
"Alright, how does a hot soup sound?"  
  
“That sounds nice.” She gave a pleased smile.  
  
Ivan stood and began to prepare for the meal. "How is she today? Not too much trouble I hope?"  
  
“She’s been good today.” Mattie rested a hand on her bump gently. “Not too fussy, but she lets me know she’s there every now and again.”  
  
"That is good to hear." The conversation then fell to simple chatting. By the time they were done, the soup was finished, and Ivan ate on the floor next to her.  
  
Mattie insisted he sit in a chair or on the bench and ate her soup happily. When she was done with her food, she handed him her bowl and waited until he was done cleaning them before speaking. “Ivan?”  
  
"Yes Mattie?"  
  
“What do you think we should name her?”  
  
Ivan paused and looked up slightly. "I honestly hadn't thought about it..."  
  
“We should probably start thinking about it now, since we’re not sure when she’ll be coming exactly.”  
  
"I won't be very good at this, I don't know very many girl names."  
  
“I don’t know very many either.”  
  
"What about one from your own language? It doesn't have to be mine and it would be easier for her to interact with your family that way."  
  
“As I told you before Ivan, I already have one in mind for my language, but I wanted her to have one in this language too.”  
  
"What's yours? Maybe it sounds close to a name in mine."  
  
She gave three whistles; a short high-pitched one, a longer and even higher-pitched one that was almost a squeak, and then another short one that sounded much like the first.  
  
Ivan repeated the whistles a few times. "That sounds nice."  
  
“It does.” Mattie smiled, pleased that he liked it. “I... do have one in mind for your language, but I don’t know if you’ll approve of it or not.”  
  
"What name?"  
  
“Well, I was thinking of... Helina.” She says slowly, her voice soft as she lowered her gaze to stare at the hand resting on her tummy. “I just think it’s a beautiful name and I really like how it sounds.”  
  
"... If you really like it, then you can use it." Ivan’s voice was just as soft.  
  
“Are you sure...?” She asks, glancing up. “I don’t want to use it if it makes you uncomfortable and I want you to be able to use it too.” She fidgeted a little, worrying her bottom lip with her teeth.  
  
"Yes. In a way, to me, it will be like her having another chance at living." He whispered.  
  
“Okay.” She whispers back, nodding and holding her arms out to him for a hug.  
  
Ivan smiles and moves in for the hug, placing a kiss on her lips as he does. "Keep the name Mattie, it would make me happy."  
  
“I will.” She nodded and smiled softly, then adds. “I think I’d like to get out now and get some sleep.”  
  
"Alright, I'll go get you your towel and a clean dress."  
  
“Thanks.” Once she was out of the tub and in a clean dress, she stood up slowly.  
  
Ivan helped her up and into the bedroom. "I'm just going to quickly take care of the fire and then I'll join you."

 

☙~❧

 

A month and a half passed and Mattie had gotten a little bigger and much fussier. She found it hard to be comfortable out of the tub but she didn’t want to stay in the tub all of the time; she wanted to get up and do things around the house like cook, even though it pained her to do so.  
  
She’d also recently been quite startled and unhappy to feel the sporadic tensing and pressure that Natalya’s mother had told her would happen days or weeks before the baby was supposed to come. They weren’t supposed to hurt, but she’d been reminded that everyone was different, and much to her displeasure, Mattie found that they did indeed hurt when they happened out of the water but thankfully, she didn’t notice them as much when she was in the water.  
  
Ivan found himself growing tenser as the days went by and it didn't help at all when these pains started to affect her. He kept asking her to relax in the tub if it brought her more ease; he didn't care if he was doing all the work.  
  
The pains, though they were infrequent and weren’t very often, made her anxious and she only got more anxious as each day passed.  
  
She was currently lying in bed on her side under the covers, rubbing her belly soothingly while Ivan cleaned up after lunch. Not long later, Ivan came into the bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed. "Mattie... I think you should stay in water... at least until the baby comes."  
  
“Later. I don’t want to move right now.” She mumbles unhappily. “Come lay down with me.”  
  
"I'll lay with you in the tub."  
  
“I don’t want to move.” She repeats, a bit of a whine in her voice. “She’s just calmed down and I don’t want her fussing again because I moved.” The little girl’s hits had gotten quite powerful as the months had passed and tended to just be painful nowadays, so Mattie was thrilled whenever she calmed down and gave her a break.  
  
"Alright, but after then?" Ivan curled up against her back with one hand on her hip.  
  
“Okay...” She says quietly, frowning a little at the hand. “Be gentle, my hips hurt a lot.”  
  
"Would you like a massage?"  
  
“Please.”  
  
Ivan stayed where he was for the moment and softly began to rub his hand over her hip. A few minutes later, she gave a soft, relaxed sigh and a little smile, closing her eyes and enjoying the massage. “Thank you.”  
  
"You’re welcome love." He placed a kiss on her temple and pressed a little firmer.  
  
She smiled a bit more and was soon napping peacefully beside him. It was hard for her to get any rest out of the water these days so this had become somewhat of a rare occurrence. When she woke up, it was nearly time for supper.  
  
Ivan was there when she awoke, smiling and placing a kiss on her forehead while he was massaging her hips, sides, and back. "Did you sleep well?"  
  
She smiled at the kiss and nuzzled him softly. “Mhmm.”  
  
"Good, now how does a hot bath sound? I have the tub in the main room nice and ready if you want it."  
  
She nodded a little. “That sounds nice. Can you make food after I’m in the tub?”  
  
"Already on the stove." He chuckled, happy to have slipped away and gotten everything ready while she slept peacefully. "Want me to carry you?"  
  
“Excellent.” Mattie smiled more. “Please.”  
  
"Arms up." He said, and once the dress was off, Ivan carefully picked Mattie up, brought her to the main room, and set her down on the hammock in the tub. "Too hot or not hot enough?" He asked.  
  
She had fussed a little as she was carried but relaxed once she had her tail. “Perfect.” Ivan smiled and went to check on supper while Mattie relaxed in the hammock happily. “What’s for supper?”  
  
"A beef stew, I thought something a little heavier for a change would be nice."  
  
“Mm, sounds good.” She says, watching him from where she was. “Later, I think I want the tub moved into the bedroom.”  
  
"Going to sleep in there for the night?"  
  
"Yeah, I agree I should stay in the water now until the baby comes. I just didn't want to move earlier."  
  
Ivan smiled. "Thank you. I feel much more at ease when you're not in pain."  
  
She smiled back. “I feel better when I’m not in pain too.”  
  
After supper, Ivan had a _fun_ time moving the tub into the bedroom. He had taken some of the water out, but it was still very heavy. She apologized, but was much happier sleeping near Ivan.  
  
Ivan informed her it was fine, only that it wasn't moving from this room for a while. So if she wanted to be in the main room, she either was in the other tub or wrapped in a wet blanket near the fire.  
  
Mattie nodded in understanding when she was put back in the tub. “I’ll stay in this one most of the time anyway. It has more room.”

 

☙~❧

 

Over the next week, Mattie was much fussier. She was clearly uncomfortable even in water now and hunched over every so often, she fussed with objects around her that were within her reach too, just moving them around, and she wasn’t as hungry at meal times. She also appeared to be anxious a lot, though she tried not to show it.  
  
All the while Ivan had made many trips out to the ocean for water. It was a five-minute walk each way in knee-deep snow, but Ivan believed it would be better for the both of them. Even after both tubs were filled, Ivan didn't stop bringing buckets of water in, and since Mattie was stuck in either the bedroom or the bathing room, she couldn't see what he was doing with them.  
  
However, due to Mattie and whatever was going on with her, it was affecting Ivan, and he was growing more fearful of the day to come.  
  
Even if she was irritable and uncomfortable, there were several times she wanted him to join her in the tub and snuggle with her to hopefully relax and calm both of them down.  
  
Now was one such time and Mattie was curled up, resting her head on his chest as she nuzzled him. She kind of wanted to ask something she’d been worrying about lately, but she didn’t want to scare him with what-ifs either. But as he smiled and softly whispered words of love and encouragement to her, Mattie decided to go though with it.“I have a question...” She mumbles softly after ten or fifteen minutes of just snuggling and murmuring loving words back. “I don’t really want to ask because it’s just a what-if and I don’t want to make you more anxious but... not knowing the answer is just making me more anxious too.”  
  
"What is it then?" Ivan leaned back a little.  
  
“I... I still don’t think I’m going to but _if_ I do... die. What will you do? What’s going to happen to you and her if I’m not here?” She didn’t look at him, but her voice was soft and scared. She’d clearly been worrying over this thought for quite some time now but had been putting off.  
  
Ivan stiffened at first, then pulled her closer to wrap his arms around her and rest their foreheads together. "Honestly? It would feel like I'd have died... I've pictured many times in my head what I would do if you died. I know I would scream and cry, I probably wouldn't eat for days or do anything. But I'm sure her cries would bring me back, even if just a little. And I'd take her to Natalya's mother, ask her for help, and probably leave her in their care until the spring. Then I would do everything to find your family, your mother and father, and give her to them so they could care for her... I'd also tell them to never come to this area again."  
  
She hugged him close, her expression sad. “You wouldn’t want to raise her?” She asks softly. “And what would happen to you after you brought her to my parents?”  
  
"I'd— I'd want to Mattie, after I had gotten better after your passing and I could take care of myself again. But it would not be safe for her and I wouldn't be able to care for her either. I know she needs milk and I can't give her that, nor do I think any of the villagers could for long. On top of all that, they would probably want me dead; perhaps even her. I'd have to fight just to keep her from harm. I do not want that kind of life for her. She deserves to be happy and free just like you.”  
  
“Oh.... that makes sense but... what about you? After you brought her to my parents, what would happen to you?”  
  
"I don't know... I might try to leave."  
  
“And then what? If you left, what would you do then?”  
  
Ivan shrugged, he honestly didn't know. He doubted he would survive on the open sea alone.  
  
Mattie was silent and still for a few moments before she suddenly hid her face in the crook of his neck and just hugged him as tightly as she possibly could.  
  
He was a little confused, but hugged her back. "Is everything alright? I didn't upset you did I?"  
  
Mattie didn’t answer him and just held him close. She didn’t like the talk of her dying, even if she’d started it, and she hated the thought of losing her family and not being able to raise her daughter. She was anxious and scared and didn’t want anything bad to happen to her family if she did die. She just hoped that if she was going to die, that she’d be able to hold her little girl in her arms before she did so, but she hoped even more that she wouldn’t die.  
  
"Mattie..." Ivan said softly. "I believe in you. You're going to make it through this and we'll raise our daughter together."  
  
“Okay.” She whispers, giving a nod and just continuing to hold him close. A few minutes later, she’d relaxed her tight hold and just nuzzled him gently. “I love you.”  
  
"And I love you."

 


	24. Chapter 24

Today, Mattie seemed just as anxious as she had been all week, though she was trying not to let it show too much. Currently she was in the hammock, humming softly both to soothe herself, and to keep the little one calm. Ivan was cleaning up after breakfast and while she hadn’t been even the slightest bit hungry, Mattie had eaten a little bit so Ivan wouldn’t worry much.   
  
The rest of the morning carried out in their usual routine, Ivan sat down to carve near the tub, while Mattie sang soft tunes. Snowfall could be seen outside the windows, though neither wind nor any other sounds could be heard from outside; to Ivan, this was a perfect day. So when Mattie stopped singing and became silent, Ivan turned to her. "Need something?"  
  
“Can you remove the hammock? I’m feeling restless.”  
  
"That’s fine, you've been feeling like that for some time now." A kiss was placed on her forehead. “You sure that you're not wanting to be in the bathing room tub, just wanting the hammock gone?”  
  
“I just want it out.” After the hammock was removed and the tub was how she desired, Mattie explained a little more on how she was feeling today. “I’d probably swim to the edge of the bay and back if that were possible right now.” She says with a sigh, sinking under the water for a few moments before resurfacing. “Not nearly as much space as I want, but it’ll do since what I really want is currently frozen.”   
  
"Well there is nothing I can do about that."  
  
She smiles slightly. “I know. We can’t help it since it’s winter. Though, I’d rather not be able to swim because it’s winter than have the child any other time of the year when the villagers can bother us.”  
  
"I can agree with that."  
  
Mattie made him lean down for a kiss and then let him get back to his carving while she moved about in the tub restlessly. Ivan continued as he was before and paid attention for any sign that she wanted something.  
  
The mermaid finally settled on laying upon the warm rocks that lined the bottom of the tub, managing to relax and calm a little as the warmth seeped into her.   
  
Suddenly she felt one of the pains she had been feeling on and off, but worse than any she’d felt before. It started out small and although she tried to shift and get comfortable, it didn’t get better. She surfaced a few moments later when it had finally faded, looking over at him. “Ivan...” Her voice was soft and almost a whine.  
  
"Yes?" He asks calmly, though wore a look of concern. She had been experiencing cramps a lot lately and they could be bad, though usually faded away after an hour.   
  
“Ivan, I...” She was just barely peeking over the lip of the tub, her fingers gripping it tensely. She felt uneasy, that pain had felt different than the others. Not just in pain but in general. She had a feeling she knew exactly what it was, though knowing didn’t put her mind at ease at all. Quite the opposite actually, and it showed when she whispered her next words, her voice shaking just slightly. “I think it’s starting...”  
  
Ivan's eyes widened and his mouth hung open. He knew this day had been coming but he still wasn't prepared for it. He dropped his carving and rushed to the tub's edge. “You're sure?”  
  
Mattie’s eyes darted a way for a moment before she looked back and nodded shakily, then reaching out for him. “I’m scared.” She admits softly, voice trembling.  
  
"I'm scared too, I'm not going to lie." Ivan embraced her, doing what he could to comfort her. "But remember I'm here for you, and you'll soon have that little girl you've always wanted."  
  
Mattie didn’t say anything to that, she just nodded and tucked her face into the crook of his neck, clinging to him for a while.   
  
He held her for a few minutes before reluctantly letting go. “I have to check on some things, I'll be quick. I promise.”   
  
She too had been reluctant to let him go, but she drew back and nodded, watching him leave the room; the pain had returned mere seconds after he’d left her line of vision.  
  
Ivan tried to be quick, going into his room for a few moments and then adding another log to the fire in the main room. When he returned, she was moving about in the water with a pained look on her face. Ivan frowned at this and sat next to the tub. "How are you doing?" He asks when she’d calmed moments later.  
  
“Okay when it’s not hurting.” She says with a frown, moving a little closer to him.  
  
Ivan softly pets Mattie's head. "Let's just hope that this is over soon."  
  
“It’ll be faster in this form at least.” She mumbles, nuzzling his hand.   
  
“How so?”  
  
“Natalya’s mother said it takes people six hours or more sometimes. Mother said it’s about three for my kind.”  
  
"I'm a little happy to hear that... Do you want me here or on the chair?"  
  
Her eyes shifted to the chair for a few moments before they returned to focus on him. “...Move the chair over here.”  
  
With the chair moved, Ivan resumed petting Mattie's head. But she didn't want him to anymore. “Rub my back instead.” She mumbled after a few moments, shifting so it was easier for him to do so.  
  
"Alright, like a massage?"  
  
“Yeah.” She nodded a little and Ivan rubbed her back, starting from her shoulders all the way to her dorsal fin.  
  
She enjoyed it for a good fifteen minutes before the pain came back and she drew away from his touch. A soft whine left her as she tried and failed to find a comfortable position. A minute later, she calmed as the pain faded away, but Ivan wasn't liking this at all and was trying to remain calm.  
  
When her pained expression returned, Ivan had to look away. He couldn’t take it, and he tried to focus on his carving until he was needed.

☙~❧

Ivan only left the room a few times over the next hour; he had to or he was going to lose it. The man was already flinching at any possible noise or action that could be bad.   
  
While out of the room, he would check on the other fire, the temperature of the other tub, and to make sure that there was always hot water for Mattie when she needed it.  
  
A minute or two later after her had most recently left the room, she called out his name softly and he came bolting in, panic clearly over his face. "What is it? Do you need something? Is something wrong?"  
  
Mattie’s eyes widened in a bit of surprise at his reaction before she gave a soft smile. “Nothing’s wrong. And the first thing I need is for you to calm yourself.”  
  
He took a deep, slow breath and then moved to kneel next to the tub.  
  
“Everything’s fine, I called you in for a good thing.” She reached out, stroking his cheek gently. “Don’t panic every time I call your name, okay?”  
  
"I'm sorry." He leaned into the touch. "What is the good thing?"  
  
“It’s alright.” She nuzzled him before pulling back. “Look.” She then flipped herself over to show him.   
  
Ivan's eyes widened in surprise at the little tail that was sticking out of Mattie. He soon found that he was smiling like crazy, a sudden rush of excitement going through him. "Oh, wow..." He breathed out. "She's— She's like you."  
  
Mattie grinned, both relieved that the child was indeed like her, and a little proud she’d gotten this far in what felt like so little time.   
  
Ivan grabbed her cheeks and gave her many swift, soft kisses, causing her to giggle and give kisses back. Though the kissing was interrupted as she pulled back and rolled herself back over just before another wave of pain hit her. After it had passed she looked up at him pleadingly. “You got stuff for pain from the doctor, right?”  
  
"Ah, yes. I'll go make it now." He smiled and ran to go boil some water. Why they hadn't made it sooner was a better question honestly. It was in a tea like form like Ivan's cold medicine had been.  
  
“I hope it doesn’t taste as bad.” She comments to herself, making a face and moving about as much as she could in her small space.  
  
In a few minutes, he had returned with a mug for her. "Here, you don't have to drink it all in one go, but all of it within the hour is preferred." She took the mug with a nod, sniffing at it to see how bad it smelled. Her nose scrunched up at the scent and decisively, she just downed it as fast as she could. She gave a shudder at the taste of it and looked thoroughly disgusted by the time the cup was empty.   
  
Ivan took this moment to see if he could get another look at the little tail, though he was out of luck. He couldn’t see it unless she was on her back. "Um, Mattie?"   
  
"Hm?" She looked over at him while she wiped at her tongue with her hand in an attempt to get the taste out of her mouth.  
  
"May I... may I touch her tail? I promise to be very gentle." He looked hopeful and excited.  
  
“I want this taste out of my mouth first.” She says, still wiping at her tongue.   
  
"Sweets?" He offered already walking out of the room.  
  
"Please." She says with a little laugh.  
  
Ivan returned with a small stick of candy and held it out for her, then waiting on his request until she had finished eating.   
  
Once the candy was gone, she was hit by another wave of pain, but once it had passed, she slowly rolled herself over to expose her underside again; more of the baby’s tail was showing now. Ivan was as gentle as he said he would, his fingers softly brushing over the tiny tail fin. His eyes practically sparkled like a small child that had seen something magical. “She's so soft...”  
  
Mattie smiled softly and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “This is alright for now, but keep in mind once she’s fully born don’t touch her until I say it’s okay to. And don’t be too surprised if I ignore you since I’ll be fussing over her.” She was sure he already knew these things, but she just felt the need to remind him.   
  
"Will I be able to hold her?" He asked, continuing to run his fingers over their soon-to-be-newborn.   
  
“Not right away.” She says shaking her head. “Touching after I say it’s okay, but I don’t want her taken out of the water until she’s had time to get used to swimming.” It was going to be hard enough to show her how to swim when Mattie herself didn’t have the space to do so anyway.   
  
"And if I'm in the water with you?" He eagerly asked, already picturing it in his mind.  
  
“Maybe... I’m not sure yet.”  
  
"I understand. I'm just excited. I'm sure I could wait a day or two if I had to." Ivan moved to wrap his arms around her for a small hug.  
  
“I know. I’m excited too.” She smiled and gave him a hug back before gently nudging him away and flipping herself back over. While Ivan was a little disappointed, he backed off without a word.

☙~❧

Over the next hour, it was clear that the medicine wasn’t doing much for the pain. She’d switched back and forth from wanting to cling to him while he soothed her through the pain and not wanting him anywhere near her, let alone touching her. Currently she was clinging to him and in tears due to the pain.   
  
Ivan was happy to hold her and gently pet her hair and back. He was surprised at how calm he really was, though his excitement for their daughter could be too strong for him to worry about anything at the moment. "You're doing wonderfully Mattie."  
  
She just whimpered in response. The flippers were out by now and so was part of the torso and it shouldn’t be too much longer now, it just hurt a lot. She was ready to be done with all of this pain and hard work.   
  
"You can do it Mattie." Ivan whispered and tried to rub back around her dorsal fin when he could; he just hoped it helped some.   
  
About ten minutes later, she pushed him away rather abruptly with much more strength than she had meant to use. But she didn’t have time to apologize as she cried out at the pain. Ivan backed off and just stood by watching, his heart aching from her cries; wanting to hold her and comfort her, but he knew that he could not. He grew more worried with every passing moment.  
  
She could feel with her last great effort, the child had been fully birthed and wiggled their first attempts at swimming. Mattie flipped over and pulled her child to the surface of the water to take her first breath, followed by her first cry. The water itself turned red around them and steadily spread out through the rest of the water but she paid it no mind, utterly focused on her daughter. Mattie had, in the end had a little girl. Little Helina.  
  
Mattie made sure her daughter was able to move her tail around properly and then checked to see if she wanted to nurse. The babe cried for a brief time before nursing and then Mattie started saying her daughter’s name-whistle softly and repeatedly. The new mother was practically glowing with joy as she interacted with her daughter.  
  
Ivan would have smiled, cheered even after seeing that little face come above the water, but the blood in the water made him freeze with fear. All his doubts came rushing back over him. "Mattie. Mattie are you okay? Is everything okay?"  
  
Hearing Ivan’s voice, she turned her head, looking quite miffed until she’d seen the look on his face. Sighing, she placed a kiss on her daughter’s forehead and guided her to hold onto her mother’s flipper to help keep her afloat in the stagnant water.   
  
After her daughter was holding onto her, Mattie turned and reached out, offering a hand for Ivan to take. “Come here.” She says in an exasperated, but fond tone, not entirely happy that her moment with her daughter had been interrupted, but willing to pause and reassure him.   
  
Ivan took her hand and knelt next to the tub. He did feel bad because she had told him everything before and wanted time with their daughter, but he was still afraid.  
  
She pulled him closer before letting go of his hand and cupping his face in both of her hands gently. “It’s okay, Ivan.” She spoke in a calm, soothing voice as she locked eyes with him. “I’m okay. Everything’s perfect. I told you before didn’t I? There’s not as much blood as it seems like there is, it just spreads out in water.”  
  
He felt more at ease now that she had told him she was fine, but the bloody water was making him feel uncomfortable. He could just leave, but he wanted to be in here for Mattie, and because it would be some time before he could do anything with their little girl. "Can I move you? To cleaner water?"  
  
“Yes, yes. Go check that the water in the other tub is warm, but not too hot first.” She says giving him a peck on the lips before letting go of his face. “Okay?”  
  
"Okay." He whispers and gives her a kiss as well before taking off to check the tub.   
  
He poked his head around the corner of the doorway after a little bit with a light frown on his face. "It's not all that warm right now unless you’re near the rocks."  
  
She looked up from where she was interacting with their daughter and smiled a little. “Well then heat up more rocks, we can wait in this one until then.”  
  
"I am, but it will take some time." His gaze fell to the floor.  
  
“How long?”  
  
"Another half hour? I'm also going to add more logs in a moment to try and get the fire bigger."  
  
“Don’t make the fire bigger to speed it up.” She chides softly. “We can wait. In the meantime, come over here.”  
  
Ivan glanced back at the stove and then looked back into the room. The water's color was still making him freak out on the inside.  
  
“You don’t have to look at the water, just come sit here on the floor.” She beckoned him over with one hand. “If you lean your back up against the tub then you can’t see the water.” He gave a weak nod in reply and sat down with his back against the tub.  
  
Mattie draped her arm over the edge of the tub to hold one of his hands, squeezing it gently as she helped her daughter get the hang of moving her tail. “Everything’s okay.” She began singing softly a few moments later, hoping it would help calm and soothe him. Ivan tried not to hold her hand too tightly, reassuring himself that she was alive and well. This all helped and made him feel a little better. 

☙~❧

After he thought enough time had passed, he left to shovel the simmering rocks into the tub, stirring it around as much as he could and finding that the water was roughly lukewarm. Ivan returned to tell her how the water felt to see if that was enough or if it needed more warmth.  
  
“Is it similar to how the ocean feels when it’s not frozen?”  
  
"Like spring."  
  
“That’s fine then.” She gave a nod. “I don’t think it should be hotter than the ocean in summer while she’s in the water anyway.” She then turned to her daughter and gently scooped her up into her arms, cradling her. “You can move us now.”  
  
Mattie held her daughter close, nuzzling her and repeating the girl’s names for her with a smile as Ivan picked her up. She was once again absorbed with her daughter while Ivan carried them to the other tub.   
  
He was more than grateful to finally be away from the blood stained water. Once at the tub, Ivan lifted Mattie up a little higher to get her over the wall before setting her into the water slowly. However, there was no hammock to catch her as she sunk into the water, and they weren't in the main room.  
  
Ivan smiled with mischievous look; Mattie had been too busy with the little girl to notice that Ivan had taken her into his old room, or what had been his old room. The time spent working on this room had indeed paid off. He’d spent all those months putting this tub together, though it was more of a small pool.  
  
The walls came up to his ribs, possibly five feet deep, more than enough to swim in. It was lined with clay and had to be about six feet by ten feet. Also, a stone chimney ran up the wall from where Ivan had broken through in the summer. It had a small iron door that looked big enough for a well-cut log to fit through. “I'm sorry it's not bigger, but I barely finished in time anyways.”  
  
Her eyes went wide in surprise as she looked around it, a grin appearing on her face as she let her daughter go and swam around underwater a little, getting the girl to follow her around; something she could not have done in the other tubs. When they came up for air a minute later, little Helina was holding onto her mother’s flipper to help keep herself afloat while they were still and Mattie was grinning. “It’s perfect.” She says, giving him a kiss.   
  
"That's all I need to hear." He smiled. "I'll leave you to swim with her while I make something light to eat. Would you like me set up the hammock as well for when you sleep? I can imagine you being exhausted."  
  
“No, I’ll just float and sleep.” She says, nuzzling him a bit with a smile. She didn't want anything remotely net-like near her daughter yet, or ever. “And only make food for the two of us, she won’t need solid food for months.”  
  
"I know that." He smiled down at the little girl before giving Mattie a swift kiss and leaving to make them something to eat. Clean up would come later.  
  
By the time Mattie was satisfied that she’d gotten the hang of swimming, the girl had nursed lightly a few more times and Ivan was coming in with an early lunch.  
  
"How is she doing?" Ivan asked as he carried in two plates of food.  
  
“Excellent! She’s gotten the hang of swimming now that I can actually move around.” Mattie says, swimming over. The girl followed closely, grabbing onto her mother’s flipper when they stopped. “She just has to hang on to easily stay afloat when we’re not moving.” She held her hands out for the plate of food and started eating.  
  
Ivan ate his lunch with Mattie, happy that everything went well and both girls were strong and healthy. He still longed to hold his little girl in his arms for the first time, though knew he must wait. His eyes fell on Helina many times during the meal and the small chat he shared with her mother.  
  
Mattie ate and chatted happily while the girl couldn’t seem to decide what she was more interested in staring at, Ivan or the plate her mother was holding.   
  
The girl was about a third of her mother’s length and not as wide. She had a small head of hair that appeared to be closer to her mother’s hair color but her eyes were the same color as her father’s. Compared to a human new born, she already looked like she was six months old.  
  
When she was staring at Ivan, she seemed particularly curious in what he was doing, watching him lift things to his mouth to eat like her mother was doing. To which a grin cracked its way onto his face each time, it made him feel a new kind of joy to have her watch him.  
  
Little Helina watched both adults chew their food and curiously tried to imitate what they were doing by putting something into her mouth and making the same movements with it that they were. Of course, there really wasn’t much to put into her mouth so she settled for gumming her mother’s flipper.   
  
Ivan burst out laughing, it was too adorable, but he didn't doubt that she would be anything less than her mother; she caught on quick.   
  
Mattie blinked in surprise before looking down and laughing softly as well, petting her head a little to calm the obviously startled child. It was cute and fine for now while she still didn’t have teeth. Helina relaxed after a moment and went back to gumming while her mother finished her meal. 

☙~❧

"Do you need anything else?"  
  
“Just some sleep.” Mattie says with a smile, currently laying sleepy Helina over her chest so the girl could stay afloat while they both settled down for a nap. “Let me get some rest and tomorrow we’ll see if I’m feeling up to sharing her with you, okay?”  
  
"Alright, I'll go clean out that tub then."  
  
"You sure? I could clean it later.”  
  
Ivan shook his head, as much as the offer was tempting. "You need to rest and I'll be fine with the tub now that you two girls aren't in it anymore."  
  
“Oh, alright then.” She smiled and nuzzled him. “Perhaps I’ll let you join us in the tub tomorrow. Okay?”  
  
"I look forward to it, now get some rest."   
  
“Okay. I love you.”  
  
"I love you and you." Ivan looked to his already sleeping little girl.


End file.
